


Scandal

by SatansSin



Series: Thorki AU [3]
Category: Thor - Fandom
Genre: Betrayal, F/M, Horses, M/M, Sex, Slow Burn, Victorian era, Writer is winging it, be careful, those Loki and Thanos scenes are not light
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-10
Updated: 2018-11-16
Packaged: 2019-04-21 05:55:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 13
Words: 128,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14278332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SatansSin/pseuds/SatansSin
Summary: Thor Odinson is a spoiled rotten brat.Loki is a valet the likes of whom Thor has never seen.It is bound to be a disaster...ON HAITUS TILL WRITER GETS SHIT TOGETHER





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Beware the Archive Warnings on this one

The crickets stopped outside, the rustle of grass changed and the shadows at his windows suddenly appeared to be human shaped. Or rather, shaped like a man wearing a Topper and a billowing great coat that shifted with every step he took.

Yet neither of those made him wake up suddenly, his breath at a risk of stopping. He panted loudly, his eyes scanned the small room he shared with his younger brother, trying to look for a sign of an intruder or someone who should not be here. And it was with a painful jolt of fear that he found it.

His window was open – he distinctly remembered that he had closed it before he went to bed, aware that the night chills would hurt his brother’s breathing. Helblindi had always been gentle. He had cared for him since he was born, since his mother gone a few months after giving birth to Hel. He himself had been ten and took full care of his brother, from nightly feedings to changing his cloth. They didn’t have much, but he did everything he could to ensure that his baby brother got everything he needed. Including safety.

Safety, which now felt fragile, more so when he heard angry voices coming from outside. Their home was small, in the poor part of the village, where no one distinct would ever step.

And even at fourteen years old, he knew that whoever was talking outside, voice rumbling, he was clearly distinct. For once thing, he pronounced every syllable correctly. He could also hear his father speak in return, agitated, angry and afraid.

The tremor of fear was clear in his weak voice, despite his anger.

He knew better, he knew he did, but he couldn’t help get out of bed and slip to the door, opening the creaky thing ever so slowly.

The voices became clearer and he could hear what his Father was talking about. Whoever was out there was not happy with his father and clearly had no qualms about showing his father that.

He wondered if this was the same man that had been here once a day for a month for the past year. Sometimes he was pleasant, other times not so much.

“I have nothing left” his father, Laufey Jarrson spoke “You can clearly take a look around, I’ve sold everything to feed my boys, nothing is left.”

There was a soft, dangerous pause, the sound of footsteps walking about their dingy floor, then a sigh – frustrated and resigned.

“Those boys could be worth something” the deep, dangerous voice spoke.

He went cold, likely so did his father because his gasp flitted through the room.

“No” Laufey said “No, those boys are all I have, I cannot give them away!”

“Then give one of them” the voice told Laufey “I will consider your debt paid. Give me the elder one, he will service me well”

“Not Loki” Laufey whispered “he’s my child, they both are, I cannot ask what you are doing, please! I will work for you, no charge, I will work my debt off, I swear it”

“Your hands are weak and you look broken” the voice told him “I will have no use for you”

“Please!”

There was a thud and Loki, the poor boy standing at the door, watching, saw his father’s shadow follow him as he fell to his knees. The dim light offered little more above blurred shadows, but he could make it out.

“Take my offer” Laufey begged “I don’t have anything, I cannot give you my child!”

The man with him huffed in disgust and pulled back – likely Laufey had grabbed his cloak in desperation.

“No”

His words fell stone cold between them and Loki shivered on the cold floor he stood on.

“I will take Loki” he said “nothing else”

Laufey broke down and started to cry. He moaned in agony and shook his head, pleadings falling from his lips to leave his children alone.

Then, to Loki’s horror, the footsteps started towards the narrow hallway of their small home, so he could come into their room.

He scrambled back, looking around for the closest thing he could use as a weapon and leapt to his fireplace, then grabbed the first poker that his hand closed around.

“No!” Laufey yelled, so close, he sounded right outside

Loki went and hid behind the door, poker held like a weapon, when he heard a loud thud, a grunt, then the slam of a body hitting their cold, rotten floor.

Then silence.

Loki was panting heavily, outside, Laufey was, too.

There was stunned silence in the house, then a second after, his father’s footsteps neared their door.

“Loki?”

Loki gasped and threw the poker aside to go to his father the second he opened the door. He fell into Laufey’s arms and Laufey held him tightly, he rubbed his back and kissed his hair, murmuring love and apologies to him.

Apologies that were not needed.

Loki lifted his head and looked at his father “Who was that, Father?”

His voice was a whimper and Laufey stroked his head.

“A bad man” he looked behind him “others will possibly come looking for him. We must leave”

“Leave?” Loki whispered “Our home?”

“Aye, son, we don’t have a choice anymore. We will go to London, I promise” Laufey pulled away “Gather your things, I will collect what we can take, let me get Nessie and the carriage, then we leave. Hurry”

Loki nodded and went to his creaky, broken wardrobe. He barely registered the rotten wood or the damp insides, taking all his clothes, then Helblindi’s. He grabbed his bag and stuffed all of it in while Laufey went outside to get their horse Nessie, and their broken but still working carriage.

He had tied the bag up securely when someone grabbed him.

Loki screamed, but a large gloved hand came over his mouth and he was forced to the ground, hard. He struggled and fought, but his kidnapper sat astride him and forcefully pulled his hands behind his back.

“ _Father_!” Loki screamed, sobbing when his hands were tied with rope “Father, help me!”

He heard Laufey’s voice in the distance, he heard Helblindi start to cry and begged the man to let him go, he fought and kicked, even when he was pulled up. A gag was placed over his lips and Loki howled behind it.

He heard Laufey come closer, come to get him, when something hard hit the back of his head.

Pain exploded in Loki’s skull and he saw stars. Lour ringing burst in his head, then his hearing started to fade, as though he was going under water, he could hear Laufey, he could hear Helblindi and then the blurred, muffled noise of a gunshot.

It was the last thing Loki heard before darkness took him over and he went limp in the arms of his captor.

_***_

**_ Twelve years later… _ **

_***_

_The prodigal son had returned._

_It was all over the tight London streets, the prodigal son had returned from his two and a half year voyage of luxury and self-spending. The prodigal son had left when his mother passed, a heartless man, cruel enough to leave his widowed father, alone in this world after not one but two tragedies, one quick on the heels of the other._

_First passed Balder, the future heir, his brother. Killed before his own brother’s cold blue eyes in a duel that could have been avoided if arrogance and self-image hadn’t been involved._

_He was shot down right before dawn, a bullet wound through the heart, the bang that echoed the grief of his family and carried it throughout the country._

_People came from far and wide, Society came to a halt, maids swooned at the thought of losing such an eligible bachelor, women cried over the potential lost for their daughters and men shook their heads at the loss of a man taken from this world so young, so soon._

_His mother was devastated._

_Lady Frigga was beautiful in her youth and just as stunning when she passed. The doctors and healers said it was pneumonia that took her away, but her family, the only two left, knew it was from a broken heart._

_She never recovered from the loss of losing her son and the beautifully stunning woman breathed her last six years after her son passed. Her husband and remaining boy were beside her, both their heads ducked in pain as her hand fell from her husband’s and the light dimmed around their spacious home, their acres of property, their ‘kingdom’ as many called it._

_It was the Earl of Asgard, Lord Odin Odinson, who ruled over his property, a home so big, it rivaled most palaces and castles around the lands. He and his family had been acquainted early on with Royalty and it was rumored that Odin had more blue blood in him than red._

_Asgard was a sprawling manor, white and gold, pearl and beauty. It was one of the many houses the Earl had over the country. His lands and his people prospered greatly, benefitting not only his home, but those in need._

_The Earl of Asgard was a philanthropist. He earned the love of people around him quickly enough and earned the envy of more than one high ranking noble. For someone like him shouldn’t have that much power._

_Not that anyone tried anything. Earl Asgard had a stainless reputation, he dealt fairly and helped everyone. Never had anyone been turned away from his door, never had anyone been left out of his generosity._

_It was one of the things his wife has so loved about him – his heart was large enough to house thousands, yet to her it was most devoted._

_She had been a frightened maid of nineteen when they wed. He had been twenty four._

_He was already in line for the Earldom, his father was already sick and Odin had prepared himself that he might not make it through the year. His father’s wish was to see him securely wed to a woman he loved. Odin’s father had made it clear that whoever he married would already be approved by him, he shouldn’t worry._

_Odin asked for Frigga’s hand and her family accepted. She was, of course scared to near death of the young man, but eventually, as they got to know each other, she became happier and happier to live with him._

_It came as no surprise two years later when she gave birth to her first born – a son to be named Balder. He was a replica of his father, strong, built for leadership and already the apple of many a woman’s eye. He was doted on by nannies and caretakers, by family members and those he met at balls, he was Balder the Beautiful, Balder the Cherub, Balder the Light._

_Five years after came their second son._

_Thor Odinson took after his mother in looks. He was beautiful where Balder was handsome and robust. Thor was spoiled, given anything he asked for and never asked to do anything that would mar his appearance. He was referred to as delicate, sweet natured, sensitive…just like his mother. And though Thor liked this for most of his young life, liked smelling flowers and painting with his mother, it soon became apparent that this was not the life a Son of Odin would be approved of having._

_While boys his age played in the dirt and wrestled and got their clothes dirty, Thor preferred the indoors, he preferred reading and writing, he preferred painting, Frigga even taught him basic mending. Where boys learned how to tame horses and break them, Thor pet them and befriended them. Where they stomped on bugs and caught butterflies, Thor collected them and released them in his garden – a garden he and Frigga tended to. Thor planted roses where others caused violence. He was a beautiful child, the perfect young man for Frigga’s side, a complete gentleman._

_But the world didn’t see it so. It wanted to destroy this trait in Thor and it did a very good job of it._

_The first time Thor came home with a black eye was when she knew this was over, all of this was over. Her time with her son had its limit, she knew it, it was written on his sad face as she wiped the cuts that made his eye swell up. Thor couldn’t look at her but she knew what was in his heart._

_So the very next day she let him go out to play with Balder and the rest rather than keep her with him and let him aid her in making the cushions they were stitching together._

_He was Odin’s son now, true to his name._

_Frigga watched him grow, knowing that her training was still there, rooted deep inside him, something that he would build the rest of himself on. She watched it hone him into a good, handsome young man who thrived on manual labor once he started it._

_Frigga saw the difference in her husband, Balder and then Thor. Where Balder and Odin sat under their shades and commanded their men to work, Thor joined them. He hauled on his shoulders their labor, just like them, he worked under the hot sun, he played with their children, he laughed with their men._

_His bond with them was stronger than the loyalty they had to Odin._

_Many times Frigga took her afternoon walks and saw her son sitting on a threadbare blanket, eating with members of their staff instead of inside like Balder and Odin did._

_She watched him grow from a lanky teenager to a young man, watching him work himself hard so that he was nothing like the sweet, kind and frail boy people told him to be. He didn’t want them to compare him to Frigga again, it seemed, and they didn’t._

_But at night, even in his adulthood and months before their family was shaken apart, he still mended his own clothes where they needed to be and made himself little trinkets that his mother had taught him to make._

_He was an Odinson, but if he was true to his nature, Frigga’s boy._

_It was why when Balder lost his life, Thor was the only one who saw Frigga wither away._

_And he could do absolutely nothing to save her, no matter what he tried._

_He watched her slip through his fingers and when the last of her passed, Thor couldn’t handle it._

_His mother was dead, his brother foolishly killed and his father too stubborn and deluded by his grief to stop him properly. He did try, the old man lavished his son with money and spoiled him to no end, trying to bribe him into staying with him, but Thor could not._

_Pain lingered in every crevice of the damned house Thor had in London, the manor of Asgard was huge and overwhelming in its size and its agony._

_He tried to stay, God knew he did, but nothing, nothing could let him when he heard her voice, when he heard Balder’s, whenever he passed through the halls. Had he been of a sensitive a nature as everyone thought, he might have been convinced that it was haunted. He would swear to see their ghosts whenever he was alone, he would swear on hearing their voices calling for him, but alas it was only the pain._

_The ache of losing half his family so cruelly, that drove him away. Coupled with Odin’s death grip on him, it was more than enough._

_And soon came the day he took a voyage by ship, ignored his father’s pleas to stay, ignored Society and all its raised brows, he left._

_Thor Odinson, the only member Odin had of his family, turned and left without a backwards glance._

_He had the money and the means so he left._

_He went to the Americas and returned two and a half years later to the life he’d left behind, a changed man_

_Hard, cruel, arrogant and rich, Thor Odinson had returned._

_And he was ready to claim the lands and the life he couldn’t before._

_***_

_The axe clanged loudly as it slammed into the wooden post before them digging in hard and deep and eliciting cheers from the crowd gathered around. Music and drunken dancing surrounded them all and the dim lights of the Scottish village of Njord were loud around, too. Everyone was celebrating, giggles and laughter floated in the air, children ran about, others played with wooden swords and shouted out battle cries. Women tittered and purred to their respective beaus and those without one were hovering around the handsome new rake that was passing through this village tonight._

_His hair was bright as a high summer sun and his eyes as blue as the sky when time came to harvest their crops. It reminded the women of hope and spring and warmth and joy. He was built like a warrior and threw like one, too, judging by the way the axe jammed itself into their post. There were marks all around the wood and a few men groaned when the stranger went to retrieve it, pulled it out with one mighty tug of his large hand._

_A promising hand, that. Anyone who was going to his room tonight was a lucky woman._

_Thor Odinson turned to face the adoring crowd and smiled “Two inches deep, if not more, just like I said!”_

_He grinned as he came to collect his wings from a line of men to his left._

_“Gentlemen?” he extended his hand_

_They groaned and griped but handed his winnings over. There were tall torches dug into the ground, lit up with fire that kept the entire area clear of fog. He pocketed his winnings and put the axe over his shoulder_

_“Anyone else care to have a bet with me?” he asked_

_The people around looked to others and none of them seemed keen to take this man on._

_“Oh, come on” he said “Someone can defeat me, can he not?”_

_“I can”_

_Thor turned to the source of the voice and found himself momentarily thrown when a stunningly beautiful brunette walked out. She wore trousers and a blouse rather than skirts and her hair cascaded from a tie at the top of her head._

_There were whispers of ‘immodest’ and ‘harlotry’ surrounding their guest immediately, but he didn’t care. And from the looks of his beautiful new friend, she didn’t either._

_“Really?” he asked, studying her cocked him and the arrogant lift of her sleek brow “And who might you be?”_

_“Sifiya” she replied “But everyone calls me Sif”_

_Sif, a beautiful, stunning woman, eyed the people behind Thor when they all groaned and made comments about her, her clothes, her bold nature. She was used to it, but by the way Thor looked around, he wasn’t._

_The pampered little prince boy was used to the pastels and perfumes of the luxurious world. He had anything he wanted at the tips of those manicured fingers and she raised a brow in disdain at him, her intention was only to take his money._

_“One throw for all your money” she trudged over to him, stomping the grounds with her thick boots “same goes for me”_

_Thor looked her over and she was used to people staring at her, she wasn’t used to the desire she saw in his eyes and smirked, just a little._

_“Or perhaps you have something else in mind” she taunted_

_Thor looked at her and smiled “Should you win, you can have my money and anything else you fancy”_

_“Be careful, my lordship” she stepped closer, her body almost touching his, making him shudder, just a little “it’s not what you think it’s going to be”_

_“I shall look forward to that wager then, my lady” Thor said, his voice husky with want for this woman “Shall we?”_

_Her hand brushed Thor’s as she reached over to take the axe off his shoulder without any effort and the man smiled._

_Yes, he was going to let her win this one…_

The crew started to shout loudly, signaling their land in sight and Thor broke out of his reverie. He stood and walked the span of the cabin he had taken, going to the nearest window he could find.

And yes he thought sullenly, he was home.

***

London had changed.

If anything else, it had gotten dirtier, filthier, poorer, in the time he had been away. The docks that had seemed promising and clean when he left now appeared lifeless, dull and dead, no hope of promise left in the rotten black wood. They creaked when he walked on them, his boots felt repelled, made him long to turn and jump back on the ship and take that long journey back to the United States of America – a land where they desecrated the natives to create a beautiful new monumental country.

Though his country was far ahead at this moment, he had been offered something else entirely when he reached those lands two years ago – freedom. Freedom from duty, from grief, from guilt and from pain. He was a free man, taken into a world where luxury was for everyone and no one knew him. He did anything and everything he pleased, paid for by his father, a rich man with a desperate desire to please his son and keep him home.

It was only justified that Thor take advantage of it and spoil himself as much as he could. Odin sent him letters month after lonely month of his life, regardless of whether Thor responded or not. He didn’t seem to mind that his son was lost in gambling or in women or even men of his choice. He didn’t care that Thor was creating an infamous reputation for himself or was too busy in his straying about to sit down and write to his father.

He just sent Thor the money to ensure that Thor was happy and content, likely hoped that he would return soon.

So it came as a horrid shock when Thor received his last letter from Odin about a month back, stating that the money he was now sending was the last. He was investing his elsewhere and the money he sent Thor was going to be diverted to his new business venture.

In other words, Thor had no choice but to return home.

Without money, Thor was as good as stranded on this godforsaken place. It turned cruel and overwhelming for him in an instant. It was dark where before it was promising and Thor saw in the street walkers and beggars his own cruel future if he didn’t return home.

So with a heavy heart and a simmering anger at having his fun cut off so suddenly, Thor had packed up and taken a tactical retreat back to his home land, to where he would be kept as the doted upon son of a powerful gentle, man.

The wind was high in this part of the city and Thor looked around, his hair billowed and flew about his face, till he saw what he wanted to see.

His father’s expensive carriage was waiting for him. There were seven footmen and another larger buggy to carry all of Thor’s luggage. The carriage door opened and Thor went forward, ready to be greeted by their loyal House Stewart, Heimdall.

The man had been with them since Thor was ten. He was a handsome man and had eyes that had stunned nearly everyone in his household. They were a strange shade of amber, giving him the aura of magic whenever he looked upon someone.

Balder had told Thor Heimdall was a witch and at first Thor avoided him as all costs. It fit, seeing as Heimdall always knew what Thor or Balder were up to, what the staff was up to, what needed to be done, nothing escaped him, nothing. For two and a half years, Thor was terrified of Heimdall before he learned that he wasn’t a witch – he just knew everything.

Then the older Thor got, the more he learned to appreciate that man. Heimdall let him slip out in his teens without saying a word to his father and as long as he didn’t do anything too bad, the man ignored it.

A part of Thor looked forward to seeing the man again, but he stopped short when he saw someone else entirely step out of the carriage.

He wore a stylish black greatcoat and a matching cartola upon his sleek raven hair. He had a walking stick in hand and his boots gleamed as he waited for Thor. Even from the distance between them, Thor knew something was amiss about his eyes, but it was only when he walked closer did he see that one was green, the other was as blue as a clear sky.

They were focused on Thor and his thin lips curved into a smile when he saw Thor, clearly aware of who he was, and raised a hand to take off his hat in respect.

“Master Thor” he called, his smooth voice audible even over the din of the crowd around them “Welcome home”

Thor had no idea who this man was and immediately, his defenses rose around him. His grey coat tightened when he tensed his shoulders and his eyes, which had been wide in surprise, narrowed in suspicion. He strode over to the man, looking him up and down, then raised a brow at him.

“Who are you?”

“Loki, my lord” Loki bowed his head to him “Your father’s valet”

His father’s valet?

Odin’s valet was called Skurge. A stupid, mouthy man who Thor had despised with a vengeance. Odin would rather be alone than hire anyone to replace that bald headed twit.

 “My father’s valet is well acquainted with me, boy” Thor growled “Who sent you?”

If Thor was expecting this man to be cowed by his anger, he was severely disappointed.

“I told you” this Loki spoke “Your father sent me. He has been feeling a bit under the weather today and could not come. I assure you, I am who I say. How would I have your people with me if I wasn’t?”

Thor gave him that, why else would he be here with his footmen and his carriage. No one was stupid enough to lie to one of the Odinsons either, but there was just something off about this _Loki_

“You don’t look like any valet I have ever seen” Thor announced instead “Your tastes are far too expensive when it comes to clothing and your style too is beyond a valet’s pay.”

Again, that insufferable smile curved Loki’s lips and Thor found himself getting rather angry.

“Your father is a generous man” Loki simpered “he indulges me when he wishes and I am grateful.”

“I’m sure you are” Thor reached over and tugged at Loki’s cravat “Does he give you all my clothes, too? That’s mine”

Loki looked pleasantly surprised at that “I had no idea”

“Of course you did” Thor said, tugging at the cravat

Loki let out a surprised little noise and stumbled a step closer, which made Thor smile.

“Give it back” Thor ordered, letting it go “Now”

Loki blinked at him and it made Thor smile to see the blush rise in his cheeks as he hesitated. Those strange looking eyes gazed up at Thor uncertainly.

“My lord, it’s inappropriate, I can give it to you in the carriage”

Thor wanted nothing else at the moment and held his hand out “Either do you it here or I tear it from your throat so everyone watches”

That made Loki balk and he reached up, slowly untying the cravat. He pulled it off his long throat and Thor snatched it from him, folding it in his hands.

As Loki stood watching, Thor walked away, went to the edge of the docks, then tossed the cravat into the water. He watched it float in the dirty water, then be taken away by the waves before he turned back to Loki with a mean smirk on his lips.

“Shall we head back?” Loki asked, giving no indication of what he thought of Thor’s petty act “The footmen will bring your luggage with us later”

Thor wanted to do much more at the moment, but his exhaustion was strong on his back and body, he desired rest.

Perhaps Loki was his father’s valet, perhaps he was something else.

In any case, Thor would find out later because all he wanted right now was a bath and some rest. Till then, he would have a little fun with this one.

“My lord?” Loki asked when Thor didn’t move.

Thor scoffed and said nothing, making sure to shove Loki’s shoulder with his own when he passed and climbed into the carriage.

In a fit of triviality, he slammed the carriage door shut, despite knowing Loki would accompany him. And it only angered him further when the wretch gracefully opened the door and climbed in, not a word said about Thor’s display. He folded himself neatly into a seat and pulled out a small journal from his side pocket.

Thor watched him, then nudged his walking stick to the carriage floor when Loki set it aside.

There was no offence in Loki’s gesture as he picked it back up and when Thor knocked it down again, he only smiled.

And oh, how Thor wished to punch that grin off his lips.

He didn’t know what it was about this man that pissed him off, but it did a damn good job of ruining Thor’s mood more than it had already been ruined.

***

Asgard was just as he left it, Thor was surprised. He thought that perhaps the weather would have worn down the thing and make it easier to look upon, but no, it was perfectly preserved, with all the pain he left behind radiating from it even before he stepped off the carriage.

He looked travel worn and tired, but Asgard stood strong and proud, like Thor’s absence meant nothing to it. He heard the muffled sounds that indicated that Loki had stepped out and he turned to see him smartly brush off the dirt and dust upon his shoulders.

He was so prim and proper Thor wished to see him rather messed up, possibly dropped in the mud, if Thor was lucky.

Loki flicked a speck off his hat and put it on, then smiled at Thor, extending a hand towards Thor’s home.

“Shall we?”

Thor slit his eyes at him in warning, he didn’t need a wretch telling him where to go, this was his home. His shoulders were straight as he walked back into the grounds he had left seemingly forever ago. When he reached the doors, they opened by themselves and Thor came face to face with Heimdall, feeling his face light up in a grin.

“Old friend” Thor smiled, spreading his arms for an embrace.

Even Heimdall, ever so proper and prim, more likely to push him away than embrace him, put his arms around Thor in greeting

“Your home has missed you” Heimdall told him “Welcome back, my lord”

Thor laughed and pat his back, then pulled away, looking around.

Nothing had changed – _nothing_. Not a single drape nor a single tile, everything had been the way it was when Thor left and he wondered if it was a deliberate move by his father. He knew he wanted to preserve the memory of his mother, but even this was a tad bit too much.

“Where’s Father?” Thor asked Heimdall

“Sleeping, my lord” came Loki’s smooth voice “He’s been ill, you see”

Thor turned to him, he didn’t remember addressing him at all.

“Are you always keen butt into conversations you are not a part of?” Thor chided “Tis a nasty habit”

Loki’s lips twitched and he bowed his head in mockery “Forgive me”

The brat wasn’t sorry at all! Thor could see it. He turned on his heel and faced him, looking him over. He saw Loki doing just about the same and raised a brow at him, a smirk on his lips.

Thor had an idea.

Loki was clean and polished, he smelled of perfume, his hair was sparkling and pushed back, he was well groomed and kept. His pretty little hands were soft, his nails cut and manicured to perfection. His clothes were stainless, they smelled hygienic, untouched by anything nasty. His entire persona reeked purity and spotlessness.

He looked, if anything, like those clean, crisp dolls Thor has seen in the various shops in America.

And Thor knew immediately what he would hate to do.

“My father is asleep?” Thor asked

“Yes, sir,” Loki spoke as though talking to a very slow boy “As I just said”

“Then he doesn’t need you right now” Thor scratched his beard, “Does he?”

“No, sir”

“Excellent” Thor beamed, then looked to Heimdall “Heimdall, has there be any change in the chores schedule?”

The House Stewart furrowed his brow, but replied nonetheless “No, sir, it is pretty much the same”

“Then the stables are to be cleaned every Tuesday” Thor said “As they always are. What day is it today?”

“Yes, Tuesday, my lord” Heimdall tried not to smile when he picked up on Thor’s plan

And that wasn’t surprising at all.

“See to it that Loki is allowed the honor of cleaning them today”

Loki’s smile fell off his face and his expression turned nearly scandalized “My lord, I …”

“Father does not need you, aye?” Thor looked at him “You said so yourself”

“Yes, but he could wake up and…”

“If he does, I will tend to him” Thor said “Now go on, Heimdall will show you your new work clothes”

Loki gaped at him and oh did that expression just make Thor all giddy inside. It will teach that over confident boy to keep his mouth shut when he wasn’t being addressed.

“Thank you, Heimdall” Thor turned away and dismissed them both.

He walked towards the stairs, going to the bedchambers and heard Loki’s mumbled protests while Heimdall took him to his new duties. It gave him a sadistic sort of glee to hear them and to hear Loki being taken away to do his tasks, protests mute and muffled.

The floorboards creaked in the exact same spots as they always did and Thor surprised himself by not avoiding them. He was so used to it that the loss of that instinct, one he harbored since childhood, surprised him.

He knew where they were, in the back of his mind, but for the life of him, he couldn’t remember them right now.

Asgard was the same, Thor was not.

He knew where his father’s chambers were and he walked on, ignoring the laughter that accompanied his step as it landed on yet another creaky floorboard. He tried to ignore it and nodded to a few scittering maids, all of who were smiling and giggling when he passed them.

It was charmingly irritating.

When Thor was younger, nothing was larger and more frightening than the doors to Odin’s bedchambers. They looked more fitting to be in the suites of a powerful King, not a father. They dominated the hallway they were in and Thor stood there a moment, looking at them now.

To him, the aura of power and intensity was gone from these doors, they were just doors now, nothing impressive about them remained in his memory.

Thor could hear movement inside, slow, hesitant movement and he raised a hand to knock on the door twice.

The movement stopped, then a loud thud sounded before Odin’s muttered cursing.

“Enter”

Even through the thick wooden doors, Thor heard the bone deep exhaustion that was now part of Odin’s voice and it hit him far harder than he thought it would. He opened the door and balked at the weak, sickly figure in the bed his father once conquered. Odin looked half of what he had been when Thor left and it made him walk in faster than he would have.

“Father…” Thor whispered

Odin’s hand went to his side, scrabbling for his spectacles, which Thor quickly put in his hand, before he took a seat at Odin’s feet, waiting for him to put them on.

Once Odin did, he looked at him, his eyes stunned.

“Thor” he smiled, shocked at the sight of his son “you’ve come home”

He opened his arms and Thor went to them, feeling those once strong arms come around him, holding him tightly.

“I never thought I would see you again” Odin whispered, kissing his hair, rocking them back and forth as much as he could “I thought I lost you forever”

His voice was shaking and Thor felt a lump in his throat that he hadn’t felt in a very, very long time. He turned his face into his father’s chest and Odin held him tighter.

“My son” Odin whispered, cradling Thor’s head “My beautiful boy, I missed you”

Odin had never been one to show emotion, he called it a weakness. Thor had been told from an early age to be an Odinson, a man instead of a boy. He wasn’t allowed to cry, not till he was safe in his mother’s arms. Odin was never there for him like that, never. But now, Thor felt safe enough to hold him back when Odin embraced him and feel the emotion lodged in his throat because the truth was, he missed Odin just as much as Odin missed him.

He didn’t know it until now, so happy was he in his philandering with the sweet life he’d gotten in the Americas.

Odin pat his back and Thor sat up, looking at Odin. His father was withering away, he was so weak.

“You’re sick” Thor gently touched his shoulder “What happened?”

“Oh nothing your mother can’t fix” Odin waved a hand at him “She’s out right now, but she will care for me, worry not”

Thor went cold all over and froze.

“W-What?” Thor stuttered, his face pained

Odin looked at him and chuckled “Yes, she is always off on her soirees and balls, she will be back”

He squirmed back under his blankets and covers, then extended his hand for Thor’s, holding it when Thor put it there.

“Tell me” Odin said with childlike fascination “Tell me about your adventure. I wish to hear about all of it. How was Balder? Did he behave?”

Thor’s mouth had gone dry, he couldn’t speak, hell, he couldn’t think!

“I – I …” Thor began, breaking off when he could say nothing.

“Don’t be shy” Odin smiled “I know what you two rascals are always on about. Adventures in the forest, wooden swords, everything. It’s very entertaining to listen to”

He was waiting for Thor to speak. He didn’t notice Thor’s pale skin, his shock, his horror.

Odin had lost his mind and as he sat there, looking at Thor, with so much earnestness, Thor couldn’t breathe. He had to actively tell his mind to listen to him.

A cold sweat took a hold of him and Thor choked on air, his face turned sickly pale and he felt a strange numbness all over his body. This was wrong, it was so, so wrong.

“Thor?” Odin looked at him, a whimsical sort of smile on his face “Are you waiting for a treat?”

Whatever breath Thor had was lost then as he stared at Odin, then the old man chuckled

“Very well, go to the kitchens and fetch some” Odin grinned “get some for me too, before your mother returns and scolds me for it, go”

He gave Thor an encouraging pat on his arm and that made Thor get up and _escape_.

He _needed_ to get air into his lungs, he needed to _breathe_!

Thor didn’t know how he got out of there, but he was leaning against the wall beside Odin’s door, holding his heart and gasping for breath. His eyes were wide and filled with tears, his skin was pale, his lips trembled.

Odin was gone.

He had lost his mind, his memory, everything. He didn’t remember a single thing!

He didn’t remember their grief and their tragedy! The only person who knew what it felt like was gone and till then, Thor had no idea how badly he wanted to have someone who knew what his pain was like.

A hand came to rest on his shoulder from behind and Thor turned to see Heimdall looking just as broken.

Thor let out sobs he caught midway, forcing them down, but Heimdall knew. Damn the man.

Thor shuddered and took a deep breath, forcing his emotions to fall back so he didn’t have to face them and before Heimdall’s eyes, he saw, once more, Odin’s son, not Frigga’s.

Thor was stoic and strong, no trace of his earlier sentiment in his façade.

If anything, he was colder than he had been before. Gone was the man teasing the new servant, gone was the man careful about stepping into his own home.

This man was someone else. This man was the boy that came home with a black eye and changed before his mother’s eyes.

This was truly Odin’s son.

And Odin didn’t even know it.

***

Thor cupped his hands under the water and brought them to his face, splashing it with cold, freezing water. He had a bath warmed and waiting for him, set there by his own valet, steaming and hot.

Water merged with the tears in his bloodshot eyes and wiped away the emotion still lingering there. His eyes were puffy, he knew that soon it would fade and no one would know of his break down.

It was as if Thor had washed it away, as he did every so often this past week.

His return home had never been something he expected to enjoy, but it was far dire than he had anticipated. His father wasn’t completely gone, no. there were moments, like the day of his return, when Odin was lost in the past and present. It frightened the staff just as it shook Thor, but it passed and since then, Odin had only twice asked Thor for his mother.

He noted it happened when Odin woke from sleep or when his mind wandered when he was lost in thought.

That was what the doctor had told him and that was what gave Thor hope.

It also gave him a reason to avoid talking to Odin every morning.

It was a paradox, to be caught in this because Thor felt safe and comforted by Odin when he lost his thinking. The father he knew had returned that night at dinner.

Thor could see it, the stern look in his eye and the look of disapproval set there by Thor’s past. He had given Thor a nod, apologized for his behavior and even though he was weak, he appeared strong when he sat down, ready to be served.

The serving staff was behind them, so Thor kept his mouth shut then but when they had retired to Odin’s study for a few glasses of port and coffee, Thor had decided to ask him.

“How long have you been having these episodes?” he had asked as he stood by the window, looking out at their darkened grounds

Odin, who was scribbling notes down on paper, looked at him “Episodes?”

“Aye. The moments where you remember naught and ask me to call Balder and Mother.” Thor turned to face him and walked over “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“And what would that have done?” Odin hadn’t even looked at him when he asked “Hm? Brought you sailing back here to the hell you call home?”

Thor grit his jaw, his hand tightening on the glass in his hand. He controlled the snappy response at his lips and carefully set the glass on Odin’s tabletop, the small click made Odin look at it.

“You are my father” Thor said “I would have …”

“You didn’t care if I was your father when you left” Odin raised his eyes to him “Nor when I sent you letters again and again. You didn’t care when in _two_ years you only sent back two letters to let me know you were at least alive and well. It was only when I threatened to cut off your massive allowance that you came running back”

“That is not true” Thor grit his teeth “I came…”

“You came because I spoiled your fun” Odin told him “And now you wish to know why I didn’t tell you I was ill? Are you daft?”

“I didn’t come back because of the money” Thor lied “I would have returned eventually, you knew that”

“Did I?” Odin asked, rising to his feet to look Thor in the eye “how was I to know? I was thinking I would die before you ever deigned to make an appearance and only to come get your inheritance, possibly. You left, Thor. Do you remember?”

Thor dropped his gaze to the desk top, listening to anger his father still had and wanting back that man who had held him, as strange as it was.

“You so easily forget how I begged you to stay here, yet you still left” Odin said “All the care and love and devotion I had were worth nothing to you. Nothing is worth anything to you except your money, _please_ do not even try to lie to me”

“I was grieving” Thor said through tightly clenched teeth “you know that”

“And I wasn’t?” Odin asked “you thought to leave me alone, Thor. I needed my son and though I pleaded with you, you didn’t return. I am ashamed of how you acted”

Thor was ashamed, too.

But he hadn’t been able to take it here, he hadn’t! this place stifled him, it smothered his breathing, it killed him so damn slowly, he didn’t have a chance against it.

Thor inhaled and exhaled, calming down.

“Your allowance here is limited” Odin announced “if you wish to have more money, start doing chores to earn it”

Thor looked up sharply “ _What_!?”

“Yes,” Odin said, glaring at him “You ran from your responsibilities, now face the punishment”

“The punishment is for your own sense of justice!” Thor snapped “you can’t!”

“It is my money, I will do what I want!”

It took all of Thor’s control not to shatter everything before him on the table. He wanted to toss it all to the floor but what would that do? Prove Odin’s point further?

Instead, he controlled himself with immense strength and nodded.

“I understand” he had grit out

“Good” Odin had replied “You are dismissed”

Dismissed like a servant, Thor had been furious.

He’d left the study angrily, startling a few maids and sending them scurrying off to the side. He was ready to break something and he honestly would have if he hadn’t seen something that both surprised him and made an unwilling sliver of humor rise inside him.

Loki was visible through the clear glassed window in the lobby and Thor saw him wiping off dirt and grime off his face using a bucket. Even from the distance, the man was filthy, dirty and no doubt smelled ghastly. He had his clothes messed, his hair messed and Thor shook his head, a small amused curve to his lips as he left, leaving Loki to groom himself as best he could.

 After that day, things had rapidly started going downhill. Odin would call upon him only to scold or chastise and Thor would be left fuming most of the day after. They rarely said anything pleasant to one another and tonight, it seemed, it would be a slight reprieve.

Odin was going out for a night in the gaming hells with his friends. Thor had a bad feeling. The man had moments of obscurity and he was sure to lose his money.

He had tried bringing it up delicately, but all he got was an angry glare and a huff. Odin wasn’t one to listen to Thor in the mood he was in so Thor let it go, praying that his father didn’t lose too much of their family wealth. He himself took him to the phaeton Odin preferred and guided him in. he wished him good luck and Odin snapped the door shut, giving the order to depart.

He had taken a few steps back when he saw another person sitting with Odin and he balked when he recognized him as Loki. The man was dressed as any nobility would be.

That valet was trouble.

And Thor was going to find a way to ensure he was kept an eye on even if he did it himself.

He broke out of his reverie to turn towards the bath and slip into the warm, inviting water. He groaned when it fixed the aches and pain in his muscles and flexed his toes under the water.

The hot water was a relaxation he loved more than he liked to admit. It was comfort, pure and simple. His aching body needed it.

Thor dunked himself under as much as he could, letting his knees rise up from the surface of the water, then pulled back up, brushing his hair off his face. He sighed, blinking away the water droplets that clung to his eyelashes.

Damnation, he thought. Coming back was far more unpleasant than he had thought. There was no change, nothing had been altered, except his father and even that was in the worst way ever. Odin was strong once, now he was unreliable, he couldn’t be trusted the way Thor trusted him before, he just couldn’t be!

And no matter what Thor did, he would never be able to make his father understand this. It was not easy, he knew. Odin was never going to admit that he needed to take a step back, especially if Thor was the one who told him that.

Odin was still sour with him, after all.

The water sloshed gently when Thor reached over for his scented soap and began to wash himself. Today had been a day spent outside and Thor’s body ached accordingly. He hadn’t lifted a bale of hay in two years so the act came as a sort of surprise to his pampered system.

Not that it would be permanent, a few rough days would pass and soon, he would be back to his old self.

Just like this home and the lingering pain in it, he would not have changed.

He sighed and cleaned himself up, stepped out of the bath so he could fall into his bed. He landed on the cool, crisp, clean sheets with a sigh and closed his eyes, humming in ease. With Odin out for the night and no obligation, Thor just wanted to sleep. He wasn’t even hungry, he would skip dinner and rest. His aching muscles deserved it.

Thor moved up to the pillows and lay flat on them, nuzzling the softness. His mind wandered back to America and Scotland he smiled fondly as he recalled a certain raven haired beauty. Her eyes were filled with fire and he closed his , imagining her when they were both alone, pressed up between him and the cabin walls in his ship. Her hands pulled at his hair, her nails scratched his back…

Thor’s hands slipped over his belly and he sighed loudly, biting his lip when they wrapped around his thick member.

He gave himself a gentle squeeze and his mouth parted in a soft gasp. He tipped his head back, arched his long neck back. Spreading his legs wider, Thor started to stroke himself slowly. Goosebumps spread over his skin in pleasure and he licked his lips, stroking up his length, then rubbing at his tip, a low moan rising from his throat.

“Yes…” he whispered, so softly he barely heard it.

He bucked his hips, his back lifted off the bed, then back. Right now, all he wanted was to be focused on himself. He imagined Sif above him, her hair falling over as she pushed him on his back. Her nails scratched his chest, his arms and his shoulders and she bit his neck, leaving angry marks behind – hers, she would say. Thor was all hers.

He imagined her steadily walking out of their bath, water sliding down her sinewy body, her slender form all his to look at. Thor hissed in pleasure, his muscles relaxing with every movement of his hand.

Sif was beautiful, her body melded to his and he recalled the feeling of her ample breasts pressed to him and how her sweet heat engulfed him, giving him the pleasure he sought from her.

Her eyes opened and Thor found himself staring into a green and blue pair of eyes. Sif’s hair turned shorter and as Thor imagined, Loki was suddenly in her place, sitting astride him, taking him into his body and bit his lip in pleasure.

Thor’s eyes opened and he groaned, he tried to imagine Sif again, but it was as though he never met her nor knew what she looked like. All he saw was Loki, those eyes, that long neck…he recalled the choked little gasp he gave when Thor took the cravat from his neck, he imagined the startled look in his odd eyes…

He came with a groan, panting softly as he spent himself over his abdomen and thighs, then lay there breathing softly, his heart beating loudly in his head.

Thor stayed very still for a moment, then reached for the cloth he’d used earlier to clean himself up properly.

What in all damnation was that!?

He had thought of Sif, he wanted Sif and only her! Where in God’s name did Loki come from!?

And a brat Thor hated!

Thor would rather dry without sleeping with anyone than to think of Loki that way and he felt miserable and cheated because his pleasure had been ruined.

It was a lie, he’d still released, he was just wiping the evidence away so he could proceed to tell himself this didn’t happen.

It didn’t!

Yet as he stayed in bed, he imagined nothing else and despite his best attempts, he fell asleep to the image of startlingly beautiful eyes, one green, one blue.

***

Odin was in bad spirits this morning.

Even from the distance, Thor could tell that his mood was anything but bright. He also knew the reason for it; despite his warnings, Odin had lost money last night. It was evident in the way he stabbed at the way he stabbed the serving spoon into the buffet platters, the sound angry and annoyed.

Thor walked in silently, a frown appeared on his face when he saw an extra plate set at the table.

“Are we expecting company?” he asked politely

“No” Odin clipped “Loki wished to talk to us about something and I told him to have breakfast with us”

That had Thor go still and on cue, Loki walked in, dressed casually. He halted when he saw Thor, his green and blue eyes focused on his master’s son.

“Good morning, my lord” he muttered

Thor grit his jaw and his gaze turned cold.

“You asked Father to let you dine with us?” he demanded “Hm?”

Odin looked at them, taking in the two, then to Loki’s annoyance, he looked back to his food, allowing Thor this.

“I merely had something to ask you” Loki told Thor “Tis no offence, I often dined with his lordship when he wished”

“Thor, leave him be” Odin grumbled from the buffet table “Loki, just get something and sit down”

Loki gave Thor that insufferable smile and made to walk past. But he found himself blocked when Thor neatly stepped in front of him, his eyes all but dark with rage.

Loki’s smile slowly fell from his face and Thor started to growl.

“Thor, I said enough!” Odin snapped “And for God’s sake, stop tormenting him!”

Thor spun around to look at his father “You have a servant sit with you as though he was of equal station!? And out of all the staff, you pick this insolent brat!?”

“It is my house and I run things the way I want” Odin said “you are more than welcome to sit here or have your food in your study. Loki stays”

Thor’s face heated up, more so when he heard a snicker from behind him, which, when he turned, had turned into Loki’s cough. He saw the utterly frustrating creature conceal a smile behind his hand, then side stepped Thor to get his breakfast.

It took all of Thor’s patience not to yank him back by his hair. He waited and counted his breaths to ensure he was calm enough, then once Odin and Loki sat down, he went to get his own breakfast. He sat down and ignored both Loki and Odin’s discussion, intent simply on finishing his breakfast, then going out.

He had his friends to get reacquainted with.

“Master Thor”

Thor raised his gaze to Loki slowly, then caught sight of Odin watching him.

Wonderful – his father was going to judge him.

“Yes?” Thor snapped as pleasantly as he could.

“I wished, that is I had hoped that you would allow me something” Loki said, false hesitance all over his face.

“And what is that, pray tell?” Thor inquired.

“See, when you were absent,” Loki began “I often rode Svadilfari and I found him to be a noble steed, so I wondered if…”

“You rode my horse?”

Thor’s voice was a dangerous din in the room and Odin rolled his eyes.

“Thor, he wants to ride him again in the future when you are not, just let him” Odin said

Thor looked at him slowly, then back to Loki “No”

Loki was clearly expecting it because he painted a crestfallen look upon his face “Please, my lord, I…”

“I said no” Thor said “That is my horse, my steed, you had no right to touch him much less ride him. The fact that you have makes me want to flog you!”

Loki demurely lowered his lashes and took on an air of hurt and pain.

The actor was surely set to star in one of the famous plays women always ranted about. Bloody stage actor.

“Thor, just let…”

“No” Thor told him smoothly “Forget it. And I don’t want to see you roaming about my horse again, understand?”

“Yes, Sir” Loki whispered

Odin bought his act, clearly, Thor did not. He finished his breakfast, then surged to his feet to leave. He didn’t have time for his temper to rise this quickly and leave him angered the rest of the day.

He also didn’t want to think about Loki at all today.

Thor stomped to his bed chambers and startled his valet, who was busy having his bath taken out.

“My riding gear, please” Thor told him “Hurry, if you can”

“Of course, my lord”

The man bowed his head and walked to his wardrobe to open it and plucked out his riding coat and boots

“The blue coat or the grey, Sir?” he asked

“Either is good,” Thor walked behind the screen in his room and started to unclothe himself “You pick”

“Yes, Sir”

Thor heard the valet set out his clothing items and then depart to leave him be. He knew his master’s mood well enough.

He didn’t need any of Thor’s anger directed at himself.

He wanted all of it to be directed to Loki...


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone is hiding secrets....

Once upon a time, there lived a young man named Thor Odinson. He was a cherished son, a faithful brother and spoiled, doted on by his father, given anything he wanted, when he wanted. He was the envy of each and every friend of his while he grew up and once he was a young man he was considered by many a female in her first Season, eager to get the Second Son of Odin if they couldn’t have the first. And Thor knew this very well. He took advantage of these women, luring them into his bed with sweet words and without any promises.

The left satisfied and he left their beds free of any and all commitment. Thor Odinson was entitled.

Thor Odinson was also bored out of his mind. The past few days had been a challenge not only for his patience, but for the recent case of ennui that had begun to plague his mind. He’s done most of what came to mind, gone to a few gaming hells, renewed his membership in his club and went about to meet with a few acquaintances, all of whom were approved and accepted by his father.

All of whom where the personification of windbags and chatterboxes, in his opinion. Trust Odin to choose even the worst ‘friends’ for him. The man had the taste in friends that most people found in their first and last bite of bland pudding.

Thor had been tempted to blow his own brains out the entire time they sat with him, talking about their park walks and outings. He tried to liven up the conversation with talk about horses but other than talking about their well kept stables, they had nothing of import to say about horses. Thor highly doubted they even knew which end was which.

It was an exquisitely apt form of torture for him.

And in his opinion. It needed curing. He knew exactly who would do that and this morning, he dressed and left before breakfast so Odin couldn’t stop him. He kept his gaze firmly on the front door and ignored the shape of a certain annoyingly joyful valet as he set his place at the breakfast table.

He strode to the front steps and was relieved to see his horse ready and waiting for him. Svadilfari’s ears perked the second he saw his master and he gave him an affectionate nip to the top of his hat when he saw him.

“Aye, old friend” Thor smiled, patting his neck “I missed you, too”

Svadilfari neighed and waited for Thor to mount him before he stomped his large feet.

Svadilfari was an expensive breed of Clydesdale. He was black from head to tow and more often than not, Thor had used him to scare a few people when he rode the foggy London streets after dark. With his height and Svadilfari’s formidable size, the two made an intimidating enough pair.

The stable lad stepped back, then quickly caught the coin tossed into the air at him, nodding to his master as he galloped off.

Svadilfari’s hooves beat upon the ground like a drum and Thor rode him through the streets with confidence in his beast. He could feel his muscles working under him and he started to gallop so fast, sometimes Thor wondered that if Svadilfari remained unchecked, he likely had the ability to fly.

More than a few passing people looked upon him. A few men raised their hats to him and women fanned themselves, blushing as the thought of such a magnificent specimen – they cared naught for the horse.

It was Thor the women looked after.

He bolted through the streets and leapt over fences as he took a detour through various parks. A few officers whistled at him but none wanted to give chase to a horse that was already running far ahead of them – it was just not worth their time.

Thor ignored them, he didn’t care much. He sprinted through street after street and had only one destination in mind.

Lord Fandral Dash, a viscount, was one of his most dear friends. Thor had found him on his own in the circle of friends his mother had. They had all gathered out in the expensive lawns of Fandral’s home when he was younger and though none of the other children liked him, Thor became fast friends with him.

Fandral was considered an odd, spoiled boy, which a penchant for science and chemistry that no one other than Thor had been willing to listen to. As their days passed, Thor spent many an afternoon sitting and watching Fandral conduct experiment after experiment. In Thor’s opinion, he was the closest any man had ever come to being a true magician.

Thor had been fascinated by his work and funded him whenever the man needed it. Since his father passed, the sizable amount he’d left was slowly squandered away in gaming hells. It was only when his mother became sick that Fandral fixed his act and became a better man.

Or as better as he could be without resisting.

Fandral was known to be a rakehell in the Polite Society. All women eyed him and all mothers kept their daughters away from him. Despite being of the High Society and nobility, Fandral had made it clear that he had no inducements to marry. He wanted to donate his money to the London Institute of Science when he died and any and all hopes of a women taming his wild heart were taken from every well respected mother.

That, of course didn’t mean their daughters didn’t sneak out behind their backs.

There was never a shortage of women who came into and left Fandral’s bed, Thor knew that through experience. He’d learned very quickly not to enter Fandral’s bed chambers without knocking as he had done with he was a boy.

Instead, he had made a habit of waiting in the drawing room if Fandral was occupied.

It seemed best for all parties concerned to do that.

Fandral’s townhouse was as graceful as the man himself and when Thor stopped at the door, his  outdoor staff came to take Svadilfari away to the stables, then Thor himself went to knock upon his old friend’s door.

He could hear faint noises inside, so cleaerly Fandral was in.

Yet, somehow, he had to wait for a long time, ringing the bell twice more before the door opened.

And once it did, Thor smiled.

“Ah, Tyr” Thor smiled “Still alive, I see”

Tyr, Fandral’s aged butler and the reason it took to answer the door so long, only gave him a dry, unimpressed look.

“Mr. Odinson” he bowed his head “Do come in”

Thor smiled at him and took off his hat, placing it upon Tyr’s head. He handed him his coat, too, knowing from experience that Tyr was far too polite to actually say something to him.

“Thank you” Thor said “Is Fandral in today?”

“Aye, sir” Tyr droned, taking off the hat and going to put his coat away “I shall tell him you are here”

Thor nodded and went, as always before he left, to Fandral’s living room. He knew that the downstairs part of the house was the only one that was clean.

Upstairs, there were rooms filled to the brim with notes and books and glass containers and God knew whatever Fandral liked to collect. Thor saw the startings of breakfast tea placed in the living room and went to pick up a sandwich. He sat down and began to eat it, looking around the elegant room.

He heard Fandral’s graceful footsteps and stood when he walked in, only to baulk at his appearance.

Fandral was wearing a pair of round spectacles, the lenses so thick they made his eyes look large. His hair was on end and he wore gloves and an apron, which was stained with all sort of liquid.

“Thor!” Fandral greeted, pushing the glasses atop his head “I had heard you had returned!”

He went to his friend, his arms spread wide, but stopped when Thor stepped back, pointing to his apron.

“How dangerous are those fluids?” Thor asked cautiously

Fandral laughed “They are not, come on! Have I ever let you get hurt by one of these things?”

“Yes” Thor said “You have. The last time you embraced me, you burnt by coat”

“It was a velvet coat!” Fandral gaped “It was bound to catch fire the chemicals reacted to it!”

“I was in a ballroom, what business do your chemicals have there?” Thor took another step back “Discard the apron, then you may approach”

Fandral chuckled but did as he asked. He took the apron off and spread his arms, spinning on the spot so Thor could see he was not covered in dangerous mixtures.

“There, satisfied?” he smiled “May I approach?”

Thor looked him over and nodded “Aye”

They two friends met each other and held on, their affection clear.

“I have missed you, old friend” Fandral pat his back “You left for two years”

“I know” Thor pulled away “You know why”

“I do” Fandral nodded “But now that you are here, there is something I have been dying to show you!”

Thor nearly yelped when Fandral grabbed his hand and pulled him with.

Fandral had the grace and build of a dancer. His face was angelic, blue eyes, blonde hair, a groomed mustache and a flair that had the ladies swooning when they saw him. Fandral was by no means to be underestimated and often bested Thor in their wrestling matches so it was no surprise that he dragged Thor a few spaces before Thor managed to stop him.

“I made a potion that can explode with the intensity of the sun if dropped”

“Wait, Fandral!” Thor pulled back, more than a little nervous “Let’s … not do that. I will not lie, I have no intention of going to see a liquid that can kill me”

“What?” Fandral was truly surprised “Why?”

Thor blinked “Do I need to elaborate?”

“You always liked my experiments” Fandral said “You loved the last one”

“The last one blew my beard off, Fandral” Thor said grimly “You have to remember that”

Fandral frowned, confusion lacing his expression as he thought about it, then it cleared and he smiled, a snicker escaping his lips.

“Ah yes, I remember” he laughed “It was hilarious”

“For you” Thor growled “It was torture being seen by you after”

“Only because I laughed” Fandral defended “But alright, if you do not wish to see my potion, then what have you in mind?”

Before Thor could answer, Tyr came over with a tray of port and two mismatched glasses. Fandral looked at him and raised a brow

“Why in the devil are you bringing those over?” he asked

“My lord, the housekeeper has left, is why” Tyr told him, slowly bringing over the tray to place on the nearest table “She left without handing in a notice”

“Why the bloody hell did she leave?” Fandral asked “There were no more explosions and I swear, I have been as silent as I could!”

“She feared you were trying to poison her from what I understood”

Thor pulled his lips inwards to keep from smiling.

“ _Poison_ her?” Fandral was truly astounded “Why would she say that?”

“She found your beakers in the kitchen sink, my lord” Tyr replied dutifully

“That’s where I wash them, Tyr, you know that” Fandral argued “Why didn’t you tell her?”

“She was in no mood to listen her, sir” he replied

Fandral groaned in despair “Tyr…this is the fifth one in the last three months!”

“I am aware, sir”

“Very well, then” Fandral sighed “get yourself off to the agency, then. God knows how much their will ask for now, their rate keeps increasing as far as I am concerned”

“Very well, sir” Tyr bowed to him, then to Thor and made his way out.

Thor snickered as he left and Fandral looked at him.

“I swear, it’s impossible to get good staff these days, no wonder I am going mad”

“I have grown up with you, dear friend, and I must tell you that you had become mad far before any of your staff tried to turn you to the madhouse” Thor headed to the decanter “now sit while we drink, then I will tell you where we can go”

“You are to keep me in suspense, then” Fandral moved to the chair, then took the glass Thor handed him gratefully “are you going to the bad part of London?”

“Of course not” Thor scoffed “My coat is too expensive for that. I was thinking perhaps a walk in the park or something as relaxing”

Fandral licked the liquor off his lips and gave him a look full of mocking “I’m sorry, I thought I was conversing with Thor Odinson, not someone’s grandfather. A walk in the _park_?”

“It will be relaxing”

“It will be _boring_ ” Fandral said “would you rather not have your eyebrow blown off?”

“No” Thor firmly killed the hope in Fandral’s eyes “Or we can go shooting if you like”

Fandral looked as though he would reject the idea, but then his face brightened.

“Excellent, let me get dressed and I will meet you right here”

He stood and skipped to the door, only to stop when Thor called from behind him.

“And leave that damn sun potion _right_ _here_!”

Sighing, the wind taken out of his sails, Fandral trudged upstairs and went to get dressed so he could reconnect with his long time friend.

Without any sun explosions.                                             

***                                                                              

Despite his best efforts, Thor had failed entirely not to mention Loki or to think about him.

But somehow, everything they passed from the moment they left Fandral’s home reminded him of the charlatan. The green of the leaves, the blue of the clear sky were his eyes, the black mane Svadilfari had reminded him of Loki’s locks, the crunching of the gravel beneath their horses feet reminded him of the grating irritation that always ate at him whenever he saw the man.

He had already told Fandral about him at least three times and refrained so much from mentioning him again that the restraint caused him to growl.

A sound that his dear friend, of course, heard.

“Is all well, my lord?” Fandral asked, the name thrown about as casually as ever “You seem frustrated”

“I am” Thor looked around, the brim of his hat making his eyes look darker than they became when he spoke “there is something about him, Dash, something that rubs me wrong”

Fandral snorted “Well, why don’t you have it rub you right and fix your problem”

Thor spun to him a frown on his face “What the devil do you mean?”

“I mean” Fandral chuckled “That you have mentioned him five times on the entirely of our journey and made it very clear that even when you are silent, he is prancing about in your head”

“So?”

“So” the younger man snickered “Why not just do what your body clearly wants. Toss him in bed, have your wicked way with the lad”

Had they been walking, he was sure he would have stopped and grabbed Fandral around the collar and punched his handsome face in.

“Have you lost your mind?” Thor gaped

Fandral only shrugged “What? It is no secret that your long line of lovers was a blend of male and female. You clearly know what to do if you leave them so pleased every morning”

Thor felt his face heat up “Must you talk so crudely?”

“Must you do it in Society where everyone secretly talks about it in their letters and gatherings?” Fandral smiled “It is no secret of who the mysterious Mr. O is. Trust me, there is a wager going about that you will get a young girl with child soon enough”

Thor’s expression was horrified and his face blushed even darker.

“I didn’t know the whole city was after me this way”

“You are in line for an Earldom” Fandral told him matter of factly “of course they are. But that is not the issue. The issue is your father’s new valet, is it not?”

“I do not want him that way”

“Ah!” Fandral cheered “you want him, that you admit”

Thor inhaled deeply, then exhaled “Do you think the shooting range will be crowded?”

The change of subject made Fandral’s perfect mouth curve into a smile.

“Perhaps” he said “but since you are attending, I am sure more than one man will be eager to give up his spot”

“There is hope for that” Thor mumbled, then looked at him “How about a wager?”

That perked Fandral up instantly “What kind?”

“Race me to the shooting range and if you beat me, then you can ask me anything you wish and I will answer” Thor offered, pulling on Svadilfari’s reigns

“Race you?” Fandral looked affronted “on that? We all know how this will end”

“I will give you a head start” Thor offered, a gleam in his eye “Ten seconds after you, I will run”

“Thirty” Fandral pulled at his mare “ready?”

Both horses stood side by side and Thor let Fandral count.

“One…” Fandral leaned forward and streamlined his body “Two…”

Thor slapped his mare’s rear.

The shriek what erupted from his friend made him laugh and watching him flail about before he gained control had him doubling over.

Fandral yelled something at him, too far away for Thor to hear, too obscene to prevent people from staring after him in shock.

Thor waited until Fandral was far ahead, then pat Svadilfari on the neck.

“Ready, boy?”

Svadilfari’s ears twitched at his voice and the next moment, he bolted through the streets, ignoring the screeches and shouts of people around.

Once more, Svadilfari almost flew and his giant hooves slammed on the road, alerting Fandral of his quick chase, judging by the way he made his mare run faster.

His mane flew in the wind and Thor held it with one hand, signaling him to run faster.

And the stallion did. He was huge, he was fast and before Thor knew it, he was neck to neck with Fandral’s mare.

He was going to pass him, Thor knew, he was going to…slow down?

“Svadilfari!” Thor snapped when his stallion, his prize winning, expensive and well bred horse just slowed to a trot, then faced Fandral’s mare.

He let out a whinnying noise Thor had never heard and Fandral burst into laughter, holding his sides as Svadilfari started to sniff his mare.

Both horses stopped in the middle of the road, sniffing each other and twitching their tails.

“What are you doing?” Thor pulled at his reigns “Stupid horse!”

He was ignored, which delighted Fandral to no end.

“Looks like you are not the only one who is frustrated”

Thor huffed and let his stallion do as he wanted, no choice in his sight when the horse began to walk beside Fandral’s.

“This is embarrassing” Thor announced “Look at him”

“Besotted” Fandral snickered “Do you wish to carry on his line, then?”

“Not with that” Thor pointed to Fandral’s mare “What breed is she?”

“Her mother was an Appaloosa” Fandral pet her neck “I believe her father was a Chapman – the seller never told me exactly”

He looked at his steed lovingly. Thor had to admit she was lovely. Her front was brown, the lightest shade of it and then it faded into a white dotted pattern at her hindquarters, making her unique.

No doubt why Fandral chose her.

“Her name?” Thor asked

“Angrboda” Fandral said “I had never been fond of keeping a horse, there were always carriages and whatnot available”

“I am aware of your high taste for travel” Thor snickered “that was why I was wondering about her – Angrboda”

“She won you over, eh?” Fandral looked at him “you are thinking about breeding her with Svadilfari?”

“Perhaps”

Thor straightened and the soft expression faded from his face “I will think over it, maybe I might”

Svadilfari huffed and then his ears pricked, hearing something unusual a moment before Thor and Fandral heard it.

A scream, followed my more and then the crashing roar of a carriage going too fast.

It came from behind them and both friends turned when they saw a double horse phaeton flying through the street as the horses raced past, clearly panicked. It passed with such speed that Angrboda started to get disturbed and Thor gaped at the sight of the out of control vehicle.

There was no driver to control the frightened animals, but two women held on for dear life as they were taken for a terrible ride.

People around screamed at the chaos, jumping out of their way as the pandemonium hurtled through the streets, unable to stop, not without someone getting critically injured or dying.

The screams ehoed down the road and he saw men run after it to stop the carriage but fall short greatly.

Those two women would surely die.

Before he knew it, his hands tightened on the reins and he looked to Fandral.

Not a word was said between them but his friend controlled his horse and nodded.

A second later, both friends burst through the streets, galloping after the runaway carriage. He could hear the screaming and the sounds of people shouting for help as their prey ran far ahead.

It didn’t take long for them to catch up, the spooked horses were disorganized, running over anything and everything, eventually breaking through the gates of the park.

The people who were sitting, enjoying the day leapt out of the way, women, children, men, screamed in terror as they were nearly trampled, their picnic left in ruins. Baskets over turned and everything the horses had in their path was destroyed.

“Fandral!” Thor shouted as they chased after “you go to the left, I go to the right!”

He rode Svadilfari harder and the stallion pounded into the ground, gaining speed. Thor felt his hat fly off as he started to close in on the rogue phaeton and horses, out of the corner of his eye, he saw people staring at them, a few children ran behind them despite their mother’s warnings.

He also Fandral close in on the carriage and Thor reached the right side, looking up at one of the poor women hanging on for dear life.

And then Fandral shouted at him

“Thor!” he pointed forward “Fence!”

The fence at the edge of the park was closing in and Thor looked at the woman

“Jump!” he ordered, extending a hand “I will catch you!”

He saw the other woman take a leap at Fandral and his friend slowed to a halt once she was in his arms. The other looked hesitant and Thor growled, grabbed her arm and pulled.

She screamed in terror as she went over the side, falling into Thor’s strong grip.

Up ahead, the horses leapt over the fence in synchronization, then broke clear through their braces and then off into the street, oblivious to the splintered carriage they left behind, stuck to the fence, broken beyond repair.

Thor slowed down and pulled Svadilfari to a stop, taking his eyes from the devastated carriage to the woman in his arms. She was conscious, pale as death and clutching his side. Her breathing was heavy and her brown eyes fixed to the wreckage before them. Her nails dug into his shoulders despite his coat. He could feel her tremble and from behind, the cheers of all their witnesses broke through the loud thumping in his ears.

He turned around to see everyone gathering around, clapping and cheering for both Fandral and himself. The woman in his arms was still prone and as he rode back, he saw the huffed footmen and the driver jog through the crowds, their faces red and sweaty. Thor clicked his tongue and Svadilfari walked slowly to them, letting his master dismount before he himself went to catch his breath, going to where Angrboda was doing the same. Meanwhile, Thor handed his lady to the nearest footmen and Fandral crouched low to have two maids tend to his ‘burden’.

Only his lady had passed out.

Lucky, lucky bastard.

“How can we ever repay you, kind sirs?” the driver said “You saved our ladies, thank you!”

“No thanks needed” Thor muttered “Just ensure your horses are cared for when you catch them”

“Of course, my lord, of course!” the footmen said “my ladies will want your good name, lordship”

That Thor hesitated with, but with a heavy clench in his throat, he told them – if he didn’t everyone else around here surely would – “Thor Odinson”

He didn’t give his title or the name of his home, just that, the name he was born with.

“Good, sir, thank you, thank you!”

They bowed to him a few times, then took their ladies to the nearest picnic cloth to sit down. He heard Fandral sigh from beside him and looked to him.

“Ah, here comes the gossiping ladies to set our story loose” he said, sarcasm filled his tone “Great”

Thor smirked “Then by all means, lets get on our horses and make our escape”

They did, of course.

The women who had been rushing towards them made sounds od grave disappointment and a few ladies waved their handkerchiefs at them as they rode through the park again, leaving the destroyed carriage behind.

They wanted nothing to do with the authorities, so they made themselves scarce the rest of the day, shooting their guns in a far away field rather than the range they had intended on.

They had bottles set up on a protruding rock and shot them off turn by turn. They had only a limited amount, which was good in Thor’s opinion because he didn’t want to spend more time out here. He wanted a loud place, raucous enough to silence the anger that still pulled at his insides.

He’d been driven out of his own home because of a man who deserved none of the patience Thor exhibited.

He shot a bottle and watched it explode, heard Fandral’s cheer but didn’t even look at him.

And his father, his own father, took the side of that menace.

It was something Thor would abide no longer.

That was his home, his father, his life – if anyone had to go, it should be Loki, not him.

***

Thor could tell by the look on Loki’s face that night at dinner that the brat had fully expected to have run Thor out of his home.

The only thing that dampened his victory was the look on Odin’s face – he was stunned.

He was shocked his son was actually here for dinner.

“Thor” Odin blinked at him in surprise “I didn’t know you were dining in”

“I thought I would” Thor gave him a wan smile, then sat down and snapped his fingers at Loki “Set my place”

There were other servants there and they all moved to do so, giving Thor his plates and cutlery. Once his glass was set down, he looked at Loki, who tentatively sat in his spot.

“Out” Thor said softly “And I don’t want to see you at this table again”

Loki’s tightened and he looked at Odin, who seemed to be thinking this over. His eyes went from Loki to Thor, then he exhaled.

The servants waited with baited breath as Odin turned to Loki once more.

“Have dinner with the others” he said kindly “thank you”

There was a snort from behind him and Thor saw Loki glare at the staff member who stood by the wall, awaiting orders. He tried to hide his smile as Loki picked up his dishes and went to the servant’s entrance, back where he belonged.

“There” Odin looked at his son “Happy?”

“Ecstatic” Thor told him, leaning forward to take some of the roast before them.

Odin was clearly miffed and stayed silent even halfway through dinner. It was only when he couldn’t take more of it that he sighed and looked at his son.

“You’ve been away because of Loki”

Thor shrugged “Nay, I had business”

He finished his bite and took a sip of wine, then went back to his meal.

“For over a week?” Odin asked gently

Thor sighed and looked at him “How did you even notice I was gone?”

“Thor…” Odin began

“No,” Thor cut in “ever since I returned you have been more interested in _him_ than I. You treat him like …”

He broke off, a smile on his face, though it never reached his eyes.

“Actually forget it” Thor chuckled “forget I said anything”

Odin tried to get him to open up, but Thor didn’t. he shut off entirely and the second dinner was over, he stood to leave. Odin watched him go, helpless to do anything.

How was he supposed to connect with Thor when the man didn’t even listen to him?

Odin sighed and placed his head in his hands, rubbing his eyes in frustration.

He exhaled and got to his feet, slowly walking out of the room. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Thor climbing up the stairs and go to his rooms, likely to hide.

He wanted to call out to him but Thor wouldn’t listen.

He wouldn’t listen!

Sighing, the old earl went to his study to be away from the drama that had come back with his son. It was cruel to think it, but that is what he thought.

Thor brought with him the dramatics he didn’t need. He had wanted his only family home.

Now that he had him, Odin didn’t know what to do with him.

It made him feel a lump form in his throat and he took off his spectacles to wipe his eyes, hoping beyond hope that somehow, Thor would become the son Odin missed.

Upstairs, Thor was in much the same dilemma. He’d snapped at his valet, sending him out and all but ripped his clothes from his body. He threw them every which way and ran a hand through his hair.

Stripped bare of his shirt, in only his breeches, Thor went to sit heavily upon his bed, his face in his hands.

What was he _doing_!?

Odin had tried to reach out to him, to talk to him and Thor had just…

He didn’t let him.

His throat closed up and Thor recognized the feeling as guilt. He felt guilty for shutting his father out.

Thor rubbed his face and sat there in contemplation for a long time, then stood and donned a clean, sweet smelling casual shirt.

He had to apologize to his father.

His footsteps were loud and he pretended not to see the servants watching his every move as he descended the stairs, going to Odin’s study.

He heard no noise from within, but he knew this was where his father was. He raised a hand and knocked, then pushed the door in.

“Father, I…”

He broke off, the color drained from his face when he saw Odin prone on the ground, a gash in his head, bleeding out.

“Heimdall!” Thor shouted “Get help!”

Thor ran in, falling to his knees beside his father, staring at him in shock. There was blood on his forehead, his white hair was plastered to his skull with it and it _broke_ Thor’s heart right there.

“No, no, no, no” Thor gasped, his eyes filled with tears “Father?”

He heard Heimdall run over, he heard him cuss, then rush to get a carriage. He also heard maids come over, all of them shocked, staring at their master prone on the floor.

And behind them, his face nearly grey, Loki stood, taller than them all, staring into the room, terrified. He squeezed past them and went to Odin’s side as well, something none of the others dared.

“My lord?” Loki crouched by him, raised a hand to touch his face.

He gasped when Thor shoved him back hard enough to fall on his rear

“Do not touch him!” Thor snapped “You, out of everyone, will not touch him!”

Loki’s face, pale and worried, tightened in anger and for a second, he looked like he was about to yell at Thor or say something, but he didn’t and Thor ignored him in favor of gently stroking his father’s cheek.

His heart filled with hope when Odin stirred and Thor held him to his body, embracing him tightly.

“Thank the Lord” Thor whispered, rocking him, cradling him to himself “You’re alive, you’re _alive_ ”

Tears spilled from his eyes and he felt Odin slowly wrap his arms around him and hold him back.

Thor didn’t realize he was trembling, not until he tried to lift Odin up. His arms, his legs, his back was shaking and he carefully guided him upstairs, one step at a time, with another servant’s aid.

Loki was not allowed near him and he stood alone, watching them all leave, his face pale and haunted. His hands were clenched by his sides and he lowered his head as they vanished upstairs and into Odin’s bedchambers, leaving him alone.

He knew his place.

He wouldn’t question it again.

***

Odin woke the next morning, a bandage around his head. It throbbed but with the medication the physician gave him, he knew he would be alright.

Heimdall had fetched the very best, afterall.

The only thing he would have for a while would be disorientation and the throbbing he currently had. But it would only get better with time, Odin knew.

This wasn’t his first injury.

Slowly, he became aware of the surroundings and especially of a pressure on his leg.

Lifting his head, Odin saw Thor sleeping on a chair, his head cradled in his arm as he set it on Odin’s leg, his other hand holding Odin’s even in sleep.

He looked at their hands, Thor’s were so strong, smooth and young. His own was wrinkled with time and age. Yet, he knew they carried more strength than he suspected.

One pull would break his son’s heart, the second their hands would separate.

And that made him hold Thor’s tighter a moment, to give him the security the boy clearly needed.

He closed his eyes and lay back, enjoying Thor’s presence. He had no inclination to move, he ended up dozing off again and woke when Thor stirred.

Odin slit his eyes open to see Thor look sleep mussed and slightly out of sorts. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes, brushed his hair back, then turned it head to Odin.

And for the first time since his return, Odin saw Thor’s hard face soften when he looked upon his father.

He saw worry and he saw pain. He saw hope and agony, twisting inside his son.

He opened his eyes and Thor froze, his face going slack.

“Father” Thor whispered, moving to his head “Can you hear me?”

His sweet boy…Odin smiled when Thor cupped his cheek

“I can” he said “I hear you”

“Thank God” Thor whispered, his eyes squeezed shut and he pressed his forehead to Odin’s “I thought I lost you”

“I’m too stubborn to go” Odin wrapped an arm around Thor’s shoulder “You will have to fight me for the estate before I die”

Thor pulled back and laughed and Odin smiled, holding his hand in both his own.

“You look tired, my son” Odin said

“You worry about me?” Thor shook his head “You almost got brained, Father, worry about yourself”

“I see you doing that plenty” Odin dismissed “But if you wish, I can put on an act, stumble about…”

Thor’s lips curved into a smile, then Odin saw it fade slowly, to a heartbroken expression he’d rarely seen on his son.

“What?” Odin coaxed gently “Hm?”

Thor looked at him very slowly “Forgive me. For my behavior”

Odin smirked “You say that, why?”

“I’ve …” Thor licked his lips “I haven’t been the best son or even a decent person to you. I shouldn’t have to almost lose you to realize how important you are. I’m sorry”

Odin smiled at him fondly and stroked the back of his hand with his thumb.

“You are more than what you see yourself as” Odin told him “It is not only your fault, but mine, too. We both acted horribly after your mother passed. It is time now to fix that”

Thor looked away, but turned back to his father when Odin tugged on his hand.

“Aye?” he asked, holding out an arm “Now come here”

He didn’t even remember when he held Thor this way, with his son, as large as he was on his chest, needing him the way Thor did now. He kissed the top of his blonde head and rubbed his arm, staying that way, protecting him and feeling protected.

There was a gentle morning wind that came in through his white drapes and Odin felt Thor exhale, then sit up. He looked at his son as he brushed his hair back and smiled at his father.

“I will have breakfast sent here” he told him “Then get the doctor back”

“As you wish” Odin nodded

He gave Thor’s hand a parting squeeze, then watched as he left, leaving the door open a sliver, in case Odin needed him again.

He heard him leave and sighed, closing his eyes, laying back to nap until his breakfast arrived.

Outside, Thor was exhausted and he groaned as he walked out, rubbing his face and making his way down the hall. It was still early, he could catch a few hours rest if he wanted, but in truth, he didn’t think he would be able to sleep if his father was still unwell.

He walked slowly – lazily – and looked up when he heard footsteps come across the hallway. He raised his eyes and an annoyed tilt set in his lips when he saw Loki, who was looking agitated. His eyes were clearly in the distance and he was lost in his thoughts.

And even though Thor was exhausted, the urge to mess with Loki was strong.

That and the night he’d spent in self pleasure came back to him and he felt a surge of a desire to see Loki gasp overcome him.

He stepped in his path and knew they would collide before Loki did.

The valet yelped and looked up at him sharply, his eyes wide, stunned back into reality.

“Father is sleeping” Thor told him dismissively “He doesn’t need you”

“Aye” Loki stepped back “I was merely going to my rooms”

That had Thor stop. The staff rooms were upstairs, at the highest level, there was no path leading there where Loki was headed.

Thor frowned “Your rooms? They are upstairs, no staircase leads up in this hallway”

“Nay, my lord” Loki fidgeted with his hands, hesitant to speak “I was…that is to say…”

“Your lordship” a maid spoke from behind them, helpfully to Thor, unhelpfully to Loki “Loki requested Master Balder’s rooms as his own, he says he has trouble sleeping up with the others”

Loki spun back to glower at her, his jaw grit but Thor didn’t notice.

All humor vanished from his face, replaced by a numbing feel in his entire body. He felt pin pricks all over himself, his neck, his arms, even his scalp…he couldn’t breathe, he saw her lips move, but heard nothing, not until he heard her call to him sharply, closer than she had been before.

There were more staff members, all of them paused, waiting to see what would happen next.

And Thor was about to give them a show.

“Lordship?”

Then rage broke upon Thor and he looked at Loki, his hands clenched.

“What did she say?”

Loki had managed to take a few steps back, but couldn’t take more, looking at Thor warily.

“I didn’t think…”

“You didn’t _think_!?” Thor echoed loudly “You took my brother’s rooms!? Have you lost your mind!?”

Loki shook his head “N-No, you misunderstand…”

Half the day staff came to see, all of them stunned, but secretly glad that Loki was being put in his place.

“You are a servant!” Thor yelled “You have no right to demand anything from my father, but to take Balder’s rooms!? Do you know what you have done!?”

He stepped towards him and for the first time, he saw fear in Loki’s odd eyes.

It stopped him. Thor heaved a loud breath and pointed down the hall

“Take your belongings out of there” he rasped “Now!”

“My lord, please, I …”

“I said now!” Thor snapped, then looked at the nearest staff member “You, boy, go make sure he does what I ask”

Loki slipped away, the other man at his tail and Thor realized he was shaking, his hand was trembling when he pushed his hair back.

He turned and walked back to Odin’s room to see his father sit up

“Thor, what’s the matter?” Odin asked

“You gave Loki Balder’s room?” Thor asked softly

Odin’s lips were tight and he nodded

“Why?” Thor asked, his expression broken

He expected his father to go back to yelling at him. He expected all progress they had just made to be tossed out for Loki. He expected Odin to do anything but actually tell him what the truth was.

But that was what his father did and it was the most heartbreaking thing he could have said.

“I wanted…” Odin broke off “It was not in disrespect. I missed hearing someone move in that room. It comforted me when he was here, when I couldn’t sleep at night. I thought that perhaps if someone stayed there, I would…I would feel the same”

And that just shattered Thor where he stood. It devastated him and he realized they would never get over their loss.

He sighed and felt his anger dissipate. Slowly, he trudged over to Odin and sat before him on the floor, lowering his head to Odin’s knee. His hands clenched in Odin’s clothes and he felt his father’s hand on his head.

“Forgive me” Thor whispered “Please forgive me”

Odin brushed his hair back and kissed his head “I have, my child.”

He felt soothed to have Thor with him, to have Thor care about him. It healed him far better than any medication he could have been given.

“I will likely act foolishly in the future”

“I know” Odin smiled “and I will forgive you again”

“No you will not”

Thor smiled when he felt Odin whack his back.

“Get up” Odin ordered “Enough pity, let me rest. And no yelling, I beg you. I need rest”

Thor sat on his knees, waiting till Odin was in bed, then tucked him in and kissed his forehead.

“Rest, old man”

Odin hissed in irritation “Do not call me that”

Thor smirked and bowed to him, then made his way out. His face hardened when he saw Loki being escorted out, his eyes angry and lowered to the floor.

Thor knew this valet was anything but innocent, he was going to be much more vigilant about him than he thought he would have to be.

***

Of everything that could have happened then, Odin summoned Thor two days later with an announcement Thor didn’t like in the least.

“A ball?” Thor stared “have you lost what little thinking that fall left in your head?”

Odin smiled and smacked his hand away when it came to check his wound.

“No, I am fine” Odin said “But this is for a dear friend, Thor. I have committed to attend, I cannot let him down”

“And sending me there in your stead is going to solve that?” Thor asked

“Yes” Odin said “he is a good friend, Son, do a dying old man a favor”

Thor grimaced at that “I would if the old man wouldn’t die only when he wants me to do a favor”

That had his father smile “He wouldn’t have to die if you didn’t need blackmailing to listen”

Thor smiled and placed his hand over his father’s.

“Enough scheming” he told him “Aye?”

Theirs was a peaceful afternoon today. Thor had spent the morning reading to Odin and told him his valet was taking a few days off to visit family.

Odin had laughed at him, calling him a peasant for doing his own work and Thor let him. It helped the man smile.

It was the least he could do.

So he did more, having his breakfast with him and telling him the woes of his sad young life.

“By the by” Odin suddenly said, making Thor look at him “I heard what you did at the park. Why did you not tell me?”

Thor opened his mouth to speak, then closed it “I did. You hit your head and forgot”

“Like hell” Odin snapped, making Thor laugh “Boy, tell me!”

Thor was still smiling when he looked at him “Forgive me, I had other things on my mind. But aye, who told you?”

“Loki” Odin said “everyone is talking about it, apparently. You have only to step outside to see it”

“Then it is good that I intend to stay here” Thor said “But yes, I saw an out of control phaeton and I fixed it. And before you ask, I have no idea who they were”

Odin hummed “I do not believe you”

Thor snorted in laughter “That is your choice. I will tell you no more even if you ask, your favors have become limited after this damned ball”

“So you are going?” Odin smiled at him “Perfect. I knew it was wise to send that message”

“You already told him I was coming?” Thor asked “What if I refused?”

Odin smiled as an answer “Then I would need only do this”

He groaned and closed his eyes, pretending to be in terrible pain. And though Thor knew it was a lie and a fraud, he felt it hurt his chest.

“Alright, stop!” Thor shoved him “bloody stage actor”

Pleased with himself, lay back.

They kept on talking and alternated between reading when they couldn’t think of what to say. Thor was at his most casual, a white shirt and loose trousers, his feet were bare as he lay across the bed at his father’s feet, reading through a book of naughty limericks.

They were both laughing at the crude jokes, occasionally coming over one that was genuinely hilarious, then laughing hard enough for their eyes to grow damp.

“Oh, here’s another” Thor snickered “There was a young girl of Cape Cod, Who thought babies were fashioned by God, But 'twas not the Almighty Who hiked up her nightie - 'Twas Roger, the lodger, by God!”

Odin burst out laughing, beaming with delight “I have heard that one, we read that out in our club, it was a fantastic night”

Thor grinned “What do you lot do there? Read this nonsense?”

He closed the book and flicked it to the side, his eyes going over his father. Odin looked happier than he had been since Thor got back and it was good. He reached over to take his father’s hand and felt him give his a squeeze in affection.

“Will you be alright tonight?” he asked seriously “commitment to a ball is not as important, you know”

Odin waved his worries aside “I will be fine. You’re young, you are supposed to be outside, dance the night away, be with women, enjoy yourself”

“Excuse me if I would rather not enjoy myself like Roger the lodger” Thor laughed

Odin dissolved back into mirth and shook his head “You are incorrigible”

“I am?” Thor asked “That is your book!”

“From my younger days!” Odin defended

“I see no other book from your younger days, this is the only one you preserved”

His father was about to reply when a knock broke their moment and they turned to see Loki walk in. he didn’t look up from the floor as he held Odin’s washed laundry in his hands and headed to the wardrobe to put them in.

“Ah, Loki” Odin said “I was meaning to talk to you, boy”

“Aye, my lord?” Loki closed the door and looked at him

He didn’t look at Thor, as though the sight of him offended Loki.

“Since I am bedridden and Thor’s valet gone, I wish for you to aid him as well”

Both Thor and Loki looked stricken but it was the former who spoke up.

“Nay, Father, it is alright, I can manage” he protested

“Do you know where your cravats are, Thor?” Odin asked

“I do” Thor told him confident “Please, it’s alright”

“Nonsense” Odin said “I will brook no refusal. I know you two had a rough start but both of you need to put it behind you. Till a time that your man returns, this is best. Understand?”

“Yes”

They both said it in unision and Thor glared at Loki, who really had no fault in this.

“Good” Odin said “Now go get ready for the ball. Norns know it will take forever to get there.”

Loki sighed and walked to the door again, heading to Thor’s room. Thor stood, too, kissing his father on the head.

“I will see you later” he told him “alright? Be nice”

Odin gave him a gentle slap to the cheek “You behave with him. The boy has been through much, do not make him suffer unnecessarily”

Thor hummed and straightened, making his way to the door and then to his rooms. He could see Loki ahead of him, paused as though unsure of his permission at Thor’s door.

Thor’s mood was irritated and he walked over, nudging him away when he opened the door to enter. He left the door open for Loki and heard him follow.

“My coats are there, shirts there” Thor pointed to the wardrobe “Set out an evening wear”

“Yes, my lord” Loki said quietly

He went to the closet and opened it while behind him, Thor slowly stripped off his shirt. There was a washing bowl filled with warm, steaming, scented water and a cloth for him to wash himself with. He ignored Loki and went to clean up.

Meanwhile, Loki’s eyes were on the clothes Thor had. Expensive materials, silk, cotton, satin, all the clothes smelled heavenly and Loki touched them all, feeling it between his fingers when his eyes fell to a small jewelry box beneath the shirts.

Against his better judgement, Loki reached over to open it and his eyes widened when he saw gold bracelets, right there at the top and much more under it.

They were beautiful, but he was denied the opportunity to look at them when he felt heat right behind him. He could smell the scented water, he could see the faint droplets that hung on his golden, shining skin and his heart started to race.

He spun around and there was Thor, not even a foot away from him. Loki’s eyes widened as Thor leaned closer, so close he could feel the warmth radiate from his muscled – very spectacularly – muscled body all over him. His breath caught in his throat when Thor reached over, _closer_ …

“If you were not going to pull out what I asked, what good are you?” Thor rumbled, his breath hitting Loki’s ear as he pulled his own shirt out “Here. _This_ is what I wish to wear”

He placed a dark blue shirt into his numb hands and backed away, leaving him to pick out the rest of the outfit. Loki swallowed heavily, his eyes focused on Thor’s back, the ripple of his muscles as he moved back to the table holding his water bowl. The valet had to consciously make himself move, but every time he blinked, he saw those sleek muscles protrude with every gesture Thor made.

Flashes hit him then, flashes of that muscular body moving in bed, what power he would possess, what heights of pleasure he would take his partners to…

Loki cleared his throat and turned back, quickly putting together an outfit so he could leave. He set it on the bed, got his boots and went outside to polish them.

Thor didn’t stop him and it was only when Loki was outside that he could breathe easier. He leaned against the wall and touched his cheek, finding it heated and likely blushing.

There was something wonderfully wrong with him, Loki decided.

Shaking his head, Loki walked onward, wanting to get his duties done with as soon as possible.

***

The music wafted past the hallway, filling the garden as the ball went on. The lights, the laughter, the music wafted to the trees and the flowers, to the surrounding houses, making those who were not invited itch to go in.

Anyone who was important was at this ball but the one who stirred the Social excitement, was none other than Thor Odinson.

Talks of his return then his rescue of the fair Lady Jane Foster, the daughter of a Duchess and under the care of her Uncle, Doctor Erik Selvig, had filled the homes and ears of nearly everyone who lived in Polite Society. When it was revealed that he was to attend this ball, the hostess immediately spread word, inviting more and more people until the place was packed.

There were people everywhere, all of them desperate to have a chance to see or talk to Thor, all them fluttering and giggling, all of them laughing and smiling. There was staff seen serving women and men drinks as they danced and pranced about, and Thor was in the thick of it all, being as polite as he could be.

Of course he would be, he was the son of a man who had connections with the royal family.

An exhale felt his lips as he stood there watching Thor, slightly jealous of his temporary lord.

Odin had insisted that Loki accompany Thor. The moment he had readied the ‘prince’ Loki was told to prepare himself. He had wanted to say no but he knew if he didn’t he would get in trouble for it.

Not with Thor or Odin, no. his worry came from someone else, someone who had shown him his place in a way that made him extremely anxious.

His eyes were noticed by many, he was used to it, the staff of other guests, men and women, talked with him just to stare at the green, then the blue eyes, leaving him when they were satisfied. Just like Thor, Loki was talked about in his own circle.

The well dressed, good looking valet, who had the strangest eyes they had ever seen.  They wondered what mystery surrounded him and Loki smirked to himself, thinking about telling them just to see if he would out do Thor in terms of gossip.

He sighed and crossed his arms, looking at the crowded ballroom below.

Like the other servants, Loki was on the upper floor, looking down at them from the various arches and balconies that overlooked the ballroom. The choir was but a few galleries away, playing the high tempo music so the guests could dance.

The din of the crowd and the music itself was so loud Loki didn’t hear the footsteps.

Someone grabbed his arm and Loki turned, feeling his stomach knot painfully, as it always did in his presence. He was dressed as a staff member, but Loki knew if someone saw him, they would easily be able to understand he was anything but.

He was a whole head and a half taller than Loki, he was huge, Loki wondered where he got clothes that even fit him. His grip was tight and he knew he would get it bruised in a moment.

“I was wondering where you were” he rumbled “You’ve been ignoring my letters”

Loki’s jaw grit and he tried to twist his arm away, but his ‘friend’ held on. Not only did he hold on, he started to drag Loki away, regardless of anyone watching.

“Let go, people will stare”

“Let them” he rumbled

Loki had little choice after and he grunted when he was pushed into the nearest door – an empty closet, then let go.

It did nothing to alleviate him and he hissed when he turned to face him.

A ruler in his own right, a leader to a group of assassins and one of the worst people Loki had had the displeasure of meeting.

Thanos was cruel as he was clever and he looked down at Loki from his great height, his expression cold.

“I assume you got my message”

“I did” Loki said, rubbing his arm “It wasn’t exactly subtle”

Thanos smirked “It was subtle enough. He didn’t know what happened, he merely thinks he fell”

“You laced something of his” Loki guessed

“Clever boy” Thanos crooned, mocking him.

Loki hated that, he bristled, then stiffened when Thanos stroked a hand down his cheek, then his neck.

“You have something for me?” he asked “as payment for your slight?”

“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t” Loki glared at him, then at the hand he extended.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out the two bracelets he’d seen in Thor’s closet, placing them in his large palm. They closed over it entirely and they vanished in his clothes before Loki could let it sink in that he gave this beast another of Lady Frigga’s jewels.

“Good boy” Thanos simpered “You’re as smart as you are pretty. It is why I hired you”

“Kidnapped me” Loki corrected “You had Ronan kidnap me”

Thanos smiled “Of course.”

He reached over again and Loki smacked his hand away, but cried out when Thanos pushed him back against the wall, his girth keeping him pinned.

“Do not test your limits with me, boy” he hissed into his ear “Unless you wish for me to take it out on your brother”

Loki pushed at him, but when he heard the threat, he went still and Thanos smiled yet again. Loki tried not to cringe when he felt those awful lips touch the corner of his mouth, then that large hand tip his head to the side.

“You are beautiful” Thanos told him degradingly “and I want you to perform tomorrow night”

Loki gasped and looked at him “What? No, I can’t leave the house anymore, they switched my rooms. I sleep upstairs with the rest of them now”

“So?” Thanos mocked “It is not my problem”

He stepped back and let Loki fix himself as best he could.

“I want you there tomorrow” he said “And you will be there, understand?”

Loki looked at him, his eyes blazing in rage. Rage that Thanos controlled.

He didn’t say a word and Thanos snickered

“Good”

He stroked his hair again and pulled away. He opened the door and left then, stealthy for a man of his size.

The door stayed open, Loki stayed where he was and his rage turned to sadness and pain. His arms went around him and Loki felt tears fill his eyes.

He was not going to cry

He was _not_ going to cry!

His throat was tight, his heart hurt, but he forced himself not to cry, he forced himself not to break down.

Not here, not back at Asgard.

Raising a hand to wipe his eyes, Loki composed himself, then walked out.

Thanos wasn’t there anymore, but Loki still felt him, felt his terrible aura around him, in the halls, in the very floor he stepped on. It was like it burned and it made Loki sick.

Yet he could do nothing.

Nothing other than take a deep breath and walk out, his resolve slowly building back up inside him.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get crueler for Loki

There was no sleep for Loki that night. He stayed wide awake in his bed, looking at the sheets without seeing them. Beneath him, in the lower bunk, his fellow staff mate tossed in his sleep, clearly untroubled about anything in his life.

And Loki envied him greatly.

He played with the edge of his pillowcase, watching the threads of the expensive cloth cross over one another to make perhaps one of the more expensive pillowcases he would see in his life. Back home, when things were well, Loki remembered the roughest of cloths would he his pillow, yet right now, with this comfortable, soft thing pressed to his cheek, he wanted that time back. He wanted to go back and stay in the past, in his home, with his family.

He blinked and felt prickling behind his lids.

He wanted his Father back, he wanted him back so much it was a cruel pain in his chest. Laufey had been Loki’s world – he had been his everything. Their mother abandoned them after Hel was born, leaving her broken family wondering where she had gone. From then on, Laufey had been his world, no matter how bad it had been compared to this, Loki had been free – he had been happy.

When he was taken that night, he remembered screaming for his father but no response came to him. He remembered asking for Helblindi, but got no answer. He was frightened to death, he was alone and he was brought to the man who currently owned him, mind and body.

Loki felt sick when Thanos touched him, he felt like he wanted to scratch his skin off, he wanted to jump into a deep river to cleanse himself of that touch. It lingered unpleasantly over him even now and he rubbed at his neck and cheek, wanting it off.

Loki sighed and lay on his back, looking at the ceiling for a few minutes, then felt that nasty sensation return to him. It felt like ants were biting him and after he tried to force it away, he merely gave up and exhaled in frustration.

He sat up in his bunk, letting the thick blanket fall to his waist, then pushed it off, swinging his feet over the edge to hop down.

He needed a drink and he needed it now. The staff kitchenette was sadly lacking and it was further proved when Loki found no water in their, groaning in disappointment before he trudged to the exit. The servant’s quarters were separated, men on one side, women on the other, but he could still hear the girls chatting quietly even at this hour.

He cared naught for that, making his way downstairs to get himself a drink from the kitchens.

There was no need of a nightrobe, he told himself as he unbolted the door at the base of the staircase that led him up here, so he forwent it. His slippers made little noise as he walked through the darkened hallways, using his sense of touch to find his way around.

It was irritating now that he was not in Balder’s chambers, he didn’t know the way by heart so his steps were stilted, broken. But eventually, Loki found himself at the stairs and even in the dark, he descended them easily enough.

It was cold tonight and Loki was quick about heading to the kitchens, knowing that the dying embers in the stove would have kept the kitchen nice and toasty. It would even light up the kitchen for him. The door was unlocked tonight, which was odd.

Heimdall always locked it. Frowning and after his meeting with Thanos, Loki felt his heart begin to pound in his chest. His steps were careful as he slowly opened the door and walked in, seeing no one there.

But the door had been unlocked…

Loki decided to be smart and turned about to leave.

Only to gasp when he collided with a large figure and stumbled back, his eyes wide.

Thor raised a brow at him, a candle held aloft in his hand, his eyes unkind.

“What are you doing here, lurking about?” he slurred, his voice thick from sleep “Get back to your chambers”

Loki felt his face heat up “I came down here for a drink, my lord”

He didn’t even think about asking him why he was here at this hour, it wouldn’t end well.

Thor hummed and walked in further, prompting Loki to back away, then hold the candle stand in his hand as Thor went to get them both some water.

There was silence between them, neither man really like the other so there was nothing either of them could say. The sound of water being poured into a glass filled the tense air between them, then Thor came over to hand Loki the glass.

“Thank you, Sir” Loki whispered, taking a sip.

Only to choke and gag, coughing loudly and spitting it out amid Thor’s cruel laughter when he realized Thor gave him vinegar, scorching his throat.

Thor laughed uproariously, he doubled over and smacked his own thigh as he cackled, delighted by the glare Loki threw his way when he set the candle on a table and went to the sink, coughing as he rinsed out his mouth and splashed water on his flushed, burning face.

“You should have seen your face!” Thor laughed, wiping his eyes “Oh, you sweet thing you are so angry!”

Loki said nothing, he cleaned the taste of vinegar from his mouth and then looked at Thor, who was calmly having his own drink.

It made rage rise within Loki and he wanted to hurl something at Thor’s head and make it hurt. But he was powerless even here and it made him just as sick as it did with Thanos.

“That wasn’t funny” he said softly

Thor snickered “It was…It was hilarious”

Loki glared at him and wiped his chin, then tensed when Thor walked over, looking down at him. Gently, he took a hold of his jaw and made him stand still as he looked at him.

“Say it” Thor ordered “say it was funny”

Loki felt his eyes prickle and he cussed himself. He was not going to break down here, he was not!

Thor wanted that to happen, Loki could see it in his stupid eyes. He wanted to make Loki cry, he wanted to humiliate him.

He would get what he wanted, Loki realized and he lowered his gaze and cleared his throat.

“It was very funny” he allowed through grit teeth.

Thor laughed and released him, stepping away “Good boy”

Those words…

Those damn _words_!

They made him sick and Loki could only watch as Thor laughed, took his candle with him and left him there, the smell of vinegar and dismay all around him.

And he hated that the moment Thor left, his vision blurred with tears.

Loki wiped them quickly and moved away from the sink. He walked out of the kitchen and went back upstairs, his intent to get any sleep destroyed by Thor.

And he wasn’t thirsty anymore.

***

They were out again today, Thor and Fandral, both of them walking this time, away from the park this time.

Their clothes were pristine and their journey would lead them to one of the more fashionable parts of town where Fandral wanted to shop around a little bit.

“Tyr has demanded new clothes after his last ones caught fire” Fandral had confided in him

Thor, who had been there the entire time, raised a brow “Fandral, he was in the clothes when they caught fire – because of your beaker”

“A beaker that he had no business being near!” Fandral defended “the old fool was asking for it!”

“By cleaning your lab?” he has inquired

“By being in my business” his friend snapped

Thor had laughed then and he laughed at him almost the entire time they argued over this, but Tyr had given him little to no choice.

He put up with Fandral’s nonsense, he deserved better clothes.

They were in the expensive part of London, on Savile Row, right into Gieves and Hawkes. It was one of the best establishments and had been in business with Thor’s family since his grand father’s time. They knew him, they knew his brother and they treated him with extreme respect.

When he entered, Thor the staff greeted him like royalty and they seated him in a plush chair while Fandral, who had only been here rarely, looked upon the materials.

“You are buying Tyr clothes from here?” Thor asked in surprise

Fandral scoffed “No, I will look for myself. I will get him something else”

Thor hummed and let his friend browse, playing idly with his walking stick as he leaned back on the couch to look at the other patrons. Fandral was absorbed in some foreign fabric and was talking in rapid French to the sales staff when Thor saw something that made him go completely cold.

Nay, not something, though – _someone_.

And what was worse, that someone saw him, too.

Sigurd Orvar, was the son was a famed Colonel and an expensively spoiled officer in the militia the last time Thor had the immense displeasure of meeting him. He was tall, though not as tall as Thor and broad, with prematurely greying hair and cold blue eyes, that locked onto and took anything he wanted.

Unlike his father, this man had a bad reputation. He was seen in gaming hells and brothels and disreputable clubs most of the time and found duels to be a kind of sport.

It was unfortunate that he was a good damn shot.

Thor knew that very well – he’d seen him shoot his brother down in duel, after all.

And it was devastating to see him here, leering at Thor before he got to his feet and walked over to him. It made Thor’s hand clench tight around his walking stick and he, too stood, his shoulders tensed as he faced this man.

This cruel, heartless man.                                                  

“Odinson”

His cold, lifeless eyes focused on Thor and his eerie voice made Fandral turn to look.

“Damnation” Fandral left the sales persons and walked to intercept “Orvar. What a surprise to see you here”

“Is it?” Orvar looked Fandral over “I would rather say it is a surprise to see you here. Shopping a bit above our rank today, are we?”

Thor tensed his body but Fandral laughed to dispel the tension quickly rising.

“I indulge myself on occasion, you every well know” Fandral snickered, discreetly pushing Thor back

Orvar saw this and smirked “I can see where the indulgence is coming from. Are we polluting the Odinson line now, Dash?”

That did it and Fandral huffed when Thor elbowed him aside to get to Orvar.

“You shut your mouth, you snake!”

The patrons and staff gasped in shock when they saw Thor grab Orvar by the collar and slam him into the nearest wall.

“The only thing polluted here is your dirty mind!” Thor rasped, pressing him hard into the wall “you are living and breathing only because I allow it, trust me if that was not the case your body would have been eaten by wolves that roam the edges of this city!”

Orvar, no shame in his eyes, smiled “Just like your brother, then?”

Thor’s face turned cold in rage, white as a sheet and he pulled back to slam his fist in his man’s face but Fandral stopped him.

“Thor, stop!” Fandral pulled him back “let him go, you are making a scene”

“Let him” Orvar laughed when Thor’s grip dropped on him “It is the most he can do to me, after all”

“You son of a bitch” Thor snarled, trying to get at him despite Fandral pushing him out “you will pay for what you did to us, you will pay!”

Orvar merely raised a hand in farewell “Give my best to your father, if you can find time away from your dashing little whore”

His voice carried around them all and Thor fought to get at him, calmer only when Fandral managed to drag him away.

He yanked his arm from Fandrak’s grip and glared at him “Why did you pull me away!? Did you hear what he said!?”

“I did, dear friend” Fandral said “But you must calm yourself, this will do you nothing”

“It will when I kill him” Thor rasped

Fandral’s face was sad at that and he frowned “No, it won’t. Thor, you must let this go, you must”

“Let the killer of my brother go?” Thor asked “I hate him! He does not deserve to be alive!”

“I agree” Fandral told him “I despise him, too but he will get what is coming to him, you know this”   

He was right, Thor knew he was right and he hissed in rage and turned away, striding to one side, then the other, then ran a hand over his head and exhaled.

He stood still and just breathed for a few minutes, feeling Fandral come over to him, place a hand on his shoulder.

“Come” his friend said gently “let us go to my home. We will be calm there”

Thor nodded wordlessly and obeyed, following his friend through the London streets, silently back to his townhouse.

He was sure he was calm, so when, back at his home, Fandral placed a glass of port in his _shaking_ hand, Thor was surprised. He looked at his hand as though stunned, shocked by its presence.

Fandral sighed sadly “Just have a drink, calm yourself, alright?”

His friend had been hurt and he needed to calm down before they spoke. Thor did as he was told and Fandral filled his glass up again, though Thor didn’t drink it right off.

“How could you let him say that to you?” Thor glared at him “what he implied…”

Fandral shrugged “It wasn’t worth reacting to”

“He implied you were sleeping with me for money!” Thor snapped “then he called you a whore!”

“We all know the kind of language he uses” Fandral said gently “no one believed him, trust me. He only made himself a fool”

“He insulted you” Thor said “does that not bother you?”

“It does, greatly” Fandral told him, gracefully sinking into his own seat “But giving him the opportunity to see it would only make him say it more. We let it go and he will stop”

Thor scoffed and shook his head “He won’t stop, he’s … just the worst”

“Agreed” Fandral smirked “another drink?”

Thor shook his head “I would love to, but I must head back. Father has been left alone long enough and I do not like him being alone with that bastard”

Fandral raised a brow “The bastard? You refer to Loki?”

“Who else?” Thor growled “he took Balder’s rooms”

That made Fandral go very still “I beg your pardon?”

Thor nodded grimly “He was living in my dead brother’s chambers, touching his things, staying where he had been, he dared to do that”

Fandral had gone very pale and grit his jaw “I take back the teasing. He is a bastard if he dared that”

He threw his drink down his throat, then stood to get another. There was an edge to him that hadn’t been there before and he took another drink, far too upset.

And Thor felt guilty.

“Forgive me, I didn’t meant to upset you” Thor said softly “I know he was your friend, too”

“Aye” Fandral came to sit back down “he was”

Their sadness was shared between them and though Thor wanted to stay here, he had to depart. It was still daylight outside and he wanted to get home before dark.

“Farewell my friend” Thor grasped Fandral’s arm “I shall visit you again tomorrow. Try not to burn your servants again”

Even though his eyes were sad, Thor saw Fandral smile at him and he shoved him back “Leave. Get home safely”

“I intend to” Thor tipped his hat to him “later, then”

“Later, Thor”

Thor waved him goodbye and made his way back home, his mood still dark. He wanted to get to Sigurd so badly, he wanted to strangle him until he stopped breathing, to trample him with Svadilfari’s hooves, to brain him upon the pavement he now walked on.

His grip on his walking stick was tight and he kept striking the edge of the pavement with it whenever he got frustrated, which was a lot.

By the time he got home, the end of his walking stick was splintered and he handed it to Heimdall the moment he opened the door.

“Afternoon, Sir” Heimdall said “lunch is almost ready, where do you wish to have it?”

“Father’s rooms” Thor shrugged off his cloak and coat “Is he better?”

“Yes, sir, he is” Heimdall took his things “he’s been asking about you”

“Then I shall go to him, excuse me” Thor walked to the stairs, undoing his cravat as he did so

He could hear Odin talking to someone and he knew instantly who it was. He would recognize that voice anywhere.

Thor made no secret of his arrival and he smirked when he heard their voices silence just before he walked into the room.

Sure enough, Loki was there, a game of chess set beside the bed alongside a chair. Odin had on his spectacles and looked up when Thor walked in.

“You’re home” he smiled “did your day go well?”

No, I ran into the monster that killed Balder

“Yes, very” Thor went to him, ignoring Loki as he stood by, to kiss his father on the head “Aer you better?”

“I have been sleeping as much as I want and no one comes to disturb me, yes I am definitely better” Odin smiled, holding his arm “Have you had lunch?”

“I was going to ask you the same” Thor said “Do you mind if I have it here?”

“Not at all” Odin moved his feet “Sit, watch us play, I am winning wonderfully”

Loki hesitated.

Their last encounter was still in his mind and by the look Thor gave him, it was in his mind, too. He remained standing a moment, but Thor said nothing, so he gingerly sat in his chair again to pick up his piece.

“You look parched, Loki” Thor mocked “do you need water?”

The glare Loki threw his way was absolutely priceless and Thor reveled in it before he sat back to watch them play.

Loki had Odin trapped and he knew what he was doing, the valet was clever. But Thor stayed silent, watching the game go on and on until Odin found himself trapped by Loki’s pieces.

“What happened?” Thor poked Odin “I thought you were winning wonderfully”

Odin gaped at the pieces, then at Loki “How did you do that?”

Loki shrugged and smiled “I have no idea”

“Liar” Thor chuckled

But Odin sighed before Loki could speak

“Very well, a deal is a deal” the earl said “You have the night to yourself”

Thor looked at him, surprised “You were playing for wagers?”

“Yes” Odin smiled “Loki said he wanted a day off, I told him to defeat me and he will get it”

Thor grimaced “Wonderful, my father is a punter”

Odin gasped “I am not a punter, there is no money involved”

Thor rolled his eyes, pat his leg and stood “Loki, since you are no ordinary valet, why don’t you tell them to serve us dinner?”

There was no kindness in his tone but Loki only stood, bowed to them and left the room.

Odin shook his head at his stubborn son “Must you be cruel to him? He told me what you did to him last night”

Thor grinned, clearly still pleased with himself “The snitch.”

“Thor, that wasn’t nice” Odin reprimanded softly

“Neither was his taking Balder’s rooms” Thor countered

So that’s what this was about, then, Odin realized. He sighed and let it go with an irritated wave of his hand. A hand that Thor caught and held on to when Odin tried to pull away.

“Thor” he pulled “stop it, you are being ….”

He tried to yank it back but Thor grinned, holding on and not letting go. Odin tried to move his fingers and pull away but the right menace held on no matter what!

“God above, you are so _aggravating_!”

Thor laughed and released it, watching Odin slip it under the covers

“You are so easily bothered” he teased

“By _you_ ” Odin told him “Why are you in this mood?”

Thor shrugged “I have no idea”

“Grow up, please” Odin said “I was safer when you were a grown man”

That only made Thor smile wider, but he behaved, going to change into something more casual before dinner. His mood was decent as he went to his rooms and opened his wardrobe.

There were casual shirts hung for him, opened at the front and the loose trousers he preferred. He pulled them out and was placing them to the side when his eyes fell on his mother’s jewelry box.

He kept it here, with him, all her prized things in it. He didn’t open it, not unless he yearned for her so greatly that he needed to. But knowing it was here, waiting to comfort him, was support for him indeed.

He closed the wardrobe door and took his shirt off, tossing it carelessly on the bed. He was about to put on his fresh, clean, sweet smelling one when he heard his door open. Loki walked in with a fresh batch of bed linens and he stilled when he saw Thor, bare to the waist, looking at him.

“Forgive me” Loki lowered his gaze “I only came to change these”

Thor raised a brow and stepped away from the bed “Go right ahead”

Thor let no maid in his rooms, his valet had done this before, now Loki would. He wore his shirt and watched Loki take the used sheets off and toss them aside to be taken away after and placed the new ones on the bed.

He was stylish, Thor had never seen a valet that looked the way Loki did. His clothes were pressed and clean, his hair pulled back into a knot, his hands soft, free of hard labor, he was the epitome of perfection.

Too bad he was rotten to the core.

Thor took his trousers and went to change behind his screen, leaving Loki be. He was quick about it and when he walked out, Loki was fixing up the bed, then bent to pick up the dirty sheets, carrying them out to give to the washing maid.

He ignored Thor entirely and Thor knew the reason why.

Chuckling to himself, Thor made his way to his father’s room, where he could already smell the delicious dinner their cook had made.

***

Even the sounds from afar were vulgar. The rancorous laughter always got to him more than the comments. It made him think he wasn’t even worth the words the no doubt thought of him. It burned him badly, yet he could say nothing.

It was what he was paid for after all.

He had done what he was told to do, to come here, to make these lecherous men and women happy, to have their hands on him and then leave them in peace.

He got none of it and tonight, he was already touchy and angry, the events of the whole twenty four hours were unpleasant, at best.

So he stood outside now, took a break before he had to go back in and perform again. He was sure there would be more laughter, more mocking, more grabbing…

His chest hurt and he inhaled a deep breath to calm himself, then exhaled, looking at the sick black streets of this part of London.

No respectable man came to these clubs. They were filled to the brim with madness and sickness. Those who had no one, those who hurt and killed, who had lost the will to live, those who sought cheap thrills, all of them came here.

Wrestling, drinking, gambling, women, men, dancers, monsters, all of them mingled here and he was in the middle of it.

Tied here by his wrists for what seemed like the rest of his life.

He was owned here, by those that ran this place and he could do nothing until they surrendered the one leverage they had over him.

Once he had that in his possession, he would burn these rotten buildings to the ground. He would stomp on the ashes left behind even if it burnt his feet.

It was what he looked forward to.

It was chilly and he hadn’t brought out a coat as he stood in the alley, looking far ahead where the lights formed a dome around the good people living in London. People who had never seen this, people who never would.

A door opened behind him and the voices and malicious laughter filled the air before it closed again.

Footsteps made their way forward and he felt the distinct chill that accompanied the presence he hated most.

But he didn’t turn around, not even when the presence was pressed to his back.

“You left rather quickly, Loki” his voice rumbled “is all well?”

He took in the robe Loki wore, a garment he used in between performances, and smiled. He loved seeing him like this.

It made him think of him as a woman.

“Where is Helblindi?” Loki asked coldly

The man smiled “Safe, if that is what you ask”

He raised a hand and placed it over Loki’s shoulder, then smiled as the younger man spun away from him, turning and heading back to the club without another word.

Ronan scoffed and shook his head, his unnatural eyes nearly purple in this light. He followed Loki, knowing he had little to nowhere to go.

Loki had been given his own dressing chamber for his privacy, but as far as he was concerned, it was always open to him.

“Oh come now, darling, do not be like that” he grabbed the knob and turned

It stuck – Loki had locked it.

All mirth fled from his eyes and he grit his jaw.

“Loki, open this door” he ordered “Loki!”

He heard no answer and he snarled, storming to the side. The servants and staff around moved away, jumped out of his path, not willing to test his anger.

He was their owner, after all.

They watched the drama unfold, watched him go to his office, bring out the key to Loki’s room and unlock the door, then stride in.

Loki was washing his face inside, hidden behind the screen, so he wasn’t immediately visible.

“Loki!”

The young man startled and he stared through the lattice as this demon, this absolute monster came at him.

“Ronan”

The voice was soft, a command that chilled the bones of everyone around, including Ronan’s. He turned to glare at the large man at the door.

“What?”

Thanos shook his head “Leave him be, he has to perform and he can’t do anything if he has a bruised face”

The cruelty stung, but at least Ronan backed away, which Loki was sure he wouldn’t have done if Thanos hadn’t been here. He moved aside as the hot headed man left the room and looked at the screen, as though he could see through it.

“Hurry up” he commanded “and after you are done, I wish to have you in my chambers”

Any and all hope of being left alone slipped from Loki and he ducked his head in shame and rage and helplessness.

He waited until Thanos left, then straightened his resolve and washed up. His movements were unconsciously done, his mind was far too numb because of the prospect of where he would spend the night.

It was terrible, his performance was flawed but the patrons were far too deep in their drinks to care, though those who picked their pockets knew.

No doubt, he would hear about it later as he pranced and twirled on the stage like the strumpet they called him. Their names hurt, their gazes hurt, yet the smile stayed on his face as he went from patron to patron, feeling their hands pull at him, his body, his clothes…

It ruined him and once he could, he fled from there, yanking everything he was forced to wear off and tossing it so the floor in his room. He had fresh clothes, clothes he liked, and he donned them, packed his bag up and tried to escape before Thanos decided he really wanted him. The man always said things like this to him, but once Loki was out of sight, he would forget it.

The upside of being ‘pretty’ was that he was wanted only when he was seen, not before or after.

He had barely taken two steps from his room when his path was blocked and he looked up at Thanos, who had a knowing smile on his lips.

“Trying to make me forget?” he purred, then clicked his tongue “that’s not nice at all, now, is it?”

Loki was tense, he wanted so desperately to back away from his hand when Thanos took a hold of his jaw, but he was forbidden. By the life at stake, he was forbidden to step back.

And Thanos knew.

“Come” he wrapped an arm around his waist and led him out “we shall go home tonight, away from all these people, just the way you like”

Just the way he hated it, Loki thought to himself, but he didn’t dare open his mouth. He walked with his head ducked, thinking about a place where he would be safe, where he wouldn’t be harmed or touched the way he was touched tonight.

It came as a shock to him to realize that place was next to Odin, beside his rooms, in Balder’s rooms, covered in gentleness, in safety, in peace.

That was where he felt safest and it stung that he couldn’t be there, all because of this monster, this bastard currently leading him to his large carriage.

It was an intimidating thing, parked outside, ready to go. Large and black, his insignia embossed on either side, it was a terror for Loki and for those that crossed its path at night.

Thanos had run over more than one person without regard.

His footmen were the same, dressed black, faceless to Loki despite them being human. They were frightening to him and he didn’t look at them as they opened the door for him and he climbed into the carriage, holding his belongings tightly to his chest. He heard Thanos whisper to them – he didn’t recognize the language – and then get in after.

His eyes were focused on Loki, who was in the farthest corner, trying to get as much distance as he could between the two of them. No matter, Thanos knew the boy would do as he asked no matter what.

The carriage jolted and Loki held on to this things like a lifeline.

So, just to be cruel, Thanos slowly undid the drapes at his side, then reached over to do Loki’s watching the man close his eyes in despair.

“I do not think we need anyone to see this next part” Thanos grasped his arm and tugged.

There was hesitation, there always was, he knew Loki didn’t want it.

“Come, pet” he teased, pulling his bag from his arms and placing it aside so he could press Loki against him “do what are skilled to do”

Loki didn’t look at him, his eyes were prickling and he wasn’t about to cry in front of this monster. He let Thanos put his hands on his shoulders and lower him to his knees between his large legs. He felt a hand pet his head, then the unmistakable sound of his breeches being opened.

Loki shut his eyes and sent up a prayer to anyone who was listening to him.

***

Morning brought little reprieve for him.

It didn’t matter if he was late to get to Asgard or not, it didn’t matter if he was unwilling or sore or tired…

All that mattered was Thanos’ pleasure, Thanos’s desires.

All Loki had to do was fulfill them.

And he was tolerating it, looking at the ceiling and waiting as Thanos took from his body his own pleasure, his hands held down by Thanos’ larger ones, his body littered with bite marks and bruises wherever Thanos saw fit to place them.

He covered Loki with them and then, as a final degradation, shoved him out of the bed.

“Get out” he ordered “I wish to rest”

“As you wish” Loki said

“And lose weight. God knew it was as though I was touching a pig” Thanos said, half asleep.

His cruelty made Loki recoil from him, but the man had no remorse on his face.

“Don’t lose that post, you know what is at stake” was the last thing Thanos said as he pulled the covers over his head.

He did know and Thanos dismissed him after, eager to get to rest.

Loki did, too. But there would be none for him tonight.

He dressed up carefully, aware of his sore bottom, his thighs and the deep pain inside his body, leaving him tender. Once he was dressed, he took a hackney and made his way back to Asgard. The knots in his stomach began to loosen the further away he was from Thanos and inside the dirty, dingy thing, he caught his first true breath of relief.

He didn’t care if he was tired, or if his body was sore, all he wanted was a bath and the safety that this incident guaranteed him – at least for a few days.

He would be left to himself for a few days.

Then he could lick his wounds and compose himself for the past two days were not kind to him.

He watched the landscape of the poor change to those who were expensive. They had better clothes, better smiles, better eyes, everything was better. Even their walk was better, carefree, tender…sensitive.

Loki envied them, he wanted to be left as carefree as that, he wanted to get what Thanos promised him every time he went to him.

He wanted his brother.

And he wanted his freedom.

Holding his bag to, Helblindi’s bag, to his chest, Loki watched the landscape sail past him, completely fine with staring at the burred grass, the roads, the sky, the people, until the hackney began to slow down.

It stopped a little ways from Asgard, not wishing to intrude on the huge property and Loki didn’t mine. A walk could do him good.

Loki dug into his pocket for his coins and pulled out a few, stepped off the hackney to hand them to the rider.

“Thank you, Sir” the man tipped his dirty hat to him “Have a good day”

“You too,” Loki said, waving him away, then turned towards the estate.

It was a long walk but he cherished it, pushing his hand into his pocket as he made his way back, his no hat this time, his coat not as grand at the one hanging inside the room he shared with – whatever his name was.

The gravel and dirt crunched beneath his feet as he walked onwards, spotting a few gardeners tending to the extensive lawns and a few maids chatting and having a picnic during their lunch hour.

Ah, so that was what the time was – very late.

Loki tried not to hate Thanos more than he already did, failed and shook his head, imagining ways to kill that notorious bastard.

There was no escaping him even in his head.

It filled Loki with despair.

He knew he would likely have to listen to Odin chide him for being late but he preferred that over the berating that his stupid new master would give him.

Thor – the epitome of pilgarlic if Loki had ever seen one.

Noisy, entitled, stupid, selfish, spoiled and a lunatic.

Loki couldn’t wait till his own valet returned and he could go back to serving Odin. God knew things were so much easier then.

Loki didn’t use the front entrance, he slipped in through the kitchens and ignored the hostile looks he got. They all hated him, he knew, but his stomach rumbled when the scent of good food came to him and he halted so see what they were making.

Even if he could not have it, he lingered and clearly, it was disliked.

“It is not lunch” the cook snapped in a second “Get yourself out, you should have been here earlier if you wanted to eat”

As if he was allowed to from this day on.

Loki’s lips tightened and he glowered at the floor as he walked out, wishing he could stomp away, but unable to express his anger.

He wouldn’t be able to stop if he let it out.

He could hear voices and he did his best to ignore them, wishing to get to his bath.

“Loki?”

Loki heaved a long suffering sigh and stopped with one hand on the rails and his foot in the first step. He spun to face Heimdall, who was coming over to him.

“Lord Odin wants to talk to you, come along, he’s been waiting long enough”

A strong sense of dread coiled in Loki’s stomach, especially when Heimdall put an arm around his shoulders and led him to the study where Thor, Odin and a couple stood, someone Loki had never met before.

“Loki” Odin looked relieved and grim at the same time “Sir, my lady, this is Loki, he shared a room with Robert”

Ah, yes, Robert, that was his name, Loki thought, but even though he now knew that, things looked as foreboding as ever. The parents of his room mate turned to him, their eyes desperate.

Thor was quiet, too, as was Heimdall, but thankfully Odin was there to explain.

It did nothing for Loki’s unease.

“Loki, Robert was found hanging from the rafters in your room this morning” Odin told him, his tone filled with stunned grief

Loki froze, his breath caught in his throat and he paled “W-What?”

“His parents wish to know if he said anything to you, anything that would make you think he would kill himself” Odin said

His face pale, he turned to the couple, mutely shaking his head. He looked at Heimdall, then Thor, then Odin.

There had to be an answer

“What …When…?”

“You were close to him?” Robert’s mother asked “Did you talk?”

“N-No, Madam, I am sorry, I we didn’t much talk, both of us were usually tired” he breathed “I’m so sorry”

He felt a tight lump in his throat and in the back of his mind, a nasty thought came to him.

Thanos

It had to be him, how else would Loki’s room mate die? How else!? The man had no history of depression, no intent, if anything, he was happy, he talked about it … about getting married, perhaps?

Loki’s knees felt weak and because of the past few days, he thought he was going to be sick

“Thor, aid him out, please” Odin ordered his son softly

Loki heard only the muffled timbre of his voice, then felt a large hand close around his arm, right over the marks Thanos has left on him.

He gasped and recoiled violently, snatching his arm away, staring at Thor, his eyes shocked.

Thor was just as stunned, as was everyone in the room, struck by his reaction.

“Forgive me” Loki breathed, stepping back “I can – I can leave by myself, thank you”

He turned on his heel and walked out, staring at the floor.

Outside, he made for the stairs, waiting till he was alone before he flat out ran into his taken rooms as fast as he could. There was no one there, not at this hour, and Loki headed straight for his room, wanting to see something others would never see or even think of.

He tossed his bag aside and went straight to the window, unlatching it and pushing it up.

And there is was – the evidence.

A boot print, right before the window. It was at the back of the house and it was clear no one had seen it, but Loki knew.

He knew who had done this, he knew.

He placed a hand over his mouth, tried not to panic and went to sit on the bed, his body trembling.

They had been here – this was a message.

This had been a message for him, for _Loki_.

They would do the same for him if he dared to fight, dared to question, dared to speak.

This was a message just for him.

Loki didn’t know how long he sat there, but eventually, he forced himself to get up and pulled out a wash cloth from their laundry. Without a thought spared, he went to the window, opened it and climbed on the small ledge the murderer had gotten in through so he could wipe the print off.

It was gone in moments, but the pressure it left on his chest wouldn’t leave him – not for a long time.

They left him alone for the rest of the day, apparently after his reaction, Odin had ordered it, but Loki couldn’t rest, he just couldn’t.

He knew word would spread the next morning and that he would probably have a lot of sleepless nights, wondering what the hell Thanos was going to do.

He tossed and he turned in the empty room, devoid of hope and life, to him.

No one wanted to sleep there and no one was willing to let Loki share their rooms, so he had no choice. He was going to sleep right there – where Robert was killed.

Or so he thought.

For Loki couldn’t sleep, his mind was a tangle of fear and worry, he kept looking at the window over and over, expecting his nightmare to be standing there, read to come in and do what he wanted to him.

Thanos was a monster, a true demon and he had gotten what he wanted.

Loki was frightened.

He was scared for himself and for Helblindi, if Thanos was capable of murder.

Every thump, thud and groan had Loki on edge and even though he was stronger than most, he couldn’t take it.

It was past midnight again, when Loki slipped down, avoiding the spot where the remnants of a frayed rope still hung above, then pulled on his robe to go out.

Everyone was sleeping, it was late, so Loki made no sound. He was barefoot as he went downstairs, no candle in his hand.

It was freezing and the wooden window frames groaned and moaned, lending the house an eerie sort of aura. It never occurred to him till then how intimidating and imposing the inside of this house was. Every shadow seemed to move, every light seemed like a blade to a knife coming for him.

Next time, it could be him.

He didn’t really know where he was heading. He didn’t want to go to the kitchens, for it would only make him eat, he didn’t wish to have a repeat of last time and he didn’t want to roam the empty house by himself.

It gave him far too many thoughts and memories.

The wind picked up a little outside and Loki had his answer. With purpose now, Loki headed down into the lobby so he could use the servant’s entrance to walk out.

He unlocked it and the moment he opened the door, freezing winds and the lightest of rain assailed him. The candle went out in his hand and he placed it aside, walking barefoot on the dew dusted grass. It was white, giving the entire scene an element of magic as Loki walked over the grass, the chill hitting him the moment his feet were wet enough.

The rain landed on his lashes and his hair and Loki spread his arms, taking in the cold, cold elements. He was shivering and surely he would fall ill if he stayed here too long, but for the moment he didn’t care.

He was doing something he wanted and he wasn’t in that blasted room! He could hear the wind shouting in his ears, shutting out the world that caused him pain and he shut his eyes, embracing the cold.

He didn’t expect it to embrace him back.

Someone grabbed his arm and true horror broke over Loki, he tried to yank it back, but the man shook him, held him tighter and before he knew it, he was pulled towards a pair of stunningly angry blue eyes and unforgettable blonde hair.

“Are you mad!?” Thor called over the wind “You will kill yourself!”

Loki was so damn stunned, he let Thor pulled him back into the house and close the door, locking it firmly. Inside, there was a candle on the table beside Loki’s and Thor’s face looked livid in the light and shade is cast.

“What the bloody hell is the matter with you?” he asked “Why did you go out there?”

Loki wanted to reply, he really did, but he started to shiver, he looked at Thor, his entire body shaking so much that Thor cursed himself and his luck and Loki.

“You are so…frustrating!” Thor snarled, grabbed him by the wrist and started to move him

Loki was slow, it took Thor forever to get him upstairs, but when they reached the servant’s stairway, Loki dug his heels in.

“N-No,” he whispered “Not there”

“Well, I am not taking you to Balder’s room” Thor glared

Loki shook his head “H-He died there…”

He expected no mercy, he expected Thor to push him in there and stuff him into his room where Loki would lose his mind and he tensed in preparation when Thor’s grip tightened.

But then, perhaps for the first time, Loki saw Thor’s expression soften. Gone was the anger and rage he always saw when Thor looked at him, replaced by something akin to sympathy.

He sighed and released the tight hold he had on Loki’s arm “Come on, there is a fire in my chambers, you can sleep there”

He nudged him between the shoulders to make him turn about, then led him to his chambers, keeping a hand at the small of Loki’s back.

Thor’s room was so blessedly warm that Loki couldn’t help but go to fall to his knees before the fire. He was shivering badly now and Thor shook his head, mumbling under his breath when he brought him a thick shawl to drape over him.

“Take that off, it’s drenched” Thor told him

He waited until Loki tossed his robe aside and then rubbed his arms. Thor placed the shawl around Loki’s shoulders and watched as he held it tighter, moving closer to the fire.

The young man sighed and looked around, spotting an uncomfortable chair in the corner. It was impossible to sit in much less sleep and he looked to the bed.

Then he looked at Loki.

“Stay here and don’t move” he told him, turning on his heel to leave the room.

Loki was more than happy to obey and stayed there, sliding closer to the fire. The crackling and hissing soothed his frayed mind and slowly, Loki became coherent enough to wonder how the hell Thor found him.

He looked to the windows and realized they overlooked the spot Loki had been standing in. the window was unlatched, left that way hastily when Thor realized opening it and calling out to Loki hadn’t worked.

He had likely closed it to run down to get to his father’s valet.

But what Loki wanted to know was why?

There was no love lost between them, no care, no affection, nothing was between them.

Yet, Thor had come to him when no one else did.

Probably because he was already awake…

Loki’s stomach rumbled loudly and he eyed the fruit placed on Thor’s table longingly. They looked tempting and Loki looked to the door, seeing no one. He moved to pick up an apple and pocketed it, just as Thor returned.

He had a thin single mattress and a clean pillow.

“You will not speak of this” Thor told him, setting them away from the fire and closer to the bed “And this will only happen tonight”

Loki nodded somberly, watching Thor set his bed, place a thick blanket on as recompense for the thinness of the bedding.

“There” he straightened “Get in and sleep”

“Yes, my lord” Loki whispered

Thor spared no more talk on him and went to slide under his own covers, leaving Loki to sleep if he wanted. Loki stayed awake by the fire till he was dry, then put it out – the room was warm enough by now – so he could get into his temporary bed.

Only when he was under the covers and heard Thor snore did he pull out the apple and started to eat it. He was so hungry, but he was told to lose weight.

It crushed him, how he didn’t control anything in his life, how other’s dictated even this, even Thor and Odin.

It was a cruel world for him and a life that matched it, Loki knew.

But there had to be an end to this, there had to be.

***

Word spread quickly about what had happened in Asgard and by noon the next day, everyone was talking about it – very loudly.

Thor was once more walking with Fandral, their hats stop their heads, their horses walked on either side of them as the two held their respective reins.

Fandral knew Thor was irritated and kept his usual teasing to a minimum, not willing to aggravate his state.

That and the fact that his own mood was sour from yesterday put a silence between the long time friends.

It was, for once, welcome by them both because they were both lost in their own thoughts, their own predicaments.

Thor nibbled on his lip and Fandral kept flicking his walking stick, neither knew what to say to the other.

But eventually even their thoughts grew depressed and Fandral inhaled, the sound giving Thor hope that perhaps they would talk now.

“How is your father?” Fandral asked “improving?”

“He is, thank goodness” Thor told him far too eagerly “he’s walking about now, rather likes showing the scar he has on his head, he’s eating up the attention”

Fandral smiled “That’s good”

Thor nodded and silence fell between them again, tough, resilient and bent on making their time with each other as uncomfortable as possible.

Thor had no desire to talk and Fandral didn’t seem to know what to say.

It wasn’t the best combination, but it seemed that mercy was on their way over.

They heard the clopping of hooves behind them and moved to the side to let the carriage and horses pass. But they stopped when the carriage slowed beside them and two very familiar women called out to them.

“Sirs”

It took Thor a moment to recognize them and he almost groaned when he realized these were the damsels he and Fandral had rescued.

Fandral recognized them as well and took his hat off in respect, then gave Thor a nudge when he didn’t immediately do the same.

Containing his sigh, Thor reached up to take his hat off and set it to his chest.

“My ladies” Thor smiled “How are you doing?”

“Poorly, Sir” the smaller one, petite and lovely looking, spoke “you did such a service to us and we never even knew who you were”

“It was impossible to find you” the one behind her with large spectacles said “No one seemed willing to help us locate you”

They were beautiful, both of them, Thor wouldn’t doubt. Especially the petite one. She had shapely brown eyes, beautiful hair and a voice that had him listening for once.

Fandral seemed pretty taken by her, too, stepping closer and looking up at them.

“We are glad to see both of you well” Fandral said “I pray nothing was out of sorts?”

“Nothing other than our hearts” the petite one said “I swear I had to stay in bed for two days after that incident, my legs shook so.”

Thor hummed “We are happy that you are out and about then …Lady…?”

“Oh” she said, taking her cue “Lady Jane Foster. I am Colonel Foster’s daughter”

Colonel Foster… Thor had heard of him. He died a few years back if he was not mistaken. He didn’t know he had a daughter.

“Pleasure to meet, my lady” Thor took her stretched delicate hand and kissed the back of it

Fandral did the same with the other, Miss Darcy Lewis, Lady Jane’s companion.

They had been on a ride that morning and something spooked the horses, it seemed. The ladies dismounted and had the carriage park so they accompanied the two men, chatting politely.

It would have been no large issue. But being who he was, the moment they stepped into the park, much to Thor’s dislike, Jane looped her arm through his and held on.

Everyone was staring at them, their conversation twisting to gossip and Thor knew it was about him. They were all talking about him, about Jane and their association.

And as they went to the other end of the park Thor already felt as though they gossip had caused them to be betrothed.

He almost scoffed at the pathetic element of it all.

He saw mothers talk to their daughter and saw the jealous jut of their daughters’ jaws, the anger in their eyes, the hostility against Jane, everything.

It was, Thor realized, much like a forest. Territories, matches, jealousies, sneaky tactics, everything belonged to the wild and Thor was more than happy to leave Jane in the thick of it.

He had no designs on her and he made it absolutely clear when they finished their walk and he bowed to her.

He didn’t kiss her hand, eh didn’t much smile at her and escaped quickly enough for it to be deemed rude.

Something Fandral instantly called him out on.

“You could have tried to be more civil” he said softly “I know things are hard for you right now…”

“Getting harder, still” Thor said “it is like my coming back and destroyed everything. I have half a mind to leave again”

Fandral’s face turned sad “It will do no one, including yourself any good. This time shall pass, my friend, hardships only last when they break those they settle upon and you are far from fragile”

Thor looked at him, his words appreciated and touching. They comforted him and Thor sighed.

“Thank you, my friend” he said “I will keep your words in mind”

Fandral smiled at him and pat him on the back, then led him to the markets again – something about new beakers, Thor wasn’t listening.

His head had gone back home and to the chaos that still likely contaminated Loki’s heart.

He knew the boy hadn’t slept all night, he could hear him toss and turn. And once, he woke to something suspiciously close to weeping. He hadn’t checked nor did he wish to, he placed a pillow over his head to block it out.

When he woke next, Loki and the bedding were gone, leaving Thor alone in his rooms.

He hadn’t seen him as he left and thought perhaps he’d been brave enough to sleep in his own chambers finally.

Yet, in his heart he knew it was not true – Loki was suffering.

And it was only when he entered his home that night that he saw how much he was suffering. His eyes were sunken in, he looked sick and once more, Thor felt sympathy for him.

But Thor didn’t say a word, not a peep came from him even though it was clear Loki was sick. Thor talked to Odin, had his dinner, his port, then went upstairs to his room to sleep.

At least that was what he told everyone.

But even hours after he had excused himself to sleep and late into the night, he was awake, much the way he had been last night. His candle burned and lit the room as he worked on his latest piece.

His trip to America had been bountiful in one thing – time. And in that time he had mastered something he never thought he could. Something if anyone saw him doing would mock him with for the rest of his life.

It was considered beneath him to do this, but it calmed im and he couldn’t sleep, not without this.

Thor lay in bed, his pillows supporting his back, his legs bent to form a support for the ring that held his cloth in place. His fingers were nimble, working fast and soothing, creating cross stitch pattern over the grey cloth.

This was a balm to his heart, to his spirit, and it was something that made him feel his mother’s hands over his own, guiding him to work and be patience while he did. This was what he hid from the world, from even his own father.

His creations were all kept pristine, in frames all around his bedchambers. He never talked about them or about how they would increase every so often. No one mentioned them, no one knew.

But there they all were – his patterns, his practice, his love, his care and his pain. They were all scattered around the room, giving him the comfort he sought after Frigga died, filling him with the patience to keep going.

They had no theme, they ranged from flowers to geometric patterns, to even letters, expertly made, utterly beautiful.

His, all of this was his. He created them, he was proud of them all.

Even a childish one, his first complete piece, which was framed at his bedside. It was a portrait, as best he could have done, of a man with maroon skin and a gem in his forehead.

When Thor was alone, his imagination had run wild and this was one of his favorite pieces to date. He was still excessively fond of it, but no one knew.

The current pattern he was working on was a flower, the threads criss crossed perfectly and Thor felt every movement of his fingers, from then he tugged and pulled at the needle, calm another part of his body.

He was relaxing.

Which was why he startled when someone knocked on the door and shoved the thing under his pillow, out of sight.

“Who’s there?” Thor called sternly

There was silence a moment, so long that Thor stood to open it before a voice came to him.

“Loki, sir”

Now that was unexpected.

Thor got to his feet and dragged himself unwillingly to the door. He opened it and found Loki standing there, holding the bedding Thor had given to him the night before.

He looked tired and exhausted and a thought came to Thor then, making him wonder if Loki was eating or not.

He didn’t know where it came from, but it did and it melted the resolve he’d raised the instant he saw him and decided not to let him in.

“Please?” Loki asked softly

Thor inhaled deeply, then nodded, stepped back to allow Loki in. And Loki went in gratefully, setting his bed on the floor so he could sleep.

Thor turned out the candle once Loki was done, stoked the dead fire, then slipped back into bed. He could hear Loki moving about and Thor had just placed his work carefully into his drawer when he heard Loki speak.

“Thank you, sir”

Thor pressed his lips together and set his head down

“Go to sleep”

He didn’t hear Loki answer and he didn’t say another word, choosing instead, to focus on falling asleep, with this strange young man in his rooms.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, should I add a non - con warning after this?


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki gets broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beware the Archive Warnings on this one, please

Thor had moments where he could be genuinely amusing to others if he wished it. Today, he was the subject of amusement to his long time friend, who was constantly trying to hide his smile behind his elegantly gloved hand. The pale ocher of his warm glove did nothing to hide the laughing grin behind it as Fandral listened to his conversation with Jane.

Darcy was, of course, by Fandral’s side, all four of them sitting in a rich club, enjoying themselves with their afternoon tea. Thor, who preferred not to have boiling hot liquid in such a steaming day, was gulping down cups of the stuff just so he wouldn’t have to reply to Jane’s questions and chattering.

He couldn’t really help it, Jane’s conversation was just so _boring_! She had talked about three different kinds of cross stitch, her current battle with sketching, her dancing abilities and the books she was reading. For a moment it seemed that she might have said something interesting when she mentioned Shakespeare, but it was only to point out that her parents had forbidden her to read them because they were far to immodest.

After that, Thor had only prayed for patience.

He had been sent here, to this torture chamber when Odin decided to be a total bastard and abandon both him and Fandral here. The two had decided to take Odin with them to this nice little establishment for some sweets and conversation. It was nothing too exciting, but it would show Society that Odin was fine and cease all talk of Thor gaining the earldom. Odin has been happy, too, he met his friends and acquaintances and already had two invitations to private soirees taking place in the coming two weeks.

Thor had no doubts that he would be accompanying his father to those, too.

He was talking about those to Odin and trying to think of a way to get out of it when he heard an unwelcome and very familiar voice rise from around the corner. Thor raised his eyes and saw Jane walk over, Darcy at her side.

Thor tipped his head low, trying to hide his face but it seemed this was an orchestrated meeting and the orchestrator was none other than his own damn father!

Thor watched in stunned silence as Odin pretended to feel ill and made his escape, taking their carriage and Thor’s escape with him. And the fact that he had basically invited Jane and Darcy to sit here with Thor and Fandral was just icing on this terrible, terrible cake.

God above, he couldn’t help but let his mind wander and wondered what Sif would think of this. She lived in the woods, she wore trousers and she practiced with a bow and arrow.

Jane loved the cushioned, luxury that came with living in High Society, Sif loved the sea. The last Thor had heard of her, she was sailing the seas as a pirate Captain, looting those that came to her in her much feared ship known as the Valkyrie. He’d heard many speak of her and in his heart, he felt proud of her, of commanding her own armada of pirates in a time when women could barely dream of the lives they wanted.

He knew they would meet again, Sif had promised, he wondered when it would be.

If nothing else, it would at least give him reprieve from Jane’s ever so boring problems.

The gentle tinkle of a cup being set on the saucer brought him back to the world and he found himself looking into Jane’s large eyes as she waited for his answer.

An answer to a question he hadn’t even heard.

Fandral looked so damn entertained Thor wanted to smack his fist into his face, but it would not do.

The table and linens were too delicate for such a brawl.

“Um” Thor frowned “Yes?”

Fandral turned his snort into a cough and Jane beamed

“Excellent!” she clapped her hands together “I will send word out before the invitations, everyone will be so thrilled! A ball with Lord Asgard will be bound to have Society notice”

Thor’s ever so not interested smile fell off his face and he looked at Fandral, who was in both parts laughing and sympathetic. His blue eyes were filled with mirth, but when the women began to chitter, both of them making plans without their male companions, even that mirth faded to sympathy.

Jane seemed so incompatible with him that Thor was amazed his father even tried to insinuate that they should spend time together. She seemed to be inclined to have only the politest of affection, nothing like Thor was attracted to.

And that night, as dinner was being taken away, he brought it up with Odin.

“Are you truly serious about Jane?” Thor asked softly

Odin looked at him, surprised “You’re not?”

Thor chuckled and shook his head “No, Father. She is a good woman, elegant and sweet, but far, far from my tastes”

“And your tastes are what, exactly?” Odin asked

Thor shrugged “I have no clue. But I know I feel more for this pudding than I do for her”

Odin looked at him, then the dessert, then discreetly pulled it back, making Thor laugh.

“Not…” Thor broke off “Forget it. She can try as much as she wants, I have little to no inclination towards her”

“How broken hearted she will be” Odin said, helping himself to some of the pudding “oh well, it will end well for her, I suppose. She is handsome enough to attract just about anyone she wishes”

“Possibly” Thor nudged his dessert bowl over “Some for me, please”

Odin did so, giving him a spoon afterwards as father and son sat to enjoy their treat.

“By the by” Thor said “Heimdall said he’d hired someone to fill Robert’s post. Is it not too soon?”

“It’s been a week” Odin shrugged “And the Runners have been here, they said there was no foul play, no evidence, so I didn’t see any harm”

Thor grimaced and let it pass “True. Is he here yet?”

“Nay, he will be in the morning” Odin said “Why?”

“Just inquiring” Thor said, mulling over how he would have his room to himself once the new man comes over “I have been invited to a ball at Jane’s home”

“Really?” Odin asked “Did you accept?”

That was slightly embarrassing and he shrugged “I didn’t know what I was saying yes to, I wasn’t exactly listening”

“What?” Odin asked sharply

“She was talking about embroidery and felt shoes!” Thor defended “It was drastically boring”

Even Odin made a face at that and Thor felt validated.

“Anyway, I will make an appearance and that’s it” he said “Fandral will be with me, so I guess that is a good thing”

“True, but knowing him, he will likely leave you at the first sign of a pretty skirt” Odin chuckled

Thor snorted “I’ll tell him you said that”

He reached forward for more pudding and the two ended up spending another two hours there, polishing off the pudding, then having port before they retired.

Thor escorted his father to his chambers, then wished him good night and let Loki aid him in. He didn’t see the man, but he knew he was there, so Thor made his way back to his rooms, waiting for Loki to come over.

He was tired, he needed a bath desperately. So, when Loki entered, Thor, who had taken up a book, spoke without raising his eyes.

“Please ask them to heat up some bath water” he said “then come back”

“Yes, my lord”

Had Thor not been distracted by his book, he would have heard the exhaustion apparent in Loki’s voice.

But, as it was, it was only when he returned, that Thor finally looked at him and went still.

The boy was barely anything! He was gaunt, pale and thin, even his lips were chapped. His eyes were sunken in and he stumbled rather than walked to Thor’s closet, prompting Thor to shoot to his feet.

“My God, man, what happened to you?” he went to him.

And Loki _staggered_

Thor’s reflexes kicked into action and he caught him before he hit the ground, baulking at how damn light Loki was.

“What the hell are you, doing, you fool?” Thor pulled Loki closer to lean against him “You’ve turned to skin and bones!”

“I’m fine, my lord” Loki protested, pushing at his chest – his very sculpted chest if the feel beneath his shirt was anything to go by “I am just tired”

Tired was an understatement. He could barely stand without swaying and Thor frowned at him, clearly not believing him as Loki pulled away.

“You’re not eating” Thor concluded, looking at his wrists “are you ill?”

Loki shook his head, the mere action made him dizzy, but this time he held his ground.

“No, you are good to inquire” he smiled falsely “I shall have your bathing things prepped”

He opened Thor’s closet door, which gave Thor no option but to step back.

“If you are over worked, then sleep” Thor offered when Loki pulled his clothes out “In fact, go”

He went to him and grasped his wrist to halt him.

“Go sleep, Loki” he said firmly

Loki looked at him, his mouth worked as he tried to say something and Thor sighed.

“Yes, bring your bedding here, I don’t mind, hurry up” he said “forget the bath, I can do it myself”

Loki bowed to him in thanks and went to obey.

Thor watched him leave, the sick, uneasy feeling in his chest stuck to him and he worried his lip with his teeth as he watched Loki set his bed where it usually went. He watched him struggle and sit on the floor heavily, which was something he never did.

And Thor went over to help – which was something _he_ never did.

Loki gasped and protested “No, my lord, please, I can do it!”

“You can hardly walk” Thor told him, fixing his bed for him “And if you will not tell me what is bothering you, then at least let me help”

He set down his pillow, then undid his thick blankets so he could fold them at the foot of the bed.

“Have you had dinner?” Thor asked

 _Lie_ , Loki told himself, _say yes_.

But Thor’s lips tightened and he gave a light whack to his head

“Fool”

He stood and went to the door

“Master, please!” Loki pleaded “You don’t have…”

“Silence” Thor ordered over his shoulder

Loki went quiet, mostly because he was desperate for food, for one good meal even if he gained a little weight. Thor’s footsteps left and Loki pulled his shoes off, placing them neatly beneath Thor’s bed as he sat upon his own, his knees pulled up to his chest.

His entire body hurt, protesting the lack of nourishment, telling him it was so damn hungry!

He knew it was, he was starving, but Thanos wanted him to lose weight and he had to. For Helblindi’s sake, he had to do everything that monster commanded.

Tears filled his eyes, his starvation, his desperation and despair became too much and he lowered his head into his arms and his shoulders shook softly as he began to cry.

It _hurt_.

Everything hurt so much! He was in constant pain, his head, his eyes, his limbs, everything hurt so damn much, he couldn’t take it.

He hated this, he hated this life, he hated Thanos, he hated everything he had to do and had to listen to.

He _hated_ it!

His sobs were silent, almost nonexistent, so when he heard Thor return, he had time enough to wipe his face and compose himself. Thor walked in with a tray of food that had Loki’s misery spike once more when the delicious aroma made him realize what he had been missing.

Thor, it seemed, had problems with measuring portions and any other day, Loki would have sneered at it, but looking at an entire roast chicken, a big bowl of vegetables and the mead he had in his hands looked as though it was sent from the heavens itself.

Loki’s mouth watered and his eyes were fixed on the food, so he missed the way Thor looked at him.

Thor set everything before him and then raised a stern finger before his face.

“You finish this” he ordered “Understand?”

Loki nodded shakily “Yes, my lord”

He didn’t need an invitation, the moment Thor moved away, Loki put food in his plate and he started to eat ravenously. His stomach was in knots from the pain of going so hungry for so long and the first bite of food was like a balm to his broken, deprived body.

It filled him with renewed energy and he ate with more fervor than before, unaware that Thor was studying him from where he sat.

Something was very, very wrong with Loki and Thor was going to find it out tonight, no matter what.

***

Thor didn’t get the chance.

He’d had a screen put up around his bath to spare Loki the sight of him bathing in the same room, leaving both of them in their privacy. He had fully intended on interrogating Loki that night but when he came out, all his questions prepared in his mind, they vanished to nothing when he saw Loki fast asleep on his bedding, his tray of food gone, relaxation on his gaunt features for once.

Thor exhaled and shook his head – even by sleeping, Loki had a way of making him riled up.

He hadn’t the heart to wake him and Thor grumbled to himself as he dressed for bed and lay against his pillows, pulling out his cross stitch once more. He could hear Loki snoring softly so thought himself safe to continue.

The pattern was easy enough for him to make and he hummed softly to himself as he worked, feeling the exercise relax him ever so slowly. Eventually, his eyes began to droop and Thor was asleep half an hour after, the cross stitch held between his long fingers. Loki saw it when he woke the next morning and carried his bed out, but he said nothing. The work day was starting and he was sure Odin would wake soon.

He could hear everyone else moving about and headed upstairs, going to the staff quarters.

He knew the staff didn’t like him one bit but he hadn’t received the glares he got this morning. The footmen, the night shift ready to sleep till they had to start again, even the few who had ignored him all glowered at him.

And he knew it was because last night Thor had catered to him.

A servant.

The hostility followed him till he reached his rooms and he put his things back down. He was making the bed when he felt one of the more daring ones come to his door and scoff at him.

“Why do you even take the bed?” he mocked “it’s a pretense while you share his, we all know it.”

Loki laughed at him “How petty and vulgar your mind is, really. Is that how you got this job? By laying with someone?”

The boy flushed deeply and scowled at him “Indeed not! I have morals and modesty, unlike you, harlot!”

“Do you?” Loki set his pillows down “because from where I stand I see none”

He walked over, he was taller than this man and could be intimidating when he wished to be. He strode to the door and snickered as the boy stumbled back, but Loki merely held the doorknob in his hand.

“Try not to let your perverted fantasies of me get in the way of your work today, boy” Loki beamed at the sputtering, stuttering brat as he closed the door in his face.

He locked it and heard them all murmur about him.

Let them, he thought, he didn’t have to keep them happy.

Loki went to the trunk he had been given and opened it so he could pull out some fresh clothing, but froze when he saw a neat looking letter placed upon his folded clothes.

By just the paper and even without looking at the elegant scrawl, Loki knew who this was from.

His lips tight, Loki reached in to pluck the letter out and read it.

 _Tonight, you may see Hel_ , it said, _it depends upon your performance, of course. T._

Loki’s heart began to thunder in his chest as he stared at it. Helblindi…he could see his brother!

The last time Loki saw him was when the boy was celebrating his fourteenth year.

That was two years ago!

Loki’s heart pounded in his chest and he held the letter to his heart, trying to think of a way to get to the club tonight.

Helblindi would be there! He would finally meet him!

Loki’s throat felt tight and he was sure he looked utterly broken with happiness.

A smile worked its way over his lips and Loki started taking out his day clothes, then those he wanted to wear tonight, so he looked his best for his brother.

He could already feel him in his arms, he could already hear his voice telling Loki how his days have been and, if they were fortunate enough, he would know where they were keeping him.

Then Loki would take him and runaway, far from here, far from Thanos and Ronan and anyone who wanted to wish him harm.

They would be free!

The staff was of no importance to him, but Odin and Thor were. He dressed quickly enough and rushed downstairs, thankfully, just in time to have Odin wake.

“Morning, Sir” Loki smiled at him, he couldn’t stop smiling

Odin noticed, of course, and after his urgent needs were tended to and Loki was setting his bath water down, he chuckled softly.

“You look like someone wrote you the best love letter in the history of the present world”

Loki looked at him and grinned “Aye, sir, tis my brother, he came to visit and wants me to meet”

“Oh?” Odin asked “younger or older?”

“Younger” Loki said “he lives far and hardly visits but he is here and I am eager to meet him”

“Eager enough to forget that the water is already soapy?” Odin pointed to it teasingly “Hurry it up, boy, so you can frolic around quicker”

In this mood, Loki couldn’t help but laugh. He cut Odin’s nails, brushed his hair, shaved him, then pulled out clean clothes, he helped Odin dress and once he was presentable, he aided him downstairs for breakfast.

Thor was already there, having cleaned up without Loki, it seemed, but his eyes were on the valet the entire time.

Even that didn’t ruin Loki’s mood and Thor raised a brow when he actually heard him hum.

“Are you drunk so early in the morning?” Thor smirked “You’re singing, Loki”

Loki stopped immediately, a blush working its way nicely over his cheeks “Forgive me”

“Oh, leave the boy alone” Odin chided “his brother is coming to visit, he’s excited about it”

Thor rolled his eyes at that, a gentle mood in his chest at the moment “That’s nice. Here”

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small sack of coins that he tossed at Loki.

Loki caught it and looked at Thor, surprised.

“Have a day to yourself” Thor said “you’ve earned it”

Oh, this day just kept getting better!

Loki grinned and the way it lit up his face momentarily blinded Thor, stunned him, and he longed to see it again.

“Thank you!” Loki gasped, then to Odin “My lord, you …”

“Go” Odin waved a hand at him “take advantage of Thor’s good mood and run while it lasts, go.”

“I will be back tonight, my lords” Loki bowed to them both and pocketed his bonus.

He forwent breakfast – after all, he was meeting Thanos and he didn’t wish to look fat – and gathered his coat and hat, his gloves and walking stick, before he slipped out the back of the house.

He saw the stable lads walking the horses and waved at Svadilfari, whose ears perked up at his sight.

Making a mental note, Loki promised to get the animal some oats on his way back. He could almost click his heels, he was so damn happy at this moment.

He hailed a hackney outside the property and made his way to town, whistling and beaming at everyone. He was dressed stylishly, as he usually was, so he had no trouble getting into the high end stores. He had an air of royalty about him and he walked with the polished air of someone expensive.

The shops he went to obviously tended to his needs and Loki gave the address of the Odinson mansion, not correcting them when they thought he was their guest.

It elevated him here and more than one shop keeper bade him a good morning as word spread around.

Loki ended up buying good quality clothes for himself and Helblindi, then, because he couldn’t resist, he ducked into a bookstore.

The smell of books was always a delight and he inhaled deeply as he walked in, his eyes going from one shelf to another, trying to find the best on every subject that interested him.

There was mystery, which he picked out, then a few horrors that he just couldn’t resist. The owner guided him towards a few best sellers and by the end, Loki had a nice stash for himself, one large enough for him to be content for most of the next two months, he was sure.

But, just as he was leaving, his eyes caught sight of something that intrigued him.

It was a book of the most advanced cross stitching patterns currently available and by where it was placed, it was clearly a new issue.

Loki turned to the proprietor “That is a recent copy?”

The man looked to where Loki pointed and smiled “Yes, sir, the very latest. Do you wish to purchase it?”

“Yes” Loki said “and wrap if up, if you could, I wish to give this as a gift”

“Very good, Sir” the man said

As Loki waited, he browsed a little more, looking at future purchases and his mind wandered to last night.

Thor had been something Loki hadn’t thought him capable of being last night.

He’d been kind.

He had taken care of Loki, a servant, someone who was beneath him, as though he was a friend. It had touched a spot inside Loki that he’d thought long gone.

It ignited a warmth that Loki didn’t think he could feel. Thor had gotten him food and rest when Loki desperately needed it and he wanted to thank him for it.

This book would do it well and Loki smiled when he was given the book, paid for it and carried his purchases out once more.

The street was bustling with life, children ran about, men and women enjoyed themselves on walks, no doubt heading for the park where they would spend their sunny sweet day.

It made a smile curve Loki’s lips, wondering, perhaps for the first time, what it would be like if _he_ was allowed this freedom.

He would happily take it.

He saw a stand of sweet ices and knew he had enough coin to buy some so he went over, setting his books down so he could buy some of that.

Loki chose a spot in the park for himself, his books as his company, he sat there reading under the shade of a tree, every so often lifting his strange eyes to see when he heard a loud shout or something.

But they were all merry noises, all of them happy, all of them something he would have when he saved Helblindi and ran away from here. They would likely make for another continent.

They would know no one there, but things would work out for them. It would be difficult in the beginning, but Loki was confident in his abilities to gain a good job and home in another part of the world.

 A part of the world where Thanos and the lot couldn’t find him.

He would build a new life, likely find himself a wife and spend the rest of his days in happiness.

That was the future Loki wanted, it was what drove him to tolerate what happened to him while he lived here.

His promise of freedom was the only thing he could count on.

The sweet ice was gone soon enough and Loki pulled out a hankerchief to wipe his sticky fingers as well as his lips, then picked up his books and once more, headed to the market.

Helblindi would love if Loki got to give him a few toys and he went to a good enough seller, getting a few sets that he would have liked when he was Helblindi’s age.

A horse and carriage, wooden swords and a shield as well as a pair of rackets so he could play badminton. His load was heavier this time and Loki hailed another hackney so he could carry his burden back and deposit it at Asgard, then head on out once more.

He’d already been out past lunch, but since he had the whole day to himself, it was no real problem. The staff ignored him this time as he carried everything up, taking it to his room and placing them down.

There were the belongings of another already here and Loki exhaled, making a face at his new room mate, whoever he was.

He was careful about his things this time and set everything where only he could access it, then once more, made to leave so he could take a bath and get ready for tonight.

After his performance, he would meet Hel and that was all that mattered to him tonight.

***

The club was in the bad part of town and Loki had a hackney drop him off where the ‘good’ part of the city ended.

He did not need anyone following him tonight, especially a curious driver.

He had on a cloak and coat, the collar raised high and his hat was tipped low as he walked the entire way to the club.

He could hear the laughter again and he saw Thanos’ monstrosity of a phaeton parked outside, the huge horses nibbling contentedly on the food that was in their bags.

His footmen were leaning against the wall, talking and smoking  a pipe as he padded through them. The smoke was clearly a luxury drug and Loki prayed that the driver had some too, if only to imagine Thanos crashing and dying in that vehicle.

The smell of mead was stifling and the heat inside had Loki smothered within minutes. He went to his dressing room, knowing that his presence had likely been reported to Thanos. He didn’t need to meet him, the man would be here soon enough if only to check on Loki’s weight.

There was no need for him to lock the door as Loki took off his cloak and coat, there was no privacy for him.

His costume had been prepared for him and Loki went to it, putting it on without even paying much attention, so used was he to it.

It smelled good, which was the only mercy he got. He insisted on it being washed at least once a week and felt good in knowing that they had listened to him.

His stomach rumbled and he was grateful for the tight bodice he put over it torso once he was bare, reaching behind him to lace it up.

The door opened and Loki took a deep breath to calm his nerves, especially when he felt the touch to his shoulder.

“Loki”

Thanos’ rumbling voice sent chills through him and Loki turned to look at him then.

He saw Thanos frown, his eyes went up and down Loki’s form before he growled.

“My chambers” he snarled, going to grab Loki’s robe and threw it at him “now”

Loki’s guts turned to ice and his breathing escalated as he took the robe and undid his bodice. He had on his trousers and he put the robe over himself quickly, then followed Thanos out.

Even though everyone was busy, Loki could feel their eyes on him. His head was beginning to throb in a combination of hunger and stress. His breath was caught in fear, fear that Thanos would take Helblindi away from him, that he wouldn’t let him see and it broke his heart, just thinking about it.

Even by his walk, Thanos was angry and Loki thought of things he could have done to anger him so. He wasn’t late, he hadn’t eaten, he was definitely sure he’d lost weight like he asked  … what was he doing wrong!?

Self doubt crippled him and the walk to Thanos’ rooms seemed never ending to Loki.

But thankfully, finally, he heard Thanos undo his lock and grabbed Loki, shoving him into the room.

Loki was pale as he turned to face him, cowering when Thanos locked the door and slowly turned to him.

“W-What?” Loki whispered “I’ve done as you asked, I didn’t….”

He broke off, gasping when Thanos went for the front of his robes and parted it, yanking Loki’s arms away when he tried to cover himself, soft pleas escaping his lips. Thanos opened the robe at the front and left Loki there, half nude, glaring at him in disdain.

“What the hell have you done?” Thanos snarled “Look at yourself! You’re skin and bones!”

Loki was trembling and he yelped when Thanos grabbed his arm and forced him before a mirror

“What is this!?”

Loki looked at the mirror, then at Thanos, his eyes wide.

“Y- You wanted me to lose weight” Loki said softly

“I said lose weight, not look like a beggar!” Thanos snapped “Disgusting. This is disgusting! No one will look at you, I spent money on tonight’s performance, you fool! You think they will want to see a starved dancer!?”

Loki looked at him, absolutely stunned.

“Gain weight” Thanos hissed “and forget about your performance, you are not dancing tonight.”

Loki’s heart started to race in his chest, he was confused, he was stunned into silence.

“And you are not seeing your brother tonight”

It was like a block of ice hit Loki right in the gut and he went white in shock.

“No!” Loki went to him and grabbed his arm “You said I could see him tonight, you promised!”

“You should have thought of that before you lost weight, then!” Thanos glared, daring him to say something.

His words, his cruel, hard words were the limit for Loki it seemed.

His week long starvation, the fear of being in that room, Thor’s kindness, the inability to sleep, the lack of control over his own life, everything came and broke upon his head and snapped Loki right in half.

His face turned furious in desperation and he shoved Thanos hard

“What do you want from me!?” Loki _screamed_ at him “what the hell are you doing, you god damn monster!? Just leave me alone!”

He tried to shove him again, but shouted in rage when Thanos grabbed him by the upper arms and shook him.

“Have you lost your mind!?”

“Yes!” Loki struggled “I’ve lost my mind, you sick bastard! You demon, you son of a bitch, what do you want from me!? What have I done to you, _let me go_!”

He kicked and fought and screamed so loudly that Thanos thought he had a mad man on his hands.

Loki’s face was red in anger, his tendons protruded as he screamed obscenities at him, he kicked and struggled to get away from him like a wild animal.

“You ruined my life, you sick monster!” Loki yanked on his arms “Let go of me, _let me go_!”

“Silence!” Thanos shouted, louder than Loki.

“No, I will not be silenced!” Loki screamed at him “I want my brother, you told me I would see him tonight, how dare you!? How dare you lie to me, you’re making me lose my mind!”

Thanos had a limit, which was quickly being touched and Loki roared in anger when he was tossed on the bed and Thanos climbed over him.

“No!” Loki bucked, pushing at him “Get off!”

He hit him, he punched at him, tried everything he could to knock this monster off him.

“Get off me, you bastard!” Loki jerked under him, “Get off!”

And Thanos had _enough_.

He pulled back and backhanded Loki across the face, a high pitched cry escaped the younger man and he curled to his side, holding his face, his screams faded to soft, pained noises as he lay there, stunned.

“I see I have humored you too much” Thanos growled, looking down at the boy he straddled, seeing him hide his face from him, his hair spread out on the bed “but that ends now”

Loki broke.

He sobbed as he felt Thanos undo his trousers and he shrunk away from him, shaking his head.

“No, no…” he pleaded “I’m sorry…I’m _sorry_ ”

“It’s too late for apologies, boy” Thanos snarled, jolting his body as he yanked the trousers off “far too late”

Loki wept as he was turned on his front and he cried, his hands pulled at the sheets when he felt Thanos raise his hips.

He couldn’t stop crying, but he didn’t beg him to stop.

He kept chanting hope in his head over and over

 _It will be over soon_ , he told himself _, it will be over soon, it will be over soon_ …

Mercifully, Thanos was too angry and too busy to make it last. But he made it hurt, he pulled on Loki’s hair, he bit him, he scratched him, he made him shout and cry in misery before he was content, seeing the bruises on his back, his neck, his shoulders and he was aware of the pain deep inside Loki.

He pulled away and slapped him on the rear hard enough to leave a mark and watched Loki curl up, trying to hide under his sheets.

“No, no” Thanos growled, reached over to grab his arm and pulled him from the bed “You deserve no rest”

He pulled him to the floor and Loki hadn’t the energy to do anything but weep.

“Clean yourself up and serve tonight” Thanos ordered as he fixed himself “Hurry it up!”

“Please!” Loki begged, grabbing Thanos’ boot “Let me see him, please, I beg you”

“No” Thanos snarled coldly and kicked him off “You ruined the chance, you do not deserve it”

It only further ruined Loki and he covered his face with his shaking hands, letting out his pain behind them even as Thanos left.

No one came to console him, no one came to grant him comfort, nothing. He lay there, his bottom stinging, his whole body sore.

Tears stained his face and Loki screamed, he screamed for so long his throat turned raw as he lay there, used and abused, on the floor of his own rapist.

And then the last cruelty of the night, he had to get up and force himself to re dress, force himself to walk out of the room, force himself to do everything Thanos told him to.

His hands and legs shook, his broken heart lay as dust as his feet while he served mindlessly, limping from one patron to another, giving them all what they wanted and feeling sick to his core.

A rather loud bunch of them cheered when dancers began the routine that Loki should have been performing, and Loki looked at them, his eyes haunted and lost, recognizing one of them.

He was the son of a Colonel, Orvar or something, in his state, Loki couldn’t remember. He was cheering and drinking, women on either side of him, robbing him slightly as they sat on each of his legs.

Loki had done the same many, many times, perhaps tonight was retribution for him.

A whistle sounded to his right and Loki turned towards the patron, a high ranking noble he’d seen gracing the halls of expensive ballrooms. He, of course, never saw Loki, clearly above them all.

He gestured Loki over and called for his drink, but when Loki turned to go, he grabbed his wrist.

For a second, Loki feared he’d been wrong and this man had recognized him. But he only cooed at him and cupped his cheek, running his thumb roughly over his cheek and Loki realized he was likely tracing over the bruise Thanos left there.

“Poor Dove” he simpered “who did this to you?”

Loki was too tired to play a part, a role, he was not in the correct state of mind “No one”

The man cooed again and pulled him closer, seating him in his lap. He was drunk, too drunk to know if Loki was a man or a woman judging by the way his hands tried to cup at Loki’s chest.

“You sweet child” he slurred, embracing Loki “I will protect you”

Loki rolled his eyes and waited there, watching the man slowly lay back against the bench he was in and pass right out.

Once he was done, Loki took his jewelry and his coins and money, as instructed, then went about serving once again.

The hour was late so there wasn’t much the servers could do after the patrons lost consciousness. The night staff came to clean and Loki was handing over his stolen items when he felt a hesitant touch on his back.

He turned automatically and froze.

Eyes green as the one he had looked up at him from a pale, young face and black hair, just like his own, shined softly even in the dim light.

Helblindi looked up at him, at his brother, the reason for doing what he was.

Loki’s mouth fell open as he stared at him and his eyes prickled with tears.

“Hel…” Loki whispered

“Loki?” his brother whimpered, “You’re here”

Loki nodded shakily and Helblindi wasted not a moment, tossing himself in his brother’s arms and holding him close.

“Loki!” he cried, “You’re here!”

His own arms went so tightly around his brother, Loki was sure it hurt. He lowered his head to kiss Helblindi’s hair and rubbed his back.

“I am” Loki whispered, kissing his hair again “God, above, thank the heavens you’re here…”

“They had me in a room” Helblindi complained “But they let me out and went to get a carriage, so I had to find you”

Loki gave him a squeeze “Oh, you beautiful darling”

“Loki, what’s happening?” Helblindi cried “They refuse to let me see you anymore, they refuse!”

The boy’s sobs broke Loki’s heart and he shook his head

“Be strong, Hel, I will get us out” he said, then looked about “Quick, tell me where they keep you. Give me a name, anything that can help me find you”

Through his tears, the words were hard for understand at first, but Helblindi nodded

“A farmer called Thrym- something” Helblindi whispered “I stay in the house, they will not let me leave there”

Thrym– something.

That was more than Loki had ever hoped for and he swallowed heavily.

“Do you know where it is?”

“No, they bring me over in a windowless carriage” Helbindi told him “I know nothing of the journey”

Loki didn’t let the despair that clutched his heart take him down, instead he nodded and kissed Helblindi on the head once more.

“I’ll get you out” he promised “I swear I will”

The brothers held one another tightly, whispering promises and telling the other to hold on just a little longer. It was sweet, if it hadn’t been so damn repulsive, Thanos thought as he watched then from the tier above.

It was pathetic, really, how desperately Loki wanted his brother and how willingly he did everything he asked, if only given a little incentive. The boy thrived on hope.

It would give him the jolt he needed to listen to Thanos more, knowing his brother’s fate was in his hands. Thanos turned his head to the side and nodded to two of his men, who had been waiting for his order, then watched as they approached the two brothers.

“Hey, you!” they snapped at Helblindi “Get back here!”

Loki gasped and looked up, pulling Helblindi closer as they strode over

“I’ll come for you” Loki whispered into Helblindi’s ear “Do not give up hope”

Helblindi whimpered and held Loki tighter, feeling his protective arms squeeze him, too.

“I said, get here!” the guard ordered, grabbing Helblindi by his arm

“Please!” Helblindi tried to pull away “Loki!”

“Just give us two minutes!” Loki held on to Helblindi “Please, I am begging you”

They didn’t listen and ruthlessly thrust Loki back, making him stumble and fall on his already throbbing backside. He sat up and watched as Helblindi was taken away, thick tears filled his swollen eyes.

“Loki!” Helblindi called “ _Loki_!”

But he was taken away and Loki couldn’t move to him, knowing it wouldn’t end well. His brother’s shouts would forever stay in his heart, he already knew he wouldn’t forget them.

He didn’t know how long he sat there, on the dirty floor, staring at the spot his brother had been, but a gentle touch to his head told him he was no longer alone.

“Come” Thanos’ voice rumbled above him “I need you”

It made Loki turn cold all over. He _needed_ him!?

Loki’s entire body hurt, he was in pain and this man _needed_ him?

Yet, he kept his mouth shut and stood on shaking legs, feeling Thanos place a hand on his shoulder and guide him to his room once more. It had barely been a few hours since he’d been ruined here and when Thanos pressed Loki against the door and stroked his neck, he couldn’t help but recoil.

“Please” Loki whispered, his hands curled protectively over his chest “I – I have to walk back, I’m already in pain, please…”

“Oh?” Thanos asked, caressing his cheek “And that is my problem because?”

Loki gulped loudly and looked at him pleadingly, not knowing how it was a problem for someone who was so damn callous.

However, Thanos stopped and chuckled, cupping Loki’s bruised cheek

“Very well, then” he said “I won’t do this, I will simply ask for the jewels you brought and let you go back”

Loki went cold  all over and looked at him, his eyes wide “J – Jewels?”

Thanos frowned “As instructed in my note – at the very bottom. Did you forget?”

His heart pounded hard enough for him to hear, especially when Thanos tucked his hair behind his ear so gently.

Thanos clicked his tongue, disappointed “Oh, Loki, you’re becoming irresponsible”

“I’m s-s-sorry” Loki whispered “I will get you the jewels, I didn’t even read – read it”

“You were so excited about meeting your brother that you forgot?” Thanos mocked “how sweet”

His hands stroked down Loki’s arms again and watched him recoil from his touch.

“Now you know that was not a smart thing to do”

Loki’s lower lip trembled, after the night he had, he thought if something else happened, he would die.

Thanos only smirked “You stole enough from that noble, I suppose, so I will be generous”

He pet his head as he looked at him

“That will do for now” he told him, watching his shoulders sag in relief “now come. I will take you back to Asgard”

Had Loki any strength or had there been nothing on the line, he would have blatantly refused, but as it was, he didn’t have a choice.

Once more, he was taken to that phaeton but this time Thanos kept him in his arms, kissing his mouth till it blushed a deep red, bit his throat, palmed the front of Loki’s trousers, then pushed his hand within, keeping it constantly between Loki’s legs, urging him to release. He played with him the entire ride back and Loki took it, forcing himself to think of another scenario, another place, another time, anywhere but here where he was used this way.

Thanos kept him on edge, whispering soft words to him, being kind at the moment, a contrast to how he’d treated Loki earlier that night.

It was a reminder of what he _could_ do if he wanted to.

Loki was bent on ignoring it, he knew what this man could so, what he was capable of, he didn’t need to be reminded of it. So he let his mind wander far away.

That was why Thanos’ words reached him a little longer than it usually would have taken him.

“Isn’t that your master?”

Loki froze in utter terror.

Thor was riding up beside them, his clothes half done, a relaxed look about him. Svadilfari was jogging him home, and by his side were Thanos and Loki, as they rode onwards.

“My, my” Thanos chuckled when he studied Thor through the thin drapes “looks like you are not the only one who was in someone’s arms tonight. I wonder what he will do when he sees you like this”

Loki paled and Thanos reached over to pull the drapes apart

“ _No_!” Loki struggled, fighting when Thanos held him tighter “Please, Thanos, don’t!”

He writhed in his grip, doing his best to escape and turned his head away when the drapes were opened.

And Thanos let go.

Loki leapt to the floor of the carriage and curled up, hiding his face when he heard Thanos speak to Thor.

“I say” Thanos asked pleasantly “are you alright, young man?”

How could someone so evil speak so nicely, Loki had no idea.

“Yes, sir” Thor’s warm, deep voice replied “Just on my way home. Are you lost?”

“No, no” Thanos chuckled “Just worried about a young man all alone out here. Anything could happen”

Thor laughed “Aye, you are right. Thank you for your concern, but my home is but half a mile away.”

“Good, good” Thanos laughed “I’ve been at the hells myself, getting home before the lady misses me”

“Then rush, by all means” Thor teased “Good night, Sir”

“Good night!” Thanos called “Safe journey!”

But all that answered after that, was the heavy hoof beats of Thor’s steed slowly fading off into the distance.

“Charming boy” Thanos said, his eyes cold as they watched Thor “much like his father”

Loki said nothing, staying where he was and Thanos chuckled, then nudged him with his boot

“Get up” he ordered “I am going no farther than this. Off you get”

He knocked on the carriage roof to have it stop and grabbed Loki around the scruff. Loki groaned as he was tossed out and the door clicked shut.

“I will let you know when I wish for you” Thanos ordered after he opened the window “Till then, you are on a strict watch, understand?”

Covered in dirt, Loki nodded “Yes”

He stayed where he was, his legs curled under him, his clothes messy and dirty, till Thanos turned about and left him alone.

The noises of the night were the only thing that kept Loki company and for a few long minutes, he stayed where he was, looking at the spot Thanos had vanished to.

He was all alone.

Slowly, Loki stood and brushed himself down, hissing when his sore bottom protested. He could do nothing, nothing other than limp towards Asgard, hoping against all hope that there was some reprieve there.

The walk took forever and Loki was exhausted, beyond that, he could hardly think! Asgard was so far away and Loki had to stop a few times and sit on the dirty road, messing his appearance up further.

No one was there right now, no one would help him, so he forced himself to his feet and walked past all the rich houses until finally, finally, he was at the gates of Asgard.

Only to find them locked.

A frustrated sob escaped him and he tugged on the large gate.

“No…” he moaned in despair, hanging on the iron gates “ _Please_ , give me some mercy, please”

He just wanted rest, he just wanted to feel clean and rest!

“Loki?”

Loki gasped and spun around, his face pale and shocked at hearing Thor’s voice.

Thor was right behind him, a heavy frown on his face as he gaped at him.

“What the devil happened to you?” Thor walked to him.

He was beaten, dirty, he looked _broken_ where he stood and Thor hurried to him.

“My God” Thor went to him “Who did this to you? Are you alright?”

Loki looked at his earnest blue eyes and shook his head slowly, his façade too weak to stand his concern.

“I’m not” Loki whined, placing a hand over his mouth “I can’t even walk…”

Thor gaped at him and gently, carefully, pulled him to his chest. Holding him tightly, Thor shushed him.

“Hush” he whispered, stroking his head “I’m locked outside, but I will help you, alright? You need to stay calm, come along”

He felt Loki hold on to him and guided him to where Svadilfari was, the street lit by dim lamps.

“Damnation, Loki, who did this to you?” Thor asked again as he guided him to the horse “what happened?”

“I don’t remember” Loki lied “I don’t remember their faces…they took me away…”

Thor was scowling and he nodded “Alright, all’s well. Come on up, here”

He aided Loki onto Svadilfari and pat the saddle “Hold here, I will take us through the back gates”

He got no response from Loki and let it go for now, the haunted, empty look in his eyes too much for Thor at the moment. Svadilfari seemed to pick up on their emotions and walked somberly with them, his hooves clicking on the road.

“You can sleep in my room if you wish” Thor told Loki “I am sure it is warm enough, you don’t have to worry about waking up early, either, not in your state”

Again, nothing but the vacant look in his eyes.

Thor, too, fell silent and walked them around the large property to a back gate that was hidden by vines and outgrowth.

He pushed Svadilfari through and carefully made Loki duck down so they could get through.

“Here we are” Thor said softly, guiding his horse to the stables. Once there, he helped Loki down, seated him on a few sacks, then undid Svadilfari’s saddles and reins. When he finished, he came back to Loki and put his thin arm around his strong shoulders.

“Come on, up with you”

Loki let him, he barely even saw where they went, Thor could have taken him anywhere. Thor had a key to the backdoor and took Loki in through the kitchens. He was careful, being as silent as he could as they headed upstairs to his room and it was only when they reached it and the candles were lit that Thor let Loki go, seating him in his plush chair.

“Do you need to wash up?”

Loki looked at him slowly, comprehension slow on him “Yes”

Thor nodded and pointed to his bowl, scrub and soap “Use that, I will get you bedding and things”

Loki gave no reply, he sat there, hunched over, defeated, burnt.

Thor left to get the bedding, leaving Loki alone with his thoughts.

And his thoughts where pure torture. They cut into him almost instantly and Loki pulled his knees up and held them, breaking down immediately.

This place was comfort, this place was freedom for him.

He vaguely heard Thor return and he heard him cuss.

“No, no, calm down” Thor came over, sat beside him on the arm of the chair and stroked his back “Hush, Loki, _hush_ ”

Loki leaned to him and Thor wrapped his arms around him, placed a hand over his head to keep it to his chest.

“I’m here” Thor consoled him “I’m here”

And shockingly, it worked.

His voice, his touch, his presence soothed him and Loki’s tears, even though they were strong, began to fade as Thor continued. He rocked them both ever so lightly and it gave Loki such deep comfort that he found the strength to pull away and wipe his dirty face.

Thor watched him, worry clear in his eyes.

“Better?”

Loki swallowed heavily and nodded “Yes, Sir. I don’t know how to thank you for this, I am a servant and…”

“Don’t” Thor said softly, firmly “You are a person first, alright?”

He gave his shoulder a squeeze.

“Get cleaned up, I will set your bed for you”

Loki nodded and went behind the screen where the water, soap and cloth lay. His body was sore and he was so glad for the screen that hid it from Thor while he used the cloth and water, then soap, then the cloth again, cleaning himself up enough to even satisfy his broken spirit.

“I couldn’t get your clothes” Thor told him from the other side “But use this”

A soft shirt, sweet smelling, and trousers were hung over the screen.

“Do you wish for some port?”

Port …

Thor knew exactly what he needed, it seemed.

“That would be good, Sir”

He heard Thor open his decanter and quickly clothed himself, rolling his dirty attire into a ball and curling it in a corner so he could take it away in the morning.

His bedding looked inviting and Loki sat on it, cross legged, watching Thor.

He returned to Loki with two glasses of blessed amber liquid and handed on to Loki, then seated himself cross legged before him.

There was silence between them as the two drank, neither sure of how best to proceed with this situation, what to say, what not to say…

But eventually, Thor was the one who spoke, startling Loki just a little.

“Loki, what is happening?” Thor asked softly “you refuse food for a week, then come back looking like death itself.”

He saw those strange looking eyes lower to the floor and gently, carefully, he placed a hand on his shoulder, pushing him back just enough to have Loki look at him.

“Tell me”

And oh, how Loki wanted to.

He desperately did, he wanted to tell Thor about this, about Angr – whoever he was, about Thanos, about Heblindi…

He wanted to tell him everything.

But he couldn’t.

Yet this chance was far too good to pass up so he swallowed thickly and took a risk.

“I went to the wrong part of town” Loki whispered softly “This – man, he was there. I was minding my business when he caught me and took me to a room…”

His voice hitched to a stop and Thor went very, very still.

“Oh God” Thor whispered, correctly guessing what Loki couldn’t say

“He …” Loki pressed his lips together and when he spoke next, it was a whisper “He wasn’t stopping…”

Thor was pale in shock – he had heard of this, heard of victims of this barbaric crime and he had no idea what to do.

“Loki, I …”

“Please don’t tell anyone” Loki looked at him “I don’t want the others to know, they judge me enough as it is”

“Loki, no one will judge you” Thor promised “Are – Are you … Do you need a …”

“I will be fine” Loki said “I just need a day’s rest, if that is possible, I know I already took today off and your father…”

“Father will understand if you are unwell” Thor told him “and so will I. but you need to see someone for your injuries, Loki, you might get sick”

“It will be alright” Loki stood “And I think it would be best if I headed back to my own room. I have imposed upon you enough”

There was still worry lingering in Thor’s eyes but he thought it best to let it go for now, thankfully. Loki knew he’d rejected a good offer, but he was already doing too much by telling Thor what happened to him today.

The man was far too eager to help.

Who would have thought?

“If you need anything” Thor said softly “Do not hesitate in coming to me, I will personally help you”

Loki’s gentle smile was perhaps the most genuine of the day.

“Thank you, my lord”

He bent to pick up the bed and Thor raised a hand

“I got that from the neighboring guest room, leave it” he said “just care for yourself”

Loki bowed to him “Thank you”

He turned to get his rolled up clothing and limped back out, aware of Thor’s eyes on him. He didn’t turn back, but he felt a burden lift off his shoulders as he passed the threshold, knowing someone was aware of the injustice done to him. The house was silent as death and his limp made him rather noisy, so Loki took his time going back to his room.

He wondered who he was to share his rooms with. He hoped it was someone easily intimidated and bullied, Loki had no desire to share with someone over bearing. He wanted timidity and hopefully, for once, it would be what he got.

His room, when he reached it, was understandably dark. There was little light that came from outside and Loki thought it best to make do with it. He saw the other occupant of the room sleeping with his back to him, in the lower bunk where he should be and he nodded in approval.

Loki shut the door and limped over to his bed, pulling the covers back when he felt his room mate grab his wrist.

Loki yelped back, startled, but the man pulled him closer, yanked him down to the floor and Loki fell hard.

He looked up, his face a mask of anger, his fist raised to punch this daring bastard in the face when he froze in horror.

The dim light illuminated only half his face, but Loki would recognize this demon anywhere.

Ronan smiled at him, his hand still held Loki’s wrist as his mad eyes shined in the light.

“Hello, Loki”

***

Fandral was agitated.

He paced from one side of the room to the other, then back again.

It was almost dawn, but after what happened today, there was nothing that could help him sleep, nothing. His blue eyes, usually sparking with mirth and joy, were swollen, stained with tears and afraid.

Very, very afraid.

And the element of his fears was there, open on his desk before him, looking up at him mockingly.

His body shook, as did his hands as he reached over once again, to pick up the damned paper.

_My Light,_

_It has been too long without your embrace, without the poetry of your words and the grace of your form. I miss your elegance, I miss your breath, I miss even your reactions to my inventions and potions. I recall, as I write this, the last time you were here and I told you about trying for that potion, remember the one? It would hold the light of the sun if dropped. You laugh at me now, dear Light, but I know -_

The letter had been torn there, but Fandral knew what it said, what the reply had been…

This was barely half of the letter he’d sent, one of the last ones he sent his beloved before he was lost.

The fact that his carefully crafted love letter was torn so mercilessly didn’t hurt him as much as the elegant scrawl that was written within the envelope this piece of letter was wrapped up in.

_If you do not want your dear friend to know about your involvement with the late Lord Balder, it is wise if you were to place five hundred pounds on your doorstep tomorrow night at exactly midnight. Failure to comply will result in your affair being revealed not only to Thor Odinson but the entirety of High Society – as well as your seriously ill mother._

He wanted to toss this letter away, there was no signature, nothing else and it burned Fandral from the inside, it made him sick to his stomach.

And it broke his already broken heart.

He knew who had sent this, there was only one person responsible, only one.

Loki

And Fandral would be damned if he let him get away with this.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I am not answering comments, it is because of BAD AWFUL INTERNET. I will when it fixes, I promise so please leave me some, my spirit needs healing


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “My name” Thor spoke softly “I’ll listen to you, then”  
> Loki had to take a deep breath “Thor…”  
> Thor smiled and his hand slipped over Loki’s shoulder, his knuckles stroke Loki’s neck till it came over the cravat he wore, stopping there.  
> “You’re wearing too many clothes” Thor told him.

Word spread of Loki’s injury.

The staff looked at him differently. Thor was kind to him, Odin was caring, they let him be as much as they could afford, but Odin being an old man, needed the help that Thor did not. That meant that Thor was left to his own devices most of the time while Odin took all of Loki’s time.

It helped that Thor’s valet had returned from his own holiday and taken to his duties again.

That boded ill for Loki because Thor’s rooms were the ones where the most valuables were placed and now that Loki was disallowed there, it was nearly impossible for him to get anything for Thanos.

And that was not at all good news where Loki was concerned.

A fact that Ronan was very helpfully pointing out.

The bastard lay on the top bunk now, forcing Loki to take the one below it and going through one of Loki’s books, reading them even though Loki had not allowed it.

But then again, how much did he _allow_ , really?

Both father and son were having breakfast so Loki was here. Ronan was part of the household staff but so far he hadn’t deemed it worthy to go downstairs.

His priority was Loki.

“You know they will dismiss you permanently if you don’t do your job” Loki exhaled, irritated at Ronan’s constant presence “Then what?”

“You stick to your post, I will stick to mine” Ronan told him dismissively “and get some better entertainment.”

He idly tossed Loki’s book to the floor and Loki looked at it, trying to keep his temper in check. He stood wordlessly and went to retrieve his carelessly thrown possession.

“This is entertainment for me” Loki said quietly, going to put his book back.

Unfortunately, Ronan had access to more, since the upper bunk previously belonged to him, Loki had his current readings up by the pillow. He wanted to take them down but he was afraid that it would lead to Ronan getting overly touchy with him.

He didn’t want that any more than he wanted Thanos to be here. He had a throbbing bottom and the sick feeling in his chest to remind him why he needed to stay away.

But as he put his book in a shelf, another was thrown at his feet from behind. Loki looked at it and bent to pick it up when Ronan threw another.

He was baiting Loki for a reaction and Loki knew that, so he said nothing, calmly picking up the books Ronan threw at the floor, knowing that there was nothing he could do.

Anything he did do would end badly.

So he stayed stoic.

Until Ronan said something that made him go cold.

“Oh, what is this?” Ronan ripped open a package “a present?”

Loki spun around, his eyes wide “No!”

Delighted by his reaction, Ronan pulled the book away when Loki came to take it.

“Oh, someone has an admirer” Ronan sat up higher in the bunk and looked at the book “Cross Stitch? You have a lady I know nothing about?”

Loki glowered at him from where he stood, by the bed, but far from reach.

“You know Thanos doesn’t like to share” Ronan chuckled “What will you do when he finds out?”

“I have no lady” Loki said, holding out his hand “Give me the book”

“No, no” Ronan snickered, his face mean and petty “Give us a kiss, first”

Loki’s entire body went cold and he shook his head, which made Ronan laugh. He hopped off the bed and Loki backed away, retreated from him.

“You know it is only a matter of time” Ronan put the book on a table “as soon as that sweet rear of yours is better, I am taking it”

A tremble went over Loki then, of the callousness of these _monsters_.

“No?” Ronan asked, slithering over to him like the snake he was “Then I will have to compromise, aye?”

Loki felt the edge of their desk hit his hip and he stopped, keeping his gaze to the floor when Ronan stroked his cheek.

“How about Helblindi?” he smirked “he’s what? Sixteen now, I bet he’s just as tight as you”

Loki’s jaw grit tight, Ronan could feel it and he moved even closer.

“But he doesn’t have your eyes” he told Loki, tipping his head to him “Or your mouth or this sweet, soft skin”

Ronan stroked his neck, caressing it in a mockery of the loving gesture it should have been. Loki let him – he let him turn his head away and felt those awful, disgusting lips kiss his cheek.

“Till later, my ripe bud” Ronan promised, threatened, swore.

He kissed Loki’s hand then finally, _finally_ , pulled away from him, leaving him still as death.

“Make sure to take something tonight” he told him, as he waltzed to the door, clearly proud of himself.

After he left, Loki wiped his face, his neck, his hair, wanting the feeling of his touch off him.

He hated it and he hated the sting he left in his heart and behind his eyes. He hated the sickness he left on him.

Loki huffed and brushed his hair back, using the opportunity of Ronan being away to fix his bed and take his belongings far from him.

If he was to share this room with a nightmare, then he would be as safe as he could be for as long as he could be.

As for his ‘problem’, he made his way downstairs once he was told breakfast was over and knocked on Thor’s door.

“My lord, may I speak with you?”

Thor was behind the screen where Loki had cleaned up the night prior, but he heard him. His valet was there, too, his eyes on Loki in disdain.

It was clear he wasn’t welcome, and because he wasn’t welcome, it made Loki twice as smug when Thor dismissed his valet to let Loki in.

Loki knew it was for privacy, but he couldn’t help the teasing tilt of his lips as the valet walked out, levelling a glare at Loki.

“Come in, close the door behind you” Thor’s voice said “then if you could get me an outfit for the day, it would be good, since you are here already”

“Yes, Sir” Loki said, moving to obey quickly

He opened the wardrobe and pulled out a nice outfit, a grey coat, a hat and boots, everything Thor needed. By the time he was choosing between Thor’s cravats, Thor walked out, his torso glistening with water droplets and his eyes firmly on Loki.

“Are you feeling better?”

Loki, who had felt his mouth go dry at the sight of Thor’s uncovered chest, nodded “Yes, sir, thank you for inquiring”

Thor walked over then and Loki felt his heart start to race within his chest as he stood there unsurely. He felt the young lord take a gentle hold of his chin and turn his head to the side, just slightly, so he could examine the bruise.

Loki closed his eyes and felt a shiver when Thor caressed it with his thumb.

“You and I will go to the authorities today” he said “We will tell them what happened, you will give a description of those who violated you. Understand?”

That froze him and Loki slowly looked to Thor, his eyes wide “My lord, I don’t think…”

“We are not letting them get away, Loki” Thor said firmly

“I know, but they won’t do anything, this happens to so many people” Loki looked at him imploringly “Please, I don’t want any remarks, I don’t wish for them to know, for anyone to know, I beg you not to”

Thor frowned “Loki, how could…”

“Please” Loki whispered, looking at him “ _Please_ ”

He clearly didn’t like it, apparent by the way his lips tightened, but he nodded.

“Very well” Thor said “but I am against keeping this and not giving them justice”

“Yes, I know, Sir” Loki was, too, but he had no choice “This cravat or this, sir?”

Thor looked at the cloths, then at Loki’s face – it was flushed and heated, likely from their close quarters and he absently tugged on one of the items in his hands.

“This will do” Thor said “and tonight, you are to accompany me to the ball – since my valet is still tired from his journey and Fandral has written and told me he is unwell. I will go to him now, do you wish to come?”

“No, sir, it is good to invite me” Loki smiled “I will accompany you to the ball”

“Tis a torture, you will see” Thor snickered, picking up the shirt Loki had laid out “I am to go to Lady Jane Foster’s home tonight, to be shown off as her potential suitor, can you believe?”

Loki watched him dress, then came over to do his buttons “It is the way of Society, my lord. I believe it”

Thor smirked as he watched him, looking down at him, at his strange looking eyes, his long lashes.

Again, just like the day Loki had smiled to him, Thor found his heart beat a little faster. His hands itch to touch him again.

He’d taken many liberties already, but he couldn’t help himself. He was drawn to this young man and he looked away, towards the window as Loki worked to ready him.

The intimacy of their situation was not lost on him but for once, he savored it.

Besides, Loki wasn’t moving away from him. He stayed where he was and Thor felt the urge to run his thumb over Loki’s soft lips.

“I haven’t a mask to wear tonight” Thor said “nor any idea of what I should wear”

He pulled his hand back down from where he has unconsciously lifted it but he didn’t step away and Loki slowly looked up to him. Thor could see it in his eyes, green and blue, the desire to have Thor touch him again.

But he didn’t dare, not right now.

At the very least, not with the door unlocked.

“Perhaps you can find something with Lord Fandral” Loki said breathily

Such close confines with Thor’s sculpted bare chest had his heart racing.

It was the first time this happened to him – wanting someone who touched him. It caught him off guard and he looked away, quickly stepping away from Thor.

Nothing good would come of this.

“I wanted to ask you something, Sir”

Thor looked at him, unable to turn away from him. He would give him anything he asked for, possibly, within reason – if he had any left.

“Go on”

Loki looked at him and Thor’s eyes darkened when the tip of his tongue came to wet his lips before he spoke.

“I wanted to ask if it is possible for me to work for both you and your father” Loki breathed, deliberately keeping his voice low “I rather liked that arrangement”

“You rather liked the compensation, you mean” Thor smirked “I already have my valet back and you have one man to cater to rather than two”

“I know” Loki said “but I don’t cater to you”

And oh, the delightful shudder that went through Thor at that had him almost lose his breath.

“Unfortunate” Thor said softly “I’ll see what I can do”

That seemed to placate Loki, who finished up his work. But his eyes darted to the closet where Thor kept his mother’s jewels and he kept it in his mind to pluck a few out when Thor left.

Once Thor was dressed and ready, they left the room and Loki headed to Odin, who was waiting for his shave.

“Forgive me, I got held up, my lord” Loki apologized

“No apologies necessary” Odin replied kindly “An old man can wait”

Loki smiled and nodded, getting to work again.

He missed entirely the cold eyes boring into the back of his head as Ronan watched. He’d watched from Thor’s keyhole earlier, too, realizing that book Loki had wasn’t for a lady.

It was for the Lord of the manor himself.

***

The ball was crowded to the fullest even before Thor arrived. He’d managed to drag Fandral with him, which was a surprise for Loki since the man didn’t even seem to be in good spirits no matter what. That, and he kept glaring at Loki the entire time through the eyes of the fancy mask he wore.

It was a masquerade ball, enticing enough on its own but coupled with the fact that Thor Odinson was to make his appearance there soon, nearly everyone who got an invitation had accepted. Those who hadn’t were out of town and would likely curse the fact that they left.

A fact that Jane had obviously relied on.

Society was a very well played game and according to Fandral, Jane played it very well.

He talked to Thor and no one else, the heaviness in the pit of his stomach made it almost impossible for him to breathe. He watched Loki, the miserable, conniving little monster, sitting there in those fancy clothes, walking stick in hand as he looked out the window.

He looked every bit the gentleman they did and Fandral knew where the money to buy those clothes came from.

He longed to take Loki’s walking stick and beat him to death with it right now.

He’d given the damn five hundred pounds and was afraid of the next letter arriving for him. It would, soon, people like Loki were greedy, never satisfied with just one extortion. He was waiting for another chance but Fandral wouldn’t give it to him.

He didn’t know how, but he would make sure that Loki was taken down.

The rush to get into Jane’s manor was excessive. So many people poured in, invitations in hand, all of htem dressed for a masquerade ball that would likely be talked about for weeks.

Thor was not looking forward to it

He sat there in his own outfit, a stunning blue and silver masterpiece that had been a gift from one of his paramours. It was too extravagant, too loud for him, but for this ball, he decided to wear it. He had on high boots, no hat this time, but instead, he wore a mask.

And God help anyone who saw him tonight, Loki thought.

He looked marvelous.

His mask was one of a kind and a true find, one that everyone would have to thank Fandral for. It was silver, sculpted for the gods, it seemed since it glimmered. It fit over Thor’s eyes, enhancing their color so that their effect was startling. The mask settled over his eyes and up to his temples where it flared into to elegant wings, a stark contrast to his blonde hair.

Fandral’s mask was less extravagant, but his attire was sleek, black and fashionably tight. It reminded Loki of aerial acrobats, the way it clung to his body, delving into every divot, every crevice, leaving little to imagination if Fandral moved just right. His mask was made of lace, giving him an aura of magic, neither feminine nor masculine, tonight, he was both.

In Loki’s opinion, his companions were the only ones who actually looked somewhat decent. Everyone else in the hall, when they entered, looked like flounces of stupidity and Loki winced when they saw a man trip over his own extravagantly colored robes the second they entered, then fall flat on his face, breaking the long beak of his bird like mask.

Footmen rushed to help and Loki followed Thor as they went in through the main doors.

“Here”

Thor handed his coat, then Fandral’s , to Loki and pointed to a staircase

“You can head on up there, watch everything that goes on and then pity me”

Loki’s lips quirked as he nodded his head and made his way up the stairs to go sit with the other servants. Most of them were dressed up but none as good as Loki, so they straightened as he came over and went attentive.

But then they saw the coats over his arm and relaxed, realizing he was just another servant like them – only better dressed.

There was a closet destined for coats and Loki went to place Thor and Fandral’s within it, then closed it and walked out, going to stand in one of the corners, the best lit one, brought out his book and slid to the floor to read.

He didn’t have time to catch up back on Asgard, not since Ronan came over and decided to ruin his life.

Downstairs, the party was now in full swing and Thor groaned when he saw Jane recognize him and wave him over, getting him all the attention Thor didn’t want.

“Lord Asgard!” Jane beamed “You’re here!”

Stating the obvious, then…

Thor smiled and grunted when Fandral elbowed him

“Be nice” Fandral hissed, then slipped away from his side like a flicker of a shadow.

Thor glowered at the spot he had been in, then made his way to Jane.

Jane was dressed in white, the figure of a swan atop her head. There were feathers stuck over her brows with the black make up she used and even Thor had to admit her eyes looked nice.

But they were still no match for a certain oddly colored pair Thor found himself thinking about.

“Lady Foster” Thor bowed over her hand and kissed it “Quite a turn out, isn’t it?”

“It’s just as I predicted” Jane smiled, immediately taking her place next to him “come, I will introduce you”

If Thor had thought that Jane would introduce him to anyone of influence, then he was severely disappointed. She seemed only interested in showing him off to former friends and present ones, then reveling in their jealousy.

And what jealousy it was. They all glared at her, even their mothers, all of them cursing Jane for ‘snagging’ Thor and out of sheer pettiness, Thor let them think that. He didn’t correct them, he didn’t tell them that he had no need to marry anyone.

At least not yet.

And least of all Jane.

But he liked this vindictive side of her – it was at least a little more interesting than her boring knitting and sewing.

He caught sight of Fandral every now and then but kept more or less to himself, leaving Jane’s side when he got bored of it, not asking anyone to dance, despite the fact that many women came to flutter around him, touch his arm, purr at him.

He was used to fending them off.

He wasn’t used to Jane suddenly pulling him back to her side, teasing just about everyone with his presence. It grated on him but he kept his drinks constant. His mood improved and he even asked Jane to dance with him, something she all but jumped on.

A space was cleared and Thor was sure Jane had strictly ordered no one else to dance when she and Thor took the floor, since a few footmen halted those who tried – conniving woman.

The music was slow and Thor kept his glances to Jane at a minimum, instead, looking somewhere above her head. He saw Lady Darcy watching as well and smiled to her, to which she waved.

The next moment, Jane was moving him away.

Thor looked down at her and saw her watching him intently.

“Must this dance be silent?” she smiled, all false and pretty

“Perhaps” Thor forced himself to tease “silence is vastly under rated, don’t you think?”

“It is, yes” Jane said “but now that we are far from them, I have a juicy bit of gossip to share with you”

And that was all it took for Thor’s mind to think of something else, something pleasant, something that would make this time with her go faster.

It went past Jane’s chattering, past the already gossiping Society, over the whispers, through the questioning glances, higher than the music, going to the one thing that made his day today.

Loki’s smile…the feel of his hands on his chest.

Thor remembered the way his blush bloomed upon his pale skin, how his lips looked inviting when he smiled, when he licked them…Thor wagered he would taste heavenly.

He wondered if Loki was a shy kisser, whether he would pull away at first, staying only in place once Thor set his hands on his jaw, cradling it with the delicacy he deserved. He would press his lips tenderly, feel the hitch in Loki’s breath, the shudder in his body.

Then Loki would give in, parting his lips, softening against Thor so Thor could pull him against his own body.

Or would Loki be passionate, kissing him back feverishly, pulling at his clothes, his hair. He wondered how much Loki would take, how beautifully he would bend for him…

He was jolted from his thoughts when Jane stumbled – over nothing, Thor noticed – and he was forced to hold her weight when he stepped on her dress and nearly toppled, too.

With a steady hand, the put her to rights and diminished the overly worried, fluttering crowed. He raised a brow when two of Jane’s friends came over to see if she was alright.

At least the music stopped.

“Oh dear, I’ve twisted my ankle” Jane complained, lowering herself gracefully to the ground “I do not think I can walk”

Thor tried not to roll his eyes at the chaotic _drama_ that erupted after, but he was grateful that two or three flouncy lads came to check on her foot, wincing and apologizing when she cried out.

Out of sheer lack of choice, Thor stood there, watching, not helping, not reaching for her, even though many, _many_ hints were tossed at him to do so.

But there was none more daring or shameless than the man who came to help her then.

“Allow me, my lady”

There were gasps of recognition as Sigurd Orvar came over, beaming at Thor as he bent gallantly to hoist Jane into his arms.

“Put your arms about my neck, Lady Jane” he smirked, his mask pushed up over his head, keeping his hair out of his eyes “and allow me to carry you to the couch”

Time had once more frozen for Thor.

He saw not the ballroom, but that damn clearing at the city’s edge. He saw not Jane, but Balder before him. He saw himself, holding Balder’s arms and begging him to go home, to go back and not do this _stupid_ thing.

He saw Orvar gloat as he carried her about, showing off his strength.

“Seems like your dance partner had weak knees” he chuckled “a family trait, no doubt”

There were horrified gasps from around them and Thor felt his anger rise inside him like something physical, cruel and hard, hurting as it build up inside.

Orvar was clearly proud of himself and busied himself with setting Jane down and fussing over her. Yet Thor knew better, the man was waiting for an attack, a reaction, something to let him know he had hurt Thor.

The reaction he got, however, was nothing like either of them thought it would be

A masked footmen, carrying a tray of bright red wine suddenly tripped and toppled the drinks all over Orvar and even poor Jane.

More screams and shocked cries erupted – God, this ball would be the talk of the Season!

“Forgive me, Sir!”

Thor froze when Loki’s very familiar voice apologized in a very not sorry tone.

“Are you blind!?” Orvar shouted at him “You fool, you’ve ruined by clothes!”

Loki ducked his head but even from where he stood, Thor saw the mischief sitting firmly in his eyes. He appeared meek, he was anything but.

“This is worth more than your years’ salary!” Orvar shouted at him, snatching the handkerchief Jane was using and wiping at himself “you should be hanged for this!”

His behavior had more than a few eyebrows raised and Loki stood there politely revealing the disgusting inside of this man. Jane was still on the couch, tending to her ‘hurt’ ankle and the gathered people all fluttered and flitted, pretending this was the greatest drama they had ever seen, especially when Orvar stormed off, complaining about incompetent staff.

And Thor had enough of it.

When Jane was surrounded by concerned friends and admirers, she didn’t see him slip out of the large bay doors and out into the veranda. Jane’s grounds were extensive and a good place for him to find some isolation.

He longed to leave but he couldn’t see Fandral anywhere and leaving him here was unthinkable.

Thor walked out onto the veranda and climbed down the white marble steps that led into the gardens. There was a fountain not far and a Grecian temple constructed to give an aura of romance. Thor saw no one in it and made for it, seeking the refuge it granted.

Grass crushed under his heavy boots and Thor pulled the mask off his face so he could see better, breathe better.

That night was back in his head and with his mind muddled by drink, he couldn’t seem to take the path that pulled away from him. He couldn’t focus on anything other than the night Balder was shot.

_“You don’t have to do this!” Thor shook Balder, looking earnestly into his blue eyes “He’s a good shot, brother, he will kill you!”_

_Balder narrowed his eyes at him “He insulted me. I will not stand for it!”_

_He’d pushed Thor off and gone ahead, ready to take the pistol from Orvar’s collection._

_Then Thor remembered a deadly shot and blood … Balder’s blood, cold as a frozen lake, his eyes so lifeless, his body chilled…_

“My lord!”

Thor startled and turned, surprised when he saw Loki jogging over, his mask still on his face.

“My lord, where are you going?” Loki panted, wincing because it wasn’t wise to run in his state “are you alright, sir?”

Thor frowned “Why are you galloping about? You’re hurt”

Loki waved the concern off and walked over this time, looking at him “You vanished, I feared I was abandoned there. Do you know they are still swooning over her fake broken ankle? It’s like a madhouse in there”

Thor snorted and shook his head, “You speak too much. Silence is a virtue”

Loki laughed and took his mask off, the two standing quietly a moment, then the valet raised his eyes to Thor.

“It was him, wasn’t it, Sir?” Loki asked softly “that bastard was the one who…”

“Yes” Thor’s answer was clipped “I do not wish to talk about it”

“He’s a bastard” Loki said “and now everyone knows. They all saw his misbehavior tonight”

“Aye, no thanks to you” Thor, who had turned away, came back “that was a risky thing to do, you know.”

Loki shrugged “I had my face covered and no one pays much attention to the help. How do you think I got the glasses in the first place?”

“You are a Trickster and will get in trouble “ Thor shook his head and sighed “Go enjoy yourself, I need time to sulk”

“If I may be so bold” Loki said, following him “Could I spend time here? I prefer the company of someone genuinely elegant rather than those flouncing peacocks”

“Flouncing peacocks” Thor chuckled and lifted his mask for Loki “And I am one of them tonight”

He started walking to the temple again and Loki followed, a few paces behind.

“If you didn’t wish to be here” Loki asked as Thor sat in one of the spots on the benches that ran along the railing of the temple “Why are you here?”

Thor groaned and tipped his head back, closing his eyes “I have more than a few drinks, Loki, I have no coherency to answer such deep questions at the moment”

Loki leaned against the pillars at the entrance and looked at Thor, sitting spread eagled and ungracefully.

“Alright” he said, then pushed off the pillar to come join Thor on the bench “what do you wish to talk about then, Sir?”

Thor hummed and raised a hand to massage his temples “Something that has nothing to do with my life.”

“Well, we have lots of those” Loki played with his own mask once he took it off “there are taxes, horses, weather…”

Thor snorted “Now you sound like Jane. God above, I never thought I would meet anyone as _boring_ as her”

Loki raised a brow “She is … graceful, elegant, rich, beautiful and well read. In my opinion, you could do worse”

“I have other tastes” Thor lowered his hand and looked at him “stranger tastes, as people would say”

“Less boring, you mean” Loki leaned back “It explains Fandral – I have never met anyone stranger”

Thor smiled “Aye, he is an odd one.”

“He is” Loki said “does he always scowl like that?”

Thor laughed “No, but he was in a foul mood, wasn’t he? I forced him to come here, likely that was it”

“Possibly” Loki snickered “I, for one, feared the flesh would melt off my face”

Thor laughed, a rich, deep sound that filled the air between them and warmed Loki’s heart. It was a good laugh and he wanted to hear more of it.

Silence fell between them and Loki turned to watch the ball, he saw figures and distorted shapes walking around, dancing, their music and laughter reaching them even now. His fingers idly played with the mask in his hands and he wondered how many of them knew he’d taken their jewels. None of them, really, he was very good and they were very drunk.

Loki jumped when a large warm hand rested on his back, between his shoulders and turned to see Thor looking at him, his blue eyes focused on him.

Loki felt his heart come to a halt, then restart at twice the normal pace when Thor’s hand slid upwards, his fingers gently playing with his hair.

“I’ve never seen a valet quite like you” Thor whispered, watching him in the darkness “what is it about you?”

His hand curled around his nape and Loki watched him, his mouth parting when Thor used Loki to pull himself to sit up and consequently, closer to him than before.

He tried to answer, but no words left his lips and Thor’s dazed eyes found his own, odd ones.

“Maybe it’s your eyes” Thor commented, still keeping a hold on him “There’s so much sadness in them, always settled there, looking out at us. What are you hiding? Why are you sad?”

Loki swallowed thickly “My lord, this is …”

“No” Thor whispered softly, his thumb coming to trace Loki’s jaw “say my name”

Loki felt his throat constrict, the touches far too intimate “Sir, this …”

He broke off when Thor gave him a light shake

“My name” Thor spoke softly “I’ll listen to you, then”

Loki had to take a deep breath “Thor…”

Thor smiled and his hand slipped over Loki’s shoulder, his knuckles stroke Loki’s neck till it came over the cravat he wore, stopping there.

“You’re wearing too many clothes” Thor told him.

At that, Loki’s breath caught, especially when he looked at Thor’s eyes, that bold statement touching his skin line a brand, leaving him burned, hot and bothered.

And Thor knew, the man leaned closer, one hand hovered above Loki’s thigh and Loki found himself wishing that he would lower it, set it over him and…

“Thor!”

They jumped back from one another immediately when they heard Fandral jog over, huffing for breath. Loki fixed his appearance, touching his heated cheeks and Thor went back to laying as ungracefully as possible.

When Fandral came over, Loki stood to offer him his seat but the man declined.

“Let’s just leave” Fandral pleaded “it was a mistake coming here, all they do is talk about you and Jane and dear God! I can take no more”

Thor snickered “This coming from a Social butterfly”

“The best one,” Fandral walked over to grab his arm and pull him up “Come on”

“The world is spinning, Fandral” Thor sat back “get the carriage, Loki get the coats, then come to me. I am inebriated”

Fandral scoffed “Not enough to lose your entitlement, but as you wish”

He looked to Loki and snapped his fingers “You heard him, get the coats”

Loki raised a brow at this ‘strange’ man and then gave Thor a meaningful look, which had him smile as Loki made his way back inside.

Fandral caught it and scoffed, his eyes following Loki as the valet left.

“Did you actually take my earlier advice seriously and bed him?”

Thor blinked at his friend “I beg your pardon?”

Fandral nodded to where Loki was heading off “You really think I didn’t see the two of you, where your hands were?”

He continued as Thor groaned and sat back

“He’s your valet, Thor, what are you thinking?”

“We did not do anything” Thor said “and even if we did, I do not see how it concerns you”

“It concerns me because I am your friend” Fandral frowned “He could be dangerous”

“As could the many, many lovers you take to bed” Thor told him “yet you never see me comment”

That shut Fandral up and Thor satisfied with his drunken logic.

The two friends stayed cold afterwards, the entire ride home was silent. Loki pretended to be interested in the landscape they passed but even his deliberate ignorance could do little to prevent him from feeling the tension between them.

Thor said nothing when they stopped at Fandral’s home and Fandral slammed the carriage door shut before he stomped upstairs and into his house. In fact, Thor stayed silent throughout the ride back but once Fandral had gone, his eyes stayed focused on Loki and nothing else.

He could almost feel his eyes rove from his feet, up his legs, over his body and to his face, which Loki kept averted. Yet he heard the snicker that Thor gave when Loki blushed in response to his open stares.

Something was about to happen tonight.

And Loki didn’t know if he could stop it or not.

Or even if he wanted to.

***

If he expected Loki to have been cowed by his stares, Thor was pleasantly surprised. The man flushed beneath them, he knew what Thor wanted, at the temple, Thor had seen it.

And he hadn’t moved away.

He didn’t play coy, he didn’t bat his lashes, he’d looked right into Thor’s eyes with his own oddly colored ones, reflecting the same passion Thor wanted in that moment.

And that was all the consent Thor needed. It was the encouragement Thor wanted in his drink infused state of thinking.

Loki

He wanted Loki.

When they got home, Loki didn’t look at him but he felt the excitement course through him when Thor asked him to bring him a pitcher of warmed water and a wash basin. He’d gone upstairs to dismiss his sleeping valet and began to undo his clothes himself.

He tugged tossed his mask on the bed, tugged off his cravat and undid his clothes, leaving his torso bare, hissing at the chill his skin met as the cool air in the room hit it.

No matter, he thought, it would warm up soon enough.

It took forever, he paced, he thought, he had another drink from the decanter placed in his room, he did everything he could not to check whether Loki was coming or not.

Minutes slowed to hours, his breath seemed to come to him with difficulty, one drink turned to three and when the much awaited for knock came, Thor had a delightfully relaxed haze around his head and his eyes were hooded.

Loki stood there, dressed casually, not like Thor, but enough that he looked softer, touchable. Thor’s hands itched to be in his hair, on his neck, under the shirt of his uniform.

Thor stepped back and Loki could swear he felt his breath speed up when he passed him. That sculpted chest so close, honed to perfection and so beautiful that Loki wanted to know what it would taste like beneath his lips.

And if Thor’s behavior tonight was any indication, Loki was going to have a chance tonight.

Every inch of common sense in his head told him not to, every fear inside his heart forbid him to and for those reasons, Loki stepped into the room, knowing what was about to happen.

Thor was drunk, his eyes were candles tonight, lit with desire, focused on him without an intent to hurt him.

And Loki would rather take his touch than anyone else’s.

He knew Thor would care for him.

He didn’t say anything as he walked into the room and set the basin and pitcher on the table behind the screen. The gentle click was all the sound in the room, even the noises of the night seemed to have silenced, holding their breath, watching what was to transpire here.

The place Loki stood in was confined, small, hidden from the world but he felt free here, away from the eyes that always were upon him, wanting a chance to ruin what made him happy.

Here, he was safe.

Here, he was with Thor.

Loki felt him then, coming to stand behind him, close enough that the heat of his strong body radiated off him. Loki could hear him breathe, hear him think, hear him ask.

He turned his head slightly so he could look over his shoulder to Thor’s, his lashes lowered.

Thor was only slightly taller than him, but he felt bigger, he felt like he could pull Loki into himself and Loki would vanish against him.

It didn’t frighten him, not one bit and Loki shivered when Thor raised a hand to brush his hair off his nape, leaving him free to look upon his profile.

“Are you afraid?” Thor whispered

His breath was warm against Loki’s ear and he shivered.

The words meant _so much_ to Loki and he shook his head.

“Do you want this?”

He saw Loki swallow heavily and his own breath caught in his throat when Loki raised his eyes to him. In this dim light, they looked stunning and he wanted to look into them as he kissed Loki.

“My lord” Loki said softly “I would not have come here if I didn’t want this”

Thor moved closer, Loki nudged the table before him and was quick to grasp it before it fell, turning to look at the water as it sloshed in the basin, at the pitcher as it almost fell.

He heard Thor’s breath whisper by his ear, then felt him turn his lips to speak into Loki’s ear.

Thor was radiating with tension, Loki could feel it in the taut form of his body, in the way his hands came around him, to rest behind his, just shy of touching, but not making contact.

And it occured to him, then.

Thor was asking for his permission again, permission to touch, more than a verbal sign.

Looking at their hands, Loki saw the difference between them. Thor’s were large, worn with work outside, hands that have touched the world. Loki’s were pale, soft and used to the gentle work within domesticity.

Like leather and silk.

Loki had to make a conscious effort to breathe as he pulled his hands lower, down to the corner where Thor’s waited and placed them upon his Master’s in the softest permission he could give.

Thor spread his fingers and took Loki’s within his own and his mouth came to rest at Loki’s nape in a promise taken apart and rebuilt into a kiss.

He wouldn’t hurt him.

He would make Loki feel good.

Then those hands pulled away from Loki’s, settled on his hips and applied pressure to turn him around so they were facing one another. They were close enough that Loki could make out the patterns in those beautiful blue eyes, close enough that he could see the questions he had settled there, some of them Loki would have to answer, others were asked from people long gone.

His own eyes fell shut when Thor moved enough to press him against the wall, his hands came to rest upon Thor’s biceps, feeling the movement of muscle and bone beneath his palms just as sharply as he felt Thor’s breath upon his cheek as he kissed it.

“Is this alright?” Thor asked softly

Loki nodded, gulped and opened his eyes so he could look at Thor “Why?”

“Why?” Thor smiled, just a little “I do not wish to alarm you or make you feel you have to do this, I …”

He broke off, blinking, when Loki placed his hand over his lips and stared into his eyes.

“Why me?” Loki asked “you fool”

He felt Thor smile against his fingers and then raise a hand to hold Loki’s in place as he kissed where his mouth touched.

“Because you’ve bewitched me”

His voice was muffled against Loki’s skin but Loki heard him enough, then felt him pull him closer as his arm went about his waist. Loki’s hand slipped from over his lips to his shoulder and he looked up into his eyes, wonder in his own.

“Let me kiss you”

Loki’s lips curved into a smirk “You don’t have to ask anymore – _Thor_ ”

Thor’s eyes darkened with desire and that was when he ducked his head and took Loki’s mouth beneath his own.

***

Loki’s head was spinning.

Thor’s kisses were like wine, he chased the taste of them when Thor moved back to breathe, he craned his neck and wanted more, he didn’t want them to stop.

He was tender at first, hesitant to be open until Loki’s hands scratched at his back and pulled him closer in a demand for more.

Then Thor took over.

It hadn’t been long before Loki found himself on the bed with Thor levered over him, their mouths locked together as Thor kissed him, groaned into his mouth and set his weight deliberately on Loki. It kept him breathless and dizzy.

Loki loved it.

His hands went up Thor’s arms and over his back, into his hair as they kissed. He pulled Thor closer, letting him break the kiss off so he could mouth at Loki’s neck.

By the way he bit him the second he could, Loki knew he’d longed to do that. He tipped is head back and let out a soft moan when Thor bit him next, sensed Thor still above him in response to the sound and smiled.

Ah …

He liked it.

“You are a barbarian” Loki hissed, running his hands back up and into his hair to keep his head where he wanted “someone will see”

“Then I guess you will have to hide it better” Thor teased, licking a long stripe up to his ear “Or show it, I really wouldn’t mind”

Loki shivered under him and turned his head to kiss Thor again, the two of them entwined together. Their wet pants filled the room and the bed creaked when Loki rolled them over so he lay in top. His hair fell over his face and Thor raised a hand to neatly tuck it behind his ear as they kissed.

His touch was as tender as his kisses were demanding. The contrast was something Loki had never felt before and he deepened the kiss. Their jaws opened and closed together as they kissed, soft groans rose from them both, the slip of Loki’s clothes, of Thor’s hands playing with the hem of Loki’s shirt, the way Loki cradled Thor’s face between his palms and the gentle way the two came to one another was magical in Loki’s opinion.

In Thor’s, it was drink.

How romantic, Loki almost snickered.

Thor’s hands never left him. They had been on his back, played with his shirt and now one held Loki at the hip while the other played with his hair as they kissed, his eyes were closed and he moaned softly when Loki pulled away.

He opened them to look at him, at this odd eyed nymph and brushed his hair off his forehead so he could hold it back.

“Have you wanted this as long as I have?” Thor asked

Loki’s mouth turned up at one side and he lowered his head to kiss Thor’s neck while Thor watched the strands of his hair slip from his fingers.

“You mean as long as you have wanted tonight?” Loki murmured against his skin

“It’s been longer than that” Thor picked up his hair again and let it slide through his fingers

“Has it?” Loki kissed up, higher so he could nibble at his jaw

Thor groaned and let his eyes fall shut “It has and you know it”

Loki smiled against his stubble and let Thor tug at his shirt. He felt him try to take it off but it snagged between them and Thor huffed in frustration.

“Off with this”

Loki complied and then found himself on his back again with Thor leaning above him, looking down at his body. He raised a hand and touched a bruise on Loki’s ribs and Loki tensed when he realized he was touching a faded bite mark Thanos had left on him.

“I will kill who did this to you” Thor told him “I swear I will”

“So much care for someone you do not even know” Loki reached over to touch his hair “Why?”

“You did not want this” Thor looked at his face

“But I want you now” Loki told him, wrapping his arms around his neck “Will you not give this to me?”

“I will give you anything you ask for, Loki”

Loki smiled at him “Loki?”

Thor snickered “What?”

“I like the way you said it” Loki told him, his fingers running through Thor’s blonde hair “say it again”

Thor tried not to roll his eyes “Loki … what would you like me to do?”

Loki pretended to think about it “Well, seeing as you will not take me like I want…”

“Loki” Thor scolded lightly

“How about you take those trousers off” Loki said “and we can truly get to work”

Thor’s brows rose and Loki got what he wanted.

***

But Loki got it on Thor’s terms.

He got _his_ trousers off, not Thor’s and he was now panting and gasping, his teeth sinking into his lip as he tried not to be too loud in response to what Thor was doing to him.

The bastard had Loki in his lap, one hand around Loki’s waist while the other was wrapped around his erection, wet and glistening with Loki’s spend. He held Thor’s hand at the wrist while his other pulled at the sheets. He was trembling, his skin glistened with perspiration and he bucked in Thor’s grip.

Thor kissed his shoulders, his neck, the back of his ear, which was a sweetly sensitive spot in Loki. He stroked him to completion over and over, reveled in his muffled sounds and smiled whenever Loki had to turn his head to the side to hold back a loud moan.

He felt him tremble and writhe as much as he could, deciding to be more of a tease than he already was. He hooked his foot at Loki’s ankle and moved it, parting his legs wide enough to have Loki moan at the implication, once more biting his lip.

“Hush” Thor nuzzled his neck “they will hear us”

Loki whimpered, then gasped when Thor lowered his hand so fondle him, pressing and squeezing him so expertly that he couldn’t think!

He’d already made Loki release twice – this would be a third time. And it was no less intense than before. He bit and kissed him, he pleasured him in ways Loki hadn’t felt pleasure before and Loki trusted him for it. His toes curled in pleasure, his back arched and he pressed down on Thor’s own arousal, gasping as it prodded his cheeks.

“Thor” Loki panted as softly as he could manage

Thor rumbled in excitement and bucked his hips a little “Say my name like that again”

Loki whined, tipping his head back till it fell over Thor’s shoulder when Thor increased the movement of his hand “Oh God…”

Thor turned his head to mouth at his throat, pulling him closer, then turned them both on their sides so he was spooning Loki from behind. Immediately, Loki buried his face into the pillows, allowing himself to release his moans since the pillows muffled them.

“I could do this to you forever” Thor whispered in his ear “You’re beautiful but like this, it’s magic in my hands, Loki”

He ground against him and heard Loki’s loud gasp taken by the pillows

“I can’t keep my hands off you”

Loki shivered and Thor pulled his hand back, giving him some reprieve and enough energy to lift his head from the pillows. His hair was disheveled and he looked behind him when Thor began to kiss down his back, mouthing along his spine as his hands went over him again, touching him, stroking him, caressing him so tenderly Loki had little choice but to melt right there.

“Thor, please” Loki whispered, falling on his back when Thor moved him “Please…”

“I thought I was” Thor smiled, hovering over him again “will you do the same for me?”

Loki, hair splayed beneath his head, nodded. He reached down to undo Thor’s trousers and slipped his hand inside, finally, finally holding the hot thick flesh of his manhood in his fingers. Thor groaned and lowered his head to Loki’s shoulder and Loki wrapped his arm around him, stroking him as Thor had done.

It was empowering, to have Thor kept like this, the way Loki wanted, gasping into his ear, whispering soft nothings and telling him what he wanted. He bit his throat, he licked the sting away, he bucked into his hand, warm and trembling and so, so forbidden.

They were forbidden for one another and that made this that much more delicious, the illicitness of it all.

Thor thrust into his palm and Loki gave him what he needed, kissing him hard and taking his moans as his own, his breath as his own and his pleasure as his own. Thor did the same, wrapping his fingers once more around Loki and pleasing him in return so they both released together.

When he spent himself on Loki’s hand, they both trembled and Thor lay over him after Loki’s release, both of them tired, panting heavily against one another.

Then Thor began to mouth at his neck again.

Loki grinned “Fool, off. We’ve done enough and I wish to have some sleep before I wake tomorrow”

Thor groaned “That’s debatable”

“No, it is not” Loki pushed him off and sat up, brushing his hair back, then looked to him “Must you display yourself like that?”

His eyes were focused on Thor’s rear and the temptation to stay and touch that all the rest of the night was high in Loki.

“I’m trying to sleep” Thor told him “isn’t that what you want?”

Loki huffed and Thor yelped when he slapped his rear.

“Damn you, what was that for!?” Thor hissed, turning to glare at him.

Yet his eyes went only from Loki’s shoulders, down his back to his own bottom and he raised a brow when he saw his own teeth marks on his soft globes.

Ah, he had his answer.

“Will you be here tomorrow?” Thor asked

Loki hummed and bent to pick up his clothes “Perhaps”

“You’re teasing me”

Loki’s answering grin was bright and he winked at him. He let Thot watch him redress, fix himself up and look in the mirror.

“Am I?” Loki asked, satisfied with his appearance “How rude of you to say”

He came back over and sat beside Thor, mindful of the mess they had made on the bed. He brushed his blonde hair back and looked at his eyes.

“Do you want me to come back here tomorrow?” he asked softly

Thor took his hand and kissed his palm, setting his fingers against his cheeks after “You know I do”

Loki’s smile was tender “Then I will.”

Thor winked at him, wished him goodnight and let him leave.

And Loki would be lying if he said he didn’t leave a large part of him behind with him as he walked out that door to go to his own bed to sleep.

***

The arms that Loki up in the next morning were not Thor’s and they were not kind.

For a moment, when he was caught between reality and sleep, he thought perhaps he’d never left Thor’s bed and would wake there, with those strong arms around him, granting him the comfort that he craved whenever he was with him. That the lips he felt mouthing at his nape were Thor’s and the hand that slipped lower and lower was going to feel good.

It took him but a second to realize that it was not true and that he was in the arms of a monster.

Loki gasped and smacked Ronan’s hand away, pushing it off “What are you doing!?”

He groaned when Ronan tightened his grip and pulled him back hard, refusing to let him go.

“Easy” Ronan cooed into his ear “calm yourself, Loki, you will attract attention here”

“Let go of me” Loki was tense, afraid and struggled, still “Get off!”

Ronan shushed him and straightened a bit, forcing Loki on his back, despite how hard he struggled and pushed at him.

“It’s alright” Ronan cooed “You knew this would happen, calm yourself”

Loki shook his head “No, no, I didn’t, get off of me, you monster”

But Ronan was stronger, he was bigger and Loki sobbed in frustration when his pushes meant nothing. The man lowered himself over him and Loki dug his elbows into the bed, levering his body as far as he could when he felt him kiss his neck.

“Thanos will not like what happened last night” Rona whispered, kissing over Thor’s mark “I told you he doesn’t like to share”

Loki froze, his eyes wide as he stared at him in shock.

Ronan smirked “You thought you were discreet? How charming. The book was for him, wasn’t it? For that pathetic stitching all over his room, how sentimental. Imagine how he will feel when I tell him what you are doing here.”

“Please” Loki whispered, his voice shaking “you can’t tell him, you …”

Ronan laughed, shutting him up “Oh, look at you, begging me now, how quickly, too. You must really love your brother, Loki, to fall so fast”

“He will hurt Hel” Loki told him “you know this”

“Hmm, I do” Ronan moved closer again, kissing his cheek, his jaw, then up to his temple “that is why you are going to let me do anything I want to you and behave during it”

Loki’s lip quivered and tears formed in his eyes “Please…don’t do this”

He turned his head away when Ronan made to kiss his lips, but whimpered, a sob escaping him when he grabbed his jaw and made him turn back so he could kiss him.

It was hard, rough and cruel, he pressed Loki into the bed with his weight, he pushed the air out of him.

“Open your mouth for me” Ronan ordered “you know how, after all, you’re sleeping with three different men, Whore”

Tears spilled from Loki’s eyes as he parted his lips and he tried not to cry when Ronan forced his tongue in. it was terrible, his kisses were cruel, his hands were hard. Ronan grabbed Loki’s wrist and put his hand between his thick legs, leaving no mistake about what he wanted. He undid his trousers so pushing Loki’s hand in was easier and Ronan held it there to make sure Loki did what he wanted.

He kept up those awful kisses and he grabbed his hair, pulled his head back to mouth at his neck. It hurt, it was painful and it left Loki miserable.

Ronan ripped at his clothes, left them open and bit down his chest, scratched him, hurt him.

It was cruelty at its worst but at least, at the very least, he didn’t touch him.

The barbarian was satisfied with Loki using his hand on him to get him to release, he wanted instant gratification, he wanted to show Loki his place.

When he was done, he bent over Loki, placing their foreheads together. He looked into Loki’s eyes, took in the tear tracks on his cheeks and smirked.

“You look beautiful with tears stains on your face” Ronan commented “I wish I could do more of this”

He could and he would, Loki knew and he turned his head away, staying completely still as Ronan pulled back, unable to keep from running his hands over Loki as he retreated.

“You are still sore so I will leave you intact” Ronan said, fixing his own clothes “but expect that to change soon, understand?”

Loki gave no response and Ronan rolled his eyes.

“Pathetic” he scoffed, “You and him make a good match – both of you are sentimental _fools_ ”

Loki’s eyes watered and he let Ronan rant on as he cleaned himself, then leave, closing the door behind him.

Once he was gone, Loki sat up, hunched over, holding himself tightly. A sob escaped him and he slid from the bed to the floor, his head lowered into his hand as he cursed himself.

He cursed that he wanted happiness, he cursed that he enjoyed what he did with Thor, he cursed all of it. He hated that he couldn’t be happy and that sometimes it would have been better if he was shot dead.

But as much as he wanted that, he couldn’t – because Helblindi would suffer. He was going to take the hits for Loki’s mistakes.

So Loki could afford not to make a single one. He had to paint a mask over himself, had to dust himself off and had to get up.

He went to his trunk and pulled out his clean uniform, cleaned himself with a washcloth, soap and his basin, brushed his hair, washed his face, then looked in the mirror.

He was pristine again, he was handsome. His exterior was once more perfect, no hint of his pain inside his heart, mind and soul tainted the image he presented.

He was the perfect, mindless drone if he so wished.

But he didn’t.

He wanted happiness. He wanted freedom.

Yet he couldn’t have it – not now at least.

His eyes stung again and Loki wiped them, then turned to leave the rooms. He ignored everyone he saw on his way to Odin’s chambers. The old lord was awake and he looked upset.

For a moment Loki feared he knew about what he and Thor did last night, but the truth was far from it.

For one, he was trying to look for something – frantically.

There were clothes and items scattered everywhere and Odin’s expression was stricken.

“My lord, are you alright?” Loki asked, forgetting his own pain as he went to him “what’s wrong?”

At that moment, Thor came back, just as pale, almost grey in pallor.

“Father” he breathed, then shook his head “they’re not there. Someone took them”

Loki’s stomach dropped and he went pale when he saw the pain and horror on both their faces.

“Loki” Odin clutched at his arm “Someone’s taken my wife’s jewels from Thor’s bedchambers, nearly all of them. Do you have any clue if he misplaced them or who …”

“I did not misplace them!” Thor defended “Someone took them, someone stole them from my closet!”

“Then you should never have taken them!” Odin turned on him “You irresponsible, stupid boy!”

He hurled the blame at Thor hard enough to leave Thor stunned and speechless, so much that Loki realized then and there why he could never be happy.

Because he had done this.

This fight, their angry words and their loss was his fault.

This was his doing – all of it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ramadan is over and I am BACK!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things go awry

He liked waking up to this.

This comfort, this escape from the pain he was constantly in, he liked it. He liked the feel of protection around his body, holding him so close he could have been melded together with it. He liked the soft dull glow cast around the room, he liked the freedom that came with it.

But what he liked most was the second heartbeat he could feel, somewhere around his hip and the strong arms that were wrapped around him.

It was past dawn now but no one was really awake, the house was silent save for the groans and moans of the wood and the occasional unexplained click from the outside.

No one would disturb them and Loki could stay here, in this cool room, with the faint scent of the outside seeping in from the half opened window. He could see the sun from between the slit in Thor’s drapes, rising shyly, painting gold to blue, starting the day for those who rose with it.

There would be fog today, Loki could smell it, a chill would settle in the air and in his mind he held within his hands a nice bowl of thick, warm broth, not Thor and his sadness.

Not the guilt that cut into his palms and opened them up, not the pain he carried all last night when he helped Thor tear the room apart to find something he himself had taken from him.

He had never felt guilt before, never.

This was not his first position, this was not his first robbery, but this guilt was the first time in his life he felt the pain of the person he was taking from.

And God, he was a good man, both of them were such good men…

Thor had been devastated, more so when Odin blamed him, yelled at him, told him it was his fault, they searched the whole house, they searched the servant’s pockets, their belongings, trying in vain to find it. Loki knew they wouldn’t, he also knew where they would find them.

But he didn’t say a word.

He searched with them, put on an act, danced the dance Thanos wanted him to dance, did everything he could to make them believe he was innocent and that some other cruel person was to blame for all this.

As he had his room searched, Loki hid the cross stitch book from Thor and thanked his luck that he had destroyed all of Thanos’ letters. He watched him take his things out, then Ronan’s, his eyes too wide, his face too pained.

Such pain didn’t belong on Thor’s face, comfort did, calmness did.

And it was a shame that it was Loki who he came to for comfort that night. He wanted Loki to sleep with him. His tone was firm, commanding him to get his bedding, which Loki did with a smug announcement to Ronan, and to sleep on the floor.

But once everyone was asleep, once there was silence in the house, Loki, who was dozing lazily in his bed, felt a feather light touch on to his hair. He opened his eyes and found himself looking into Thor’s stunning blue ones. He saw sadness, hurt, pain and confusion in them, looking into his own.

Thor hadn’t wanted to wake him but he needed him in his arms.

His hand cradled the side of Loki’s face, his fingers slipped into his hair and Loki closed his eyes, humming softly.

He liked this.

“Come to the bed” Thor had asked softly “it will be warmer there”

It had been slightly awkward, once Loki agreed, neither of them had ever been so aware of their movements, of their bodies, or even their breathing as they did as they got under the covers on the bed.

Thor sighed softly when his feet neared the warming pan Loki had placed in the middle of the bed, his eyes slid shut in comfort. He opened them and looked at Loki, raising a hand to cup his cheek fondly.

“Thank you” he had told him “for everything”

Loki’s lips curved into a smile he was unworthy of and his heart beat faster despite the self loathing that it should be filled with. He didn’t deserve these words, he didn’t deserve this kindness, he deserved the pain Ronan would give him, nothing else.

But that didn’t mean he wouldn’t take what Thor offered right now, that he didn’t prefer his hands over others or that he preferred his bed to his own.

He moved against the hand on his cheek and let Thor pull him closer, let him set his head on his shoulder and let himself take the pain from him, with one stroke of his fingers through his hair, to the next.

Before long, Loki had Thor sleeping, curled around him and fell with him, taken into his dreams in the arms of the only man who wouldn’t hurt him.

And he woke there, too, comforted, longed for, safe. His own arms were around Thor, too, his body felt his weight, his ears listened to his soft breathing and his heart joined Thor’s, where he felt it beat at his hip as Thor lay asleep on his chest.

He liked waking like this, he liked this much more than he was allowed to and more than he should.

Loki let Thor sleep for a while longer, till he heard the first of the movements begin around the house.

After that, he silently slipped out from beneath the warmth Thor and his bed offered and sat on the edge.

He looked down at his feet, hovering above the floor, he didn’t set them down yet. He felt that in doing so, in letting his feet touch the ground, he would get his head back where it was floating – he would be pulled by his ankles to reality and tossed to the wolves that awaited him. He would live the life he had not the one he wanted, he would be below Thor in every possible way, far from his reach despite being in the same bed.

Because his life was not his own, what was he offering Thor?

A lie, that was the answer.

And Thor didn’t deserve that.

He heard him shift behind him and felt his hand snake over to meet Loki’s, to curl around his slim fingers in his sleep, pulling him back to his untruth, his reverie, his make-believe, tempting him to come back, to lay down, to lie some more and get his happiness.

Thor sighed in sleep, his hand tightened.

And Loki put his feet down.

***                                         

It was probably another form of his torment that he wasn’t left alone afterwards.

Not by Ronan, the man was working for once, Heimdall had told him off more than once about how he was getting lax in his duties and had taken him downstairs to supervise his cleaning.

Yes, Loki smiled as he saw Ronan using soapy water and cloth to clean the floors of the lobby, cleaning, domestic maintenance and  dusting were the orders of the day for him. And God, did it make Loki sneer wide when he saw the nasty look thrown his way as Ronan scrubbed and mopped the floors.

His own duties were easy today – Odin had gone out in a rare meeting with his friends and once Loki had readied him and sent him off, he started on them slowly.

After Thor’s very public and very scandalous visit to Lady Jane’s ball, the invites and visiting cards fell like rain. Loki had to stop his work more than once to take them and place them where Odin could see them.

It took him twice as long to air his linens out and dry them before the fire, all because every few minutes a maid would come over with a letter or invite for Odin. He knew Thor was home but since his own valet was still there, Loki wasn’t needed as much.

It was, perhaps, a good thing.

Loki had no business being with someone as wonderful as Thor.

So it was definitely punishment that, when he was setting out and counting the things Odin was to wear once he returned, that Thor knocked on the door and entered.

Loki looked up sharply and felt his heart beat faster at the mere sight of Thor standing there, pristine and beautiful – too good for him to touch.

And yet there was the smile Loki wanted to see on his lips, the brightness in his eyes and a dash of embarrassment as he walked in after closing the door behind him.

“Father is out?”

Loki had one of Odin’s vests in his hands and nodded “Yes, my lord. His friends have been writing to him for a while now and were adamant he meet them”

He folded the vest and placed it alongside the outfit he’d made today.

“Your father was eager, too, but also disinclined to leave the house”

“Aye, he can be a recluse when he wants” Thor went to his father’s dresser and looked at the many items placed about.

He was stalling, seeing Loki’s mood, checking his body for signs of tension or regret for last night. But the man continued to work, though Thor could see him out of the corner of his eye.

“I was wondering if you would like to accompany me to Fandral’s home today” Thor asked “I fear I was rude to him and I wish to make amends”

Loki turned to face him and smiled “Your father is due home and I fear I should not leave him without asking”

Thor felt his face burn a little at the rejection and Loki’s expression softened.

“Besides” he turned back to his work “I would die if I were to listen to their housemaid talk about all of his experiments. They are very boring – at least to me”

Thor felt his lips twitch and slowly made his way over to Loki “They are actually very interesting when you see it up close”

“They were interesting when you were set on fire?” Loki teased

Thor stopped and gaped “You know about that?”

“It was the first thing Tyr told me” Loki turned to get Odin’s cravat’s “it is a very funny story, Sir, especially the part about your feminine screaming for help”

“They were not…!” Thor gasped, then broke off “if you were on fire, I am sure your screaming would be feminine, too”

Loki’s smile was filled with fondness as he chose between two cravats, finding one more fitting than the other, he brought it over to where he had the rest of Odin’s clothes.

“Do you have any other plans today?” Loki asked casually enough “other than going to your friend?”

Thor shook his head and stepped closer “No, I am here most of the day”

Loki felt his heat against him again, Thor was so close to him once more. He didn’t look at him, not yet, he didn’t wish to take liberties.

But Thor had no such qualms. His blue eyes went to Loki’s hair, which was tied up in a bid to keep it out of his way. Without permission, he reached over and gently undid it, watching his inky tresses fall to his shoulders.

At his surprised look, he smiled.

“You should wear it down” Thor smiled, running his fingers through it “I love the way they float over your face”

Loki blushed and closed his eyes when Thor stroked his neck, then moved higher to caress his cheek.

“I wish to thank you for last night” Thor moved closer “you aided me and soothed me when I needed it”

Loki opened his eyes and looked into Thor’s “Do not thank me for that, Thor. I couldn’t leave you in pain”

“Such a good heart” Thor’s hand slipped to his nape “I wonder what I did to deserve you”

He pulled Loki closer and despite his lies and deceit, Loki let him.

Their lips met softly, then Thor became insistent, wrapping an arm around Loki’s waist, he pulled him closer, so they were chest to chest, kissing one another in such blessed warmth that it seemed to cure both their sadness.

Their jaws opened and closed together, their breathing hastened, their heart picked up pace…

And they heard a carriage in the distance.

Loki gasped and pushed away, his eyes wide as he stared at Thor.

“Your father” he whispered

Thor’s face became worried, too, but relaxed a moment after when he heard the carriage pass on, then he started to snicker. It made Loki frown as he glowered at him.

“What?” Loki demanded, fixing his appearance.

“Nothing. T’was someone passing by” Thor beamed, reaching over to tuck a lock of hair behind Loki’s ear “It’s just that you reminded me of those illicit love novels women read”

The glower Loki sent his way was withering.

“I am glad this amuses you” he said, fixing his clothes, then moving Thor away “Go, leave before I make you”

“And how will you do that?” Thor followed him “by threatening me with the sound of my father’s carriage?”

“It could have been his” Loki said as he went to check if Odin’s linens were dry or not “we have to be careful”

“You know, with you standing there, touching my father’s body linens, I would say we are very careful”

An amused smirk came over Loki’s lips as he touched the lot “And even that is not enough to wipe that leer of your face – I can feel it against me, how shameful”

He moved the stand that held the linens closer to the fire when Thor’s arms came about his waist and pulled him back till he felt those plump lips at his nape.

Loki sighed “Must you?”

“Aye” Thor kissed his shoulders “it’s not technically kissing”

“Then what do you call this?” Loki took two steps forward, Thor still pasted to him “Mouthing?”

Thor laughed and kissed his head “Yes”

Loki made a face at the distasteful word as he lifted the poker from beside the heart and poked at the fire to revive it.

“Alright, now this is done” Loki turned, still dragging Thor with him “Now all that is left are his boots”

“Hang his boots” Thor dug his heels in and stopped him “turn about and kiss me”

Loki groaned as he turned and looked at Thor’s eyes “Why must you annoy me so?”

“Why must you be annoyed so?” Thor asked, his fingers skimmed over Loki’s temple, down to his cheek and rested at his jaw “there is something amazing about you”

“My patience with you?”

Thor smirked “Your everything”

He lowered his head to kiss his mouth, once, twice, then again. Loki tasted wonderful, he was warm and comforted Thor, who wrapped his arms tighter around him.

Loki felt much the same. Thor silenced his guilt and self-deprecation so absolutely that all he felt was what Thor gave him. He felt kindness, joy, peace and acceptance.

His arms slid around Thor’s waist as they kissed and he moaned softly, pulling back with a gentle purr of satisfaction. His eyes, which had closed into the kiss, opened and he looked at Thor.

“I really must work” his tone was filled with regret.

Thor smiled and brushed his cheek with his thumb “Unfortunately”

Another kiss, another smile followed.

“I will probably be free earlier tonight” Loki said “your father will be tired after…”

He broke off when Thor kissed him again.

“Stop saying ‘your father’ whenever I kiss you” Thor commanded lightly “it isn’t romantic”

“You were going for romantic?” Loki grinned “I thought it was lecherous”

He yelped when Thor whacked his rear and looked at him, stunned.

“You hit me”

“You insulted me” Thor countered, his eyes shining in mirth “now give me one last kiss and I leave”

“I gave you the last kiss five kisses ago” Loki murmured as their lips locked again.

It felt just as stunning and he let Thor kiss him long enough to have his face heat up and his mouth feel tender.

Thor watched him, the way he stepped back, but didn’t open his eyes, as though lifting his lashes would break the spell he was under, but they fluttered open to slowly focus on him, then a blush bloomed in his cheeks.

He looked stunning and Thor smiled as Loki slowly regained his composure, his face turning redder in embarrassment and a little hint of shyness. He cleared his throat and stepped back, Thor’s arms fell from him and he touched his warmed cheeks, then brushed his hair back.

“Well…” he cleared his throat “I should…”

“Yes” Thor beamed “You should”

His smile warmed Loki’s heart and he put his arms lightly around himself as Thor bid him farewell and headed out, leaving the door open behind him.

He took the warmth with him, but some of it remained around Loki’s heart, secretly keeping it safe. His guilty, traitorous, lying heart felt warmth as he watched Thor’s eyes stay on him till the last possible moment he vanished into the hallway and how even the sounds of his footsteps felt calming to Loki.

He smiled to himself and turned back to work, taking to his duties with a far lighter heart than he had before Thor came into the room.

His good mood stayed for most of the day, when Odin returned, he helped him redress into something more casual and helped him downstairs to his study, where he listened to his grumbles and complaints about his long journey and how all his friends had turned duller.

“It is very hard to keep proper conversation when it begins with someone saying ‘Do you know who died trying to ride his horse today?’” Odin said, watching Loki as he gathered his papers to put them aside “Highly depressing”

Loki smiled at him “I am sure it is, Sir”

He set down Odin’s inks and pens along with his paper and backed away.

“What will you write today, Sir?” Loki asked, hands politely behind his back “I will write a letter to a friend, an old acquaintance. Should I mention who died trying to ride their horse or no?”

Loki laughed at that “Let’s leave that out for now”

“Aye” Odin looked at him with a smile “I am sure he would know by now”

He dipped his pen in ink and started to write while Loki peeked over his shoulder. Odin’s writing was a smooth, calligraphic scrawl what painted itself across the paper and he was mesmerized by it.

“Sir, where did you learn to write like that?” Loki asked as Odin stroked a beautiful T

Odin looked at him “My schooling master was very harsh, he made it so all of us wrote like this. Do you fancy it?”

Loki nodded “Yes, sir, it’s beautiful”

“Then sit” Odin nodded to a chair at the side “I will teach you”

He scratched out the few words he wrote and instead waited till Loki was seated next to him and handed him a quill and paper.

“Now watch the way I do it and try to copy me” Odin told him once Loki was comfortable.

“Yes, my lord” Loki said, his eyes focused on his work.

It took a few tries as Odin wrote down the alphabet and Loki copied it. It wasn’t perfect at first but three sheets of paper later and with Odin helping him, soon enough, Loki wrote both high and low cases of the alphabet almost as well as Odin had done.

“There you are” Odin smiled as he looked it over “You catch on quick”

“Thank you, my lord” Loki smiled, reaching over to touch the paper.

An image came to him then, a memory he hadn’t thought of in years. He sat with his father at the desk, learning the alphabet much like he was learning it now. Laufey had been patience, just like Odin was and he taught Loki as best he could.

He had such few memories left of Laufey but they were enough to bring tears to his eyes, even now.

And Odin noticed.

“Loki?” he frowned “are you alright?”

Loki looked at him and nodded, swallowing heavily “Just remembered something, sir”

“What?” Odin asked, placing a hand on his shoulder “you’re upset”

Loki raised his eyes to his caring gaze and found concern and understanding. He saw care there, he saw a desire to help and the fatherly love Odin had for him.

He saw warmth he didn’t deserve and that made him turn away.

“Forgive me” Loki wiped his eyes “I feel foolish”

“For crying over a memory?” Odin asked, shaking his head “it is nothing, Loki, do not apologize”

Loki smiled and took his comfort much like he did from Thor – greedily.

“Thank you, Sir” he said “for being good to me. I know I am not like many servants but you have treated me very well here”

“Oh, hush” Odin gave him a light whack on the head “you’re a wonderful boy. I am glad to have you as part of my household”

“I am fortunate to be” Loki replied.

He waited till Odin let go, then stood, placed his chair back, neatly folded his paper, put it into his pocket and smiled at Odin.

“I will get your things ready for supper”

“Thank you, Loki” Odin dismissed him.

Loki bowed and left the room, going upstairs, bypassing Odin’s chambers to head upstairs. He had hoped that no one was there, but a few staff members lingered in the common area. They stopped talking when he walked past but Loki said nothing. He simply took a few crackers and went to his room, smiling even at Ronan as the man sat and massaged his feet.

Closing the door, Loki raised a brow at him “What happened?”

“That damned Heimdall” Ronan growled, hissing at his pain “he made me work all day”

Loki suppressed his grin a little, “Aye, it is hard getting around him, best do as he says if you wish for this post”

Ronan huffed, in too much pain to be cruel, then took the cracker Loki held out to him.

“Have you had something to eat?” Ronan asked, laying down miserably

“I had lunch” Loki went to sit at his desk “Why?”

Ronan shrugged “Father is out of town today but he sent one of his men to tell me he’s made preparations for you to perform tonight. We can sneak out after they have gone to bed at night”

Loki felt his stomach turn “Tonight?”

He’d promised to be there with Thor tonight! He had been looking forward to it.

“Half of me wishes to send someone else on the stage just so I can sleep” Ronan huffed

Loki said nothing, his disappointment made him silent and for once, Ronan didn’t notice.

Pain was good for something, it seemed.

“Wake me when they have supper” Ronan said “I am exhausted”

He turned to face the wall and curled up, pulling the covers over himself as he nibbled on the cracker in bed.

It was a trap for pests, Loki thought, but knowing Ronan was likely one of them so it would be like a family reunion for him. Loki simply finished his crackers, then stood and brushed himself down. He looked at Ronan to ensure he wasn’t looking, then went to where he had placed Thor’s gift.

Silently, he slipped it out of the shelf, tucked it under his arm and left the room.

It was emptier this time so he went to their common area to have a glass of nice, sweet milk, then made his way downstairs so he could finish his duties with Odin.

The supper preparations were taking place so there was relative privacy for him. Loki went to Thor’s room before he would go to Odin’s, and knocked.

“It’s open” Thor voice came from inside.

Loki opened the door and saw Thor sitting in his chair, a book in his hands. His blue eyes brightened when they landed on Loki and he smiled.

“It’s you”

Loki smiled in return, closed and locked the door, then made his way to Thor, his steps eager.

“I wanted to give you something”

Thor blinked, then frowned in surprise when Loki produced a book about cross stitch. His blue eyes widened as he looked at it, going over the title as he stood.

“What?” he whispered, reaching for it when Loki held it out “Loki…”

Loki looked at him and shrugged “I wanted to give this to you, I saw it the other day and…”

Whatever he was saying was taken from his lips when Thor pulled him in to kiss him, holding both the book and Loki to him. His hand delved into Loki’s hair, cradling it with tenderness and deep affection and his tongue slipped into Loki’s mouth to make the kiss more passionate and dare Loki think, even loving. He kissed him long and deep enough to leave Loki breathless when they parted and he stared at him with wonder in his eyes.

“Loki, thank you” Thor smiled, reaching up with his free hand to touch Loki’s cheek “Thank you so much”

Loki blushed a brighter shade of red, especially because of the way Thor rubbed his thumb over his tender mouth, his eyes focused on his lips again.

Slowly, he ducked his head and kissed Loki again, pulled him closer and both their eyes shut.

This time they were whispers, placed over Loki’s skin, his mouth, his cheeks, his jaw, they were short, making him flutter his eyes when Thor kissed him there, making his breath stutter with how happy these little gestures made him. He felt Thor’s smile upon his brow and looked at him when he pulled back, to see sheer adoration in his eyes.

“Thank you” Thor whispered “This is beautiful”

Loki’s own hands were at Thor’s waist and he slid them upwards so he could run his fingers through his hair.

“You are more than welcome” Loki said “I do hope there is something in here you would like”

“I’m sure they will be”

One last kiss to his nose and Loki had to step back, back from this fantasy and into the reality where he worked and lied, deceived and cheated.

He smiled at Thor again, did a fancy little curtsy to make him roll his eyes and put a smile on that lovely mouth. Then he turned and left the room, going to Odin’s to finish his work before he went to the sick, disturbing reality he hated stepping into.

***

It was disgusting how Ronan’s eyes lit up when he saw Loki step out of the robe his costume painted upon his body.

He was used to it, but he still found it disgusting. He hated his skin, his body, he hated everything about himself when he was leered at this way, he wanted to destroy it.

At times like these he just wanted to fling himself into a river and never surface again.

And he likely would have if it was only his life at stake, but as it was, Helblindi would suffer with him and Loki could never do that to him.

Not even now, when he was at his lowest.

Loki wore a costume designed for him by the lecherous bastards that owned him. It included a pair of black stockings that went from his toes all the way up to his thigh, locked there by two little straps that were hidden in the shirt he wore. The shirt was decidedly masculine, with puffy sleeves, a deep collar and pleats down the back. It had been tailored for him, Loki was told, as though he was supposed to be thankful for that fact.

Disgusting, that was how he felt.

He was given soft ballet shoes and sat on a stool to wear them when Ronan came over, watching him openly.

“You look stunning” he announced, biting his lip “you’re mine tonight”

Loki swallowed heavily at his words, focusing instead on how to fit the shoes better. His hair fell loose today, soft, gentle, it hid his face from the world.

He was putting on his other shoe, running his finger on the inside to get it to encase him better when Ronan crouched beside him.

Loki froze.

Ronan’s fingers pushed his hair back, then curled under his chin to turn Loki’s face to him. He found himself looking into Ronan’s eyes and saw the lust there. He knew what he wanted but he didn’t fight.

Even though he hated it, he didn’t fight him.

Ronan kissed him – it felt terrible, Loki felt his nasty mouth against his own and tensed his body as the man took from him, without his permission. His fingers went into Loki’s hair, but he hated it, he wanted to chop his hair off.

He deepened the kiss but Loki turned his head away and Ronan breathed out softly, like he had been holding it in.

“You’re beautiful” he commented

Loki kept his mouth shut but the moment Ronan was gone, he wiped his lips ferociously, trying to get the sick feeling off himself.

He just wanted this to be over.

The current  performance was closing and Loki knew he didn’t have much time before he got up there, but he couldn’t resist rinsing his mouth out in his dressing room, not after that kiss.

It made him _sick_.

By the time he came over, he saw what he had to perform with and made a face at it.

Out of everything Thanos made him do, this was the most dangerous.

Thick bright red ribbons hung suspended from the rafters in the ceiling. They were nailed down, tied firmly for Loki’s performance then rolled up and stored there. Thanos never took the chance to take them down lest they be fastened irresponsibly and he lost his prized possession.

Loki had danced with them a few times, he knew that those who were here enjoyed it immensely – more so when he took his clothes off.

He heard the audience – his spectators – move about noisily outside and tried not to roll his eyes when he saw Ronan wink at him from the other side of the stage. They were cleaning up after the last performance, Loki saw flower petals being swept away, saw them lay down carpeting to aid his dancing.

Toy that he was, he needed his whole dollhouse prepared for him.

He wanted the cleaning to last forever, he wanted the stage to be lit ablaze and burn this whole place down just so he wouldn’t perform but there was no such luck available to him

He would dance for them, make Ronan money for this.

He heard the host talk about what to expect – the unexpected, the erotic – how absolutely drab. Loki took a deep breath and waited for one of the boys sitting in the rafters to tell him they were alright and to give him the go ahead.

Ronan waited for their signal, too, and when they gave it, he moved to have the curtains parted and Loki moved to the center of the stage.

He stood with his back to the audience, the lights dimmed and only one large spot light shone on him. The musicians began their tune, slow, practiced, dead on the inside just like Loki was. But the people listening were drunk enough to believe it was sensual so Loki let them.

He started his routine slowly, he dropped one shoulder of his shirt and heard whistles as his skin gleamed in the light.

There were lewd howls from behind him and lustfilled calls for him to come closer as he danced. The oboe started his slow dance as Loki twisted and twirled, his leg thrown high and he leapt into the air, confusing them, making them wonder what he was doing.

A few watched, others chatted and Loki preferred it this way, he didn’t want all of them leering at him, he didn’t.

So he danced, let them think one thing when he did something entirely different. He skipped and sprung around the ribbons till he reached the one he was supposed to climb on.

He leapt up, grabbed hold and the music changed.

It became livelier as he swung on the first, swaying like a pendulum from one side and going to the other, one arm raised as gasps of awe began to erupt from the crowd. His acrobatic side was something taught to him by Thanos and he learned it to keep himself and Hel safe – now he used it to tease and mock those that came to watch.

He wrapped the ribbons around his arms and threw himself back, one slippered foot raised high as he flexed his calf muscles and then pivoted where he was, spinning on the single ribbon. It was no where near as impressive as he could get and he climbed higher as the music started to get faster, he leapt from the ribbon he was on to get to another and cheers started to collect in the crowd.

He held the fabric with both hands as he swung on it and walked his feet ahead, on thin air as though he treaded on clouds, hearing more cheers and whistles accompany the gesture. Once he swung back, he set his feet on the carpet. Loki grabbed a hold of two ribbons spun them, letting then wrap around one another and carry him up again. He lifted his body parallel to the stage and screams of delight rose from those around with he revolved with the ribbon, letting go with one hand so he could stretch his arm out in front of him.

Loki then climbed up higher, spinning around with the ribbon as it undid the twirls Loki put in it. He was at least eight feet in the air now and wrapped two of the opposing ribbons around his thighs and crossed his legs. He leaned back his spine curved gracefully, his chest jut out sensual and soft looking. Staring at everyone upside down all the while swinging side to side on the stage, Loki ran his fingers through his hair and bucked his torso.

Then, as they watched, he pulled his shirt off and threw it at them.

He looked at them fight over it like animals as he performed, throwing his head back, spreading his legs, arching his back, letting himself hang upside down as he split his legs wide, giving them images Ronan made money off.

He dangled before them, twisting his body, spinning, a morsel for them to salivate over, a treat hung before the dogs to get them to do what the master wanted.

Loki bled them out for their money as he hung upside down, gyrating his hips above them, turning round and round high up as he tied his wrists tight while holding onto the ribbon by wrapping it around his legs.

When he was secure, he let his legs go lax and fell, held up by his tied wrists above his head, his legs spread, spinning rapidly, tied over them like bait.

They exploded below him, screaming, pounding on the tables, shouting for more and more and _more_!

Loki didn’t give them more, his performance was done, he hung there waiting as they undid the curtains. The thick velvet slipped together, hiding him from sight and Loki let the ribbons fall from his wrists so he could land gracefully on his feet.

Ronan was there, of course, clapping for him, for his performance while the host calmed everyone down outside.

“Beautiful” Ronan walked over with Loki’s robe “You outdid yourself”

Loki gave him a tight smile but took the robe and put it on. He said nothing, he was not looking for praise, he wanted his freedom, something Ronan wouldn’t give him. He felt Ronan’s hands squeeze his shoulders and tried to ignore it.

“Now come,” Ronan smiled at him, a hand slipped to cup his nape “Let me reward you tonight”

There was no doubt about what he meant and after tonight’s performance, there was no going back. They barely made it to the carriage before Ronan had his hands on him and he didn’t move away once.

And Loki didn’t push him away.

Not for a second.

***

He hated waking up to this.

This anxiety, this constant pain he was constantly in, he hated it. He hated the feel of abandonment and waste around his body, holding him so close he could have been melded together with it. He liked the soft dull glow cast around the room, he hated the restraint that came with it.

But what he hated most was the second heartbeat he could feel, right behind him, holding him back against the chest of the monster who took from him last night.

He could feel his breath at his neck and shifted away, reaching out to part the sheets they had put over their bunk to hide them – just in case.

Loki sighed “It’s morning, we are both late”

Ronan groaned from behind him and started tracing the marks he could see on Loki’s back. They were his – his teeth marks, his bruises, his scratches.

“I don’t want to break this moment”

Loki did – if breaking and shattering it came this way, then he would do it. He didn’t want any illusions about what Ronan did to him last night.

He was sore and tired, his body protested like his heart and mind did last night and he started to pull away from Ronan.

“Stay” Ronan ordered, tightened his grip around him

“I cannot” Loki pushed his arm off “they will throw us both to the streets”

He stood and walked out, hating even the chill in the morning. But he went for the basin of cold, freezing water, washing himself from the feel of Ronan.

He never wanted to do this again.

Yet, even as he thought that, he knew he would have to. All he had was the ability to wash himself clean. He scrubbed himself till his skin was raw, the soap stung when he used it, then scrubbed some more just to ensure he truly had wiped it all off.

Ronan had gone back to sleep, Loki didn’t care. He pulled his uniform from the trunk and all but shoved it on. His eyes were watery, his hands were trembling, but he didn’t care. He didn’t put any of his usual effort into dressing himself, he just wanted to leave, he wanted to get out of here, out of this room, he couldn’t breathe here.

His bottom was sore but it didn’t hurt which meant Ronan would be quick to do what he wanted again. His muscles hurt even as he dressed but he had to get out, he needed to.

Loki pushed his feet into his socks and picked up his shoes, not willing to stay here for a moment longer. He went to sit in the common area and put his shoes on, ignoring the hostile looks he got from the staff gathered there.

The boy you had mouthed off to him earlier was there, too, glowering at Loki openly.

The others did, too. They all hated him.

“You must have no shame” the boy spoke “we all work for a living while you whore yourself out to the master on a daily basis”

Loki, at the end of his rope, looked at him, his gaze lethal “Are you jealous? Is that it? Do you want his position in bed or mine, let me know when you decide and I will see if I can do something about it”

The boy gasped and the others looked positively scandalized.

“You’re a bastard” the boy retorted “what would your parents think of this?”

“I have no idea” Loki fixed his shoes then stood “they’re both dead”

He turned his back to the boy and walked out, heading downstairs so he could get away from this. The last thing he expected was retaliation.

He had opened the door at the base of the stairs to walk into the house when he was shoved angrily from behind.

Loki lost his footing and fell hard to the floor, the breath knocked out of him. He turned and saw another one of the male staff members leer at him as he walked over him.

He growled and stood to hit back but the man had frozen and was looking past Loki, into the hall beyond.

Heimdall stood there, his eyes cold as he stared at the man who had pushed Loki.

“What is the meaning of this?” he demanded, walking over

Loki kept his mouth shut and the man stuttered.

“Sir, it was just that…”

“Pack your belongings” Heimdall ordered “and leave”

“B-But the Master…”

“He will be told of this” Heimdall said, his voice cool “Now turn about, pack your belongings – you no longer work here.”

Loki then recognized this young man as Thor’s valet

“Sir, f-forgive me, it was an accident” the valet tried

“I saw it,” Heimdall said, then nodded to Loki “you pushed him out of spite, I will not tolerate such behavior against anyone in this household, none from my staff, is that understood!?”

His voice was deep and reached high, up to the rest of the staff listening in.

“Now pack your belongings” Heimdall told him “go”

The valet was crestfallen, he gave Loki a baleful look, then turned about to do as Heimdall asked. It left Loki alone with Heimdall, who looked him up and down.

“You agitated him”

It was a statement and Loki dropped his gaze to the ground.

“If he had only retorted in kind, I wouldn’t have stepped in” Heimdall said “But he reacted with violence and that is unacceptable. Let me handle this, you go to your duties – I apologize on his behalf”

“It is not needed” Loki looked at him “but thank you”

Heimdall nodded his head and then followed the former valet upstairs while Loki went to his duties.

Odin was up and he smiled upon seeing Loki.

“Ah, I was wondering where you had gone” Odin chuckled “good morning”

There was nothing good about it but Loki didn’t say that to him. He humored the old man and helped him shave, groom and dress for the day.

“What are your plans for today, Sir?” Loki asked, lacking his usual brightness even with Odin

“Actually writing the letter from yesterday” Odin snickered as he was aided downstairs to the dining room.

Thor was already there and Loki saw a sadness in his eyes when he focused on Loki, then saw him frown, saw it turn to worry.

He prayed Thor said nothing – not in front of his father -  and he didn’t. He let Loki seat Odin down, then bow and leave.

Loki knew Thor was desperate to come after him, he was itching for it. But once Heimdall walked in and disturbed their lunch to let them know what happened, Thor had no choice but to stay there and listen.

Meanwhile, Loki went to Odin’s chambers to supervise the cleaning, the fresh sheets and everything.

The maids were thorough about it so his mind began to wander. He started to rethink on last night, he got lost in the pain and humiliation that had come with doing what he did for Ronan, what he _let_ him do.

He was a participant in his own rape.

And he hated himself for it.

His gaze became unfocused and he only stood there as the women worked and went to get fresh sheets. So he startled when a hand touched his arm and spun around to see Ronan behind him.

Loki immediately pulled away “What are you doing here!? You can’t be here!”

His harsh whisper filled the room and Ronan nodded

“I am aware, I came to give you these” Ronan held out a bag “Father cannot pawn them yet but he wants you to follow these instructions to the letter”

He put a folded note in his hand.

“Do it”

Loki looked at the bag and realized they were Frigga’s jewels, returned to him, each and every piece Loki had stolen.

“Why did he give them back?”

“Odin has everyone looking for them” Ronan looked to the door “so give them back – use them as Father wants you to, understand?”

He waited only for Loki to nod, then turned and left. Loki stuffed the jewels into his pocket and then opened the note.

_Loki_ , it said

_By now you are aware that I am not there and likely won’t be for a month or two. I leave you in Ronan’s capable hands. You must also know that these jewels are worthless to me. They cannot be pawned, so I must return them. Which means you have given me nothing in your time there._

Loki’s heart started to pound and he swallowed heavily.

_But_ _worry not, that can be amended_ Thanos continued _, I wish for something far greater than these petty jewels. It is my wish that you take from Odin as he once took from me. Get to know his son, get closer to him. Take credit for finding these jewels, become indispensable. Seduce him and find the location of their family heirloom. It is called the Tesseract diamond. Only Thor and Odin know the location and I wish for you to enchant him enough that he forgets all else and tells you where it is_.

_And in return, I will give you the one thing you crave most – your freedom._

Loki froze.

_Get me the diamond and I will let you and your brother go free. You have my word._

_T_

His heart was pounding so loudly in his chest he could almost feel the thudding throughout his body. He read through it three more times, he looked at the back to make sure there was not more but this was it.

Thanos would set him free in return for the Tesseract diamond.

Loki could hardly breathe, but when he heard footsteps, he quickly folded the note and stuffed it in his vest, wiped his eyes and turned to see the maids return with clean sheets.

He gave them a smile but it was nearly impossible for him to focus on anything other than what Thanos had said.

There was a way for him to leave, to be free of this but at what price? Betrayal? Pain?

Could he do that to Thor? To Odin?

And for Thanos? A man who had already proved that he would lie to Loki…

The chance of freedom was there for him, would he pass it up?

What could he lose by doing what Thanos wanted?

Thor

What could he keep?

Helblindi

The choice was cruel and it made his throat constrict, just the idea of losing either of them.

His mind raced so fast all this thoughts were a blur, attached to one another haphazardly, threatening to break apart and leave him unable to work.

So it was a mercy that he heard heavier footsteps than before come over. Loki didn’t need to know who it was.

But he busied himself, going to Odin’s bed and pretended to make the already pristine bed better.

Thor walked in, slightly out of breath and looking mildly harried. He was worried, one look at him told him he was worried about Loki, that he had noticed the lack of care Loki had given his appearance.

“Loki” he breathed, closing the door behind him “are you alright?”

Loki nodded as he fixed a pillow that was already perfect “Yes”

Thor knew he wasn’t and he went to him and grasped his wrist, pulling him up to face him.

Only, Loki looked away from him and it tore right into his heart.

“You are not” Thor said “will you not look at me? Heimdall told us my valet pushed you. Why did he do that?”

Loki shook his head and pulled back “Thor, please, it was nothing, hardly something that would make him lose his post”

Thor was stunned, staring at Loki not only because of how he tried to get away from him but because of the _fear_ he heard in his voice and the tears he saw shining in his eyes.

He held on to his wrists.

“Loki” he said softly “Why did he push you?”

Loki stepped back, retreated from him and Thor followed, not letting him take his wrist from his hand, not letting him step away.

He shook his head and refused to look at Thor, his mind was in shambles, how was he to think!?

“I don’t know” Loki lied, transparent, desperate “I have to go back to work, please”

The wall as at his back suddenly and he still wouldn’t look up, his face was anguished when Thor cornered him, looking at him, his expression openly worried.

“Loki” he said once more, reaching up to cup his cheek “What is happening?”

Stubbornly, Loki kept his mouth shut, Thor could see the way he pressed his lips together that he wasn’t willing to tell him anything.

“Is someone in this house hurting you?” Thor asked him “You don’t have to speak, just nod your head or shake it. Did my valet hurt you before? Is this why you didn’t come to me last night?”

Loki didn’t move, he didn’t shake his head, he didn’t nod.

And Thor grabbed his arms and shook him “Answer me, damn it!”

It was then that Loki looked up sharply at him, his eyes were swimming in tears and his face was pale. He was scared, someone had hurt him badly and from his expression, Thor knew.

He knew someone was hurting him here.

“Who is it?” he demanded this time “Or do you want me to go out there and throw all of them out of this house?”

His grip tightened on Loki in his anger and still, Loki refused to speak. He didn’t say a word to Thor.

“Fine” Thor backed away, finally let him go “if you will not tell me, then I will go and…”

“Please” Loki whispered, his voice cutting Thor off instantly “Please, don’t”

“Then tell me what the bloody hell is happening!” Thor shouted at him, his gaze furious “Look at yourself! You look a mess! Your eyes are blood shot, you are exhausted, Loki!”

He swallowed heavily and closed his eyes, two thick tears spilled down his cheeks and Thor stepped to him again. His touch was gentle this time but Loki flinched, as though expecting to be hit. Thor didn’t let him go, however, he pulled him into his arms, one of his hands going into Loki’s hair to cradle his head while the other went around his waist.

“Who is hurting you?” Thor asked softly, “Why didn’t you come to me last night? What happened to you? Please give me an answer, Loki”

Loki inhaled sharply, both his hands were curled between them and he sniffed.

“I can’t” he breathed “I can’t tell you”

“Why?”

“It’s too dangerous” Loki said “Please let this go”

“I couldn’t let it go if my life depended on it” Thor told him, running his fingers through Loki’s hair “tell me”

Loki shook his head “Forgive me, but I cannot”

Thor’s sigh was angry “I will find out sooner or later, Loki”

“I know”

He knew he would, Thor was unwilling to let this go. He would find out and Loki would lose everything.

That is, if he hadn’t lost it already.

***

The morning brought song the birdsong and if he had been with anyone other than Ronan, Loki would have enjoyed it.

As it was, these past four weeks were spent with this monster in his bed, kissing him, cuddling him, holding him and making sure Loki knew his place.

He was his whore, nothing else.

He knew Ronan was awake, likely hoping for another chance with him but Loki was too tired.

He hated this, he hated every moment of it. He longed for Thor’s touches, which had been sadly lacking since the man wouldn’t even look at him now.

It was like Loki didn’t exist for him.

He had not taken another valet and he was refusing to let Loki in his room, not till Loki told him who was hurting him on a regular basis.

It turned worse when, in a fit of rage, Ronan gave Loki a black eye.

And Loki refused to tell Thor what happened. Thor ceased speaking to him and even now he didn’t say a word whenever Loki tried talking to him. He ignred him entirely and it killed Loki on a daily basis.

It made him feel lost, alone and left for dead.

And he had no one but himself to blame.

Even now, Ronan mouthed at his shoulder as Loki lay beside him, his gaze focused on the window in their room.

He sighed “What will your father think of this?”

Ronan shrugged “Nothing, considering he will never find out”

“What if he sees the marks?”

“He will assume they are from Thor” Ronan hummed, moving to kiss his neck

Loki lay there and took it, not saying a word of protest.

But the moment he could, he washed himself clean of Ronan’s touch and stench, then made his way downstairs.

Odin knew something was bothering Loki but he didn’t bring it up. If Loki wanted to tell him, he would listen – he would not push him.

So when his valet was done with him and sat Odin in his carriage, he gave him a note with a smile on his lips.

“Give this to Thor” he said “promptly, if you could”

“Of course, my lord”

Loki bowed to him and saw him leave, then turned to take the folded note up to Thor’s chambers. He knocked once and waited while he heard movement inside.

Then Thor opened the door and Loki got a glimpse of the warm protection that was always in that room. He felt safest here, he felt cherished here.

And Thor’s coldness was a stark contrast to it as he looked down at Loki.

“Yes?”

Loki tried not to break at the hard tone of his voice as he held out the note “His lordship wanted me to give you this”

Thor took note of his soft, shattered voice, saw the physical changes in him once more.

Loki wasn’t eating.

He took the note from him slowly and worry began to take over his anger.

“Loki-”

“Goodbye, Sir” Loki bowed to him, turned on his heel and walked off.

He was sure there were many things for him to do, anyway.

Most of his day was spent in a numb daze. He worked automatically, not thinking about anything, his eyes were empty, devoid of emotion and his heart was so filled with pain he couldn’t even hear it beat.

His world was a blur around him, only the sharpness of the pain he felt these past few weeks was visible to him. He didn’t care about anything else, nothing.

He hardly cared what others said, he barely noticed the heavy rain that fell upon them that night, he barely saw the food he ignored or the water he couldn’t force down his throat.

Which was why, as he retired for the night, his ability to tune out everything had made it possible for Ronan to sneak up on him.

Loki was on his way to the kitchen for a drink when it happened. He gasped as he was grabbed in the dark and pressed against the nearest wall. His wrists were pinned beside his head and he saw himself looking into Ronan’s manic gaze.

“You’ve been avoiding me today”

Loki glared at him “I was working all day. Get off of me, brute, there are people about!”

He bucked, tried to get him off but Ronan didn’t move, instead, he pressed closer to him, sliding a knee between Loki’s legs.

“Come now” he purred “there is something exciting about getting caught, is there not?”

“No” Loki turned his head away as he kissed him “there is nothing exciting about this, I hate it!”

“Too bad your wants matter naught, Loki” Ronan cooed, lowering his head to Loki’s throat.

A frustrated sob escaped Loki and he bucked his body again.

“No…” he moaned in despair “ _No_ , stop this…!”

Ronan released one wrist to put a hand over Loki’s mouth and Loki immediately started to push at him.

But Ronan was stronger and held him where he was, taking from him again, despite his tears and protest.

Loki shook his hand off and shoved at him when he felt Ronan’s hand go to his trousers.

“ _No_!”

“Shut up!” Ronan shook him hard and slammed him back against the wall “You are nothing but a whore! You are here for my pleasure, remember that! Or do you want me to go to your sweet little brother and take this from him!?”

Loki’s hair was a mess, his eyes were filled with tears and he glowered at Ronan, desperate to get away. Ronan forced his hands down and held them there tightly as he moved to do what he wanted to once more.

But this time he didn’t get to.

“You bastard!”

It wasn’t Loki who said it, no, he was there, with his shirt off his shoulders when that shout sounded and he gasped, looking to the side just as Thor tackled Ronan off him.

Both men fell to the ground and Loki slid to the floor, curling up with his hands in his hair.

This wasn’t happening!

_This was not happening!!_

“You son of a bitch!” Thor shouted, slamming his fist into Ronan’s face over and over “How dare you!?”

Ronan grunted and moaned in pain as he was pummeled into the floor, then reached down to his waistband where he always, always, kept a shard of glass.

Loki saw it and gasped just as lightning and thunder broke the skies outside.

“Thor, look out!”

But Ronan slashed at Thor’s chest, gaining a cry from the heir of Asgard, then grunted when Ronan kicked him off. Uncaring that his face was bloody, Ronan made for the nearest window and leapt from it, out into the lawns. Glass showered him and the howling wind blew the drapes inside but Ronan didn’t care.

He ran.

His face was a mess, he was livid but he ran.

Staying would do nothing.

Thor roared in anger and the thunder seemed to respond, which made him look absolutely sinister. He wanted to run after him, he wanted to rip Ronan limb from limb and feed him to his father’s dogs!

He wanted to murder him in cold blood!

Yet he couldn’t.

He felt two gentle hands come to his shoulders.

“Thor, please” Loki begged “Please just come with me, please”

Thor heard footsteps running over, he heard gasps of horror from behind Loki and he felt Loki pull him up.

He heard questions and he answered them without listening to his own words. He told them to pull the drapes shut, he told them to have Ronan found and brought to justice.

Or at least he thought he did.

Loki demanded a medical kit to be given to him and he led Thor to his chambers, alarmed by the scarlet quickly painting Thor’s white sleep shirt.

He was trembling, in fear and adrenaline both. He took the kit, he thanked the servants to came to Thor’s aid and begged for a basin of water.

Once he got those, he locked himself and Thor in the chambers. Then and only then did he raise his eyes to Thor.

Thor, who sat without his torn shirt on the bed, waiting for Loki to come to him.

And Loki did.

He went and knelt before him, carefully setting the basin on the floor beside Thor’s feet. He dipped the clean cloth into it, wrung it out and started to dab at the cut across Thor’s chest.

“It’s – It is not that deep” Loki told him when Thor hissed “we were fortunate enough he just wanted to escape”

The flesh was angry and red around the cut and Loki cleaned it off, then took another cloth and poured port over it. He brought it back, knelt before Thor again.

“This will sting”

He had warned Thor yet he couldn’t take the flinch from him and apologized repeatedly as the alcohol disinfected the wound. Once it was done, he pulled back to get bandages when Thor took a hold of his jaw.

Loki froze.

His hands shook as he stayed where he was but his eyes lifted to Thor’s.

He saw anger there, barely repressed and the desire to be violent once more.

And it worried him.

“Thor, I know I should have told you, I know you were right, but…” Loki began immediately.

“Be quiet” Thor ordered.

Loki felt his eyes prickle again as he looked at him “I’m so sorry”

“Do not apologize to me” Thor stroked his jaw “It was him all along was it not? He was the one hurting you. From that first night I found you hanging on the gates it was _him_. Then he came here to continue his torment”

No, Loki wanted to say, no!

He wanted to tell him everything! About Helblindi, about Thanos, what Thanos wanted him to do, what he wanted to take!

Loki wanted to give Thor every single secret he had.

But he couldn’t

God damn him to hell, he couldn’t!

He looked Thor in the eye and nodded

“Yes”

He lied

“Yes, it was”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Forgive me” his thumb stroked Loki’s jaw, softly “I – My behavior has been atrocious, none of you deserved it”  
> “And the one who did got away” Loki said softly, closing his eyes when Thor ran his fingers over his lips “So you need to let it out”

There was a dialogue going on within the living room and it sounded boring even from where Thor was. The din of it was pulling all the excitement from the world around and twisting it into something Thor cringed at and ran from.

Or at least he would if he could.

Tyr let them in with a heavy drone of his voice and once more dodged the hat Thor tried to place upon his head. Thor gave an amused hiss of defeat as his hat was plucked from his fingers and Tyr took it away. Behind him, he closed the door and tapped his walking stick in the floor to let Fandral know he was here.

Not that it was needed, but it silenced the wall of boredom that his current guests had raised around his long suffering friend.

“Lord Odinson, Sir” Tyr announced “Shall I get you and the ladies more tea?”

There was no real need to announce him, but Thor thought Tyr liked the drama that arose when they two ladies, sitting opposite Fandral in the drawing room, turned and gasped.

His friend, however, was so relieved he could hardly contain his excitement at seeing Thor enter.

“Thor!” He stood “Ah, what a pleasure to see you here! Come join us for a few moments, then we may depart. Tyr, some brandy, please”

Thor frowned “Depart?”

He raised a brow at the desperation in his friend’s eyes and realized his ploy.

“Ah, of course, the shooting, how careless of me to forget” Thor walked in and smiled at the ladies “Lady Jane, Lady Darcy”

There was hostility and anger behind Jane’s smile but Darcy seemed genuinely happy to see him as both of them stood and bowed.

“My lordship” Jane said “How do you fare?”

“Very well” Thor lowered himself to the seat beside Fandral “And yourself?”

“Fine, my ankle has healed well but I fear I cannot walk long distances without it beginning to hurt again”

Thor made the appropriate sound of sympathy at that “It will heal up soon enough. The Lord and Lady Seidr are having a private ball tonight, I heard they had invited you. Their daughter, Amora, is having her annual soiree.”

“What?” Jane asked sharply, then looked to Darcy “Did you know this?”

She nodded “Yes, I got the invite last week – did you not?”

“No” Jane said, going pale “I did not!”

“Calm yourself, my lady” Fandral said, giving Thor a wicked look “It likely got lost in the mail”

Thor tried not to laugh at his explosive announcement and tried not to look too proud when Jane became more and more flustered by every passing minute.

“Ah, well” she said as she took a sip of her tea with a shaking hand “Tis of no import, perhaps this year I shall miss her ball altogether”

“A fine punishment if she has not invited you” Fandral said

Thor almost rolled his eyes at how placated Jane seemed, but then he went stiff when Jane looked to him directly.

“I am glad we met in person” she said “I wanted to write to you but … I will admit I was a little sore with you after the ball. But I feel all is well now, yes?”

Thor blinked, lost in the sheer stupidity of the Social Drama that Jane was fond of “Uh …”

Fandral ‘accidentally’ kicked him with his boot then.

“Yes, my lady” Thor beamed “I am glad all is well”

She beamed at him and clapped her hands, looking to Darcy.

“Oh, this is a huge relief” Darcy said “Jane has been trying to write to you for a while but always stopped – she felt unwelcome, you see”

“Yes, this is good news indeed” Jane said “we should celebrate”

“Perhaps” Thor stood as Tyr walked in with the much needed brandy “Perhaps when we have more time, is that right? Right now, I fear the sun is pressurizing us to leave as soon as possible”

He stopped before Tyr and gave him an exasperated look as he poured himself a hefty drink. The butler remained stoic, but a smile curved his lips.

“Of course, of course” Jane got to her feet and smiled at him “This was a most giving visit. I am glad we ran into you and all ill will between us is over”

“There was none from my side, madam” Thor brought Fandral’s brandy to him “But if I made it seem so, please forgive me”

That seemed to set them atwitter once more and both women chatted amongst themselves as they were all but herded out by Fandral’s new house keeper. Thor threw back his brandy as he watched them leave, then wave at them from their carriage windows till they finally, finally, departed.

“God, above, that was…” Fandral stood

Thor turned and cut him off mid sentence “We have a problem, Fandral”

All mirth faded from Fandral’s face and he frowned “What happened?”

“You remember Ronan from my household?” Thor asked

“I do, yes” Fandral nodded

“He’s been stealing from me systematically, he’s taken all of Mother’s jewels from my chambers”

He saw Fandral go pale.

“Yes” Thor breathed, going to sit heavily into a chair “Apparently, he lurked around, looking for things in our house and when I confronted him, he damned near killed me, then leapt out of the window and vanished”

Fandral felt dread coil within his system “What…?”

“Yes” Thor came over, going to where Tyr had placed the brandy and taking some more of it “I need you to help me find him. I will not have him escape and I will, under no circumstances have word of this getting out, especially to people like Jane Foster”

“Of course” Fandral nodded “I – I will do what I can. I will find him”

Thor threw back his brandy, then took another. His mood was dark at the moment and he wanted to take the edge off of it.

“Good, I trust you with this, then” he pulled out a note from his pocket “these are my contacts, use them wisely but do not trust any of them fully, understand? They can and will likely stab you in the back, my friend. Tell them only what is needed, nothing more.”

“Alright” Fandral took it from him and put it into his own pocket “will you stay?”

“Aye” Thor sighed, going to fall ungracefully into a chair “There is nothing I want more than to leave that house. Sit – distract me”

Fandral, who was opening the list Thor gave him, looked up sharply at that – at those familiar words.

_“Sit” Balder fell back into bed “distract me”_

_Fandral, who was at the door, wearing his under tunic and a pair off loose robes, rolled his eyes “Distract you? what have you to be distracted from?”_

_Yet, he came over, a smile on his lips when Balder took his hand and kissed his knuckles, then pulled him over so he fell atop him. His strong arm came about Fandral’s waist and he flipped him over, smiling down at him._

_“You think I have no troubles, young viscount?” Balder purred, brushing Fandral’s hair off his forehead “You think me spoilt?”_

_“I do” Fandral closed his eyes when he felt those fingers brush his cheek “I think you are a spoiled, rotten little brat, who needs a good hiding”_

_Balder smiled and lowered his head to Fandral’s throat, making the younger man gasp and tip his head back when he  licked a line up to his jaw, where he began to nibble. Fandral’s body shivered in response._

_“I would say you did that pretty well last night” Balder growled into his ear “Or – was it me that had you begging for mercy?”_

_“I never beg” Fandral told him_

_His hands went into Balder’s hair as the man began to kiss down his chest, then his middle and …_

“Fandral?”

Thor’s sharp voice cut into his reverie and he stared at him, a flush to his cheeks, that hadn’t been there before.

“Forgive me, I was lost in what you told me” he said, looking away.

“I understand” Thor sighed “I know you are the only one who cares after this as much as I do. I cannot believe this has happened”

“I can’t, either” Fandral folded the list then put it back in his pocket so he could get a glass of brandy for himself “It’s just…”

If it had been Ronan who was the villain, then it would probably be him who was blackmailing him, too? Or was it Loki?

He didn’t believe Loki was innocent – he had stayed in Balder’s chambers, he had given the letters to Fandral and caused him to lose money, to pawn important things he had.

Looking to Thor, Fandral wondered if it would be wise to tell him his suspicions about Loki. He hadn’t any proof and it would be his word against Loki’s…

Nay, without evidence, it would be futile and he would only ruin his friendship with his long time friend.

His friend, who was waiting for him to finish speaking

“Barbaric, to have someone do this” he finished “I am sorry, Thor”

Thor hummed “We will get him…trust me, nothing that I wish to find out remains hidden for long”

Why that made Fandral nervous, he didn’t know, Thor had never done anything and other than a few cold words, they had never really fought.

However, Thor also didn’t know his biggest secret.

And he wondered what would happen if he ever found out. Nothing good, he was sure, Thor would not be happy.

Fandral sighed and sat where he was, looking at Thor as he went to get himself another drink.

Thor filled the glass up this time and returned, sitting with abandon that he exhibited around Fandral and him alone. He took a sip and licked his lips, clearly lost in thought.

He was angry, too, Fandral sensed the violence inside him, swirling deep in his soul.

There was something Thor wasn’t telling him, either. It was there, hidden behind his eyes, his secret – whatever it was. He just hoped it wasn’t something that would prove to be a problem.

And he looked like he wanted his company but couldn’t stand being indoors, so Fandral suggested they take a walk. It was a good idea based on how quickly Thor agreed and before long, the two friends made their way out, both astride their noble steeds.

Svadilfari was immediately taken by Angrboda once more, nuzzling her cheek and nipping on her mane so the friends merely let them take them where they wanted to go. Thor’s hat was tipped low and he had his head bowed, looking at the ground but seeing nothing as he was still thinking.

Fandral, too, was lost, but in his memories, of Balder, of their last time together and how beautiful it had been. He would give anything to have him back here, he would give anything to share his pain with someone.

But he couldn’t speak a word of it, not for the honor Balder had, not for anything else.

They had taken a turn around the park when a loud, obnoxious and extremely unwanted voice called from behind them.

“My, my, look who decided to walk out of the social shame he put himself in”

Thor closed his eyes, prayed for patience, mostly because everyone around could hear Sigurd as he bellowed at Thor from the other side of the street.

“Looking for more delicate females so you can break their ankles, are you?” Sigurd walked his own horse over, a slim Hanoverian that looked just as irritated with his master as Thor and Fandral were “Have you not grown tired of it?”

“Seems not” Thor kept riding Svadilfari ahead and Fandral followed

Neither of them rose to his bait so Sigurd went to Fandral’s side with the one insult that always got him a result with these two.

“Do you have nightly rates?” Sigurd asked, his face pleased when Fandral looked at him, a hurt look on his face “I am sure I can make it worth while”

Thor turned to glare at him “Say another thing like that and I will make you regret it, Orvar”

“Oh, protective of your whore, are you?” Sigurd pressed on as he rode beside them “Is he that good in bed that…”

He broke off with a yelp when Thor’s riding crop whipped him hard in the face and knocked him off his horse and onto the road. He cried out in pain, from the fall _and_ from his cut cheek, his clothes ruined, his hat rolled off into the distance and he gasped as he sat up and watched both men ride on.

His Hanoverian had stopped uncertainly as he lay there, mouth agape, stunned speechless. Blood seeped from the cut at his cheek and he saw Fandral turn and look at him, pale in the face.

Then, laughter erupted around him as people snickered and laughed at his misfortune. His face was a mask of rage, his hair a mess as he lay there, stunned by the impact.

And Thor Odinson rode on, ignoring the remarks that followed, the laughter, the gasps and the sheer rage that radiated from Sigurd Orvar from behind him.

***

There was anger suppressed inside Thor tonight, that much was clear. Loki could see the violence the man pressed down from self control and that alone, yet it seeped out, in growls, in the way he snapped at the staff today, in the way he set things down harder than he intended to.

It had been this way for two days now, to the point where even Odin thought it better to leave him alone. Thor was angry and Loki knew a large part of it was because of him. Because of what he had done, Thor had made that clear.

He had rasped at him dangerously the morning after Ronan’s attack, about why he didn’t tell him, why he took it, why he was doing this for _weeks_ …

For that, Loki had no answer and Thor had anger, nothing else. He had it simmering for Ronan but the man had run away, there was no way for Thor to exact vengeance on him, so he took it out on everyone else.

He was desperate for release and tonight, as Loki walked to his room after everyone was in bed, Loki thought he could at least give him some sort of reprieve.  He had Thor’s cleaned linens in his hands and he knocked on his door, knowing he was awake.

“Enter”

Thor voice was hard and Loki took a deep breath before he entered, looking at him in the dim light of the single candle Thor had burning. He had Loki’s book open as he lay in bed, propped against his raised bent knees and studied Loki for a second.

“How are you feeling?” he asked

“Good” Loki went to his closet and placed the linens inside “and you?”

Thor shrugged “I have been better.”

He turned a page and touched the pattern before him while Loki closed the closet doors and made to leave.

“Stay” Thor told him “Lock the door, then come here”

Loki’s brow furrowed and he looked him over before he nodded. He knew Thor wouldn’t hurt him, no matter how angry he was.

He wasn’t Thanos.

Loki went to lock the door then came to Thor, standing beside the bed, looking down at him. Thor watched him, too, his blue eyes still filled with anger.

“Being this angry doesn’t suit you” Loki said softly

Thor grit his jaw “Being stupid didn’t suit you, either, but look what happened”

That _stung_ and Loki pressed his lips together, turned about and strode to the door. He heard Thor curse and get out of bed to follow him and felt his hand clasp around his wrist a second after.

“No!” Loki spun around and tried to yank himself away “Let go!”

But Thor didn’t, he held onto his wrist, then the other when Loki pushed at him

“I apologize, that was uncalled for but you have to listen to me!”

“To what!?” Loki snapped, huffed when Thor pushed him against the wall “Listen to you berate me and humiliate me even further than I have already been? Let go!”

He bucked and made to shove Thor back but the man only pressed against him to keep him against the wall and looked down at his angry eyes.

“I am sorry” Thor’s was deep with remorse “I did not mean to upset you, I was …”

“Angry” Loki grit his jaw “believe it or not nearly everyone knows by now”

Thor blushed and released one of Loki’s wrists to stroke his fingers gently over his cheek, then lowered it to clasp his neck.

“Forgive me” his thumb stroked Loki’s jaw, softly “I – My behavior has been atrocious, none of you deserved it”

“And the one who did got away” Loki said softly, closing his eyes when Thor ran his fingers over his lips “So you need to let it out”

“I do” Thor whispered “But not…not the way I have been. I beg forgiveness.”

Loki’s gaze softened and he turned his head to Thor’s palm, his eyes shut. Thor smiled in return and moved closer, turning Loki’s face to his own before he caught his mouth beneath his own.

Loki didn’t hesitate. He wrapped his arms around Thor’s neck and pulled himself closer when Thor lowered his to circle around his waist. He sucked in his breath when Thor deepened the kiss and moaned softly at the power he sensed in Thor.

“Bed…” Loki breathed, then kissed him again.

His breathy little moan right after was music to Thor’s ears. He lowered his hands to Loki’s thighs and hoisted him up without breaking their kiss off. Loki, who hadn’t expected this, tightened his legs at Thor’s middle and held on, immediately loving this.

He huffed when Thor tossed him unceremoniously on the bed, then crawled over him, bending over him to kiss his throat.

“I want to take you tonight” Thor told him as he licked up his neck to whisper in his ear “Will you let me?”

“I wouldn’t have kissed you if I didn’t want the same” Loki told him, his eyes closed as he savored the way Thor’s lips felt upon his skin.

Thor rumbled in laughter, his large body moved over Loki’s and his hands levered him up, digging into the bedding on either side of Loki’s head. He kissed Loki again, moaning loudly into his mouth, enough to give Loki shivers of pleasure already.

“Undress me” Thor ordered “Slowly”

Loki swallowed heavily, trying to reach for the hem of Thor’s sleep tunic, but the way Thor’s mouth worked on his own, the fact that he couldn’t see and that every passing second made him dizzier with desire was working against him.

His hands shook when he pulled the tunic from Thor’s loose, comfortable trousers and he pushed his hands under the cloth. Thor hissed and bit his lip, his hot, warmed flesh tensed when Loki’s cold hands touched them, but by his reaction, it was far from displeasure Loki felt.

“You’re beautiful” Loki whispered softly, “I love the feel of you beneath my hands”

“I hope you feel much more than that, my treasure” Thor placed a kiss to his temple “because I have a long way to go with you”

Loki blushed under the pet name and looked at him as Thor lowered his head again to kiss him. He fell to his elbows, jolting Loki, but his arms slipped under him, pulling him closer as they lay there. And what intimacy Loki found in Thor’s bed. His legs were opened on either side of Thor’s waist, he was pressed deliciously into the mattress and dragged his feet on the bed as slowly, Thor began to undo his control.

Thor gave him a peck on his tender lips, then his chin, nipped along his jaw and throat until he came up to the collar of his tunic. He pulled one hand from beneath Loki to unfasten the ties at the front and opened it so Loki’s chest was visible.

Loki whimpered and his nails dug into Thor’s back when he kissed his chest and his beard tickled his sensitive skin.

“Thor…”

“Yes” Thor breathed, beginning to mouth at his skin “Say my name like that again, with that hitch in your breath, Treasure”

He kissed to the side, hearing the throaty pants that came from Loki. He opened his tunic further, parting it like he would a morsel – and what a morsel Loki was.

He planted his mouth over his belly and Loki’s gasp was a sound to behold, music, it was, a litany of gasps and soft cries fell over him, his nails dug into his shoulders, his legs tightened at his waist as Loki felt the pleasure Thor gave him.

Thor continued to pleasure him, then sat up when Loki began to tug at his tunic and pulled it off, throwing it aside. He stopped a moment to look at Loki, played so beautifully over his bed, his hair spread on his pillows, it took his breath away.

He lowered himself over him and took a careful hold of Loki’s chin. His eyes looked into Loki’s dual colored ones and he smiled fondly before he kissed him again. It was soft, gentle and filled with caring. Loki’s arms came around his shoulders and he pulled Thor closer so he had to brace himself above him carefully.

A husky moan filled the air when Thor, once more, began to kiss and nuzzle Loki’s throat.

“Do we…” Loki gasped “Thor, we need…”

“I have it” Thor breathed, mouthing down his body, going lower, lower…

Loki cried out and placed a hand over his lips when Thor bit the place beneath his navel while his hands undid his trousers so he could toss them aside. He could hardly breathe, his gasp was caught in his throat and he panted louder when Thor licked a line up his erection, then took the thing into his mouth.

Loki’s back arched and he fell back on the bed a moment later, struggling to catch his breath “Thor … Thor…”

Thor hollowed his cheeks out as Loki let out a cry of desperation, his hips bucked to move into that _exquisite_ , wet heat, but Thor’s hand set on his belly, keeping him down. He sobbed in response, thrashing his head from side to side, his hands dug into Thor’s hair and he rested his legs on Thor’s strong back, gasping, crying in pleasure.

There were tears in his eyes and his face was flushed, he shook his head, biting his lip to stifle his moaning.

He had never experienced anything this _wonderful_ before, he didn’t know how to handle it!

Thor was wonderful, he ran his tongue on the underside of his entire length, sucked on the head, made him cry and sob, run his hand through his own hair when he couldn’t take any more of this. Thor eve tolerated the way Loki pulled on his hair, because the noises he made, the crying, the hoarse gasps, the way his hips tried to buck up again and again as Thor lapped at him was the prize he needed.

He refused to go faster, especially when Loki released his hair to pull on the sheets, his knuckles going white with the force of his grip, his moans muffled behind his own hand. Tears slipped from his eyes as he genuinely sobbed in pleasure.

“I cannot!” Loki gasped “Thor, I beg you, _please_!”

He was overwhelmed, turned his head away to bite at the pillow and _moaned_ loudly.

It lasted far too long for Loki, who suddenly went taut.

His back curved into a graceful arc, his feet dug into Thor’s back and he wept as he came, giving Thor just enough time to pull back enough so he could see it. His body went rigid and his world turned white, he let out choked cries into the pillow and looked about to shatter.

Then he came, shivering, trembling, he painted his thighs and Thor’s chest with his spend, his legs trembled, his body shuddered and he lay there with his eyes closed, whimpering softly, breathing heavily.

He was lost in high, but he heard Thor gently move over him to get to his bedside table from where he pulled the promised vial of oil. Loki only barely opened his eyes to look at it as Thor brought it over and parted Loki’s glistening thighs.

He gasped, his hands clenched into fists when Thor leaned over and started to place kisses on his chest and shoulders. He went lower once more, kissing his stomach, then lower, even planted a kiss of promise to his knee, then set it on his shoulder as he began to work Loki open.

It felt so different from Thanos and from Ronan.

It felt gentle, caring and kind. Thor took his time, rubbing his thigh whenever Loki twisted or tensed, promising to be careful, giving words of soothing when he cried out. And then…

Loki gasped loudly, his eyes going wide when Thor’s fingers reached a spot inside him that made his body writhe.

“That’s the spot, my treasure” Thor rubbed it

Loki wept, ragged and ruined, as he climaxed a few minutes after, his body trembled and he shivered as Thor continued to coax him open carefully.

He felt ashamed that it didn’t take long, that Thor’s questing fingers withdrew quickly enough to remind Loki that he had already been taken, used and opened for this beautiful man.

He would have given everything he had right there to have this be his first time.

Not the cruelty it had been.

But Thor made up for even that as he slowly pushed in, when he proved to be bigger and better than Loki thought. He moaned loudly and his head fell back as Thor pushed deep into him, his nails raked down his arms and Thor kissed his head, whispering words of encouragement as he seated himself fully, making Loki feel the need to gasp for air.

His hands went o Thor’s wrists, holding them tightly as he waited for Thor to stop and grit his teeth until Thor was firmly, irrevocably buried into him. He fell back, panting heavily and Thor stopped, waiting for him to adjust.

“Is it alright?” Thor panted softly “do you wish to stop?”

Loki shook his head “No – I just need a moment”

“Take all the time you need, Treasure” Thor said

He stayed as still as he could be, but eventually, Loki nodded and told him to move. Which was not a moment too soon because Thor looked wretched, like he was desperate to move and was holding back.

He let out a gasp of relief before he started to move, slow, short thrusts that nonetheless made Loki breathless within seconds. His hands left Thor’s wrists to wrap around his shoulders and he gasped, his mouth fell open in response to the pleasure that flowed deep inside him. The actions were slow, but Thor was losing himself and Loki cried out when he bit into his shoulder and began to speed up.

The drag of his thick member in and out of Loki turned wonderful, so much so that he wrapped his legs around Thor’s waist and that seemed to break what control he still had. His thrusting turned harder, sharper, rocking Loki on the bed, the slick noise of skin pounding against skin mixed with both their moans and cries of desire. Thor’s grunts and rugged gasps at his ear make Loki hard with in seconds and he started to explore Thor’s body, his hands going down his back to stroke his firm, round buttocks, giving them a squeeze.

“Oh yes…” Thor breathed “Loki…”

Loki trembled in want and fell back so Thor could sate himself, running his hands over his chest, his neck, scratching him when he discovered Thor liked that. When Thor looked at him, he reached down to take his bobbing erection in hand and started to stroke himself.

It excited the man more and his thrusting became frantic, wilder, knocking the bed against the wall over and over, rocking Loki on the bed, gaining cry after cry of pleasure from him. But then Thor rubbed against that spot when he changed angles and Loki’s world turned white for a third time that night, leaving him sobbing as he spent himself over them both, falling into the darkness that lay waiting for him, barely aware that Thor was still inside him and moving hard against him.

When he came to, he had no idea how long he had been out, but Thor was still moving, one hand clenched over Loki’s thigh as he set it beside his shoulder, going so impossibly deep, Loki knew he had marked a spot inside him forever.

Loki wondered how long Thor would go on when he felt the release of Thor’s seed with him his body and looked at Thor go tense, he ran his hands over Thor’s chest because the man threw his head back and let out a cry of his own.

And he was beautiful, utterly gorgeous.

Thor let him go and pulled out before he collapsed on him, burying his face in his neck as he came down from his own high, panting heavily.

Their hearts beat together and Loki wrapped his arms around Thor to hold him closer to him, kissing his neck, his head. He cradled his head to him when Thor mouthed lazily at his neck and he closed his eyes.

Spent and exhausted, it didn’t take long for both of them to slowly let their bodies relax and fall asleep, wrapped around each other.

***

The next morning was a chilly one and Loki knew there were clouds settling above the city, which likely pointed to rain and a wave of cold that would keep many in their beds. No one wanted to leave the warmth and comfort that their rooms brought but from experience he knew that the staff would likely be awake and walking about.

He, himself had no qualms, he could sleep till the afternoon and had things been different, he might have. Had there been that sweet, warm body beside his own, he would have stuck to the bed till his partner moved.

He would have told him to stay, kissed him into submission and then spoiled him all over again. Last night had been fantastic and he missed terribly how Loki wasn’t in his bed, still.

He touched the pillow where the indent left by Loki’s head still stayed and touched it lightly, leaving it as it is rather than fix it.

He liked the reminder.

Thor stretched and sat up, running a hand through his hair, then made himself get out of bed so he could wash up and meet the day.

And, if he was lucky, meet Loki, too.

He longed for him again.

He was quick about it, brushing himself down once he was dressed for the day, then headed out, leaving the door to his chambers open. There was a distinct chill in the house as he walked out and he felt his skin shiver, just a little. The staff was also dressed warmer and the wall scones lit brighter since the sun decided to elude them on this day. He could hear Odin conversing with someone and whistled a little as he jogged his way downstairs to see who it was.

He almost tripped over his own two feet when he saw Lady Jane sitting there, with her uncle, both of them completely at home in Odin’s study.

And Odin looked up, smiling at his son “Ah, there he is, Thor do come in, I was just having a word with Mr Selvig and your Lady, Jane”

Jane batted her lashes at Thor and blushed with a grace she no doubt practiced.

Thor kept his surprise to a minimum and gave them a smile.

“I see” he came over “a surprise visit this early in the morning”

“Well, we could hardly contain our excitement” Eric Selvig stood to extend his hand to Thor’s “A lovers quarrel is the harshest and thus unkind”

Lovers’ quarrel? Since when had Thor been anything other than a mildly disgusted and very bored young man to Jane?

He laughed and went to take a seat away from them “You misunderstand, my good sir. We are merely friends – I would not give that up for the world”

Jane looked to him slowly, but Thor kept his smile firm, even in the face of her disappointment.

“Truly?” Erik frowned “How odd, Jane said…”

“If I have led her to believe that we are anything other than good friends, then it is my folly” Thor cut in “I will ask the two of you to forgive me”

Odin looked at him curiously, then to Erik and Jane, both of whom looked decidedly pale.

“You do not have designs on Lady Jane?” Odin asked

“Nay, sir” Thor looked to him “I had thought she was with another, if I were honest and strived to be a friend of hers, like I said, I beg your pardon if I had insisted otherwise”

“Oh” Erik cleared his throat “Actually, I came to ask you both something else entirely …”

“You are more than welcome to” Odin said

“I had thought that the two of them made a superb match, my lord” he said “it would benefit both of them, Lord Odinson will have a good connection and my niece to have a protected home after I pass.”

“I think …”

“Your offer is generous, but unfortunately, I have no inducements to wed” Thor said “I am still young and more than capable of holding this estate on my own, able to manage it without the need of a wife”

“Aye, but your future heirs”

“I will see to that bridge when it comes, my lord” Thor’s voice was decidedly colder than it had been a few moments ago “pray do not press on the issue I have no wish to discuss”

Jane’s eyes were focused on him, swimming in disappointment. Thor could see the anger behind them, how furious he was at daring to refuse her offer of marriage.

Absolutely absurd.

“Now, if you will excuse me, I have to have my breakfast and then go out to meet with a few acquaintances” Thor stood “Father, good day. Farewell, Lady Jane, Mr. Selvig”

He bowed to them and walked out without a single glance backwards. It left Jane simmering with anger and Odin knew it.

They made their goodbyes swiftly afterwards and Odin came to see his son, who was having his breakfast as calmly as he could.

“Thor, that was very rude” he said softly

“She has been after me” Thor looked at him “the way she looks at me, like I belong to her, make me wary of her. And I have made no advancements, nothing to indicate I would marry her, she only seeks to wed me for social status. If I wed her, there will be nothing but disappointment in my heart”

“She is of a good family” Odin cautiously began as he took a seat opposite

“That does not mean she, herself, is good” Thor told him “you wed the one you loved, Father, will you not wish for me to have the same”

“I would” Odin said “is there someone you like?”

“Not yet” Thor took a bite of his meal “But perhaps there will be, who knows?”

“You would” Odin told him, getting up to get breakfast “But you wouldn’t tell me”

“Never” Thor smiled “and are you having a second breakfast?”

“So what if I am?” Odin asked “it is none of your business”

“Indeed” Thor waited for his father to be seated before he continued eating “Do you have any old man plans today?”

“Old man plans?” Odin asked

“Aye, because you are old and…”

“State what you want, brat” Odin snarled

“I need the carriage” Thor said, then inspiration hit him “And Loki – after what happened, I wanted to take him out to the shops if that is alright, get his mind off things”

“That sounds like a good enough idea” Odin mused “very well, take the carriage, although you should have your own by now”

“Then I will look at a few of those as well” Thor bowed his head “Thank you for being so gracious”

They finished in silence after, only occasionally speaking of miscellaneous things, but when Thor stood to leave, he caught a flash of movement outside and felt his lips quirk at seeing the one man he’d wanted to ever since he woke up.

Loki had his hair tied up again as he groused about having to fetch the laundry himself when the maid who was responsible for it had been taken down with the chills. Thor tried not to snicker when he heard the rumblings of his spoiled valet and followed him at a distance as he went to his bedchambers so do his work.

He was efficient, like he always was and Thor leaned on the doorjamb his arms crossed as he watched Loki put away his things. He saw care in the way Loki handled his room, how he stoked the fire, how he remade the bed, which was already done perfectly, how he aired the room out after, there was tenderness and happiness on Loki’s face and Thor loved it.

He loved watching this.

Loki was concentrating on his work, so he startled a little when Thor cleared his throat, then looked at him, a displeased frown on his face.

“How long have you been leering?”

Thor laughed and looked about before he entered the room “How long have you been this stunning to look at?”

Loki rolled his eyes and kept on folding the cravat he held in his hands “You want everyone to hear you?”

Thor closed the door.

Loki ignored him in favor of the cravat, placing it aside when he was done, even when Thor’s arms came around his waist. He felt his lips kiss his nape and Thor’s words ghosted over his skin.

“I missed you this morning” Thor whispered “I wanted you in my arms when I woke”

“Sadly, I had work to do” Loki said “his lordship has the liberty to wake when he wants but I am to get up and slave away”

“Slave away?” Thor laughed “This is you, slaving away?”

“I am” Loki replied “Do you see yourself folding your cravats?”

“I could” Thor kissed the back of his ear, smiling at the shiver that went through Loki “Would you like that? Having me at your beck and call, having me call you ‘Master’?”

Loki looked at him over his shoulder “Is that your fantasy?”

“Nay, but it could be” Thor laughed, then gave a kiss to his cheek “I am going to go out today and I want you to accompany me”

Loki blinked at him “What? Truly?”

Thor nodded “Yes, I have told Father we are to be gone most of the day, so go prepare – I shall be waiting”

Loki’s eyes, a stunning green and blue, glittered with joy “I will, sir”

He abandoned his work and went to the door to get ready, genuinely pleased to be going with Thor. Once he left, Thor shook his head and started to finish up Loki’s work.

“Slaving away, indeed” he muttered

But there was nothing but fondness in his voice, just like there was nothing but fondness in his eyes when they made to depart an hour later.

Both of them were dressed well and looked very handsome as they took out Thor’s carriage. They were inside and Thor expected them to have a nice conversation.

So when Loki suddenly pulled out a book to read, Thor was slightly surprised.

“Truly?” he asked “You will read the entire time?”

Loki raised his odd gaze at him and smirked “Why, my lord? Did you have something else in mind?”

Thor grit his jaw and narrowed his eyes, kicking Loki in the shin with the tip of his boot “You know I do which is why you pulled that book out, brat”

“Likely” Loki said, his voice softer than Thor’s “Or maybe I wish for the footmen not to hear us”

Thor winced at that “Forgive me. This is just until the shops, then we can walk on foot. I will leave the footmen to their business so you can carry the things we buy”

“Good luck with that, my lord” Loki said softly, once more

He went back to his book and Thor raised a brow at it “What are you reading that is so much more interesting than I am?”

Loki was truly into one of the books he would never dare to admit he liked reading. It was a children’s book, one Helbindi had given to him as a joke.

The story about a sorcerer child, an orphan, taken and raised in a home that was not his, with a family that was not his and a lie that was fed to him till the age of eleven when a giant came to tell him the truth of where he belonged.

These books gave him comfort, the world gave him an escape from what reality he was living in and as much as he disliked to admit it, his copies were worn and well read. He had all of them and he truly loved reading them in his spare time.

He was on his sixth installment when he was disturbed and looked up to see Thor trying to sneak a look.

“This just an old one”

Thor made a face but sat back, watching the landscape they passed.

“I – uh…” Thor turned to Loki again “I want to buy you something today – anything you wish for”

Loki blinked up at him, confused “Pardon?”

Thor smirked and felt his face heat up a little “Yes. I wanted to take you to the shops, see if there is something you want to buy and … I wish to purchase it for you – as a thank you for the book you gave me. It’s wonderful”

For a moment, Loki’s worst nightmare had come true, that Thor was thanking him, buying him something for having sex with him, that Thor thought he was a prostitute. But the man told him why he wanted to buy it and his heart, which had stopped, began to beat faster.

“You…” he stared at him “Truly?”

Thor nodded “I would love to”

Loki wanted to hurl himself at Thor and kiss him silly, but he refrained and opted for smiling at him

“Thank you” he said softly “I truly appreciate it, Thor.”

The resulting smile on Thor’s face was greater a joy to Loki than anything else could be and for the rest of the ride, he could hardly concentrate on his book.

It was truly a feat.

The markets were understandably crowded when they reached them and Loki and Thor’s footmen kept close to their employer as they scanned the shopping spots.

Because he didn’t want it to seem like he was showing Loki preference, Thor took them all into a shop that made one of the best hats in the city. They were nice and more than affordable for Thor, who led his staff in.

“Have a look around, boys” Thor beamed at them “Pick what you like and then let me know”

The footmen were surprised but remained professionally less excited than they were as they immediately began to browse. Loki went to go with them but Thor lightly brushed his fingers with Loki’s, making him look at him.

“What do you wish to buy?” Thor whispered “is there something you like here?”

Loki looked about and saw the footmen study various hats, then looked back to Thor.

“This is sufficient”

“No” Thor smiled “I won’t settle for sufficient – I wish to purchase something you want. If it is not this, I can always go to another with you, worry not”

Loki looked at him and nodded, browsing the shop, so Thor did that as well. He noted that while the others examined the hats on display, Loki went to look at a pair of gloves. They were displayed a little ways off and Thor watched him, watched the slender, graceful movements Loki made as he asked for the person behind the counter to pick one out.

Even from where he was, Thor knew they were expensive. But he saw how Loki ran them between his fingers, how his eyes brightened at the sight of them.

They were up to the elbow and traditionally, they were wrong, no man wore gloves that high, but Thor knew Loki would love these and these alone.

He secretly hoped he would buy them, but by the way he set them down after asking for the price, Thor knew he wouldn’t.

He smiled at Loki as he returned, followed by the other footmen, all of them holding the new hats Thor would buy them.

It took a little time, getting everything packed, then Thor asked Loki and the others to place their things on the carriage.

“Take a day off” he told the footmen, giving them a few coins each “you can meet me back at the house later”

The men were more than grateful and all of them walked off, leaving Thor and Loki behind as they went to spend their coins as they sought fit.

The driver stayed, pocketing the coins Thor gave him and was happy enough to go home when Thor told him to.

They were truly alone, so Thor smiled at Loki and headed back to the shops.

“What do you have your eye on?” he asked Loki

“Books” Loki looked at him “and possibly some shoes – mine are starting to wear down”

“Of course” Thor beamed “follow me”

Loki was more than happy to. The mere thought of new, shiny boots smelling of expensive polish was more than enough to make him eager.

What he got, was a pair of Oxfords that had him gasping and insisting they were far too expensive. But Thor was more than eager to pay for them and his tone brooked no argument as he ordered two, not one pair, for Loki.

And Loki sat there, stunned, as they took his measurements and made him a pair of boots and a laced, regular shoe.

His heart pounding, Loki was knocked speechless. No one had ever done this for him before, no one had ever spent money on him. Even his father, when things were good for them, had opted to give importance to finances over Loki’s wants, telling him ‘no’ more often than not. He rarely gave into Loki’s desire to have something, even if he cared for food, clothing and home.

And here was Thor, beaming with pride at the fact that he bought Loki shoes that, in his childhood, cost enough to feed his family for months.

He had never dreamed this would happen for him.

But it did and even as they left the shop, Loki was silent, lost in his thoughts. Thor was, of course, proud of what he had done and nudged him with his elbow as they walked.

“Knocked speechless, Loki?”

Loki looked at him and blinked “Thank you…Thor, I …”

“Could you hail a hackney?” Thor said “I forgot something at the shop. I will return”

Thor turned and left before Loki could say a single word. So he looked about and hired a hackney for them, waiting beside it as Thor returned, a folded item in his hands.

“Back home?” he asked “Or do you wish to go elsewhere?”

Loki nibbled his lip, then smiled at Thor “If it is alright with you, could I …”

“Odinson!”

Both of them turned and behind him, Loki heard Thor cuss as a man strode over, his face livid. Loki paled a second later when he realized who this was. He ducked his head so Sigurd Orvar didn’t recognize him and watched him come to a stop before Thor.

There was a gash on his cheek, fresh, but slightly healed over and his face was a mask of fury.

“How dare you do what you did?” Orvar glowered up at Thor “Who do you think you are?”

Everyone was staring at them and Loki started to feel self conscious, moving out of the public eye and into the shade of the hackney.

Thor faced him head on, he had no problem “Oh, did you hit something on your way here?”

Orvar’s face turned a darker shade of red and he pulled off his glove.

“I challenge you” he hurled it at Thor’s foot “Tomorrow, at dawn, I challenge you to a duel. I will end the entire Odinson line if I have to!”

There were horrified gasps from everyone around. A few women clutched their chests, their eyes riveted on the young man who was threatening Thor.

And Thor, who was calm, even in the face of this bastard. He bent down and plucked up the glove from the ground, then flicked dust off of it.

“As tempting as it is to put a bullet between your eyes, I will refrain” he handed the glove back “Your pompous offer is declined”

It only angered Orvar further and he crushed his glove in his grip. He looked slightly insane and two gentlemen dared to approach and pull him back from Thor.

“Leave it, Orvar” one said “Turn about and walk off.”

He let them take him back, but Thor rolled his eyes at his antics and stepped to the hackney. And that eye roll, that look of disdain at him, broke him once more. He gave a snarl and made for Thor again, ready to punch him in the face.

But Thor turned, his walking stick held out in both hands before him and slammed it into his face, knocking him back to the ground. Orvar huffed as he fell back and held his nose with both hands as blood poured from his fingers. His package dropped to the ground, unseen after his attack and stunned silence went through everyone who watched

Loki was pale and he took Thor by the arm and pulled “We should go, please, let’s go”

But Thor didn’t move, he was glaring at Orvar, his face white in anger. He was vaguely aware of Loki picking up the box he’d gotten off the ground, vaguely aware of people gasping in horror, oh Loki’s words in his ear.

“If you come near me again, trust me, I will accept your duel and this time, it will be I who will walk away a killer, not you” Thor rasped.

He wanted to beat this man into the ground, but Loki was right. They had to leave.

He turned his back, hearing the whispers and chattering behind him as he stomped into the hackney with Loki. Loki, who was watching him, eyes wide. He was shocked at the rage inside Thor and kept silent, letting the hackney take them home where none of this was going to touch Thor.

Or so Loki hoped.

***

Odin was not impressed by what Thor had done – Sigurd Orvar was a beast. He had taken Balder from them, there was no way in hell he was taking Thor.

And the man let his son know this the second he heard about what happened, his voice both panicked and angry. He scolded his son, he nearly hit him in the head, shook him, yelled at him to knock sense into his head so he knew never, ever to do what he did again.

He only calmed when Thor calmed his fears and told him that he was impulsive, yes, but he wasn’t stupid. He would never accept a duel, never.

“That doesn’t mean he will not shoot you in cold blood” Odin glowered at him “You cannot anger a man as low and evil as him, Thor, you cannot!”

Pressing his lips tight, Thor stood from his seat in Odin’s study and went to kneel before his father, looking up at him.

“You listen to me, old man” he took his hands within his own “No matter what happens, I will not leave you. i am not a fool, I will only do what is within my limits. That man has been tormenting me for some time now, you know this. If I didn’t teach him a lesson, he would have continued and I would have ended up doing something far worse”

“I understand” Odin said “But he…”

“I know” Thor placed a hand at his father’s neck and looked at him “I give you my word – I will always, always be here”

He kissed Odin on the head and gave him a firm shake.

“Are you well?”

Odin nodded, but he was still troubled, something was on his mind, he wasn’t saying it.

“What?” Thor asked “Just say it”

Odin looked at him sadly and exhaled “Thor, I got a disturbing letter today”

Thor frowned “What?”

“I do not know who sent it” Odin moved Thor aside and stood, going to his desk “It was anonymously sent but the contents of it…”

He opened a drawer and pulled a letter out, then extended it to Thor.

“Look at this”

Thor took it and started to read.

_My Lord_

_You do not know me, yet I think that at some point in our lives we will be better acquainted. I write to you today not to bother you, but as a lesson to someone who thought themselves above my organization and myself._

_As you know, you son, Thor, has been a great and loyal friend to one Fandral Dash, a handsome young viscount with an elderly mother. In recent times, he and I have had a business transaction where he failed to give me a payment, despite multiple warnings of what that would result in._

_So, as promised to him, I will do what I told him should he refuse to go ahead with what we had agreed upon._

_My lord, you have known him as Thor’s friend, but in truth, he was much more._

_You will forgive me if I mention him and bring pain to you, but your eldest son, Balder was much more intimately acquainted with young Fandral than he would have anyone know._

_In cruder words, they were lovers and it was Fandral’s honor that Balder had been avenging the night he was so cruelly taken from you. Tis the reason why Fandral chooses to run from Orvar than face him, since the young man likely knew of their association._

_Again, I tell you this not to hurt you or upset you, but because it was promised to young Fandral, who in his youthful arrogance, made the mistake of trying to refuse payment to me._

_I hope that I was not too much of a bother_

_Thank you_

There was no signature, and Thor’s face was nearly grey in shock as he read the letter once, then twice.

“Now, we cannot know for sure if this person was lying or not” Odin said “But this disturbed me. Do you think this true?”

Thor’s lips were pressed tight and he sighed “I do not know. If they were, then…”

Odin frowned “Then what?”

“Then why didn’t Fandral ever tell me?” Thor asked softly “why didn’t Balder? I knew he had a lover, I just assumed…”

He folded the letter up, then tore it into pieces.

“He lied to me”

“Thor, do not make any rash decisions” Odin scolded “You do not know that for sure, what if this is a prank or a lie? What if Orvar himself wrote this just to anger you?”

“Then he will have gotten what he wanted” Thor walked to the fireplace and threw the letter inside

“Proved you impulsive again?” Odin asked “Did you not just tell me that you are not a fool? Thor, gather evidence before you do something you will regret, what if this is a lie?”

“What if it isn’t?” Thor snarled “then I need answers”

Odin was disappointed “I didn’t want to tell you this, I didn’t tell you so you could go questioning your own friend”

“If he ever was my friend” Thor scoffed “he – he is just…if he was playing with my brother’s heart, just using him to warm his bed and Balder died because of him – I will never forgive him”

“You say words in anger that you will regret” Odin said gently “calm down, think before you act, that is all I ask of you”

Odin came to him and placed a hand on his shoulder

“Think” he told him, then poked his head “use this”

The jolt gave Thor a second of wisdom and he closed his eyes, succumbing to it. He visibly relaxed and nodded.

“I will think and research before I act”

“Good” Odin said, then smacked his cheek lightly “Now get out. I have had enough of your dark presence”

Thor scoffed “And not enough of your port. How many bottles do you go through these days?”

“Twice as much since you came home, now out” Odin pushed him to the door “Goodnight”

Thor laughed as he gave in to the pushing waved to his father “Fare well, old man”

“Do not call me that!”

Thor snapped the door shut on Odin’s indignant squawk and walked on. The smile he had on his face slowly faded as his thoughts went back to what he had just learned.

Fandral and Balder…

If this was true, Thor was not going to be kind to his ‘friend’. Not if he was the one who was responsible for Balder’s untimely death.

His feet clacked on the floors of his house as he made his way to his rooms. He opened the door, wanting to break the knob off, when he saw his room was not empty.

It was lit and upon his bed, sat Loki, his face looking vulnerable in the candle lights around.

“Loki?” he frowned, locking his door to come to him “What’s wrong?”

Loki looked to his lap as an answer and Thor lowered his gaze to see the box he’d gotten opened. And there, sitting for him, were the gloves Loki had been admiring.

Thor had bought them – for him.

“How could you?” Loki whispered “they were so expensive”

Thor’s lips curved into a smile and he walked to Loki, taking his face in his hands and kissing him full on the mouth. He pressed their lips together firmly, then pulled back and stroked Loki’s cheeks, watching with wonder as Loki opened those beautiful, stunning eyes of his.

“I would buy you anything you would look at if I could” Thor whispered, kissing him again “You deserve it – I wish to make you happy”

Loki closed his eyes as Thor kissed him again, then again, hissing softly in response when Thor put his weight on him enough to push him on his back against the pillows.

“You shouldn’t have” he gasped “This is too much”

“Is it?” Thor smirked, losing his worries in Loki’s form, his voice “I think it is nothing”

He kissed his way from Loki’s mouth to his jaw, nipping him there in a way that had Loki cry out and shudder.

“Yes…” Loki whispered

Thor smiled and climbed over him properly, his hands going all over his body as he began to savor his lover anew.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay, I got sick and internet died for a while - ugh. I hope the porn makes up for it


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DUN DUN DUN

The sunlight fell into the room in a single line over his thick covers. It cast an amber glow between him and the empty space that had been previously occupied and he shifted when it flashed in the room like a beam of gold. There was softness that came with the morning, placed over him, grey, comforting, sweet.

He loved it and longed to share it but once more, found himself waking alone, with nothing but the impression of his lover’s face in the pillow beside him. Thor smiled and reached over to touch the spot Loki had vacated, finding it cold. He’d left a while back and the young lord sighed, wishing just once, to wake with him in his arms.

But he knew Loki would never risk it, even if he too, longed for it. All they could risk was this – kisses under the dark, making love in secret.

But Thor thought it was worth it, at least for him.

It helped him heal his heart, being with Loki last night, after what he had learned. Loki aided him just by being with him and that was something Thor never thought he could have. He’d had lovers before but Loki was different.

There was just something about him that made him different, made him _better_. He was like the elixir poets wrote about and Thor felt the need to go to him.

It was raining outside today and the house was chilly, but Thor still leapt out of bed so he could dress and meet with Loki sooner.

He had put on his house slippers and was pulling his hair back when someone knocked on his door and Thor looked up, smiling when he saw Loki walk in with fresh linens. They were folded neatly over his arm and for the first time in his life, Thor thanked God that his chamber maid was taken with the chills.

His face shined as he grinned and Loki looked at him, confused.

“What?”

Thor shook his head “Nothing – close the door”

Loki did as Thor asked and locked it “If you have any ideas, I suggest you keep them … _Thor_!”

Loki yelped as Thor strode over and embraced him, spinning with him in his room, sending his linens flying about when Loki let them go to hold on to his shoulders.

“Are you mad!?” Loki snarled

“Possibly” Thor smiled, his arms tight around Loki’s waist, his face beaming as he looked up at him “I missed you”

What little irritation was on Loki’s face, vanished as he looked down at him. While those words had been said to him so many times before, never had they been said with good, pure intentions, never did anyone mean miss him, not his body.

His face softened and he looked down at Thor, seeing the lightest of freckles dusting his nose, the patterns in his eyes, the affection in his face for him. For Loki. For all of Loki. He reached up and brushed a lock of hair off Thor’s face, then ran his fingers down his cheek.

“You missed me?”

Thor turned his head to kiss his palm lightly and smiled “I did”

Loki cupped his cheek and lowered his head to grace Thor with a soft, tender kiss to his forehead. He smiled against him when he felt Thor’s lashes over his cheeks, then pulled away and snickered.

“I thought you were going to kiss me proper” Thor complained

“I will” Loki said “Tonight”

He stroked his cheek again, then set his hands on his shoulders

“Will you set me down or am I to do all my chores this way?” Loki asked

“You can get the others to do them” Thor announced, carrying him to the bed and falling upon it with Loki half beneath his body “I want you in here today”

“You know they will start to talk” Loki said softly, playing with Thor’s hair as it fell from whatever he had tied it in “More than they do”

Thor, who was busy nuzzling Loki’s middle, looked at him “What?”

“They all know” Loki told him “they aren’t blind. Or rather, they foresaw it. When I started to sleep here in the beginning, they started to talk amongst themselves…regardless of whether I was around or not. They know.”

Thor frowned as he looked at him and reached over to take his hand “Do you want me to tell them off?”

Loki shook his head and Thor planted a kiss to his palm, then let him cup his stubble prickly cheek.

“You need a shave” Loki told him

“Do I?” Thor hummed, mouthing at his wrist “I feel like growing myself a large beard”

“You will look terrible” Loki told him, putting his arm around him when Thor  moved over him properly “Rather like a bear”

“And you don’t find that attractive?” Thor asked, his hands on either side of Loki’s head as he looked down at him “Hmm?”

“Of course I will not” Loki smiled “I hate bears”

Thor smiled and slowly lay atop him, pressing his elbows to the bed so he could brush Loki’s hair back with his hands.

“I know I have never said this” Thor rumbled “But you have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen”

Loki’s cheeks heated up with his blush and Thor smiled.

“I speak the truth” he stroked Loki’s cheeks, his forehead, looking down at him “I have never seen anything like this”

“It is unnatural” Loki said softly

“It is _you_ ” Thor lowered his head to kiss him again, moaning softly when Loki’s arms tightened about his shoulders.

Loki loved the sound and moved his hand to Thor’s hair, pulling it free from its confines so he could put his fingers through it. It was soft, it looked like the sun and Loki loved it. He loved Thor’s blonde hair.

Thor broke the kiss off to mouth down his throat and Loki bent his legs on either side of Thor to give him more room

“We should…” Loki panted “Go outside – your father is awake”

Thor groaned, kissing back up to his jaw “Forget that”

“I would love to” Loki whispered “But it is not possible”

He gave Thor’s shoulder a shove and sat up when he moved back, fixing his clothes

“Perhaps if we were elsewhere, we could indulge in this all the time, but as it were” Loki gave him a look “Your snake must remain in his cage”

Thor grimaced at that and stood, letting Loki pick up his linens “You know when you have a rear like that, the snake wants to get out”

He ducked when one of the clothes Loki was picking up mysteriously became airborne and flew to his head.

***

The chores ended quickly enough for Loki once the promise of a trip out with Thor was before him. The man had come to him to let him know he was leaving the house, probably to go shooting and Loki was invited. It made the valet smile and he beamed the entire time he did his work, looking forward to it.

When the time came, however, they had a guest and one that Thor absolutely despised.

Lord Vali was a friend of Odin’s – Thor didn’t know why. The man was crude, crass and vulgar, he was mean and petty and Thor was sure he bathed only once every month, judging from the stench of mixed perfumes that came from him.

He didn’t even know why Odin tolerated him enough to have him come over to his house and stink up his study. He talked about random blathering that Thor had no interest in.

But Odin, damn him thrice to hell, pleaded a headache and left Thor with him, deliberately, if the way he was hiding his smile was a measure of it.

Thor had sat stunned, as his father left him with a man who had no intention of leaving any time soon – at least not without having dinner. He sat back and set his hands over his ample belly, then began talking about his prized fossil collection.

He considered himself somewhat of an expert on it and kept droning on over it so long that Thor had sworn he had died and been reborn. In this exact spot, sitting before his cause of death.

He had tried discreetly letting him know that he had plans about two times now but the man simply glossed over it, pretending he never heard him.

It had Thor sit back and reach for the brandy next to him.

He was about to take a drink when he saw Loki standing at the door, peeking in secretly. His heart felt heavy when he saw Loki’s smile fade and disappointment etch itself on his features.

Wordlessly, Loki turned to go, knowing their trip was cancelled without Thor having said so.

It made him hate Vali even more than he did.

“So, Thor” the man said, beaming at him as he asked a staff member to get him some port “when are you getting wed? A man like you, in his prime, you need to be filling your nursery with sons”

Thor gave him an angry sort of look, disguised as awkwardness “I have yet to find someone worthy, my lord, but thank you for the concern”

“Think none of it” Vali said, then perked up “Say, would you be open to going to the clubs with me one of these days, son? I would love to give you a tour and I am sure you will find it exciting”

“I will consider your generous offer, Sir” Thor smiled.

“Well, don’t consider too long, trust me” Vali winked at him “I will take you to a place you will never forget”

Thor smiled at him politely.

It was as he had expected – the man didn’t leave until they served dinner but till then, Thor had been forced to endure his presence. He hated every second, so the moment dinner finished, he made his way upstairs and into his rooms, asking a passing maid to summon Loki.

“Tell him I am going out” he said “and ask the stable hands to get Svadilfari ready.”

“Yes, my lord” she bowed and hurried to relay his orders.

Thor had shrugged into his coat when Loki came over, he looked at Thor, a frown on his face

“You called?”

Thor turned to look at him and smiled “I did, if I remember, you and I had to go out, yes?”

“Yes, but …”

“Then go get your coat” Thor urged “and meet me at the stables”

Loki’s lips curved into a tender smile and he turned to leave and do as he had asked.

Thor finished his dressing, then locked his room and made his way out. The night was chilly and he breathed in deep the scent of the approaching fog. He knew soon enough this would settle deep in his bones, but he cared naught.

He had promised Loki he would take him out and he was going to.

Svadilfari looked grumpy, but a few warm oats and a couple of pets later, he was more than ready, idly walking behind Thor as the young lord paced. His ears perked up when Loki walked over and Thor smiled when he saw he was wearing the gloves Thor had bought him.

“Oh, look at that” Thor said, taking his hand to examine it “You look sinful in these”

Even in the night’s light, Loki blushed and Thor took him and the horse around the back gate. The moment they were outside, Thor looked around, then pulled Loki into his arms and kissed him hard and deeply. Loki’s arms came around him, too, he kissed him back with just as much passion so that when they pulled back, both of them were breathing hard.

“I’ve been dying to do that ever since that blob of dung walked into the house” Thor told him

Loki laughed and shook his head at him “You’re impossible”

“I am, now come on” Thor moved to Svadilfari “Get up, I will get on behind you”

Loki looked at the horse uncertainly, then at Thor “Are you sure he can take both our weights?”

At that, Svadilfari pawed the ground, getting impatient to get Thor to let him run.

“He can, come on” Thor pat the saddle “up you get”

Loki rolled his eyes but did walk over, climbing on the animal. He pet the mane, having missed riding him, then moved over once Thor hauled himself behind him.

“Before we go” Thor reached over to pull Loki’s collar up and tip his hat down “There, now you are no one”

Loki turned his head to give him an unimpressed look through the slit between the hat and collar and Thor laughed. He pat his back, then reached around him to hold the reins.

“Hold on” he whispered into Loki’s ear “We will be there soon”

“Where is ‘there’, exactly?” Loki’s voice was muffled under his disguise

“Just a little ways off” Thor said “trust me, you will love it”

“I definitely hope so” Loki said “Half the night stuck with you at my back will be enough for a week”

He yelped when Thor dug his fingers into his side and tried to turn and hit him. But that only made Thor laugh and made Svadilfari anxious so Loki stopped.

“You are the worst example of a human being”

“Thank you” Thor smiled

He sped up a little and rode along a path he had clearly taken before. As he said, it seemed to be close to the house, since it went off the road and into a collection of trees and bushes.

“You know, going in here with a disguise like mine, my lord” Loki looked at him “Not wise”

“You need to stop reading those suspense books, no one will get murdered”

Loki chuckled “No one you know”

Thor narrowed his eyes at him but kept to the path, guiding Svadilfari through the dark trees and shrubs.

“Is this not dangerous?” Loki asked softly “You could have brought a lamp”

“There is one by your left foot” Thor said “Hooked to the side. Matches are with it”

Loki bent down to get it and surely enough there it was. It took him a few tries to light it and he saw the track they were going across had pathway made of cobblestones, hidden deep beneath the wild grass growing about.

“Thor, what is this place?”

“You will see” Thor said, watching where they were going “The grass gets truly long in a moment so if you do not want anything crawling upon your cloak, pull your feet up”

Loki immediately did so, sitting cross legged on the horse and Thor gasped.

“How are you doing that?”

Loki smiled behind his collar but said nothing and watched the flora around them get wilder and wilder till there were brushed by the long leaves of willows.

Moon light fell in patches of white at the floor of the tree and small, stunning looking flowers grew everywhere. Loki felt his breath catch in his throat when, with every step his took, Svadilfari set off fireflies in every direction.

They lit up the thin fog around and he gasped in wonder as they began to float around the two of them, their lights hovering over like stars in the night. It was their own world, filled with love and passion and magic. Around them was navy blue darkness and saved from it, taken into a vision Loki only imagined in books, by the fire flies around them.

“Thor…” Loki breathed, his hands extended to the sides “Look”

Thor watched, mesmerized, as the fireflies began to land on Loki’s hands, settling on the silk of his gloves, glowing, radiating their light softly.

It was, by far, the most beautiful thing Thor had ever seen – even if Loki couldn’t be seen.

He looked at him and smiled, almost feeling his heart go to Loki, almost feeling tendrils attach themselves to him. He felt his breath become dependent on Loki, more so when Loki pulled his hat off so he could see these insects properly. They were magnificent and Thor smiled when he saw a few land on Loki’s head, glowing in his hair.

And the further Svadilfari went, the more he disturbed and soon enough, they were both surrounded by the stunning green and yellow of the fireflies.

Then they were at the edge of the willow and Thor pulled on the reins to get Svadilfari to stop.

“There we are” Thor shook his head, setting off the insects settled on his hair “Off you get”

He slipped off, jumping into the grass, then held his arms out for Loki “Come on”

Loki took both his hands and jumped down with him, leaving Svadilfari to go paw and nibble about. He clearly had better things to do than watch them, though he kept close as they went towards their destination.

And what a destination it was.

Thor had a hand on Loki’s shoulder, guiding him towards the thick drape of willow leaves that hung low to the ground. He parted them and there, before them, lit up by thick beams of moon light, glittering with even more fireflies, making it look surreal and magical, sat a fountain of a Greek deity.

The fountain was forgotten, abandoned here in the middle of foliage and a place cleared out ever so slightly by passing people or animals, leaving tufts of short grass protruding from the ground around it. The backdrop of green and blue, the sharp beams of light illuminating it, the white, faded color of the fountain itself and the moss slowly creeping up from the bottom, gave it the stunning, romantic look it needed to make this night perfect.

And Loki knew that was why Thor had brought him here – to share with him this stunning place.

“Thor” he turned to face him “Thor, this is beautiful”

Thor smiled in response and grabbed onto Loki’s arms gently, rubbing them “I am glad you appreciate it. Come”

He didn’t let him go as he walked them towards the fountain. It was made of marble and look absolutely poetic in its beauty, everything about it was archaic and epic.

They circled it once to admire it then Loki looked back at Thor.

“Where did this come from?”

“There was a house here once, that is why the area is so extensive” Thor said “But it caught fire when I was a little boy. It burnt to the ground and took nearly everything with it save for this statue. But as the years passed, people began to talk about this land and whisper how it was likely cursed and avoided it. Usually I have no patience with these stories but it kept them away, allowing it to turn into this over grown, whimsical place, locked in another time and place”

“Are you going to wax on poetically about it?”

“Hush” Thor whacked his rear “I wanted to share it with you – tis as beautiful as you are”

“There is the poetry” Loki teased, but he leaned against Thor, looking at the fountain “It looks like a painting, does it not?”

“Aye” Thor slid both his arms around him and pulled him close enough to kiss him on the head “Stunning”

“What me or the view?” Loki batted his lashes at him

“Both” Thor pulled him closer “I have a blanket and some dessert is you wish to sit in the moonlight and enjoy them”

“I would love to”

Thor was more than gracious, though Loki helped. He had a nice little treat packed for them, complete with candles, fruit, a tart and a blanket. They set it against a tree where the fountain could be seen perfectly and sat to enjoy their time together.

Loki hummed as he bit into the tart “This is the best dessert I have ever had”

He sat between Thor’s spread legs and had his back set to his chest. Thor’s arm came about his waist, stroking Loki’s middle with his hand while the other held his own piece of tart.

“Is it?” Thor asked “Better than me?”

“Definitely” Loki took another bite “For one thing, this takes a longer time to finish”

Thor went still and looked at him “What did you say?”

Loki grinned “You heard me”

“Damn right I did”

Loki laughed when Thor suddenly grabbed him tighter and started to tickle him “No!”

He cackled and the tart fell from his grip to the blanket

“Thor!” Loki kicked out, laughing as Thor moved to flip them over so Loki was under him “My dessert!”

“You get none after that!” Thor laughed, sitting on the backs of his legs and continuing to tickle him “Apologize!”

“No!” Loki gasped, bucking, trying to get him off “Thor, I can’t breathe!”

But Thor didn’t stop and the sounds of Loki’s laughter echoed around them both.

And if Thor was being honest, he could listen to this for the rest of his life.

***

The tickling turned into something else soon enough and now, Loki sat back against the tree, moaning softly as Thor sat in his lap, straddling him as they kissed. His large hands were gently cupping Loki’s face as their mouths slot together, their jaws moving as they kissed.

Loki’s hands went up and down his back, clutching at his tunic, then letting go to hook at his shoulders and pull him closer.

Thor tasted divine and Loki wanted nothing more than to rip his clothes off of him and lay him on his back so he could enjoy him.

He gasped, panted heavily when Thor broke the kiss off to mouth down his long neck, kissing and biting his pale skin. His moans were long, breathy, tapered into heavy gasps that were filled with pleasure. His nails dug into Thor’s arms, spurring him on.

“You’re so good” Loki whispered, one of his hands traveled to Thor’s hair.

“Am I?” Thor growled, biting his throat and making Loki gasp “Better than the tart?”

Loki smiled “Nay, I still like that better”

 He gasped when Thor bit down on his neck as punishment, then licked the sting after. His hands, which has slowly started to move about, slid lower and lower, undoing the front of Loki’s clothes so they could slip in.

Another cry escaped him when Thor’s chilled hands touched his hot, blazing skin and Thor smiled.

“I love your voice like this” Thor rumbled, lifting his head to look at him “It excites me”

He was right, Loki could feel how hard he was in his trousers and reached forward to undo them. Thor moaned softly, holding him tighter when he slipped his hand inside and began to palm him.

“Open your trousers” Thor rasped into his ear

The command, so filthy, made Loki shudder and he looked back at him, his eyes, odd and beautiful, looked up at Thor’s.

“You do it”

A dark smirk, filled with desire, curved his lips and Thor pulled his hands free from Loki’s tunic to lower to his trousers. Loki’s hand twitched as he kept working on Thor, making his anticipation clear for Thor to see and feel.

He panted heavily when Thor wrapped his hand around his length and started to stroke, so he copied, listening to that breathy, low groan Thor gave. His free hand went to Thor’s back again and he held on when Thor once more, began to kiss him.

Loki kissed him back with just as much passion, but broke off, panting, when Thor’s stroking started to increase its pace. He whimpered softly and Thor shushed him.

“Easy, Treasure” he cooed, kissing his cheek “I’ll give you what you want”

Loki had no doubt about it, but he couldn’t stop the gasps and moans that escaped him. And once he started to imitate Thor’s movements, neither could the young lord.

He had his head lowered to Loki’s shoulder and Loki could hear every hitch in his breath as they continued, their hands moved in synch, their bodies shuddered as they reached their release.

When they did, Loki came before Thor did, gasping out his name, then felt the mighty shudder Thor gave. He lay upon Loki, the two of them completely spent and catching their breath.

Then Thor said something, his body shaking again but this time with laughter. His head was too numb and his body relaxed enough for Loki to miss what he said.

“What?” Loki asked lazily.

“I said” Thor laughed “the tart is better than you, too, much better”

It took Loki a second, but he groaned, shaking his head “You are deplorable”

“I can be, yes” Thor lay draped across him, clothes still undone, his head on Loki’s shoulder “You feel so good against me”

“We just touched one another, of course you will…”

“No” Thor cut in shortly “You feel – right.”

Loki frowned and Thor looked at him, his blue eyes shining in the moonlight.

“I feel I found a happiness I never thought I could”

He could see Loki’s blush and saw the way he averted his eyes.

“You shouldn’t say things like that, Thor” Loki told him softly, looking aside, still “Not to me”

“Why not?” Thor asked, making him look back with a gentle hand beneath his chin “what secrets do you hide?”

Loki’ hand settled over Thor’s and for a moment, he longed to tell him everything again. He wanted Thor to fix it.

“I cannot tell you” he whispered “But know that I am not worth what you think I am”

“Possibly” Thor said “Because you are worth more”

He bent his head to kiss his forehead, then gave his chin a little shake.

“Now we should head back” he said “it is late enough”

Loki smiled at him but Thor saw sadness and hopelessness in his eyes, still. It lingered, the entire time they dressed and even after, when they made their way back home.

Loki’s chest hurt for some reason and he knew it was guilt, gnawing away at his insides. He didn’t deserve to be with Thor, no matter how much he wanted to be.

That was why, when Thor took his wrist to tug him into his chambers, Loki pulled back.

“Not this night” he said softly, his gaze tender.

Thor frowned “Loki …”

“Please” he whispered “they talk…”

Thor pressed his lips together but didn’t say anything else. Loki saw the pain he’d placed in his beautiful blue eyes and bowed to make his exit. He turned to leave, knowing Thor watched him as he left for his cold bed.

And how cold it was, truly, when he finally got into it.

Thor’s arms were not there to aid him, his body wasn’t pressed against Loki’s.

But the way he felt, like a traitor and a liar, Loki knew he didn’t deserve anything.

He took too much, tonight he had to remind himself where he belonged. And find out where Thrymhiem was. He had discovered it was the name of a place, one that was far from London, he just needed to know more.

Tomorrow, he would go to town again and find out.

If he ever slept, that is.

Because when he blinked, the sadness he tried keeping at bay escaped his eyes in the form of two thick tears that spilled from his lashes and onto the bedding. He curled up further, holding himself, lay there in misery and prayed that the dawn came to him soon.

It didn’t come to him.

He lay awake most of the night and waited till he heard the first of the birds begin to sing outside. Then he stood, got out of his bed and dressed up, knowing he wouldn’t be needed for at least a few hours. The restlessness inside him was making it impossible to try and sleep, so he took his dirty clothes and folded them to his side, deciding on washing them to take the edge off his mood.

A few of the morning staff was awake and glared at him as he passed, but after the dismissal of Thor’s valet, no one dared to say anything. He could hear them talk, however, and he knew his miserable appearance wouldn’t help any.

He ignored them, heading to the stairs so he could get into the house, then outside, where he wanted to get his washing done.

He took washing crystals and soap from the kitchen, a bucket and that was it.

Then he headed outside where he could get to work as he sat and enjoyed the gentle fog that had settled over the land. It painted everything a nice, beautiful, dull grey, making it look like Asgard belonged in the clouds, not here, not on the ground.

It should have been a realm of epi tales and legends, with how beautiful it was.

He dunked his clothes into the water and began to rub the soap on them when he heard movement behind him.

Immediately, Loki tensed and spun about, seeing Heimdall standing behind him, hands politely behind his back.

“Oh” Loki said, relaxing his body “It is you”

“Aye” Heimdall walked over “you were expecting someone else?”

“Probably” Loki shrugged, going back to his work “with my luck, someone who would want to kill me”

“Or to kiss you, if it were the Master”

Loki stilled, looking at the ground, not behind him like he wanted to. His heart began to pound once more.

“You believe those rumors?” he began to wash again.

“No, I believe my eyes” Heimdall came into his line of vision “I saw the two of you return last night”

“I see” Loki cursed his luck but kept his voice neutral “and what? You came to warn me off?”

“No” Heimdall walked to the side “I merely ask you to tell me your intentions, Loki”

Loki’s lips were tight “What do you think they are?”

Heimdall shrugged “Money, possibly, blackmail him into giving you large sums for your silence. Perhaps you want…”

“I am not ..!” Loki began loudly, but broke off, glaring at him “you are vile.”

“Then why?” Heimdall asked “Hm?”

“It is none of your business, Heimdall” Loki told him, getting back to work “leave me be”

“You know I will consider you a threat”

“Then do it” Loki frowned “everyone else here hates me, why not you?”

Heimdall raised a brow at that, then chuckled “Ah, I have the answer”

Loki looked up at him, still glaring “What?”

“He’s kind to you” Heimdall spoke softly “you want to be with him because he makes you happy”

There was no mocking, no teasing in his tone, rather an understanding.

“Loki, you know he cannot be with you forever”

“You think I do not know that?” Loki shoved his clothes into the water angrily “ I am expendable, thank you for standing here to tell me that.”

Heimdall sighed “You’re a dramatic one. That is not what I meant at all. I merely pointed out that you will likely get hurt”

“Then I have nothing to fear” Loki scrubbed away “I have been hurt much worse”

“By Ronan” Heimdall spoke softly

Loki froze once more

“Loki, why did you not tell anyone what he was doing to you?”

“You know, I think I will do this elsewhere” Loki stood and reached down to lift the bucket.

But Heimdall took a hold of his arm and Loki spun to him, angry.

“I do not want your pity!”

“I am not pitying you” Heimdall said bluntly “I merely wish to know. What did he say to you?”

“He said a lot of things” Loki told him “the first and foremost how he would hurt Lords Odinson if I did not obey him”

“He threatened Thor and Odin?” Heimdall frowned

“He did” Loki said, pulling his arm away “unlike what everyone here thinks, I did not enjoy a single moment of it. It was torture, I hated it and I wish I could scratch my skin off, to change everything about myself so nothing of his touch remains. I hate the feeling I still have, I cannot stand it and the only thing that makes it worth tolerating is Thor. He is the reason I am sane right now. He is the reason I am not killing myself, so don’t … do not assume things about me”

He picked up the clothes, then the bucket and stormed away, ignoring Heimdall when he called out behind him.

He didn’t want to listen to a word he said.

His own pain and self loathing was shouting too much for him to listen, in any case.

***

Sigurd was the laughing stock of the club tonight.

Everywhere he looked, there was gossip, there was a mention of his name, a snicker, a muffled scoff, eyes were averted when he walked past but he knew. He knew they were all talking about him and all of it was Odinson’s fault.

His face was bruised and cut, a clear indication of the physical superiority that man had over him and he hated it. It wanted to kill him, he really did.

But other than walking into his home and firing a bullet between his eyes, being hailed a murderer and be obliged to run away, he had little choice.

All he needed was to goad him enough that he accepted a duel with him and that was it. Then he would do away with another annoying rich bastard and show everyone he was better than them.

It was raining softly and his boots left little marks where he stepped in the club, going to look for a few of his friends. They would probably help him in getting even with that blonde bastard.

He saw three of them and sat with them, huffing angrily.

“Do not ask me anything” he told them “I am in no mood”

“I was not going to” Edward, one of his friends, lower in station, but greedy enough for Orvar’s money, said “I was going to say your friend is here”

Orvar, who had raised his hand for a drink, looked to him “Which friend?”

Edward nodded behind Orvar and he turned to see Fandral sitting there with a group of his own friends. He was having coffee, sitting with the most elegant crowd around and Orvar grit his teeth when he saw him.

“Dirty whore” he hissed “look at him, sitting there like he is one of us”

“He has no honor, you know that” Robert, another of his cronies, said “he and the Odinson have been together for ages, everyone knows that”

“It is why Odinson pays for his living” Harry, the third and richest among them spoke “it makes me wish to mess with him”

Orvar turned to him, then the others and smiled “Perhaps we should”

It would, if anything, hurt Odinson.

Orvar beamed to himself, he was absolutely delighted by this. Turning back to his friends, he began to plot with them, what to do the moment Fandral left. It didn’t take much drinking and stupidity to come up with an idea and after that, it was a waiting game.

Fandral didn’t know anything about their plan, instead, he was suddenly stunned when one of the men playing with him, let him win.

His name was Freyr and he smiled at him, gave him a wink and silently let him have the winnings of everyone at the table. He knew Freyr’s cards were better than his, he knew it.

The man had been beating everyone before Fandral arrived, he had a large portion of winnings beside him, more than half of that was now Fandral’s.

And if he hadn’t been in the mess he was in, he wouldn’t have taken them. But he had little choice, so soon enough, his pockets were filled with the money he needed to run his home.

He knew his luck and the patience of those who had lost wouldn’t last long, so after another round, he stood to leave.

“Oh” Freyr stood as well “I think I shall as well – it is pretty late”

Fandral blinked at him a few times, “Oh – Oh, of course. Wise decision, friend”

He bowed out and went to get his coat, unaware of Orvar and his friends’ eyes on him. He was also unaware that Freyr had followed him, only noticing him when his hand lightly brushed against his own.

Fandral turned to look at him and Freyr gave him another knee buckling smile.

“Would you be opposed to sharing a carriage?” he asked “I find myself without one tonight”

“Oh” Fandral stared at him a second “No, of course not. Where do I drop you off?”

“A little ways off” Freyr told him “worry not, I will tell you when it is time to leave me”

He looked over his shoulder to the men who had been glaring at Fandral and stood protectively beside him.

“Besides, it would be best if you were not left in the company of unsavory individuals”

Fandral frowned at that, then looked to where Freys was, seeing Orvar and the lot glowering at them.

He hadn’t known.

“Oh him” he made a face “unsavory is putting it lightly.”

Freyr chuckled softly, then stood up straighter when Fandral’s carriage arrived.

“To the east side park, good driver” Freyr called to Fandral’s man “thank you”

He ducked into the carriage and then closed the door, sitting down and looking at Fandral

“I am sorry I imposed” he said “but everyone knows of Sigurd Orvar’s hate for you and your friend Odinson. I didn’t want him to try anything tonight”

“Oh” Fandral said “I don’t think he would have – he is not stupid enough”

“I think he is just stupid enough to try” Freyr grimaced “He’s a right lout”

“He honestly is”

Silence fell between them a moment and Fandral started to feel the charge between them. He’d seen Freyr a few times and the man had always been nice to him. He had kind eyes, a gentle smile for someone of his build, too. He wasn’t too big, but Fandral thought, just big enough to make it interesting.

He had sometimes thought of what would happen if he wasn’t heartbroken over Balder.

He often wondered if he would ever move on from him.

The man had been his everything…

_“Balder, you cannot do this!” Fandral begged, going after him as his lover strode about, gathering his things “He does not play fair!”_

_“He has insinuated horrible things about you for the last time” Balder growled, his lips tight “How dare he think to do it again and again without consequences!?”_

_He yanked open his drawer, his blue eyes blazing in rage “I will allow it no longer!”_

_Fandral went to him, his eyes filled with frightened tears and grabbed his shoulder._

_“You have to calm yourself” he hissed “this is not something to be taken casually, he could kill you!”_

_“And I have an equally high chance of killing him and solving this particular problem!” Balder looked at him, then took his face in his hands “I have already accepted, it is done, to back out would be dishonorable”_

_“And to go through with it will be suicide!” Fandral grabbed his wrists “Please, I am begging you. I cannot lose you, Balder, please!”_

_Balder sighed “Darling, I love you. You know I do, but this has gone on for too long, I will not allow him to insult you again”_

_“So you will die for honor?” Fandral asked sharply_

_“No, I will do what needs to be done” Balder frowned “I will be fine, I give you my word”_

_“You will not” Fandral whispered, tightening his hold “If you have any love for me, you will not go through with this, I beg you Balder!”_

_At that, Balder sighed “I do love you, but I cannot do as you ask – not this time”_

_He pulled himself away from Fandral then, leaving the man wide eyed, stunned, his hands reaching out for his lover as he took what he needed and walked out of the room to destroy his life._

“Fandral?”

Fandral jolted, looking at Freyr, his eyes filled with tears, brought forth by memories of that night. He quickly wiped his eyes and smiled at him, broken and false.

“Forgive me, I was lost in my own thinking”

Freyr frowned at him and slowly moved to sit beside him, which made Fandral tense and look at him apprehensively.

“I will not hurt you” Freyr held out his hands.

“I do not fear being hurt” Fandral told him

That made Freyr smile, but it was laced with sadness “Your eyes tell a different story”

Fandral paused, looking at the man, from his hands, to his eyes, carefully, cautiously.

“What do you want?”

“I told you” Freyr spoke softly “those men would have hurt you…”

“Why does it matter to you?” Fandral asked “Why protect me? Why let me take the winnings? You must have some agenda”

“I confess, I do” Freyr moved just a little closer “but nothing that cannot be stopped if you only tell me to. I wish – I wish to get to know you better”

“Get in my bed, you mean” Fandral’s lips pressed together and he shook his head, turning away “I knew it. You wanted a quick romp, that’s what this is about”

“No” Freyr’s intensity was clear “If I had wanted that, you would know it. I want you, all of you, not just a place in your bed. I liked you the moment I first saw you, Dash. I want everything, not just one part of your life. If you feel the same, then tell me, if not then say it just once and I will never bring this up again”

Fandral scoffed “Do you rehearse that often? I bet everyone you say it to falls into your arms immediately after”

“Such bitterness does not suit you, friend” Freyr spoke sadly “but my intentions are not ill, even though I do not blame you for thinking so. I merely want a chance to know you”

“You wish to court me?” Fandral asked “why should I believe you?”

“You shouldn’t” Freyr told him immediately “but I would like one chance, to show you that not … not everyone is cruel.”

Fandral looked into his eyes, trying to see the truth. His heart was broken, lonely and still reeling from the shock of losing the one man he wanted. He didn’t want another to stomp on the remains of that shattered part of him.

“Your distrust is warranted” Freyr sat back “But I assure you, I will not hurt you”

“The last person who told me that turned out to hurt me in the worst way possible” Fandral told him “and I think it is time for you to leave. Please”

He reached up to knock on the carriage and it stopped. He could see Freyr’s disappointment in his eyes but looked away from him, not saying a word.

“This is your answer, then” Freyr whispered

Fandral didn’t respond and the man nodded.

“As you wish, my lord” he said, going to the door “I will not bother you again”

He didn’t say anything as Freyr left, as the carriage jolted after his exit, as the door closed softly once he was outside.

It lurched into movement again and Fandral looked at the dull landscape outside his window, watching it reflect the dark, hopeless part of him that he would never let anyone touch again.

***

It was dark when Thor decided to go upstairs. He had tried talking to Loki all day today but for some reason, the man was avoiding him. Something had happened during their time out that night, something that either hurt Loki or worried him.

And Thor didn’t like the fact that he was the one who had caused Loki any sort of pain.

He knew that Loki had used the excuse of the staff to get away from him last night and most of today. He barely saw him where just the day before he was beaming and happy in Thor’s arms. He didn’t know what was happening but he wanted to find out.

After Ronan, it would be stupid of him not to be careful.

His steps thud softly as Thor made his way upstairs. He knew the night staff was out and the day staff slept. Loki was part of the latter and he would probably be awake if Thor knew him. He wouldn’t be able to sleep without Thor.

It turned out he was right and as Thor walked down the narrow hallway and into the small kitchenette, he saw him.

He saw how right he was, too.

Loki sat with a single candle lighting the small kitchenette, just a few cabinets and a table and chairs, nibbling on some fruit he had in a bowl next to him. He was reading through a book he had and for a second or two, Thor just stood admiring the picture of classic beauty he made.

He just looked absolutely stunning and Thor felt his heart ache at the fact that behind this beauty was a pain so deeply rooted inside him, he might never be free of it.

Loki turned a page and Thor made himself known, taking a step into his line of sight.

Loki tensed, then gasped when he saw him, getting to his feet

“What are you doing here?” he demanded “Thor, you …”

“You were not coming to me, so I came to you” Thor told him softly

Loki looked around, pale and worried “Please go, Thor, they already talk, please”

“Then come with me” Thor whispered “and talk to me, please”

“Thor, it’s late,” Loki argued

“I know” he walked closer to him “you … what happened? We were happy  and then you just left”

“Thor, they can hear you” Loki pleaded “Please go”

“No” Thor’s lips tightened “Not without you”

Loki looked at him, then behind him to the doors of the other staff members. He clearly didn’t want to risk any of them over hearing and the ever present threat of one of the night staff walking in made him sigh.

“Alright, but go” he said “I’ll come with you”

Loki was wearing his night clothes, a soft pair of trousers and a long tunic. He looked vulnerable so Thor agreed immediately. He held out a hand for him, which Loki took, then he led him out, being very careful about anyone seeing them. He felt Loki press against his back, he could hear him breathing softly, too.

Something was most definitely wrong and Thor was going to find it out tonight one way or another. Once he saw that they could go out without incident, Thor took a firmer hold of Loki’s hand and led him out, taking him inside his room.

He locked the door and finally, finally looked at Loki. Loki, who was looking anywhere but at him.

Thor saw anxiety behind his eyes but Thor also saw Loki turn it to anger and irritation, brushing his clothes down and glaring at Thor reproachfully.

“You know, you probably powered their gossip mill for the next ten years, Thor” he scolded “What were you thinking, coming up there like that? Do you have any idea what could have happened if they walked out and saw you with me?”

“I don’t care” Thor told him, “Why were you avoiding me, Loki?”

“You don’t care?” Loki echoed, glaring at him “You might not care, but this is my reputation on the line, Thor, it is my living and once you are done with me, finding a new post with a tarnished character will be nearly impossible!”

“You’re ignoring what I asked” Thor said, noting Loki back away as he approached “why?’

Loki scoffed “If you think that my working all day is akin to avoiding you, then you are mistaken, my lord”

“Stop lying, Loki” Thor watched him trap himself when he came up against the wall “your work never suffered before, tell me”

“There is nothing to…”

“Loki!” Thor snapped, briefly losing a hold on his temper

It was enough and he saw Loki’s eyes widen and saw him stare at him in apprehension.

“What is it that you are not telling me?” Thor asked “Is Ronan back? Is someone threatening you?”

Loki glowered at him “No, Thor, I had to work”

His voice, however, was significantly softer and he looked at the floor, not at Thor, unable or unwilling to meet his eyes.

“Loki?”

He pressed his lips together and looked up at him and Thor knew something was wrong.

“Tell me” he asked, walking over “there is much more than Ronan, right?”

Loki swallowed heavily,then stilled when Thor’s hand gently grasped his chin and made him look up.

“You can tell me” Thor moved closer, brushed his hair back “go on”

And Loki wanted to – he wanted to tell him everything so badly, yet he could not. His lips were sealed, like his fate.

“I …” Loki broke off “Thor, I … I can’t”

“Why not?” Thor asked “I can help”

“You can’t, no one can, Thor” Loki told him “and if … I just … I can’t take care of my brother”

Thor frowned “Your brother?”

Loki nodded “He lives too far away, in some place called Thrymhiem, I do not even know what that is, can you believe?”

“Thrymhiem?” Thor frowned “It’s a village not far from here. They have the best fish around our estate. I go there fishing every year”

Loki froze.

He simply froze, looked at Thor in shock “What?”

“I can take you there if you wish” Thor suggested “and if he is so far away then maybe we can have him closer, possibly live here if you…”

He broke off, stumbling back in surprise when Loki launched himself at him and kissed him. His arms went about Loki and he stumbled back to gain his balance, completely stunned.

And Loki held his face in his hands and looked at him, stunned.

“I cannot …” Loki gasped “Thor, if you…If you do this, I…”

He broke off to kiss him again and Thor smiled “Loki, I will. I swear I will”

He kissed his nose, then slowly let Loki down, looking into his eyes.

“This is what was bothering you?” Thor asked

“Yes” Loki lied “enjoying this joyful life when…when he is far from me, desperate for a single visit”

Thor frowned “What?”

“I am in a comfortable home, with warmth and hot food daily, I don’t even know how he is living, Thor” he said “what kind of a brother am I?”

“Loki” Thor cupped his cheek gently “Living here does not make you a bad brother. You are doing what you can with him, don’t say that it is something you shouldn’t have because your brother is not here”

Loki shook his head “You don’t understand, I …”

“Do you want to go there with me?” Thor cut in softly “meet him, bring him over here?”

Loki stared “W-What?”

“I would do it for you” Thor told him “you know this, all you have to do is ask”

He stroked his cheek again, making Loki swallow thickly. If Helblindi was here, safe with them, then he would be free. He wouldn’t have to owe Thanos anything, he could be free of it all.

He nodded vigorously “Yes, Thor, I would … I want nothing else”

Thor smiled at that “Then I will make sure it happens”

He kissed his lips again and Loki tightened his grip on him, kissing him back. He didn’t think he could let him go after this.

He just couldn’t.

***

They left two days later. Loki was a nervous mess, Thor was not.

It was easy for Thor to convince Odin to let Loki leave, the man hadn’t taken a vacation in a long time, Thor would be cared for in Thrymhiem better, all that.

Heimdall looked at the two of them while he made arrangements for them. For two days, Thor felt scrutinized, though the man never said anything. It made him feel watched, even when they were alone.

He had a feeling that the man knew. He knew what happened between him and Loki but he didn’t wish to delve deep into it. If Heimdall was keeping it to himself then Thor was grateful.

He had still been packing when Heimdall came to him and for a second, Thor thought he was going to talk to him about it but it was something else entirely.

Fandral had come to visit.

Thor felt himself go very still, his mind shutting off automatically to welcoming his friend, so he guessed this trip with Loki was at a good time.

Fandral had walked in smiling and looked at his packed things.

“A trip?” he’d asked “Where are you heading off to?”

“Thrymhiem” Thor said, rolling up a few cravats he’d told Loki to leave out “I am going fishing, my return is accompanied by more drama than I care for”

“Oh?” Fandral smirked “What kind of drama?”

Thor had given him a smile in return that made the younger man tense. He felt apprehensive and for a second, he feared Thor knew what he was hiding.

“Nothing that cannot be taken care of after my return” Thor went past him to take out a few more things, just to get away from his friend.

“How long will you be gone?” Fandral had faced him

Thor had shrugged, no real answer, that.

“I do not know”

“Oh” Fandral had walked over to him then “Are you going alone?”

“Perhaps” Thor had turned to him slowly, closing the wardrobe door carefully as he did so “if we stick to our own business, it would be better for everyone concerned. You wouldn’t want to discover something that affects our future, would you?”

That had made Fandral frown “What?”

Thor had never spoken to him that way and he felt his stomach go cold.

He had refused a payment.

Did Thor know?

“What are you talking about, is everything alright?”

“I don’t know” Thor had faced him and looked him in the eye “You tell me, Fandral. Are there things you are aware of that might affect our future?”

The coldness swept over him then, Fandral’s eyes widened and he stared.

“I …”

“I think you should leave” Thor had told him “this is not something I wish to discuss right now. I need peace for a few days”

Fandral was nearly grey, knocked into silence by what Thor had just confirmed.

“Thor, I …”

“I said you could leave” Thor had dismissed him coldly, harshly.

And the fact that Fandral left, produced no guilt for the young lord. It gave him only pain, pain at the fact that the one person he had trusted for years had been lying to him.

He had watched him flee, his guilt likely chasing him, then gone back to work like nothing had happened.

Their room was prepared, it had been since Thor announced that he was staying over and demanded a separate bed for Loki to sleep in.

It was a lie, of course, but who was the farmer to deny a future powerful lord?

He had gotten to work immediately, then sent word that things had been prepared the way Thor wanted them to be.

They had left a day and a half after.

Now, halfway through the journey, Thor smiled when he saw Loki sleeping with his head against the window through which he’d been admiring the view around them. His hands held a book he no longer read and his head was propped against the window frame.

Thor studied him, thinking back on how beautiful he looked when he told him that yes, they truly were going to meet his brother and that they were going to bring him back. He hadn’t been able to stop smiling, he hadn’t been able to keep from kissing Thor every chance he got.

And Loki, who was so damn cautious, being this open, was a treat that Thor hadn’t the ability to pass up. He was stunning and beautiful, Thor realized he would do anything he could to keep that smile on his face.

The carriage jolted a little and Loki frowned, then lifted his head to look at Thor, as though blaming him for it.

“Are we there yet?” he asked

“Not yet” Thor shrugged out of his coat “Lay down proper, you will sleep better”

Loki nodded and slipped down to lay on the seat with his knees bent. Thor draped his coat over him and looked down at him.

A surge of protectiveness went over Thor and he placed a large hand over Loki’s head, then gently kissed his hair.

This man, right here, laying curled up in his coat, was the most important thing to him right now. The thought made Thor smile and he had it stuck to his lips the entire time they headed to Thrymhiem.

The fog didn’t sway it, nor did the bad roads, it stayed with him even after they dismounted and Thor led a grumpy, sleep ruffled Loki out of the carriage.

It was late but dinner was about to be set for the two of them. Thor told them they would have it in their rooms and the farmer obliged.

And then, at that moment, came the moment Loki had been waiting for.

“Hel!” the farmer called “Hurry up with the food”

Loki froze and Thor stepped back as all sleep was wiped from his face, his eyes widened when the thudding footsteps came closer and closer.

A teenage boy was carrying a large tray laden with their food for them. He was careful about it, his eyes on his burden, so he didn’t see them immediately.

Loki’s throat felt dry as he stared at him, as he stared at his brother, right there, in front of him.

He opened his mouth to speak to him “Helblindi”

Helblindi looked up. Thor moved forward to take the tray from him when he nearly dropped it in shock and stared, disbelieving, at his brother.

“Loki!?”

“Oh my God” Loki whispered, taking the steps needed to go to him “Hel!”

They embraced each other hard, both of them shocked and surprised, both of them stunned to their core.

“I f-found you” Loki gasped “Helblindi, oh Lord, I found you!”

“You shouldn’t have done this” Helblindi whispered to him.

And dread coiled in his belly so tightly, Loki pulled back to look at him

“What?”

“Oh, look, we have more guests” a very familiar, very terrifying voice spoke from the hall “I didn’t know this place was so popular”

Loki’s blood turned to ice when he saw him, standing there, silhouetted by the light coming from the room he had clearly taken.

This is where he had been.

This is where he was taking the time away from the city.

Thanos raised his brow at him, unimpressed by what Loki had done.

And Loki felt his world turn evil, cruel and hard, right there, he felt all hope leave his body, he felt sick to his cold stomach. He would have stumbled back but he couldn’t.

Thor was here

Thor, the man he had brought here, into the arms of danger in a way to escape from the mad man currently looking at the three of them.

But he should have known.

He should have known nothing would ever work out for him.

Not him

Not for Loki

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The word count for this is 10,100 
> 
> Which is approximately the number of years it took me to update this chapter.
> 
> Also, MUAHAHAHAHAH

Loki had often heard people say that their heart fell silent when they were in a situation that was far beyond their comprehension and control. He knew it happened because despair deafened the pleas their hearts sent out and for the first time in his life, he was the one who was feeling it.

He felt it from the second he saw _Thor_ , his Thor, smile and walk up to _Thanos_ , his hand extended as he greeted him. He had met him once, but Thor had a good enough memory and their chat the night Thor changed for him.

He still remembered him and he went to him, to Loki’s enemy, smiling and greeting him like he was the friendliest man on earth. And never had he seen Thanos’ smile be this genuine – it worried him greatly.

He had declined their offer to have port with them, pleading a headache, then taken Helblindi to his room with Thor to demand to know what was happening.

Apparently, Thanos had been here for a few weeks. He had done it every year, gone off for two months, but he never knew why he left, no one did. Loki didn’t even know he came here.

If he did, he would never have tried this – or at least tried it when he had a better chance at escaping.

Not this.

This was a disaster and they both knew it.

And the worst part of this was that neither of them knew how Thanos would react and that was more terrifying than anything either of them could imagine. It gave Loki nightmares and even now, hours after Helblindi left to sleep, hours after Thor had gone to bed, Loki sat awake.

They were given a room with a large bed and a cot for Loki.

That was all for appearances.

The cot lay unused, Loki lay in Thor’s arms till he couldn’t stand being so still. Then he carefully slipped away and sat on the bed’s edge, looking out the window.

In his mind, he had a fantasy, a fantasy where he snuck to Helblindi, took his hand and the two vanished into the night, never to be heard from again. Thanos would never know where he went, he would never find him, Loki would be sure of that. He hadn’t stayed trapped with the man without learning a thing or two.

His feet were ready, his body and his mind were already coiled for action, he would leave and never return, start a new life, finally be freed from this.

Yet he didn’t get up.

He didn’t go to the door, he didn’t go to Helblindi. He didn’t get his brother, he didn’t get his freedom, he didn’t get a new life.

Because for the life of him, he was bound here, not by Thanos or Ronan.

But by Thor.

The man who slept silently behind him, unaware of his thoughts or the fact that Loki wanted to run. He was unaware of everything save for his own slumber and the hand he had stretched to hold on to the edge of Loki’s clothes. It was the lightest of grasps, but it might as well have been a thread connecting his fingers to Loki’s heart with the realization Loki had right then.

This man, this blonde, beautiful god of a man, was the reason Loki would never leave.

He was in love.

His heart was bound to him, his fate was cursed but for anything in the world, he wouldn’t leave.

It seemed physically impossible for him to do.

So he sat, staring out of the window, Loki sat, imagining a fantasy where he was free with his brother and starting a new life, Loki sat there, breathing deep.

In a perfect world, this would never happen and he would be allowed to do what he wanted and be with Thor the way he wanted to.

In a perfect world, he wouldn’t have had to be afraid of these things.

In a perfect world, he wouldn’t have had to be afraid.

Something hissed at the door.

Loki spun around, his eyes wide as he expected Thanos to be standing there, his eyes merciless, his stance lethal. His eyes would be locked on Loki, his face devoid of mercy. He almost saw him right there, glaring, waiting for Loki to come to him.

But all Loki was saw a thin slip of paper, sitting at the edge of the door, clearly having been pushed in through the bottom.

His heart pounding in his chest, Loki slowly got to his feet. His eyes were fixed on that paper, he walked towards it slowly, as though this was a summon to his personal hell itself.

The floorboards creaked beneath his feet like the groan of a dead man and he stopped before it, looking down at the folded, neat paper.

His eyes went to the silt beneath the door and his heard pounded when he saw the flickering of a candle and two shadows that clearly meant someone stood right outside the door, listening to him.

His body was cold, his spirit more so and he bent to pick the paper up, feeling his hand tremble ever so lightly when he unfolded it.

And there was one word written upon it.

_Outside_

His eyes widened and he stared at it, the script telling him who stood on the opposite side of the door. He looked at it, as though he expected Thanos to break through the wood and grab him, pull him out to hurt.

Loki couldn’t move, he couldn’t breathe properly, he couldn’t think. All the scenarios that came to his head ended with him being bent over something while Thanos violated him like he had done before. His eyes prickled with tears, he felt fear turn him stiff as he stared at the door, not moving.

Thanos hadn’t moved outside either.

He knew Loki was awake, he knew he was _close_.

But Loki couldn’t open the door, he couldn’t.

The wood creaked outside and Loki placed a hand over his lips, muffling his gasp. He saw the feet shift and Thanos stepped closer, Loki heard the footstep whisper across the board, then another.

The door knob twitched and Loki froze.

He could hear Thanos breathing, he heard the creak the door gave as the man pressed his ear against it, listening to Loki.

Then, like a sound from the grave itself, one word floated from the other side of the door.

“Now”

It was a command spoken softly, whispered against the wood, Thanos was so damn close.

Loki swallowed heavily as he stared at it, separated only by this door, nothing else. Separated from violation by a turn of the knob, separated from Thanos by just one simple gesture.

His hand shaking, Loki reached out for the door knob, cursing himself for his own participation in what was about to happen, and touched the cold as death metal.

A hand landed on his shoulder.

Loki _screamed_ and turned around, pressed back against the door, his eyes wide, his face pale, his breathing loud and terrified as he stared at the man before him.

Thor looked just as frightened and looked shocked at Loki’s reaction.

“Loki, are you alright?”

Loki couldn’t respond, his ears were tuned behind him, where on the other side of the door, Thanos ran his hand down the length of the wood. Loki felt the vibration against his back, then the creak of wood as he stepped back, further, further away, leaving him be.

Tears trembled in his eyes, blurred his vision as he looked at Thor and he blinked, letting them fall down his cheeks.

“Lord above” Thor whispered, walking over to pull him into his arms “It’s alright, Treasure, it was a nightmare. It was nothing else”

Loki’s hands were trapped between their chests, his body stiff and cold to the touch, his eyes wide and focused behind Thor, on the bed.

Thor kissed his temple and told him it was alright, that he would be alright, that nothing was going to happen to him, he will be safe.

It was a dream

Nothing but a nightmare.

But Loki knew the truth

The crumpled paper was tight in his hand, his breath stuttered and broken, Thor’s words soothing but wrong. He was so _wrong_.

This was not a nightmare.

This was Loki’s entire life.

***

Breakfast had been a testing affair.

Loki, who had neither slept well nor felt hungry, was the focus of Thor’s attention. He kept looking at him as he sat with Helblindi and the family who kept him here.

Thanos was not there, his absence was something that was nothing but mild curiosity to Thor but a heavy burden to Loki, who looked over his shoulder every time he was alone. He could sense the hostility in the eyes of the farmer and in the fact that he had dared to come here.

The air itself repelled him, stifled him, made it hard to breathe. Helblindi looked just as scared as Loki did, the two brothers talked to one another the second breakfast was over with, quiet in the room Thor had been given.

“You must tell Lord Odinson the truth” Helblindi told him “It is the only way to escape him”

“I would, trust me” Loki told him “but things are far too complicated”

They were both fixing Thor’s room, made the bed, Loki put out fresh clothes for him, Helblindi idly stoked the embers of the fire that had warmed the room at night.

Both of them felt they were on the edge of a thin razor, that at any given moment, Thanos would return and hurt them.

“I will tell him” Helblindi offered “He is a kind man, he will understand”

Oh, if only Hel knew what was at stake.

This was far beyond just escaping. He knew it.

“I know he will” Loki whispered as he went and put Thor’s clothes in the wardrobe “but we have put his family in danger, to leave this way…”

“To leave would give us the life we have always wanted” Helblindi walked over, took a hold of Loki’s shoulder “I have been trying to escape and come to you ever since I began to understand what was happening here. You do not deserve the life you have been living, Loki. You think I do not know? You think this farmer and his family do not talk? The only reason they keep me here is because he pays them. They are loyal to him, not to me.”

Loki looked at him, into his brother’s earnest expression “I know, Brother, but his family, his father has been kind to me, if I leave them…”

“They will be in danger regardless” Helblindi told him “did you never wonder why he sent you to this house specifically? Why he ensures you stay there, why he sent Ronan to see what will happen? Has he ever done that before?”

Loki frowned “What do you mean?”

“There is more afoot here than we previously thought, Loki” Helblindi said “Thanos has always been aloof, he has never been obsessed with the homes he sends you into. This is different – something is very different about the Odinson residence”

“There is nothing different” Loki told him “he wants their family diamond. The sooner I give it to him, the sooner, I can leave there.”

“Do you truly believe that?” Helblindi asked “You really think this is all about a diamond?”

“I do” Loki nodded, more to convince himself that Helblindi’s words hadn’t disturbed him than anything else “there is nothing else”

Helblindi’s lips tightened “This is our chance to leave and if you refuse this, then we might not get another. The farmer talks, this is more than what you think it is whether you believe me or not”

“Our chance will come” Loki gently grasped his shoulders “If he hadn’t been here to see me arrive, then things would have been different and we would have taken you back, but that is not what happened. He was here, he saw me and I will not risk you in a bid to escape, I refuse!”

Helblindi glared at him, but Loki saw the thin sheen of tears over his eyes “He is _never_ going to let you go”

His words fell over Loki slowly, sinking into his skin further than they already had. Helblindi wiped his eyes and pulled away from him.

“You are worried about Odinson’s family” he said “I am your only family and you push me away. I want to go with you”

“And I want you to, I want nothing else” Loki turned to him, his heart breaking “But I cannot take you back. Not this time”

“Then I fear you will not get another chance, so I will tell you this” Helblindi’s voice cracked “There is something far bigger than the diamond that Thanos wants. And he will use you in a way you have never been used before”

Loki grit his jaw, watched his brother turn about and leave, stomp away in his anger, leaving his words behind. He didn’t move to him, no matter how much he longed to go after him, Loki didn’t.

He knew Helblindi was safe.

Thanos hurt those he had to, no more.

Loki would be the one to suffer, he was sure.

He got back to work, unpacking Thor’s clothing and placing it neatly in the wardrobes, keeping his mind off whatever his brother had told him.

He knew he wouldn’t be left alone for long, so when he heard the familiar footsteps of his lover, he forced his thoughts to the back of his mind and turned to Thor with a smile that made him feel sick inside.

“Greetings, I thought you would never stop eating”

Thor’s face was laced with worry, but Loki’s words seemed to wipe most of it off. He closed the door and locked it, then approached, grasping his face gently in his hands and kissed his lips.

“I was worried” Thor whispered to him, stroking his cheek “You have been looking so lost and broken all morning”

“It was a nightmare, like you said” Loki took a gentle hold of Thor’s wrists “It is alright”

He kissed Thor, then pulled away

“Have you a plan for us?”

“Yes” Thor told him “I was thinking we take your brother and go fishing. The lake is all but calling to me today”

He reached over to take the garment Loki had turned to fold, then tossed it aside. He pulled him close with an arm about his waist and smiled.

“Stop working” he ordered “here we are equals, Loki. I do not want you to do this. I can do it myself”

“I see” Loki smirked, softly, genuinely  as he played with Thor’s collar “I am your dirty secret”

“Very dirty” Thor groaned, lowering his head to Loki’s throat.

Loki tipped his head back, wanting to enjoy this, but Helblindi’s words came back and he sighed, waiting for Thor to be done instead of enjoying it.

It both warmed his heart and made him feel guilty when Thor stopped and raised his head to look at him.

“Loki, are you well?”

Loki, who had his head turned away, looked at the floor as he spoked “Perhaps the nightmare disturbed me more than I thought”

Thor clicked his tongue in pain, stroked Loki’s hair behind his ear. He stroked his cheek, then his neck and pulled him into his arms again.

Loki took the pleasure, like he took everything from Thor, everything he didn’t deserve.

“Do you not have more to do than to cater to the whims of your valet?”

“You are no valet” Thor turned his head to kiss Loki’s hair “You are my lover and my friend. Despite our situation at home, that will not change”

Another kiss and Thor pulled away, but held both of Loki’s hands in his own.

“But enough of this gloomy look upon your face” Thor smiled “get dressed. I am taking you and your brother out with me to the lake”

Loki grimaced at that, “I … could it be possible for just the two of us to go?”

Thor frowned “What?”

“Not that I do not wish to be with him” Loki said “it is why we are here, but…to be with him would require us to hide again. And you brought me here, to this beautiful place, I wish to be without secrets, at least for a few days”

It was not a total lie, Loki wanted to be alone with Thor, to feel alone with him but, there was also the lie that tainted his words.

Not that Thor knew, his face all but glowed in delight and he pulled Loki into his arms so he could kiss him again.

“Consider it done” he kissed him, then stepped to the door “I shall get things prepared, you get dressed, hurry”

The joyful excitement Thor had broke his heart and Loki waved at him as Thor left, beaming and grinning until the last moment, as he slipped away to make preparations.

Then Loki was alone and he had nothing but his thoughts and fears with him. They curled around him, keeping him from experiencing any joy fully.

He couldn’t out run them.

He turned and went to get his clothes, dressing after a quick wash and going downstairs, looking for his ‘Master’. The farmer’s children scattered as he entered the kitchen, going outside, staying away from him and there, stood his wife, glowering at Loki.

“He’s outside” she snapped “go there, do not sully my kitchen with your presence, whore”

Loki’s lips tightened, but he said nothing to her, choosing to walk across the kitchen and through the back door to spite her. Her spluttering, angry words were music to his ears. He ignored her screeching and walked ahead, going to where the stables were.

Thor was there, Loki saw him conversing with one of the stablehands. He was giving him some sort of bribe to the boy, clearly, since the boy took it, nodded, then went to the stables. Once he did, Thor turned to Loki with a smile on his face and walked over.

“Ready?”

“Yes, my lord” Loki had his professional façade on “are we ready to leave?”

“Of course, just getting the horses ready” Thor’s voice was professional and stern, but his eyes were shining for him “stay close, Loki”

“Yes, sir” Loki clasped his hands behind his back, standing straight, looking at the horizon.

He had to admit this place was absolutely beautiful. The landscape around seemed to glow in the clear blue of the skies, the farm itself was in the middle of a hilly crown, as though pressed into the scenery by chance. It was a masterpiece and on the other side of the hills were the lakes and forests, possibly where Thor was taking him today.

The whinny of a horse made Loki look to the side and he saw two of them walk over, blinking when he recognized Svadilfari.

“How…?”

“You really thought I would travel without him?” Thor chuckled “he was with the carriage, come along, don’t dawdle”

Thor pulled the horse close and grabbed the saddle, leaping over the back of his steed gracefully. Svadilfari waved his tail and looked at Loki expectantly as though he knew he was waiting for him to move.

Loki did, he went to the horse brought out for him and climbed on, following Thor as he took the lead, taking them from the farm to one of the soft hills around them. The farmer’s children waved at Thor and Thor waved back, smiling when they squealed in delight.

“Adorable”

Loki rolled his eyes and shook his head, “Yes, that is the word”

Thor’s lips twitched and he made Svadilfari walk a little faster, so he and Loki would be alone quicker. As they rode on, Loki saw Helblindi, standing at the kitchen door, watching them. Even from the distance, his expression was heart breaking and Loki felt his throat close up as he got further and further away from him.

The look in Helblindi’s eyes would forever be stamped in Loki’s memory and he turned away when Hel did, walking with Thor, guilt in every portion of his tainted soul.

He didn’t want to, but his eyes prickled with tears. He was leaving Helblindi behind, but it was not like he was doing it to hurt him…he just…he was selfish.

It soured his mood greatly and he followed Thor silently for the rest of the ride, leaving the farm, Helblindi, unhappiness and their secrets behind in that house.

***

The place Thor ended up taking him to was beautiful.

It was still a little ways off but Thor’s confidence in Loki actually liking it. Every time he looked at him, Loki looked more forlorn than before, his smile gone, his eyes lost their sparkle. Something was weighing on his head and heavily.

As they walked, he moved Svadilfari closer to Loki, then took a quick look around before he took Loki’s hand gently. The fact that Loki gasped and all but leapt away, gave Thor a clear hint about how upset he was.

The stopped his horse, then took the reins for Loki’s and stopped his, too. His blue eyes looked at him, at the way Loki watched him warily, at the slight tremble in his hands, at the apprehension in his eyes.

This was more than a nightmare.

This was something else.

“What’s wrong?” Thor asked him softly.

“Nothing, it was just a nightmare, I…”

“Loki” Thor chided gently “I do not mean that. I want to know what is wrong. Not just now, but ever since that night, ever since you…ever since Ronan, something has been happening, Loki. I want you to tell me”

If possible, that made Loki turn paler.

“There is nothing…”

“Is it Ronan?” Thor asked “has he – has he returned or seen you again?”

No, Loki said in his head It is another monster, far worse than him, who has been after me, Thor. And I cannot tell you what he has made me do without damning myself.

“Yes” he lied again, always the liar “he sent me a note before we left today. It was there, beneath our door at night”

Comprehension dawned on Thor’s face and then it turned to anger “It was never a nightmare, it was him, was it not?”

“Yes” Loki said softly, looking at his hands “I did not wish to worry you”

“Worry me?” Thor frowned “the only one who should be worried is him, daring to come to you like this, making your life impossible?”

“With all due respect, Thor, he was the one who stabbed you” Loki said softly “and to have that happen again, while we are here, alone, is something I will never risk”

Warmth flooded over Thor, but with it, came anger.

“He will not hurt you again” Thor told him “I swear this to you, Loki. I will not let him”

Loki looked at him, this kind hearted, golden haired man, a prince in his own right, then blushed.

“I am no maiden to need rescuing” he muttered softly

“But you are my lover” Thor said “and I will not let any harm come to you. Yes?”

He held out a hand for Loki’s, looking him in the eye. Loki hesitated a second, then placed his own inside, watching how Thor closed his large fingers over his hand. Then he raised it to his lips and planted a kiss to his wrist, which made Loki’s pulse jump.

He yanked his hand back and Thor snickered at him.

“I will take that as agreement”

Loki wiped his hand on his clothes “I take it as slobbering. Can we not hurry?”

“We are almost there, but if you wish to hurry, perhaps a race will interest you?”

Loki perked up at that “What is the prize?”

Thor shrugged “A favor. Anything the winner wants”

“Agreed”

They shook in agreement, then rode a little ways off, where Thor pointed to a beautiful collection of trees and flowers. They were stunning and Loki wanted to run to it immediately.

“That is where we go” Thor said, readying Svadilfari “Ready?”

“Aye”

Thor sat him lower his body and hold the reins tighter, which made his mount alert, too. Its ears twitched and Loki placed himself more firmly on the saddle.

“Alright” Thor smiled “Go!”

They both rode off, blasting dirt into the skies as they broke their steeds into a run, galloping downhill and towards their destination. Loki felt every reverberation as the hooves pounded on the grass and earth beneath them. The wind whipped his hair, rushed past his ears and he felt his eyes prickle with the speed of his horse.

It was a good steed and Loki suspected then that Thor had bribed the stable hand to get him a good horse.

And as he soared towards their goal, Loki lowered himself, hearing over the din of the wind and his own horse’s beating hooves, Svadilfari’s slow gain on him.

There was little chance of Loki beating the large horse, especially with a rider as bold as Thor, but it mattered naught.

This feeling, the feeling of soaring in the wind, of moving away faster from Thanos and into the arms of the freedom he craved was all that mattered to him.

This was what he wanted.

This grinning, welcoming, beautiful freedom he experienced now.

He wanted to run away and never return, he wanted to be unrestricted and open in plains of long, waving grass just like this.

He heard Thor, but he didn’t turn his head to him, so far was he into his fantasy of running away, of being freed. He missed the way Thor slowed Svadilfari down a bit and watched Loki gallop away, looking back only when there was significant difference between them. Then  Loki threw his hands up, sat screaming in joy and cheering for himself as he crossed their goal, winning the race that made him feel happier than he thought he would.

And Thor watched him, the healthy flush to his cheeks that hadn’t been there before, the smile on his lips, the way his eyes were closed.

He was beautiful.

Svadilfari followed Loki, the two horses eventually slowing down and going to where their masters guided them.

The place Thor guided them was one of the more beautiful ones around. Most of the trees around them were bordering the woodlands, but this was on the side, closer to the plain landscape, to the beautiful, sweet smelling grass that waved and flowed in the wind. If they sat down, it would likely hide them, so long was the grass and as they rode through it, Loki couldn’t resist leaning down and running his hand over it.

Wild and untamed, it was beautiful.

It touched the woods, but stayed away from it, it was in the plains, but far from it at the same time. It was just a growth of wild trees, of wild flowers, away from the world.

And so perfect for two lovers seeking to get away.

Thor had counted on that. He hung back, letting Loki get off his horse, so he could admire their stop better. And Loki seemed to be, so Thor took to caring for the horses.

There were flowers everywhere.

Tall, beautiful, in every color imaginable and their scent was sweet, going over Loki as he walked through them, making butterflies and other insects go flying up as he jostled their resting places. He didn’t care, he took his time, admiring everything he touched and saw, missing the man who was leaning against a tree admiring him instead.

Loki looked like a creature from fantasy, his hair fell softly over his shoulder, his stunning looking eyes added to the idea that Thor had found him here, between these very flowers, tucked away in an alternate reality where magic existed, time did not.

He savored this moment, pulled it deep into his memory where it would stay for the rest of his life. He remembered every detail, every curve from the arc of his back to the way his lips moved as he talked to the flowers, whispering nothings to them in his melodious, deep voice.

It felt like poetry to Thor, who watched him with a smile on his face, adoration in his eyes. He didn’t say a word, he let Loki roam about and touch the flowers, even try to trap a butterfly in his hands.

But no sooner had his hands closed over it that Loki let it go, not having the heart to trap something when he would rather see it free. It flew away from him, its colorful wings flapping in the wind, as it went high up, then right to Thor, hovering over him a second or two, then left him as well.

But Loki’s eyes stayed on Thor and he blushed as Thor just looked at him.

“What?” Loki asked, his hands going behind his back “Why do you stare like that?”

As an answer, Thor smiled, pushed himself off the tree and made his way to Loki, who was rooted to the spot by the look in Thor’s eyes.

The young lord came over, placed a hand at Loki’s cheek and kissed him, right there, with the sun shining on them, with the flowers around them and the greenery encasing them in their own little world. It was soft, tender, filled with emotion and when Thor pulled back, Loki was blushing red but smiling.

It was one of the few things that truly left Loki speechless and he blushed even brighter when Thor ran his thumb over his lips, looking at him adoringly.

“I can write a thousand sonnets about your lips” Thor told him “and none would ever do them justice”

Loki rolled his eyes at him “Honestly, I would rather you just kiss me a little more”

Thor laughed and pulled him into his arms as he kissed him, deeper and harder this time.

***

They were hidden by the long, gently waving grass. The earth was warm beneath them, the blanket placed over it, shifted with their movements and the air took in their moans, their gasps and cries.

They were both eager this time, divesting themselves of their clothes at an impressive pace.

Thor had laid Loki on his back, kissed him from his lips to his belly, giving him pleasure Loki didn’t think existed in this act.

His feet dug into the blanket, his hands pulled at Thor’s hair as he slowly licked and sucked on his member, moaning around it, taking it into his mouth. His lips were swollen, from it, but he didn’t stop. Neither did his fingers stop as they buried themselves deep into Loki, pressing against a spot inside that had Loki writhe and cry and beg for more.

His deep voice sobbed for release, begged Thor to give him more, begged him to let him come, to give him what he wanted.

The vial beside them had long since tipped over, what little oil remained after Thor used it dripped to the soil, vanishing soon after.

Not that either of them noticed.

They were far too involved in their own passion.

The way Thor used his tongue on Loki, the way his fingers stretched him out was good enough to have Loki moan and cry in pleasure. Never did he think he could want anything more, it was fantastic.

By the time he was ready, Loki had his arm thrown over his eyes, breathed out heavily, gasping and moaning. Thor licked his way up his body and mouthed at his neck, while his hands went beneath Loki’s thighs, hooking them firmly at his waist.

“Remember to breathe deep, Treasure” Thor whispered into his ear.

His own voice was breathy from their passion and he slowly pushed into Loki, the two of them moaning as Loki clenched around him. Thor was large, he filled Loki so completely that it made it hard to breathe.

And Loki loved it, he didn’t want anyone else.

His hands went to Thor’s back, he raked his shoulders with his nails and arched upwards, moaning loudly as Thor buried himself completely. Thor shuddered as he lay above him, the two of them gasping at the pleasure each gave the other.

Thors’s hands beside his head, Loki felt safe, he felt freed, he wanted this.

Then slowly, Thor began to rock, moving inside Loki, listening to every moan and gasp Loki gave.

With the sun on his back, his powerful muscles coiled and released with each deep thrust, rubbing against a spot inside Loki that made him see stars in the daylight skies.

He pulled Thor closer, mouthed at his neck and bit him. His wet pants were loud against Thor’s ear as he every thrust made him moan and writhe, speared as he was on Thor’s length.

And Thor had never felt the joy he did, the pure pleasure he felt when he was with Loki like this, bonded with him so deeply, in a way so intimate that only he and Loki seemed to exist.

His hips moved slowly, Loki’s legs wrapped around him as he savored this, savored the feel of Loki around him, of his hands on him, stroking his back, his hair, of his voice panting against his ear, moaning and when he could, speak promises and words of adoration to him.

It was wonderful and he groaned heavily with each thrust, taking him deeper and deeper into Loki.

It wasn’t long, both of them were slightly embarrassed about it, that they came, one after the other, painting their bodies with their spend.

Thor fell over Loki, Loki’s arms went around him as they lay together, bare beneath the rays of the sun and the air that day. The clear blue skies were the only witness to their acts, but even if that was not the case, neither of them felt like caring much.

They were too involved in each other.

Loki snickered when he felt Thor turn his head and start to mouth at his neck.

“Thor” he smiled “we just finished”

“Doesn’t mean we cannot do it again” Thor rumbled against his skin, his hands skating along the blanket to stroke Loki’s hair, his cheeks, touching him as he continued.

And Loki gasped when Thor began to suck a mark in his skin.

“Thor” he pushed at him, reluctantly of course “Stop it, your father might see when we get back”

“Then he will likely wonder who was lucky enough to have you, aye?”

Loki snorted “You’re horrible. Get off”

Thor groaned and stayed there, not that Loki really wanted him to move, and Loki let him, hissing when the bruise stung, just a bit, but moaning right after because Thor licked and blew over it, making him shudder.

“You are a perverted man”

“And you love it, Loki”

One last kiss to Loki’s kiss swollen mouth and Thor pulled away, grimacing at the mess they had made.

“We are undignified”

“That we are” Loki sat up and looked around for the flask he had brought “but we plan ahead”

Thor smiled and watched the way Loki’s skin glistened as he cleaned himself up, then let Loki watch while he did the same.

Unlike Loki, Thor’s body was like chiseled marble, every movement reflected the sun on his wet skin and Loki felt arousal stir within him again at the curved, bumps and ridges that were Thor’s muscles, his mouth watered at the thought of his tongue tracing over each and every one of them.

And Thor knew, that’s why he moved the way he did, letting the light shine on him like he was a celestial being, tossed onto this earth – a sculpture of perfection.

Thor finished cleaning himself, then looked around, seeing the abandoned landscape.

“Let us get dressed and we can eat” Thor suggested “Or stay this way and eat off each other’s bodies”

Loki made a face at that “You thoroughly destroyed that, Thor, I thank you”

His tone was sarcastic, but he did as Thor said, the two of them dressing back up, leaving no traces of what they had done.

Once Loki was dressed, he did up his hair and Thor watched. The second Loki lowered his hands, Thor grasped his wrist and pulled him against him.

“Thor, what…?”

Loki broke off when Thor reached over and undid his hair, letting of fall open, letting himself enjoy the feel of it in his fingers and the sight of it, together.

“You’re stunning when you let your hair down”

Loki blushed and rolled his eyes “Sentimental fool”

But he didn’t move away and Thor did not let go, wrapping his arms about Loki’s waist from behind as they walked on back to their earlier spot, the blanket now tucked under Loki’s arm.

“If you do that, anyone who walks over will know our secret, Thor.

“I think Svadilfari already knows” Thor nuzzled his neck from behind “It is why he judges us so”

“He judges us regardless, darling” Loki placed a hand behind Thor’s head to keep him where he was “perhaps if we gave him an apple he would be slightly forgiving.”

“I doubt it, but we should try”

Thor laughed and kissed his cheek, then went to the saddle bags Svadilfari had, taking out their lunch. It was not much, the farm could only spare so much, but there were scones – crushed, completely – fruit and a few sandwiches.

Thor took everything out, handing them to Loki, then gave one of the apples to Svadilfari, who ate it happily, clearly no longer judging them.

“He’s a greedy beast”

“So am I, for the right thing” Thor winked at Loki as they sat together to eat.

They watched the clouds and the skies in front of them, both of them mesmerized by the way they looked. From here, everything was clear, beautiful, clean of the filth that came with living in the city. The country was free, wild and beautiful.

In the distance, Loki could see a shepherd, carefully taking his herd from one spot to another, saw the dogs running about. There were rain clouds in the distance too, but too far for them to worry about now.

Thor’s hand came to rest around him, then pulled him back until he sat with his back pressed to Thor’s chest. He could feel his heart beating against his shoulder and placed his hand over Thor’s knee, lightly stroking it with his thumb.

And this was where he felt it.

Peace.

In Thor’s arms, under the skies and the trees, sitting beneath the flowers.

This was freedom and Loki knew it was something he would keep in his memory for the rest of his life.

It would give him comfort in the future, he knew for sure.

Neither of them spoke, for a long time, intent on listening to the birds and the sounds that came from sources they couldn’t hear.

Then Thor sighed heavily behind him and Loki turned his head to look.

“What?” he asked softly.

Thor blinked slowly “The last time I was in a place this beautiful, it was with my family. Balder was still alive, so was Mother. I never thought it would happen again”

Loki’s brow furrowed in pain for him “Oh, Thor…”

He moved his hand to Thor’s cheek and Thor kept it there with his own, larger, work worn hand. He closed his eyes and Loki’s heart stopped when he felt a single tear slip from Thor’s eyes and over their fingers.

“I miss…” Thor choked, breaking off “every day, I wake up, it’s torment. Every day I see Father sitting there at the table, I look to the two seats beside him, knowing they should be filled but they are not…I keep thinking they will come back, I know they won’t.”

Loki’s own eyes began to prickle “Darling…”

Thor lowered his head to Loki’s shoulder and though he didn’t cry or sob, Loki felt the dampness of his tears on his skin. He stroked his hair as softly as he could, telling him he was here for him, he was never going to leave.

Thor swallowed heavily and raised his head, looked out at the landscape once more. His face was flushed and his voice thick when he spoke again.

“I will never forget that day” Thor told him “it was the day Father got mother those jewels…”

Loki went very still.

“It is why I want them back” Thor told him “they were never pawned, so I have no true way to trace them, only to look for Ronan so I can ensure he never tries this again”

“You will” Loki spoke softly “In time”

Thor kissed his head, then sighed “I do not wish to go back”

“Then don’t” Loki told him “we can stay here till it is dark, we will be fine”

Thor smiled “I meant I do not wish to go back home. It’s easier to be here than it is to be there. You are the only thing that makes it tolerable.”

Loki looked at him over his shoulder “Do not say that.”

He ran his thumb over his cheek

“You have no idea how fortunate you are to have your father with you” Loki told him “not everyone is that lucky”

Thor frowned “You refer to yourself”

“I do” Loki whispered

He felt open, vulnerable, he looked at Thor and exhaled because his pain brought forth Loki’s.

“My mother left when Helblindi was born, she could not take the strain of  living in poverty” Loki told him “my Father’s debts were unpaid, men were after him… She left so quickly, I barely remember it”

Thor tightened his arm around him.

“I was fourteen when he died” Loki whispered “I worked for a man who gave me and Helblindi a place to stay, hot food and a protection. But the moment I could, he wanted me to pay him back for that kindness and put me to work. I have been working for as long as I can remember so I can take care of Helblindi and myself. So far nothing has happened”

Thor’s lips landed on his shoulder “Has your debt to him been paid off?”

Loki scoffed “It is a large debt, I would have to get a fortune to pay it off”

Another kiss to his shoulder, then his cheek

“I would pay it”

“I would not let you” Loki said “it is far too much”

“I still would”

“I know” Loki smiled “but it is a large sum”

“I’ll sell Svadilfari”

The horse snorted and lifted his head from where he munched the grass and the two laughed.

“I jest,” Thor looked at him “Calm yourself.”

The horse just whinnied and went to graze some more. Thor went back to nuzzling Loki.

“You are important to me”

“I know” Loki smiled “it warms my heart”

“Mine as well”

Another kiss, another hollow part of Loki filled then.

They lingered where they were, kissing and holding one another, talking every now and then, but enjoying the company they offered to one another.

It was dark by the time they headed back and they were both tired. Thor announced that he was going to take his bath and Loki went back to the role of doting valet.

While Thor undressed upstairs, Loki went to warm his water, waiting in the kitchen as the fire heated up buckets of water in a large pot. The kitchen was warm, despite what the wife said, Loki was ‘tainting’ it with his presence.

Helblindi was beside him, earlier anger gone in a desire to be with his brother. He was asking Loki all sorts of questions as he sat nibbling on a carrot.

“Tell me about the shops”

Loki snickered at him “I told you twice and brought you more than enough things to play with”

“I do but I did not go there myself, so I must see through your description”

“Alright” Loki reached over and took a cloth, using it to hoist the large pot off and pour the contents into a bucket “I have already told you that the walls have sliding panels that grant access to the spies, right?”

“Aye, they use shops for their business” Helblindi said

“What you do not know” Loki told him “is that the chandeliers have listening tools inside, so they can listen to everything people talk about.”

Helblindi gaped “Truly?”

“Aye” Loki tried not to smile “how do you think they know what fashions the public will like?”

“Amazing” Helblindi breathed “Who would have thought such things existed”

“Indeed” Loki smiled

They carried the buckets up to Thor’s room together and Loki let Helblindi knock so that Thor knew he was not alone. It worked as Thor opened the door in his robes, then smiled at the two of them.

“Thank you,” he said, letting them take everything into the bathtub brought in for him.

He watched them pour in the water, then whistled to Helblindi as he walked out.

“Wait”

As Loki watched, Thor took out a small bag filled with coins and tossed it at Hel.

“For your trouble” Thor winked “do not share it with Loki”

Helblindi gaped at Thor, then the coins and beamed so brightly Loki was almost blinded.

“Thank you, my lord!” Helblindi looked at Thor in something akin to worship

“Don’t spend it all in one place” Thor winked as Helblindi wished them both a good night and ran off with his treasure.

Slowly, Thor locked the door then smiled at Loki.

“I hope you know I paid to get you alone”

Loki’s face turned pale.

He knew Thor was joking, but those words, those words turned his blood cold. He knew Thor was unaware of his profession, of selling himself to pleasure others, but they were so cruel to him, so hurtful and so torturous that he could not control his reaction.

His mind turned numb, he felt buzzing in his head, prickling in his limbs. His vision blurred with tears, he barely felt it when Thor came to him and held him. His eyes were focused on Thor but he couldn’t hear, he couldn’t see.

“Loki!”

Thor gave him a shake and things came to focus. Loki felt the wetness of tears on his cheeks, then looked at him, his throat hurting.

“Loki, say something!”

Loki blinked, realizing Thor was holding him against his chest and slowly pushed off. Thor let him, then looked at Loki for an explanation, anything.

It came quicker than Loki thought.

“I f-felt dizzy” Loki whispered, letting Thor guide him to sit on the bed “Forgive me, I do not know what happened”

“You looked pale as death” Thor swallowed heavily “I thought … I feared something horrible happened”

Something had – everything had. All Loki had was ‘horrible’ in his life and he leaned against Thor once more, feeling those strong arms come about him.

Thor cradled his head to him and kissed his hair “Bathe with me. I am sure we can both fit in there”

Loki laughed softly, miserably “Do you think of nothing else?”

“Other than bathing with you?” Thor asked “rarely”

That had him snicker again and Thor gave a kiss to his head.

“Come”

He led Loki to the bath and carefully, gently, intimately, he stripped him of his clothes.

He kissed him, pulled him close but that was it. They stepped into the bath together and washed each other, their hands worshipped, their words caressed and their presence soothed.

They lay beneath their covers bare that night, raw and open and for the first time in his life, Loki felt  - safe.

Thor stroked his cheek as the room was lit by the fire, their warmth keeping them cocooned in their own world.

His world was Loki, he realized, as he continued to touch his face and feel the gentle touches Loki gave to his muscled shoulder.

He dozed off like that, holding Loki to him and feeling a calmness he didn’t feel before.

***

The next day, they went fishing.

Helblindi was with them, too. Their boat was large enough and though Helblindi enjoyed every second, Loki hated it. He hated the water, the wobbly boat, the fish, the bait, the sun, everything. He was a miserable presence darkening their day and making the two others laugh far too much.

He sat with his arms crossed and a grumpy look on his face as he watched both Helblindi and Thor pull up fish after fish. They had dried meats that they enjoyed, Loki did not.

He sat there, trying to enjoy the view while his brother and ‘master’ made small talk and tossed fish into a small tub they had. Not that it mattered, the cretins just flopped out and Loki pulled his feet back when it happened.

Their smell was terrible too, making him wonder how the hell Thor and Hel were even eating the meat without feeling the need to retch.

The boat was unstable, in his opinion, so he didn’t move much. He turned when he couldn’t take the sight of Thor digging his hand into the bucket of bait, very slowly, so he could focus on the landscape around them.

This was behind the farm, far beyond the hills, but there were flocks of sheep and other animals around, with their masters and owners, which made it a prime spot for the fishing sport. There were other people here at the large lake, some swimming in the shallow waters, others in deeper as they looked for fish.

There were splashes around them and the noises of various people on the property. Loki’s eyes went around, trying to see a familiar face.

He both dreaded it and wanted to see it. They were exposed out here, right here where Thanos had been not two days ago. Just because he had vanished did not mean they were out of danger.

It just meant the danger couldn’t be seen.

It was still there, very much real and very much after him. Loki knew from experience that anything good that happened to him was because Thanos allowed it, no other reason.

His eyes scoured the shoreline as he looked about for a familiar face that filled his body with fear and apprehension.

But if Loki was looking for Thanos then he was gravely disappointed.

His heart and his eyes stopped when he saw him at the shore, standing there, a smile on his face. His blood ran cold when he looked into Ronan’s mad eyes, completely frozen.

Behind him, Thor and Helblindi’s words blurred into non existence as Loki stared at one of his tormentors.

He was staring at him, ruthless, crazy even from where he was.

Loki’s voice caught in his throat, every cell inside him was telling him to turn around and warn Thor, to tell him what was happening, to let him know that this day was going to turn for the worst.

And it was like Ronan read his dread, that he found out what Loki was thinking because he put a finger over his lips and shook his head.

No

Loki was not allowed to make a sound.

The sun glistened over Ronan’s mad eyes and he never broke eye contact with Loki as he went to a part of the lake shielded by a carriage.

Ronan’s sinister carriage.

Loki couldn’t look away, he couldn’t even breathe as he sat there, cold as Ronan’s heart.

He became aware of everything, of the movement beneath the carriage as Ronan did what he came here to do, of the way the water rippled around his dive as he went into the water.

Loki’s eyes widened and he turned to Thor, intending on warning him.

“Thor” Loki called him

Thor laughed hard at something Helblindi said, the din of the crowd drowning Loki’s voice.

“Thor!”

Thor turned then, a frown on his face “What?”

Helblindi was staring, too, wondering why the hell Loki called his lordship by his name and Loki went paler than he was.

“F-Forgive me” Loki stuttered “But I think we should head back now, we have enough fish”

Helblindi snickered “I think someone just wants to…”

He yelped, all three of them did when the boat toppled, unbalanced and sending all three of them splashing into the water.

Bubbles exploded above Loki’s vision as he went beneath the surface, all sound dulled and he swam to the surface, gasping as he broke through.

There were a few people rowing themselves over, pointing to them and gasping as Loki hoisted himself onto the boat, which was upside down. His hair was stuck to his face and he pushed it back, looking around for Helblindi and Thor.

“Loki!”

Loki spun around, seeing Helblindi swim over panic in his eyes.

“Something took Lord Thor under!” he gasped “I can’t find him!”

Horror broke over Loki and he didn’t waste a second, taking a deep breath and diving down under. Everything was a hazy, the water was dark and there were schools of fish they were previously pulling up everywhere.

Loki swam deeper, breathing out to try dulling the panic that currently pulled at his spirit as he looked around for Thor.

He heard a muffled grunt and turned to the side, almost screaming when he saw Thor being assaulted beneath the waves. Something was pulling him down, something tied to his ankle, he held onto Ronan, who was kicking him off, dislodging him a second after Loki saw them.

His world ended, nothing mattered to him more than getting Thor out of there, watching as he sank to the bottom, desperately trying to take off the weight tied to him.

Loki propelled himself forward desperately, seeing Thor catch sight of him and wave to get his attention.

Not that he needed it, Loki was not going anywhere.

Seeing him seemed to give Thor strength and Loki swam downwards, closer and closer to him till they could grasp their hands.

Then Loki let himself be pulled down by whatever Ronan had tied to his ankle. Thor looked at him, his blonde hair floating around his head, calmer than he had been a second before.

They landed on the ground together and the sand floated over them. Loki immediately pulled himself to Thor’s foot, seeing a large hooked coiled around Thor’s ankle, tied to a rock.

How in the hell of it did Ronan do this didn’t matter to him right now, Loki reached over and undid the hook immediately.

Thor, freed, swam upwards immediately and Loki followed.

But the lake seemed far too high for them. It felt like it went higher and higher the longer they went upwards and Loki felt terror course through him when Thor began to slow down.

No, no, no, no!

His heart began to pound as Thor slowed, then stopped, floating with his arms above him, his eyes closed.

No, he was not dying, he was not!

The lack of air was threatening to burst his head, he felt the pressure build inside but he was not leaving here without Thor.

They either die together or they live together. He was behind him, so as he swam upwards, he hooked his hands under Thor’s arms and swam higher, higher, seeing the boats and people gathered above, looking at them as he went closer and closer to them.

Loki burst through the waters, gasping in huge breaths of air, the sun shined on him, seeming to give him life. Loki swam backwards, holding Thor’s face above the waters as hands came to help pull both of them into the largest boat they had.

Pulling Thor up was a fight, he was a big man but they managed and Loki climbed on the boat as well, immediately levering himself over Thor, placed his ear on his chest.

He could hear his heart and Loki pushed the people who loomed over them back and began to press on his chest.

“Come on!” he pushed down hard “breathe, damn you, breathe!”

He pinched Thor’s nose shut and pressed their mouths together, breathing hard into it, then went back to pushing his chest.

“Breathe!”

Thor gasped and coughed, turning to the side and Loki cradled his head, helping him throw out all the nasty lake water he had inhaled. His large body was shaking and Loki almost sobbed when their eyes met.

He almost broke right down right there and wept.

But in the light of the day and the crowd around, Loki could do nothing.

Nothing.

This has been his punishment, he had no choice but to take it

***

The fire crackled as it burned.

On the bed behind him, Thor lay propped up on pillows, listening to every word Helblindi read to him as they two continued with their day.

It had been terrifying, both of them were hurt by it.

Thor had coughed up water for a while after they were home and it was an experience Loki never wanted to go through again. He gave him a long, hot bath, asking him who he had seen but under water, panicked as he was, Thor had not seen anyone.

Just a figure that would haunt him for a very long time.

Loki knew that from personal experience.

He reasoned that someone was there helping him. There was no real way for Ronan to have access to a weight like that without someone having it on their boat, none.

Someone was helping him.

Loki prodded at the fire, then went to the table beside Thor to pick up the broth and bread Thor couldn’t stomach.

Even that hurt Loki – the fact that Thor, who ate so much, couldn’t eat this. It hurt so much he didn’t even return the look Thor gave him as he collected his things to take away. He knew Thor was aching for him but right now, with the way Loki was feeling and the fact that his brother was right there, Loki couldn’t give him what he wanted.

Instead, he left the warm, toasty room to go down the chilly hallways and place the try and other things in the kitchen.

He was still there when he heard footsteps come over and he tensed.

He didn’t need to know who was behind him, right behind him, nor did he need the hands that came to rest over his arms or the lips that spoke beside his ear.

“Think of this as a warning” Ronan said, rubbing up and down his arms, ignoring how Loki was shaking “it can only get worse”

Loki felt repulsed and he pushed him off to go to the side, only to grunt in pain when Ronan grabbed and slammed him into the closest wall, jostling the pots and pans that hung beside them.

He turned his head away when Ronan leaned closer, his lips touching Loki’s cheek.

“Does he touch you like I do, Loki?” Ronan asked “Does he?”

Loki pressed his lips tightly together, groaning when Ronan spun him around and pressed him against the wall.

“It was enjoyable for you, aye?” Ronan asked, hissing into his ear as went for his trousers “I’ll make you regret it”

Loki huffed as Ronan spun with him and forced him to bend over a table. His arms were twisted behind his back and his eyes filled with tears as he felt them bruise, felt a torture be pushed on him.

“Ronan”

The voice, deep, menacing and cold, broke through the air and the two froze. Ronan glared at the door where Thanos stood, watching what was happening and Loki went very still.

“Must you have the fun here where anyone could walk in?” Thanos asked, a sigh to his lips

“He likes it this way, Father”

Thanos chuckled “Bring him over, we can have fun with him in the manor”

Loki couldn’t help but sob this time as Ronan laughed and pulled him away, taking him with him, away from the joy and happiness he had found with Thor.

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sayeth WHAT?
> 
> One of the impending dooms that all of you were waiting for

The manor was not exactly a manor.

It was the ruins of one left ages ago, the property long since burnt down, left there, broken and shattered. It was black as the night, possibly colder and Loki hated it the second he saw it. It had been glorious, no doubt, standing large by the looks of the dead, broken lands around it, burnt enough to leave the land fertile for outgrowth.

It might have looked good in the daylight, but right now, as he was dragged to it, it was something out of a horror story where he would suffer at the hands of these two demons.

It boded nothing but ill, nothing but horror awaited him as he was pulled to it by Ronan’s rough hands. The carriage they took was still behind them, looming like a wraith from the darkest of nightmares and in front of them was Thanos, leading the way in with a lantern that lit only the barest of areas around them.

Other than that, Loki was taken into complete darkness.

His voice was muffled by the gag over his mouth, his arms twisted behind his back with a rope Ronan forced on him. His eyes were filled with pain and he struggled, dug his feet into the mud and dirt beneath them when Thanos pushed open the rotting door to the manor that led the way inside.

Loki could smell the death and decay around them. He could hear the rats screeching and running about, scurrying away from their entrance. He heard owls, bats and all creatures of the night, glare at the intruders that pushed themselves into their home.

Loki envied even them, for the ability to get away from Thanos and his son was easier than his own no matter how hard he fought. And he did, pulling from Ronan constantly, but the man only held him tighter, Loki only gave him excuse after excuse to touch him more intimately and press against him more than he had done a second before.

Tears slipped down his cheeks as he was taken to the broken manor, seeing only what the light allowed him to. There were walls that were shattered, burnt black at the top but some parts of what they had formerly been still showed. There were traces of wall papers, of paintings, of life that had once been here.

The moon was shining on them from the panels and broken pieces of the ceiling above and Loki huffed as Ronan shoved him forward hard.

“Bring him here”

Thanos’ voice was a cold command in the night and Loki’s head hung low as Ronan gleefully obeyed. He forced Loki into what used to be a living room, made him sit on his knees before Thanos.

Thanos set the lantern aside and crouched before Loki, gently tipping his head to him, brushing his hair back.

“You really thought you could get away from me?” he purred, stroking his cheek “You must know that is impossible”

Even though his eyes were shining with tears, Loki glared at him with all the hate he could muster.

Thanos wiped the tears that spilled from his cheeks, then looked to his son.

“How long has he been sleeping with you?” Thanos asked

Ronan shrugged “Since I joined the Odinson staff. He bargained for protection from you for it. He was planning something, no doubt, but never got the chance.”

Loki froze, shaking his head, but other than a small glance, Thanos didn’t acknowledge him. He stood and sighed.

“You know I do not share” he told his son.

“I do” Ronan smirked “but he … well, look at him, Father. This creature throws himself at you, how can you refuse?”

“How indeed” Thanos hummed, placed a hand over Loki’s head “untie him. Then hold him down”

Loki’s scream of protest was muffled as Ronan grabbed him around the shoulders and pushed him down on his front. He struggled, kicked out and fought, but Ronan was stronger and his arms were behind his back, he could do nothing.

But Ronan was stronger, he played dirty, let him know what he could over power him and Loki ended up trapped beneath him.

“Hush” Ronan pet his head as he sat astride his hips “you had this coming”

There was a loud, sharp metallic drag and Loki froze in horror when he saw Thanos drag over a long, deadly looking hammer. His heart pounded on his chest and he screamed louder behind the gag.

“On his back” Thanos commanded “I wish for him to see me do this”

Loki shouted, with his hands free, he kicked and hit Ronan, they fought as he tried to escape. Once more, Ronan grabbed his wrists, forced them down and sat astride his thighs, keeping him from kicking.

“Hold still!” Ronan ordered, pushing him down “You are lucky we are breaking something that can heal. Many have not been this lucky, Loki”

There was glee in his eyes, happiness as his father pulled forth that construction hammer. It was used to nail pegs into the ground, it would break Loki’s bones in a second, no hesitation about it.

The dragging was an ominous noise in the background, getting closer and closer to him and Loki fought with everything he had.

He kicked and bucked, tried to shove Ronan off him and escape, run as fast as he could, grab Helblindi and just run.

He never wanted to see anyone on this blasted land again! He shouted and cursed behind the cloth as Thanos came closer, fought Ronan even as he felt hopelessness come over him.

Ronan slapped him.

A high pitched cry left him and Ronan grabbed his throat to hold him down. He slammed his head into the ground behind him and squeezed until Loki saw stars and instinctively onto the wrist of the hand choking him.

“Hold out his arm” Thanos ordered, standing close, far too close “Hold it at the elbow, I wish to break his hand”

Loki pulled his arms away but Ronan hit his face again and he yelped in pain, dizzy from the hit. With his breath constricted, Ronan grabbed his arm and held it down.

Soft, desperate cries escaped Loki, his heart pounded in horror, especially when Thanos set the edge of the cold, hard metal hammer to Loki’s cheek.

He was trembling now, small pathetic whimpers left his lips as he stared at him through his tears.

“Ssh….” Thanos looked down at him, rubbing it over his high cheekbone “breathe. This will end soon”

Loki looked at him, shaking his head, pleading to him not to do this, not to hurt him…

But those please were ignored and Thanos went to stand by his head, swinging the hammer mockingly over his face as Ronan used himself to hold Loki down.

“Hold him steady” Thanos told him, planting his feet on the ground hard “I want one swing at this – two would be rather tiresome at this hour.”

Ronan squeezed Loki’s throat hard enough that it had the blood pound at his temples, leaving him to look at these two monsters as they violated him once more.

Ronan’s face leered down at him and Thanos lifted the hammer. He moved it back, holding the huge thing there without a single problem – a testament of how strong he was.

“Breathe” Thanos ordered, lifting the hammer over his shoulder “Loki, just take a deep breath”

The next moment, he swung it hard and _slammed_ it into the side of Ronan’s head, cracking his skull in with a sickening crunch that echoed around the abandoned room. He blew his skull apart, splattering the floor with brain matter and thick blood almost instantly.

It sprayed Loki and he screamed as Ronan fell off him, right beside him, his head dented in, his face deformed, bleeding out next to him – unmoving.

His head was crumpled, reminding Loki of the note he’d crushed not long ago, but frightening, far too terrifying to behold.

He lay next to him, his eyes filled with blood, shocked and still, crooked and just wrong as Loki stared at him in horror, screaming muffling behind his gag.

He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t move, he scrambled to get away but his legs felt weak, his mind felt numb!

What the hell had Thanos done!?

He’d killed him! He had killed him right there!

Thanos’ heavy hand grabbed his arm.

Loki screamed then, he _screamed_ in terror as he was yanked to his feet and pushed against a broken wall, looking at Thanos in horror.

“Calm yourself, Loki” he purred, grabbing his face in his thick, murderous hands.

Loki whimpered in fear, his arms raised between them, shaking in _fear_ as he stared at him. He felt those thick fingers smear blood over his cheeks, into his hair and he pushed at him.

He tried to get his face out of his grip but Thanos held on. He didn’t let him go, he just held on to him, tighter than a second ago.

“He will not touch you again” Thanos purred, kissing his head

His own _son_ …

He’d killed his own son right in front of Loki’s eyes.

Loki was shaking, his knees felt weak and Thanos clicked his tongue, pet his head with one hand while the other stayed, cupping his cheek.

He lowered the gag and Loki gasped loudly.

“Please, Thanos, please, I didn’t…”

He broke off when Thanos placed a thumb over his mouth, making him tremble when he tasted blood on it. It set itself carefully at the center, threatening to slip into his lips and Loki couldn’t stand it.

He pushed at him again, but Thanos was immovable. He turned his head away from him, but Thanos only pressed closer, running his hand through his hair, staining it further with his son’s blood.

“Can you walk?”

Loki nodded shakily, his breathing broken between the two of them.

“Good, come on, let’s get you cleaned up”

He gave Loki’s wrist a pull, but Loki refused to take a step forward, his eyes stuck on Ronan’s body.

It was twitching.

He was still _alive_.

Thick tears spilled from his eyes as Loki stared at him and Thanos clicked his tongue again.

“You’re safe” he told him “he will never touch you again, no one will”

Unless Thanos ordered it, no one would touch him.

Thanos sighed and pulled him towards him a little more forcefully, then put an arm around him so he could guide him out.

Ronan’s groan of pain filled the air and a sickening feeling filled Loki’s heart.

“H-He’s still alive” he pulled back from Thanos “He’s still alive, oh God…”

“Ah well, he will pass soon” Thanos dismissed “the wolves will take care of him at any rate”

A horrified sob escaped Loki as Thanos forced him to walk outside with him, his legs shaking. He thought he would fall to his knees and lose consciousness.

A part of him even wanted that to happen. Anything was better than this, anything was better than the nightmare he was going through right now!

They walked from the grotesque sight, but Loki knew it would forever be engrained in his memory, he would never forget this night, no matter what happened.

He was shaking and that gave Thanos reason to hold him as he took him back, the farm suddenly too far away for Loki. He was trembling and pale, unable to speak, unable to think.

He could feel Thanos’ hand on his head, constantly stroking his hair, but he got no comfort.

If anything else, it made him realize how stupid he was to think he could get away from him.

That was no longer a possibility.

***

If Loki thought the torture had ended for tonight, he was very, very wrong.

Thanos took him back to the farm, but it was late and dark. He was sure everyone, including Thor were asleep. There was no one around, no one to see them and Thanos took Loki to the stairs, a hand at the back of his neck as he guided him about.

His eyes were set ahead and Loki’s looked at Thor’s door hopefully, praying that Thor walk out and see them, put a stop to this. But even the light beneath Thor’s door was gone.

There was no hope.

Loki tried to keep from making any noise as he was led to Thanos’ room, far from the ones he and Thor shared.

They were larger, warmed for his arrival and beautiful. But all Loki saw was a chamber where he would suffer.

Thanos led him inside, then locked the door, before moving his hand to Loki’s chest and pressed him back against it.

Loki was trembling, he was covered in blood and he looked up at Thanos, his defiance twisted into fear.

Fear that Thanos fed on.

He cupped his cheeks and made him look at him, his thumbs stroked his face, going over the blood dried on him.

“Let me clean that up”

Loki didn’t want him to but he was past the point where he had a choice and let Thanos lead him to his wash basin. The water was cold, but Loki was colder and he ended up giving his tunic to Thanos and stood there in his trousers, shivering as he was cleaned up.

Thanos liked him to look untouched and pretty, so he was calm, took his time before he tossed the stained cloth away.

Then he _looked_.

Loki had his head turned away from him and tensed when Thanos gently grasped his jaw and made him look at him.

“I am sure by now you know I do not like sharing” Thanos said “and that what you did with Odinson is something I will not tolerate”

Loki’s heart stopped and he shook his head “No, I … It was what you w-wanted, you wanted me to…”

“I wanted you to seduce him and get the diamond” Thanos’ voice was hard and his grip turned firm “I did not ask you to fall in love with him!”

“No, I did not…”

Loki gasped a moment later when Thanos pressed against him, looking into those eyes, unable to move.

“You lie to me?” Thanos rasped, stroking the back of his knuckles down Loki’s face “you think I do not know? You belong to me, Loki, everything you are, belongs to me!”

“Please” Loki whispered “I’m not…”

Thanos hand slipped to his throat.

It stopped his thought in his head and Loki shut his eyes tightly.

“Please.” Loki pleaded “don’t”

“You’re mine” Thanos told him “Understand? You belong to me!”

He squeezed a little and Loki grabbed his thick wrist.

“I understand!” he croaked “Please!”

“You are to get that diamond, nothing else” Thanos ordered, releasing him “and get in the bed”

Loki’s insides froze as he looked at him, holding his neck “I…”

He broke off when Thanos took his wrist and dragged him to the bed. He bit down on his protests as he bit down on his tongue the second his body hit the bed. Thanos had thrown him on it face down and Loki stayed that way, too afraid to move.

He lay there, trembling and tensed when Thanos got on behind him. He felt the bed dip on either side of his hips, then saw Thanos place his hands beside his head, looking down at him.

“I want you to listen to me very carefully” Thanos told him “You have one month to get that diamond or …”

He lifted one hand and ran his fingers down Loki’s bare back.

“I’ll do something very bad to you and your brother” he kissed his hair as his fingers hooked at the back of Loki’s trousers.

“Get these off”

Loki felt tears cloud his vision and obediently lifted his hips, reached down and undid them, kicking his shoes off, too.

“There’s a good lad”

Loki trapped his arms under his chest to keep from pushing Thanos away when he slipped his trousers off. He felt that large palm skate up his rear, his back, then rest on his nape.

“Move higher on the bed” Thanos ordered, undoing his own clothing “this will not take long”

It took far too long for Loki, who buried his face into the pillows, weeping as Thanos hurt him, used him like he hated.

Then gave him his clothes and told him to leave.

“Get that diamond” he told him as Loki opened the door to leave “you are out of time”

Loki’s head hung low and he nodded wordlessly as he made his way out. He closed the door behind him and looked at Thor’s making his way to it.

He was clean but he felt dirty, like he was a disease.

He wanted to claw his skin off and run away, leave Thor alone for his own good.

It was why he chose the cot rather than the bed that night, keeping his filth away from Thor, the substance only he knew was all over him. It was why he wept that night, too. Turning his face into the pillow he had, his shoulders shaking as he cried as softly as he could.

There was no sleep for him that night.

Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Ronan, he saw him looking at him, dead but alive, his head sunken in, bashed into itself by that hammer, looking at Loki as tears of blood slipped from his eyes, shining in the light of the moon.

Every time Loki imagined it, it became more horrifying, every time he thought of it, his eyes flashed open and he bit his lips to keep from crying.

And in the morning, he had little to no reprieve.

He spent the entire day trembling. He couldn’t think, he couldn’t breathe, not without that image stamped in his head, not without that terrifying groan in his head, that told him that Ronan had survived the violence, of being brained by his own father.

It was a mercy for him that Helblindi and Thor spent time together, talking most of the day, playing cards and board games. Since they were at home, Loki hovering over Thor the entire time would be suspicious, if not for the people they were staying with, then for Helblindi’s benefit, Loki stayed away. He came in and checked on them when he could, but most of the time he spent in Helblindi’s room, holding his hair and rocking himself, whimpering prayers to help him forget that gore, anything to help him forget that.

He couldn’t sleep that night either, he spent it next to Thor’s bed, in that cot, muffling his cries with a pillow. His eyes were far to wide, his tears endless as he relived the horror over and over. He was losing his mind.

He knew it.

***

Thor was eager to leave here. They had met Helblindi, their pretense was no longer needed since the boy was more than happy to go with them.

He was packing his bags when Loki knocked on his door, walking in.

Immediately, Helblindi felt cautious as he looked at his brother.

“What?”

Loki exhaled painfully, getting to the point “I cannot take you back with me”

As expected, Helblindi’s face turned dark “You said…”

“He murdered Ronan” Loki cut in, stopping all argument “threw his body at me and covered me in his blood to ensure you do not leave here”

He saw Helblindi’s face turn white in horror.

“What?” he whispered “When?”

“Last night” Loki walked over “ he is a mad man, I have always known but the depths of his insanity were never to this extend. If I take you … he will do the same to you, Hel. I cannot and will not risk you no matter what”

Helblindi looked at him, his eyes filled with tears “Loki…”

Loki took him into his arms, holding him against him.

“Do not be afraid” he rubbed his back “I will do anything I have to, to get us out of this awful situation. I just need you to trust me”

He felt his brother’s tense body in his arms and soothed him, telling him things would be well for them so he almost missed what he said.

“Loki” Helblindi croaked, his body trembling “I’m _sorry_ , I am so sorry…”

Loki frowned and pulled back “What? What do you mean? What are you apologizing for?”

“I did something terrible” Helblindi swallowed heavily “I – I put the weight on Lord Odinson, Thanos told me to…”

Loki whacked him across the face, his own filled with rage and fear. Helblindi stood there, whimpering softly, tears spilling down his cheeks as he held his face.

“How dare you?” Loki snarled “how dare you listen to that monster? Is it not enough that I work for him?”

Helblindi didn’t reply, he cowered from him, holding his face and crying softly and Loki scoffed in disgust.

“You’ve betrayed me” Loki hissed “betrayed me!”

“You don’t understand!” Helblindi said “he didn’t give me a choice, he never does! He had the chain with him, I just had to put it on his ankle, he knew you would never do it!”

“Damn right I wouldn’t because it was murder!” Loki snarled “what if I hadn’t been there to save him!? What then, you stupid fool!?”

“This is far greater than anything we think, I told you that” Helblindi swallowed thickly “he is not after the diamond, I don’t know what he wants but it has something to do with that family. He told me he would make you pay if I didn’t do as he asked, you know what he is like”

“I do” Loki hissed “and I also know that once you do what he says, you will have no choice but to listen to him in the future. You gave him leverage over you, how could you?”

Helblindi’s lip trembled “I didn’t have a choice…”

In the back of his mind, Loki knew Helblindi was right, that Thanos was a creature so devious he never gave anyone a choice. He dangled things like freedom and safety before a person and then made them who what he wanted, he was a demon.

But for the life of him, he couldn’t listen to reason and he shook his head at his brother.

“I cannot believe you” he stepped back “you’re just as bad as I am”

He turned and left then, slamming the door shut behind him hard enough to have Helblindi flinch. His face stung, his body in pain, just like his spirit.

As his brother left, he slowly sat down on the edge of his bed and wept his heart out.

He didn’t even let him explain properly.

Outside, Loki stormed to Thor’s room, his face angry. He knew Thor was ready to leave and now, thanks to Helblindi, Loki was, too. His jaw was grit as he stomped in, missing Thor entirely as he went to his trunk and yanked it open.

“Loki?”

His voice was like a balm, even though it was still slightly raspy.

It soothed Loki in a way he didn’t think he could be soothed and he straightened slowly, turning to look at the man who held his heart in his hands.

“Are you well?”

Loki looked at him, then shook his head “No”

Thor went over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder “What’s the matter?”

Loki sighed “Helblindi wishes to stay here.”

That surprised Thor “What?”

Loki turned to him, his odd looking eyes watery, afraid, alone and filled with self loathing.

“He does not wish to go to the city with us”

“Loki, if it is something I said to him, then …”

“No, no” Loki placed a hand on Thor’s arm “It is not you. I told him about the city and he likes the country air, the freedom, the horses…he wanted to go, perhaps for a few days, but to him, this is his home”

Thor’s expression turned soft “Loki…You can’t fault him for that”

“I just wanted him to come with us and now he won’t” Loki gave him a wan smile

It was so easy to lie to Thor, so easy to look at that stunning face and tell him falsehoods that flowed from his traitorous tongue so easily.

He barely put any effort into it now.

He hated himself, Loki truly did. He hated every second he spent with Thor, packing their belongings then taking them to the carriage so they could go home. He saw Helblindi looking at him, hoping that perhaps his brother would look at him or say something but Loki didn’t.

He didn’t even wish him goodbye and that truly hurt them both.

Thanos was still on the property, but where, Loki didn’t know. All he knew was that he was leaving this place with more burdens on his shoulders than he had when he came here.

One month was given to him to get that stupid diamond  and that was all.

The ride would take hours and Loki let Thor have most of the space since he complained about having a slight difficulty in breathing even now.

“It is nothing too bad” Thor told him, smiling when Loki fussed over his coverings “It is just a sting”

“That usually means there is something wrong” Loki said, fixing Thor’s fur “we should get a doctor to look at you later”

Thor smiled “I would rather have you look at me later”

Loki looked at him and gave him an unimpressed, dry look at that terrible flirting. But it had made him laugh, which was Thor’s intent and after Loki was satisfied, he pulled the drapes closed so he could lay against Thor, slowly reading to him the entire way.

London was far, it was nice weather and their journey seemed to be one of the few moments where Loki knew nothing would hurt them. It was their own world where Thanos couldn’t walk in.

In that, at least, Loki felt safe.

But even as he held Thor to him, the loss of sleep making him tired, he couldn’t keep what he had seen away from him. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Ronan’s grotesque face, the bits of brain matter that leaked from his dented skull, the distorted face, ruined so much, bashed in by that hammer…

He opened his eyes, looked around.

Thor had his eyes closed and Loki was glad for once. He didn’t wish for those memories to come to him, he wanted them washed away.

They made him want to cry in fear, in despair because of what Thanos did to him afterwards. He was sure he would be sore after this ride, one of the few prices he had to pay for being with someone like Thanos.

It was also one of the more lenient ones, as proved by how Ronan ended.

And there again, his thoughts went right to that horrific moment. He had to take a deep breath and keep his gaze aside, so he wouldn’t think about it again.

Only it seemed to want to haunt him and when they reached Asgard, hours later, Loki was so relieved he all but leapt out of the carriage and kissed the ground.

Thor chuckled, hoisting himself up and wincing just a bit.

Loki noticed of course, and frowned “You’re still in pain”

“It will pass” Thor insisted “the doctor will take a look, calm down”

He didn’t want to have any of the staff look at him as they came to greet him, didn’t want their attention, all he wanted was his room, his bed and Loki.

The country had been refreshing, true, but he was eager to be home.

With the staff, led by Loki, taking his belongings inside, Thor went in, looking for his father.

“Old man!” he called “where are you?”

A door opened to the side, at Odin’s study and Thor grinned when he saw the dry glare he got.

“Must you come home and insult me?”

Thor went over to him “I wouldn’t dream of it, I was merely stating a fact

Odin conceded and took the kiss Thor gave to his head kindly. Then his expression softened

“I had missed you, two days is a long time”

“Depends on the company” Thor took Odin’s arm and guided him back to the study “Tell me what have you been up to these days. Starting a scandal or something?”

Odin scoffed “A scandal would mean someone was interested in what I do. Nay, without you, I had only that stupid wedding to attend”

“Whose?” Thor led him to his desk and made him sit, then took a chair close by

“That lord’s son, I do not care for the name” Odin grumbled “It was the first time I actually wished for the lord to pull me up to heaven”

“Or down to hell, judging by your books” Thor said

Odin narrowed his eyes “You are in a good, annoying mood”

Thor beamed “I am. Tell me about the wedding”

Odin made a face at that “The bride’s father only complained about the fact that they served cake there. ‘Cake at a wedding?’ he said ‘how could they do this?’. I saw my own brain with how hard I rolled my eyes at that, Thor”

Thor laughed, shook his head “Oh, Father, I didn’t think I would like you this much”

“Neither did I” Odin told him “I was merely fond of you”

“Naturally”

They sat in silence for a while, then Thor stretched his legs and sighed, sinking into the chair, almost laying in it. Odin raised his brow.

“Graceful one, you are” he said “Sit up, have I shown you no manners?”

Thor let his legs fall open

“Thor!”

He laughed and sat up, snickering at Odin’s expression

“Learn a joke, old man” Thor said “must you glower?”

“Call me ‘old man’ one more time and see what happens”

Thor grinned and refrained – at least for now – then sighed, looking around.

“Has nothing happened in the past few days that you could tell me about?”

Odin hesitated, “Well…”

Thor frowned “What?”

“Fandral came over”

Thor stilled “Oh”

“Thor,” Odin sighed “I truly think you should talk to him. He was asking about you”

“I bet he was” Thor scoffed, then shook his head “How could he do this? To Balder…”

“Just talk to him” Odin insisted “Please. As a favor to me”

It was a low shot, Thor knew it, so did Odin, but Thor sighed.

“It will probably not end well, Father”

“I know there is a chance of that” Odin told him “but there is also the chance that it might went well for both of you. He is your childhood friend”

“I highly doubt that, you know” Thor scoffed “clearly he was more deeply invested in Balder than I. he was probably just using me”

“Do you truly believe that?” Odin asked “Hm?”

No, Thor did not. But there was no chance in hell that he would let Odin know that

He shrugged “I will see him tomorrow, then”

“Of course” Odin said “tis past dinner time and I know you are hungry. Would you like some?”

“Yes” Thor stood, went to help Odin stand, too “have it sent to my room”

“Have it sent yourself” Odin said, walking with him at his side “I am going to retire. Do send Loki to help me”

Thor nodded “I shall”

Thor did as his father asked, aiding him to his room, then sent Loki upstairs to help him while he told them to bring dinner to his room.

While he waited, he washed up and changed his clothes, sitting on his bed with a book that he skimmed through as dinner was brought to him. He smiled at the maid, thanked her then watched her leave, blushing and giggling.

He rolled his eyes and then stood, going out.

He could hear Odin and Loki talking when he went to his father’s room and saw Loki telling him about their journey, the food, the fields.

Thor blushed at that and knocked the door, earning both their attention.

“Forgive me” he said “I merely wished to ask where a few of my things are. I can’t find them in my bags”

Odin raised a brow “You mean you are irresponsible and want Loki to fix this problem for you”

“Perhaps”

Odin smirked, “Fine. Go with him, Loki, lord knows what this brat has lost this time”

“Yes, sir” Loki bowed his head, all professional and practiced.

He went past Thor, ignoring the look he had on his face, then went down the hall.

Odin waved at Thor “Go. You irritate me”

Thor grinned “Sleep well, Father”

“Yes, yes” Odin dismissed, reaching beside his bed to pick up his book “sleep well, Child”

Thor bowed and retreated, closing the door lightly as he went down the halls where Loki was. He saw him just as Loki entered his room and picked up his pace.

The smell of food was in the room and Thor smiled when he saw Loki in the middle, warming his hands by the fire.

“Treasure” Thor smiled at him “Come here”

Loki looked at him and Thor frowned when he saw he looked tired, more than he had looked when he was with Odin.

But he came to him and pressed against him, his eyes fell shut. Loki inhaled deeply and wrapped his arms around Thor’s waist.

Thor smiled and held him, too.

“Tired?”

Loki nodded “Extremely”

Thor kissed his hair “Will you sleep here tonight?”

Loki shrugged “If that is what you want me to do, my lord, then I will. Let me get my bedding”

“You will not eat with me?”

Loki shook his head “I am not really hungry. I just wish to sleep”

“Alright, then” Thor rubbed his back and then sent him off, smiling as he left. He finished his dinner and then lay waiting for Loki, realizing how tired he was himself. He might have dozed off because he woke briefly to the feeling of a warm body slipping into his arms, then holding him close.

“Good night” Loki whispered, setting his head on the pillow next to Thor’s.

With his arms around him, Loki felt safer and that night, he slept better, even if he did wake a few times in the night, looking around in case something was lurking in the room, but every single time he went right back to sleep.

Right there, held so lovingly in Thor’s arms.

***

There was a stark difference in the house when Thor entered it.

The last time he was here, there was warmth and caring and friendship around, he wanted to be here. This time, there was an air of caution not only around him, but around Fandral too.

His friend looked tired, he looked gaunt, nothing like the cheerful man he had been when Thor met him before, this was a man on the verge of withering away. He looked sick and for the first time since things went cold between them, Thor felt guilt gnaw at him.

He saw him give him a smile that didn’t reach his eyes, he saw him look – empty.

The drawing room door closed after Fandral and Thor watched him, saw the way he avoided looking at him directly as he went to pour them both some port.

“How was your trip?” Fandral asked, bringing over his drink for him.

Such bland talk only made Thor feel worse as he looked at his friend and exhaled softly.

“You don’t have to do that” Thor told him, turning away “I came to see how you were”

Fandral shrugged, no teasing, nothing in his attitude.

“I have been in my lab most of the time” he said, making his way to the couch so he could fall into it “trying to distract myself”

“From what?” Thor sat on the couch next to his

Fandral sighed, shaking his head “Nothing, Thor. You’ve come to see me, you have done your duty as a friend. This is not your concern”

“Is it” Thor looked at his drink “I know how I acted, it was shameful. You have been there for me when no one else has and when the time came for me to do that for you, I failed.”

Again, that shrug, that hopeless gesture, empty, lost, just like his friend. It hurt Thor, looking at him and Fandral seemed so immune to it – it was as though it defeated him.

“Fandral” Thor set his drink aside “what is happening? You have to tell me?”

“Why?” Fandral asked “so you can shun me again?”

He threw back his drink and got to his feet so he could go get himself more.

“I have had a lot of that in my life, thank you”

Thor stood, too “I am here to apologize and to make things right between us. I know I have been unjust in my treatment of you, but I am here, asking for a chance to fix it.”

“And what?” Fandral turned “I owe you explanations now, is that it?”

“No” Thor’s lips tightened “but you owe me the truth about my brother and yourself. I want to know who sent me that letter”

Fandral didn’t reply, he simply poured himself a drink, more than he had done the last time and Thor exhaled, turned away and kept his patience.

Barely

Silence fell between them and Thor looked outside at the bright, bright world, wondering how the darkness they were both set in now could exist with it. He could hear Fandral moving behind him, the clinking of glass, the deep, tired sigh his friend gave.

Thor closed his eyes a moment, took a deep breath, then opened them again.

“I am sorry” he said resolutely “I acted in a manner that you did not deserve”

No reply, but Thor knew Fandral was still behind him.

“I misjudged you” Thor told him honestly

“Why?”

“I was angry” Thor turned “not at you, I was – bitter and cruel”

Fandral looked him up and down, then took a sip “Because you disliked the thought of me being with your brother. The truth repulsed you”

“No” Thor told him “I was just … I didn’t know he was…”

“Capable of such sordid acts?” Fandral asked

“No” Thor shook his head “I just didn’t know it was you he was with. Had I known, I would have handled things better. I would not have …”

“Resented me and judged me?”

This time, Thor ducked his head and nodded, shame evident in his features.

“I am sorry” Thor whispered “I thought that our friendship was … that it was something based around your relationship with him”

At that, Fandral raised a brow “Oh”

Thor lifted a shoulder in a shrug “I apologize”

Fandral’s lips curved into a smirk “You have said that more than once”

“I feel like it is not enough” Thor looked at him “Fandral, I am so sorry”

This time, Fandral smiled “I forgive you.”

It didn’t make Thor feel better but he did feel a little relief, which Fandral was happy for. He came to sit on the couch again and Thor took the other, both friends taking their drinks quietly for a while.

Thor licked his lips and looked at Fandral, opened his mouth to say something, closed it, then looked away again.

Fandral chuckled “You can ask, you know. I would like no secrets between us”

Thor nodded “Alright – I just need the courage”

“You are not going to ask probing questions are you?” Fandral teased

“No, good God no!” Thor shook his head “Heaven forbid”

Fandral chuckled and took a sip of his drink while Thor looked at his own to gather courage.

“How – How did you two…” Thor cleared his throat “start?”

Fandral thought about it, biting his lip as he did so “We were playing a game….”

_Balder slapped his cards down, smiling brightly at Fandral._

_“Ha!” he said, looking at his expression “I do believe that is five games in a row, my good sir. Far better than you predicted”_

_Fandral stared at the cards, then back at Balder’s face, which was glowing in delight. He was so cocky, so happy, so damn involved in his victory that he never noticed that Fandral had let him win. Had he been playing properly, Balder would have never had a chance. It was just pure generosity on Fandral’s side._

_“I guess you are right” Fandral said “ah well, as per the wager I believe I owe you a favor”_

_“Of course you do” Balder smiled, reaching for his glass of port “Maybe I will ask you for more of this drink – it’s fabulous”_

_Fandral beamed “It is one of the most expensive ones I have”_

_“Is it, now?” Balder raised a brow “and you gave it to me, how special am I to you, then?”_

_His face heated up and Fandral looked to the cards, picking them up and collecting them to start another game._

_Their flirtation had been going on for a few weeks now, but they never did anything. There were lingering touches, sometimes, at the hand, at the back of the neck, when Balder set his elbow on his shoulder in an affectionate gesture when all three of them were out, but nothing more than that._

_Their gazes locked a few times over conversations that were innocent enough but turned heated when they looked upon each other._

_Not that anyone noticed, they were very careful about it. They brushed it off mostly as a game, as something the two of them did from time to time, but lately, each gaze, each encounter had turned into one with a purpose. Lately, their breaths caught when they saw one another, when one flirted with the other, it was something more than a game now._

_It was something they were offering one another blatantly, openly, asking the other if they were ready._

_Fandral had long since fancied Balder, he knew from an early age that he preferred men over women though he had his fair share of both. Men had this quality that attracted him to them more, the way he could make them come undone with his words and touches. And though he was the last person Fandral ever thought he could be with, Balder  had sparked something inside him he didn’t think he could have._

_To him, his temporary trysts were something he valued, but Balder was different. He knew Fandral, he knew his reputation, he knew everything about him and he still wanted. They had been together since their schooling began, Thor and Fandral, so Balder had been an ever present company they had._

_Lady Odinson had often commented on how close the three were, but even in her imagination, at best they were close friends._

_Thor was Fandral’s best friend, his only friend, but tonight he was not here. He was away, as where the Lord and Lady of the household, which left them by themselves, the two of them, free of any constraints since no one was here to know their secrets._

_Fandral packed the deck away and then reached for his own glass._

_“Let me”_

_He looked up as Balder reached for his glass and wrapped his fingers around the stem – and Fandral’s own hand._

_His heart beat sped up and Fandral felt that the drink would be nothing compared to what would follow if they continued the way they were._

_Not that he would mind, it was something he could look forward to, but Balder might. He was Thor’s brother, his best, most closest friend, how could he do this to him? To his friendship with Thor?_

_Balder pulled his hand back once his glass was filled and sat back, watching Fandral intently. His gaze, so similar to Thor’s had Fandral’s breathing stutter and he inhaled too quickly._

_He coughed sharply, gasping as the drink went the wrong way and set the glass aside as he choked on it. He bent over as the stinging turned a little painful and felt a strong hand hit against his back till the intensity of the coughing faded, then passed completely, leaving him winded._

_Fandral sat back, panting as he caught his breath, but then froze when he saw Balder leaning over him, looking at him with worry in his eyes._

_“Are you well?” he asked “shall I fetch someone?”_

_For a second, he couldn’t react, but then Balder’s large palm came to cup his cheek and Fandral all but leapt out of the chair._

_“We can’t!” he gasped, still winded, looking at him “I am sorry, I … I know what you wish and it cannot happen”_

_Balder smirked, that oh so confident smirk that made Fandral weak in the knees, damn him!_

_“And why?” he asked “because of Thor?”_

_“One of the reasons, yes” Fandral breathed, feeling himself calm down “Lord Odinson…”_

_“Balder” he corrected, taking a step closer “if you are worried about my brother’s reaction, then trust me…he holds you in high regard, he will not disapprove”_

_“He will not approve, either” Fandal stepped back “I cannot jeaopardize my friendship, my lord, I cannot”_

_He felt the wall behind him and his eyes widened as Balder stepped even closer, standing toe to toe with him, looking down at him._

_He was taller than him, his brown hair shined in the light of the room, his bright blue eyes locked on Fandral and those lips – those stunningly plump lips were curved into a smile._

_“Fandral” he rumbled_

_His voice was deeper than Thor’s, in a way that made Fandral shiver even though the man was not touching him._

_“I will not pressure you” Balder said “but I wish to make my feelings clear. You are not someone I will forget after a single night. I have wanted you for a long time, everything from your voice to your presence is important to me. From the moment you turned into a young man, I have felt desire towards you, this is not sudden. I had hoped to keep it to myself, to take it to my grave, I wouldn’t impose upon you. But these past months you have given me hope, perhaps even encouragement. I hesitated at first, I thought it was wishful thinking but … I felt it. I know it was more.”_

_He reached up and Fandral closed his eyes when his hand touched his cheek again. It was warm, large and filled with protection._

_“Fandral” Balder sounded closer “I want you. But if you do not want me, then let me know and I will silence myself. If not …then let me kiss you, I won’t move closer than this till you let me”_

_He was close, so close when Fandral opened his eyes that he could see the stunning skies and stars that lay in Balder’s eyes. He licked his lips and gained a little courage._

_“I am not …”_

_“I know” Balder’s thumb stroked his cheek “I am not using you nor thinking ill if you agree. I know you, I have known you for years, Fandral…I would never think badly”_

_He closed his eyes again and relaxed his body. He felt Balder’s warmth near and felt his other hand slide around his waist, while the one at his cheek cradled him so lovingly._

_“Kiss me, then” Balder said “prove it”_

_Fandral looked at him and then slowly closed the distance between them, finally feeling those lips upon his own, felt that strong body against his arms as they went around him…_

Thor didn’t realize he was holding his breath.

He swallowed thickly and turned away, discovering a part of his brother he didn’t even know existed.

Fandral felt his throat sting with the emotions he has relived, the love he had and lost. The life he had envisioned.

He couldn’t look at his friend, not at this moment.

But then, a touch at his hand and Fandral looked at Thor, who sat there with a pained expression on his face.

“I have been more blessed than I thought” Thor told him “when I lost my brother, I had the liberty and freedom to mourn. You did not…”

Fandral’s eyes watered then.

He hadn’t spoken of his pain to a single soul, not one.

He could tell no one of the way his heart had been ripped in two, nothing could make him forget.

“I don’t know what to day” Thor whispered to him

Fandral blinked and squeezed his eyes shut as he tried to forget it.

_Balder stood at the ready, back to back with Sigurd Orvar, both their guns raised. Thor was on the side, next to Fandral and a few paces away were Orvar’s seconds._

_The moon was dull that night, but bright enough to shine on the barren place they had chosen._

_It glinted off the muzzle of their guns, off the fright in Fandral’s eyes._

_Their steps were counted._

_One , two three…_

_Fandral’s heart was beating far too loudly and beside him, he could hear Thor praying, soft whispers left his lips, his hands clenched as he crossed his arms over his chest._

_Seven, eight nine…_

_Sigurd turned and fired._

_The boom echoed around him as Balder turned to take the bullet right to his throat. It echoed through the air like a gong, a knoll, a funeral bell, drowning Thor’s scream of terror as he ran forward._

_Time had slowed down, reality had slowed down where it passed so deliberately that every second turned into a year. He would never forget this moment, he knew already._

_He could see even the dew fly off Thor’s cape as he ran forward, see he graceful arc that Balder fell back in._

_There was no sound, just the soft tinkling of a bell somewhere in his mind that told him that it was over._

_His world was over, his happiness was gone, his love was dead._

_He screamed, too._

_It was a sound that broke his core, shattered it into pieces, he ran, too, falling beside Thor on his knees, his face pale._

_The image before him was one that killed him then was Balder, playing there, his hands scrabbling at his collar._

_“Get help!” Thor shouted “My brother is dying, please!”_

_No one moved and Thor turned to Balder, a sob escaped him_

_“No, Balder…”_

_Fandral was cold as death, holding one of Balder’s hands when he reached for him, looking into his eyes, scared, hurt, far too wide. Blood poured from his lips, his breathing was shattered, cracked and nothing but sick wet rasps._

_He barely heard the others leave, barely heard the sound of approaching staff._

_He couldn’t take his eyes off Balder._

_He couldn’t take his gaze from the man he loved as he lay before him, dying right there, no hope of saving him._

_“No, no….”_

_And Balder stopped moving._

Fandral gasped and felt tears in his eyes, tears slide down his face and saw Thor crouched before him, his expression worried.

“Can you hear me?” he asked "Are you alright?"

Looking at him, at those eyes, the ones that resembled his beautiful Balder’s, broke Fandral further and he shook his head.

“No” he whispered “I haven’t been for a very long time”

Thor clicked his tongue and straightened, sat on the arm of Fandral’s chair and gently, carefully, pulled his friend into his embrace. He knew he needed it by the way Fandral’s arms came about him and he leaned on him.

“You will get through this” Thor squeezed his shoulders “alright? You had no one before, but you have me. I was blind and stupid, but I am making an effort for you”

He swallowed thickly when he felt Fandral’s body tremble and hushed him, rocked him a little as he felt him finally take the pain out of his body.

He knew his pain was great.

He knew because he felt it now, in his heart, seeing that day go before his eyes over and over today.

***

Loki was folding up his clothes.

It was late, past the time anyone would be awake in this house. Odin was in bed, Thor was yet to come home – he had been out to meet with Fandral and told Heimdall to expect him home later than usual.

The staff was sleeping, every now and then he heard their guard outside the house but that was it. He heard the noises that often accompanied the night but nothing else.

There was silence – and he didn’t know if it was a good thing or not.

Silence meant that he would think about Ronan, about seeing his body there, bleeding out, see Thanos over him, feel his hands on him. He had already bathed three times today and felt the urge to do it again.

He felt sick and tainted and dirty. He could swear at times he left filth on whatever he touched.

It was why he had washed his clothes so late – he wanted them clean.

There was a small fire place here, just enough to warm the room and though he hadn’t really used it when he had a room mate, he felt he needed to now.

The chill in the room reminded him of that broken manor.

Once he finished his folding, he turned to stoke the fire, painting the room in a soft amber glow.

He then went back to sit on the bed and just – breathe.

There was nothing expected of him right now, no duties, nothing. He could sit and breathe. Just breathe.

Something clicked at his window.

Loki’s heart began to race, louder when he realized someone was throwing small rocks at his window to get his attention.

He didn’t want to go, he didn’t want to go there and see Thanos standing there, demanding he come to him, making him bend over this bed … not this bed, he would never be able to sleep here!

Another rock, another click.

He knew he was awake.

His heart in his throat, Loki slowly stood and took one step forward.

Another click…

He took another step, pacing himself as slowly as possible. He hoped he would leave, he wanted him to leave.

“ _Loki_!”

Loki froze.

That was not Thanos

That was Thor!

That harsh whisper was none other than his master and Loki went to his window and gaped when he saw him standing there, out in the cold, among dew and the first dusting of frost.

“Finally!” Thor rasped “Let me in, Heimdall’s locked me out!”

Loki felt mirth bubble inside him, mostly because of his relief.

“I don’t know where he keeps the keys” Loki said, looking around “Have you tried knocking?”

“I have been here for over an hour, Loki, what do you think?”

He tried not to snort, then looked at the wall. Ronan had scaled this many times, to be honest, the way it was built, it would be easy – at least for him. But Ronan had training, he did this since he was younger, he could climb high enough without a rope or anything to aid him.

Thor was not trained and Loki nibbled on his lip.

“I will open the kitchen window” Loki told him “go there”

Thor growled and huffed, but moved towards the kitchen and Loki closed the window, then made his own way downstairs. He was quick about it, climbing the stairs so he could jog downstairs to the kitchen.

Thor was already waiting and Loki went to the closest window and opened it, leaning out to call to him.

“Come on in” he gestured.

Grumbling, Thor did as he asked and Loki guided him in, feeling the moisture on his cloak and seeing it clearly on his hat.

“I am sorry you got locked out, I didn’t know”

Thor only huffed “Is that why you were trying not to laugh?”

Loki pulled is lips inwards and ducked his head “I was not trying not to laugh”

“Of course” Thor gently grabbed the back of his neck and shook him “are you still not laughing? I can see you smile!”

Loki snickered softly and looked at him after he let go

“Alright, I laughed” he said “but you looked miserable standing out in the cold like that”

“And you thought it was hilarious” Thor walked alongside him “God, it is freezing today”

Loki helped him take his cloak off and accompanied him up the stairs to his room. He set the cloak aside then went to revive the fire.

“The room will be toasty in a few minutes” Loki told him

Thor hummed as he went behind the screen and started to change. He could hear Loki moving about, pulling his bed down, making sure everything was comfortable for him.

Thor had no doubt that the room would be perfect for him and he pulled on his night clothes, then smiled at Loki the moment he exited.

“Come here” Thor held out a hand for him

And Loki immediately went to him, letting him hold him close. Thor wrapped his arms around him and cradled Loki’s head to him, his eyes falling shut.

“You’re wonderful” Thor kissed his head “never forget that”

Loki laughed against his shoulder “I am sure anyone who takes care of you would be amazing, Thor”

Thor smiled and rubbed his back, then gave another kiss to him.

“Sleep here tonight” Thor said “Please”

Loki wanted to, he really did, Thor’s arms gave him comfort he never got but he hesitated. He didn’t wish to get him dirty.

“I …”

“I can carry your bed for you” Thor offered “I want you here. Please”

Loki felt his hesitation fade and nodded, heaving a dramatically loud sigh.

“Fine” he said, pulling away, but taking Thor’s hand “come”

Thor was more than eager and he led him down the halls confident that no one would see them. Their hands never let go and Loki took him upstairs, into the servant’s living areas. No one was awake and even if they were, it was far too chilly to even consider getting out of bed.

Loki’s room was nice and warm now and Thor hummed as he entered.

“This is warmer than my room”

“Because it is smaller” Loki said softer, closing the door behind them “I will turn out the fire, you get the bedding”

“I have never been here before” Thor looked around in wonder, going to look at the few books Loki had “Oh … look”

He lifted the box with Loki’s gloves and showed it to him, a big smile on his face.

Loki rolled his eyes and snorted in laughter “You cannot get distracted. Get my bed, now”

“Oh, you command me, my lord” he teased, going to the bunk “I like it”

Loki huffed and went to get his water jug so he could pour it over the fire and remove the risk of any unpleasant fire related incidents.

Meanwhile, Thor went to do his task, deciding which one to hoist off to his chambers.

He looked at the one on top, which was free of clutter, then the one at the bottom, which had almost ten thousand things on it.

And reached for the one on top.

Loki, who had doused the fire turned, then paled.

“Thor, no, wait!”

There was a thud as a bag fell off, one that had been pushed under the mattress and the bedframe, and Thor winced, looking down at it as it spilled its contents to the floor.

“Loki, I apologize, I ….”

He broke off, horror clutched his throat as he stared, unblinking at his mother’s jewels scattered on Loki’s floor, an evidence that silenced them both in the most horrifying way possible.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do not come to me again” Thor told him ruthlessly “We have nothing to say to one another”
> 
> “But…”
> 
> “Nothing” Thor said vehemently, moving past him “You have done enough to leave nothing between us, Loki. Do not try and rebuild it, you cannot!”

He could hear his own heart beat so loudly, he was sure it echoed in the room. His knees felt weak and he went cold, then hot all over, unable to make a sound or coherent thought form in his head. His dual colored eyes were focused on the evidence, unable to gather the courage to look at Thor, at the man he had wronged for so long.

But had he looked, Thor’s face would have made him avert his gaze again. A thousand emotions flashed across his features as realization dawned on him, then anger. His lips tightened and he reached down, slowly, to pick the jewels up.

They weighed the same as the last time Thor held them this way, together, just before he sealed them away from where Loki had clearly taken them.

He swallowed thickly and gazed at Loki, who was pale as a sheet of paper.

“What is this?” he asked, his voice deadly soft

Loki’s mind went wild with stories, with lies, with reasons to tell Thor everything, with the consequences, with everything that happened. He wanted to tell him, again, for the hundredth time, he wanted to tell him everything.

And for the hundredth time he had to silence himself because every time he closed his eyes he saw Ronan’s broke, shattered face before him, leaking out thick blood, coagulated, _sickening_ …

“I f-found them” Loki told him softly “tucked there, under that mattress”

It was technically no lie, he did find them when Ronan told him where he was keeping them.

“R-Ronan took them” Loki whispered, lying to him yet again “I thought if I came forward and brought them to you, you would think I took them”

“That is not true and you know this” Thor took a step forward

“I didn’t wish to take the risk, I ….”

“No” Thor cut in “what you are saying is not true”

Loki felt his insides turn to ice as he stared at Thor, his heart pounding in his chest.

“Tell me the truth” Thor hissed, his hand shaking as he reined in his temper “Tell me the truth, Loki or I swear to God, I will so something you will regret”

He stepped a little closer and Loki retreated, backing away from him.

“It’s not a lie” Loki tried, his body felt stiff in apprehension

“It is” Thor said “I see it in your eyes, Loki.”

Loki shook his head “No, Thor, you misunderstand, I am not lying to you. Ronan…”

“Ronan came after these vanished, Loki – stop _lying_ ” Thor rasped “this is for the debt, isn’t it? The one I _offered_ to pay off. I told you I would, you had no business stealing from me”

He was fighting to keep his voice down, he didn’t want anyone to hear this and Loki stood there, staring at him, feeling his eyes prickle with the coming tears.

“And to steal these?” Thor glared “and stand there, watching my father blame me for it…”

He lowered his hand, his entire body was tense.

“How could you?”

_How could you?_

Those words cut Loki deeply and he stood there, looking at him, his eyes shining in the dim light, his heart pounding hard enough in his head that all he heard was the loud, painful thumping.

And all he could see was the pain in Thor’s eyes.

And the _anger_. The anger that killed Loki, silenced his lies so effectively that he couldn’t even speak to him, to lie more, to save himself.

He just stood there and let Thor see the truth, see him for the traitor he was.

And before his eyes, Thor’s lost their anger, replaced by sadness and hurt and pain. He looked defeated, like Loki had taken a part of him and twisted it out, tossed it to the floor like garbage.

His lip trembled and he lowered his gaze “I’m sorry”

That was the confession. And it wounded Thor, who stared at him, his mouth parting in hurt because for the most desperate of moments, he had wished that Loki would lie more, that he would defend himself, but all he did was tell him the truth, like he wanted.

He had taken them.

Loki had betrayed him, possibly right from the beginning and Thor was foolish enough to believe everything that happened between them was genuine.

He nodded and turned to the side, taking it in.

“Thank you” Thor scoffed “for – for using me so”

He swallowed thickly and gazed at Loki again.

Thor took him in, the man he felt so much for, he had laid with and given so much of himself to. He closed his eyes as he felt the ache in his deep heart. It was like an old friend, he recognized the feeling from back then, from when he had buried his brother.

Loss.

Heart wrenching, soul twisting loss.

He had lost not only his trust in Loki, but Loki himself.

He’d betrayed him!

As he opened his eyes again he let out a sigh, he wanted to yell, scream and _demand_ answers from Loki but what could the other say to take the pain away? If he denied taking the jewels he would lie to him, hurt him even more and if he confessed the reasons why.

His thumb circled one of the stones that adorned his mother’s bracelet, it had been one of her favorite pieces.  The one his father had searched the entire country, gem by gem, to get for her.

It was a tribute of their love, of the love Thor had seen them live in his entire childhood.

Now that testament had been twisted into _evidence_ , reduced to the status of proof of Loki’s treachery. He would never look at these things the same way and Thor hated it.

He _hated_ Loki for this.

Out of the corner of his eyes he saw Loki nervously fidgeting around, gripping the hem of his shirt and letting go again, pulling at his sleeves only to push them up again. It would have been comical, possibly something Thor would love to watch but there was nothing inside of him, not anymore.

Thor stood, his back straight and proud and without another look at _his former lover_ he gathered the jewels in his hands and walked out of the smothering room. There was nothing left for him there.

“Thor?”

The whisper let him stop but the pain in his heart did not let him turn around, he had nothing to turn around to.

“Please Thor say something,”

Loki’s voice was small unsure and he could hear the sadness in it, why the hell was _he_ sad? He was the one that did this, the one that inflicted the pain, he should be proud.

“I …I had to, I ….” Loki began quiet, broken

Thor inhaled deeply. A confession it was then, but he didn’t feel better or worse he felt nothing. He started walking but once again Loki called him.

“Thor please, I am sorry, let me explain!”

Thor stopped again looking over his shoulder at Loki, “You should keep your voice down, it is late.”

With those last words he walked away, leaving not only Loki, but his heart behind him as well.

***

Fandral was quiet as he made his way to Thor’s home. He’d received a letter last night that Thor wanted to meet with him and head to spend the day shooting or in the clubs, anything Fandral fancied.

He knew it was his way of making up for his behavior and even trying to cheer him up after everything that happened and he truly appreciated it. But he had heavy anxiety in his heart, pain that still lingered in his every breath, knowing that Thor was aware of his relationship with Balder. He feared judgement at every turn, he feared Thor looking at him differently, he feared a lot.

He’d spent the few days since Thor’s visit in his lab, barely coming out and leaving a huge mess for Tyr to clean up. He had gotten more than a few hostile glares from his poor butler about that, but he would make it up to him when he could afford it.

At this moment, he could barely afford to live with all the money he was paying for his black mailing criminal to keep silent.

He didn’t want more people to know – he didn’t want his mother to know!

God knew having Odin be aware of what he did was bad enough.

He was walking, opting to because he wanted to think his way out of his problem. There had to be a solution, there had to.

The day was gorgeous, the sun was bright, taking most of the chill away and everyone was out enjoying it. The sound of laughter and the singing of birds surrounded him as he walked but he barely heard it.

He was too lost in his pain to notice anything at the moment.

Anything, that is, except for the man walking over from the opposite path.

Fandral felt a jolt in his stomach when he saw Freyr coming over, his nose in a book, no idea of the path he was taking.

It made Fandral stop and look around, trying not to make himself obvious and at the same time, avoid being seen by him.

But Freyr was walking closer and Fandral had little to do except look both ways and jog across the street so they didn’t meet. There were more than a few carriages out that warm winter day and he lost himself in their traffic easily enough.

Only when he was on the other side did he breathe easy and chanced to look back to see if he was spotted.

He saw Freyr still reading, still walking, but didn’t expect the twinge of disappointment in his chest at going unnoticed. It was what he had wanted, after all.

Fandral felt distracted after that and didn’t trust his thoughts, so he hailed a hackney and rode it to Asgard, hurrying his trip along rather than leaving himself time to think.

The mansion, as always, was huge and Fandral felt himself tense when he saw Odin sitting under the sun while Loki sat beside him, clipping his nails.

They were both talking slowly and Fandral bowed his head to Odin as he came over.

“My Lord”

Odin looked at him, at Fandral, the young man who had taken his eldest boy’s heart and studied him a moment. He looked gaunt, pale and thin, like having them know his secret was taking the life out of him, slowly, agonizingly.

It was as though he was a corpse, coming towards him for condemnation or approval, whichever came to him, it was like he was indifferent to his own pain.

And that, more than anything, made Odin kinder to him when he spoke.

“Ah there he is” Odin beamed “The viscount, coming to see my at my most ungraceful time”

It took only that for Fandral’s worry to get washed away, at least for the moment, to make him smile.

“Hardly possible, my lord” Fandral bowed his head “Good afternoon”

“Good afternoon” Odin greeted “have you had your lunch yet? If not, they have set it on the table, you can get it before Thor finishes all of it”

“I shall, will you not join?”

“I have had my fill” Odin waved a hand “go enjoy Thor’s company, lad, leave me to bake in the sun like the potato I aspire to be”

Both Loki and Fandral laughed at that.

“As you wish…Lord Spud”

Odin narrowed his eyes but said nothing, while Fandral made his way into his home. Loki on the other hand tried not to smile, but failed after a second.

The jokes were like a balm on his broken spirit – or what was left of it.

Thor hadn’t spoken to him since he discovered the truth and it was breaking Loki apart. He’d tried more than once but nothing happened, no words, no acknowledgement, nothing.

It was like Loki had ceased to be.

And it truly hurt him.

He watched Fandral enter the house and hoped that perhaps today would be a different day.

It was chilly in the house but Fandral didn’t mind. Heimdall took his cloak and coat then told him where Thor was currently residing.

He could smell the food before he entered the dining room and saw his friend sitting at the table.

“Lord Dash, my lord” Heimdall announced him.

Thor looked up and stood “Ah you are here, I was wondering what took you so long.”

“A walk” Fandral grimaced “Nothing too exciting, I’m afraid”

He looked at the food laid before him and was thankful that Hiemdall had a servant set his place.

These days he was having little to save himself money.

He thanked the man and sat down, picking up his utensils and digging into the lunch before him. He was hungry, but he didn’t realize how hungry he was until he saw Thor studying him with a worried look upon his brow.

It made Fandral feel self conscious and he straightened a little, a blush on his cheeks.

“What?”

Thor shook his head “Nothing. I was lost in thought”

It was a clear lie and they both knew it but Fandral appreciated it and went back to eating – with more decorum since Thor had been staring, until most of their meal was gone.

“Do you have plans today?” Fandral asked “Or are we to relax at Asgard manor?”

“We have another invitation, this time with a warning, from Lady Amora” Thor said “her ball is coming up and I think we cannot miss this one”

Fandral made a face “But they are so…”

“I am aware”

“And she always…”

“I know” Thor chuckled “but she insisted that I come along – she has a surprise for me”

“That does not bode well” Fandral chuckled “I am assuming you need me to take you out shopping for her oh so elite soiree then?”

Thor nodded “It would be helpful, I will not lie”

“Good” Fandral stood “now get me a drink and we can leave”

Thor smiled at him and did as he asked, at this moment, willing to do a lot if it meant that he would be distracted from the pain in his heart.

He was eager to get away from it and once it was decided, Thor made a jog upstairs so he could get his coat.

He was glad no one was in the hallways and went to his room, slightly out of breath because he was hurrying to get out of the house, away from everything.

But it seemed it was not how it was meant to be because no sooner had he picked up his cloak, that the door was pushed open and the last person he wanted to see walked in.

A twinge of pain went through Thor as he fixed the collar of his coat and avoided looking at Loki as he walked in. His eyes were big and hopeful, rimmed red ever so slightly.

It hurt Thor to see him, it hurt to be in his presence and Loki knew it, but he had to talk to him, he had to!

“Do you need something?”

Thor’s tone was cold, hard and merciless, he turned away from him on the pretense of looking into his mirror. He was fine, there were no creases, nothing to fix, but he couldn’t look at Loki, he couldn’t.

Loki closed the door and looked at his back.

“Thor, I …”

“That is Lord or Master to you” Thor cut in cruelly “unless you wish to get in more trouble than you already are, you will not address me by my name again”

That hurt and Loki raised his eyes to Thor in the mirror, feeling broken inside.

“My lord, I came to explain” he began softly “Please, give me a chance”

“Will explaining what you did change the past, Loki?” Thor asked

“No, but…”

“Then I will not listen”

Thor tugged on his lapels and looked himself over “You are very fortunate I am not telling anyone of what you did. Consider it a kindness”

He turned back and found himself face to face with Loki, who looked absolutely gutted. He stood blocking his path, staring at Thor imploringly.

“Please” Loki swallowed thickly “I … I had to…just let me…”

He reached out for him but Thor stepped away and Loki pulled his hands back, hurt, nearly bleeding where he was.

“Do not come to me again” Thor told him ruthlessly “We have nothing to say to one another”

“But…”

“ _Nothing_ ” Thor said vehemently, moving past him “You have done enough to leave _nothing_ between us, Loki. Do not try and rebuild it, you cannot!”

Loki stood where he was, his eyes prickling, as though he hadn’t already cried his heart out, as though he wasn’t the one in pain.

“Lord Thor?” he called, hesitant, worried.

He turned but all he caught sight of was Thor’s coat as it vanished from the edge of the door. It made his shattered heart break even more and he placed a hand over his face and cursed himself for what he had done.

For what he had been caught for.

His throat felt tight and he tried to force down the lump in his throat as he stood there, his expression turning pained, just short of crying again.

And outside, Thor didn’t know, he made his way downstairs, seeing his friend and giving him a nod.

“Fandral” he said “ready?”

“As I will be, sir”

“Excellent” Thor took his cloak, his cane and hat from Heimdall “see you when I return”

“Of course, sir” Heimdall said

He watched the two friends leave the manor and closed the doors after them.

Only then did he turn his gaze to the pair of sad, heart broken, odd colored eyes that watched over the bannister, seeing his future walk out that door without a backwards glance.

Loki looked completely broken as he stood there, half hiding behind the pillar, fighting to keep his expression from breaking.

Heimdall has resolved not to speak to Loki or even get involved, but by the look on Loki’s face, the utter heart break that he saw, he would have to break that resolve.

It only became clearer that he should when, as he approached Loki, he saw the fear and anguish in his expression. He looked at him warily, no hint of the anger he displayed whenever anyone got too close, nothing else was there either.

It was like Loki was lost and Heimdall sighed and nodded to the side so they could go speak somewhere privately.

Loki hesitated, but he followed him without comment, rubbing his arm to keep some sense of feeling in his numb, stupid body.

Heimdall had his own chambers upstairs, larger than theirs, significant to their rank and no one was allowed inside. Those who were upstairs, relaxing between duties, watched with interest as Loki was taken into Heimdall’s room, all of them beaming inwardly at the fact that Loki was in trouble.

From the look on his face, he was probably going to leave this post and to them, that was the best news they could get today.

Heimdall noticed their glee, taking note of it as he followed Loki, then closed the door behind them. They might be petty, but the others knew him well enough to know that listening in when he didn’t want them to, was dangerous.

They were safe here.

He latched the door from the inside and faced Loki, who stood looking like an empty shell, nothing inside him. A soft, pained sigh escaped Loki’s lips when Heimdall neared and he raised his eyes to him, watching Heimdall come to a stop before him.

“What happened?”

It was like something broke inside him and Loki’s eyes watered as he watched, then he ducked his head and exhaled.

“If I could have a drink, please?” Loki asked softly “It would make telling you much easier”

Heimdall raised a brow at that, not even asking how Loki knew he kept his drinks up here, but went to do as he asked, getting a decanter and a glass for Loki so they could both sit and talk.

“Where do I start?”

“The beginning” Heimdall told him “would be a good place”

Loki looked at him, took a sip to gain his courage…

…then started speaking.

***

There was silence.

Complete, smothering silence, nothing other than the muted noises from the outside world came to them and even those were smothering.

Loki had gone silent a while back and Hiemdall could hardly believe what he had heard, keeping his golden gaze fixed to the ground as he sat there, taking it all in.

He hadn’t given Loki a reaction and honestly, Loki didn’t care what happened at this point.

It just felt … so good to get this sick information inside him out to someone, to take the burden off, at least for a little while. It felt good to know that someone other than his tormentors knew of his situation.

Even if, later on, this would become a regret for him.

Loki heard the muffled voices from outside and dared to raise his eyes to Heimdall, who seemed immune to them. He hadn’t moved a muscle since he told him everything.

Everything.

“I swear, I …”

“And you were fourteen when he took you?” Heimdall cut in softly, looking at him.

Loki licked his lips nervously and spoke “Y-Yes”

It pained Heimdall severely, suddenly, as he looked him over.

“And h-how old were you when … when he started…”

“To sleep with me?” Loki asked, his voice shaking, then he scoffed “I don’t know, seventeen, maybe eighteen”

“Damn it to hell” Heimdall turned away, a ran going down his face “You … You were a child!”

That had Loki blink, then stare at him, utterly confused. He had expected rage and anger, at him probably being thrown into the cells, but Heimdall seemed – worried.

“What?” Loki frowned

He’d just told him he was after the damn diamond and Heimdall had that to say?

“Did you hear what I said?” Loki asked carefully “I just…”

“I heard you” Heimdall breathed out, then looked at him “I heard everything you just told me.”

Loki swallowed thickly, not trusting the situation enough to speak.

“He used you” Heimdall said “he still is…this…Thanos”

His name being spoken here, in these rooms, with someone he hadn’t been hurt by was so – foreign to Loki.

“He killed Ronan”

Loki nodded “A little over a week ago”

“And you saw it all”

Again, Loki nodded.

Heimdall exhaled “We have to tell someone”

Loki paled “No, please!”

He set his glass aside and stood as though blocking Heimdall’s path

“Please” he held out his hands “They c-can’t know, I beg you”

“And what good will come of keeping this secret?” Heimdall got to his feet, too “Think about this, Loki. You will never get that diamond. You won’t. You didn’t have a chance to get it before, you cannot get it now when Thor no longer trusts you”

“But…”

“Loki!” Heimdall took a firm but gentle hold of his shoulders “It’s over. There is no chance.”

Loki stared at him, his moving soundlessly as he stared the truth in the face.

He’d _failed_.

He had failed to get that diamond, there was nothing for him to do here.

“You need to pack your belongings”

The words fell over Loki slowly, like the blade of a sadistic sentence.

“No, Heimdall, please…”

“I cannot let you live here any longer” Heimdall told him “What you have told me … I cannot”

“H-He’ll kill me” Loki whispered miserably “Please”

“No” Heimdall told him “He will not. You will tell him I found out and tossed you out, tell him anything, but this family has helped me when I was younger, gave me a life my kind cannot have. I refuse to betray them.”

Loki looked utterly miserable, he looked broken, beyond repair.

“I will get you another post so you have a living but your time is done here” Heimdall said “Forgive me”

He let him go and stepped back, walking to his door.

It was getting dark outside, the sky was a dull grey and Loki felt every inch of the despair that came with it. It weighed heavy on his heart as he saw Heimdall stand there, holding the door open for him.

“Heimdall, please” Loki tried another time.

“There is no use” the man said “the longer you stay here, the larger the chance of you taking something else, Loki.”

His lower lip trembled and Loki dragged his feet to leave.

There was no one outside and Loki felt empty, hollow, gone, as he made his way into his room. It was another degradation that Heimdall checked everything he packed before letting him leave, guiding him out the door.

Loki was hunched over, his face pale and broken, not feeling the heavy hand that Heimdall had placed on his shoulder. He took him outside, then to the gates, where he was sure Loki would be left alone.

But he did not leave him. He got a small carriage for them and took them down the path, out of Asgard and the other houses, down the streets to a place only Heimdall knew.

It was amazing how his world was falling apart and no one outside knew. They all walked about, busy in their own lives, unaware of his torture.

They were happy and free, Loki was not – he never would be.

Heimdall had trapped him now.

He had no choice but to obey him.

Passed from one man to another – that was Loki’s life.

His eyes never stopped drowning in tears, his voice was silenced and he could only watch as he was taken to a house, smaller than Asgard, but no less grand and then told to dismount.

“You have your belongings safely?” Heimdall asked

“Yes”

“Good”

The man led him to the front door and knocked, standing there, waiting for someone to open it.

Loki heard movement from within, then the locks turned before a woman opened the door.

Loki’s first thought of her was that she was absolutely beautiful. Her skin was dark, like Heimdall’s and even in her advanced age, she was the epitome of beauty and grace.

And then Loki saw her eyes – gold as Heimdall’s.

His breath caught in his throat and for a moment, he forgot his pain as he stared at her.

“Heimdall” she greeted, throwing her arms around his shoulders “You came!”

“Of course, you think I would forget you?” Heimdall held her tightly, then kissed her head as she pulled away

He turned to Loki, who looked confused and chuckled.

“Loki, this is Lady Freya” he introduced “My mother”

Lady Freya was stunning and Loki gaped at her a few seconds.

“My – My Lady” he bowed his head.

“He’s got more manners than you” Freya elbowed her son, then reached for Loki, uncaring of their station “Come in, child, my son has no manners, leaving you outside like this”

She took a hold of his arms and pulled him in, letting Heimdall follow.

The house was as rich as her, filled with the warm feel of welcome. There were servants, looking over the banister on the first floor, curious as to who was brought in.

“Let’s get you something warm, darling?” Freya asked Loki, taking his bag “Heimdall, take this from him, please”

Loki had no clue as to what was happening, but he didn’t fight her as the beautiful woman led him towards a warm living room.

“Now” she said “I am sure you are confused about what is happening, but worry not. Heimdall likes the dramatic flair when he helps people”

“H-Helps?” Loki stuttered.

Freya beamed “Yes. My son is complicated, are you not?”

Loki turned to see Hiemdall walking in and looking very casual – Loki had never seen him like this before, never without the smile on his face.

“That I am” he came to sit next to his mother, the two facing Loki “But we will help you regardless”

Loki looked between the two of them, suspicious and confused

“I don’t wish to be rude or offending” he said softly “But how can you help?”

“We’ve made sure that people in your situation find what they need, before” Freya told him “we’ve given them jobs in places that are far off, got them started on a new life, gotten them away from people who try to hurt them”

“Basically Loki,” Heimdall continued “our offer to give you a new life, a new name an identity far from the clutches of those who want to hurt you stands before you. All you have to do is accept”

“And if not – for whatever reasons” Freya gave her son a look “Then I can get you a job here, or elsewhere, whatever you choose”

Loki was at a loss for words as he sat there, half curled away from this possibility, but wanting it at the same time.

“When I walked in here I had no hope” he looked at the two “now you both tell me I could have something I have only been dreaming of but … I can’t…not without my brother and I do not know where he is”

Heimdall frowned “I thought…”

“There were complications” Loki cut him off gently “I cannot find him”

Freya licked her lips and lowered her gaze in thought.

“Alright, then” she nodded “we will look for him. What is his name?”

“Helblindi” Loki told them “Helblindi Laufeyson”

They both gave him hope – and tea with crumpets when it arrived.

Loki ate like a starved man, feeling ashamed afterwards. There was emptiness inside him and apprehension, one that didn’t leave even when Heimdall turned to go.

He stopped at the door and looked at Loki.

“Stay here” he told him, his face grim “I will tell them you left”

Loss hit him again as he looked at this man, the only connection he had to Thor now.

“I …”

“It is for the best that you do, Loki” Heimdall said “I cannot have you back there, knowing your intentions”

“They are not mine” Loki told him softly

“I know” Heimdall replied “be that as it may, it changes nothing. This is a good option for you. Take it and you will have a chance at happiness”

Happiness, Loki almost scoffed. He watched Heimdall depart and leave him here, in this place, away from Thor.

There was no _happiness_ for him, he knew. None without Thor.

***

There was an abundance of alcohol, company and the ever present pain that he couldn’t indulge in on a daily basis.

It had been weeks since he had a proper drink, one where he could lose himself for a few hours, find a way to dull the pure agony that went through him from the moment he woke to when he fell into an exhausted slumber. He longed to lose himself in this ball, in these drinks and he had done so perfectly.

He had thought he would have Thor by his side, but Lady Amora took him away to show whatever surprise she had in store and Fandral was left on his own, searching for him at first, then giving himself up to the drinks.

He was sure more than one person knew he was drunk, but he hid it well today. He talked of nothing but alchemy, enticing females into his presence, listening to them aw and gasp as he told them tales of what he did in the lab, it was fantastic.

He felt their touches on his arms and knew that tonight, he would find a companion in one of these women so he that he could forget about his pain and the loss he suffered with every damn letter that came to him, demanding more of his money.

Here, no one knew about his secret, no one cared.

They were likely all escaping something, they needed release from it, just for tonight, just like him.

So when he felt a hand tug on his arm, he was more than happy to oblige, taking him from the crowds, pressing against him intimately.

Fandral had another drink in his hands and he threw it back as he was taken from the ballroom and towards a flight of stairs.

His vision was blurry, he could hardly think but even then he frowned as the hazy visage of his companion came to focus for a moment.

Fandral pulled back as he was taken upstairs, past the staff and the guests Amora had.

“Let go” he slurred “Orvar….”

Sigurd only tightened his grip as he dragged him unwillingly towards the first floor.

“Shut up, whore” he scoffed “you had this coming”

Fandral pulled back but two more hands grabbed his arms and forced him upstairs, despite how he resisted.

“Hurry it up!” he heard Orvar tell someone “Odinson might follow us”

Fandral felt the world spin and felt himself be thrown over the shoulder of someone big, then the fuzzy image of Orvar’s figure retreating into the background could be seen.

It turned black for a second and when he woke again, he groaned as he felt the soft feeling of a bed beneath him and someone tugging on his clothes.

“No…” he pushed at their hands “Get off”

“Be silent!” a voice scoffed “I paid for this!”

Fandral pushed at him, at the man over him, he didn’t want this.

“Stop this!”

The man huffed, irritated, then took his hands in his own to press away when the door opened under a kick.

“Get off him!”

The voice was familiar, Fandral had heard it somewhere and he felt that it was safe, he felt that it was a voice he liked.

He didn’t remember who it was, but whoever it was, made the large man leave him and he felt his clothes be put to right again.

“That son of a bitch”

Fandral turned his head lazily and saw Freyr’s face materialize before him, clear as day. It was twisted in worry as the man helped Fandral sit up and cupped his face.

“Are you alright?” he asked, brushing Fandral’s hair back “Lord Dash?”

Fandral blinked and shook his head, two thin lines of tears slipped down his cheeks.

“I’m not” he said softly.

Freyr clicked his tongue in dismay and put an arm around his shoulders.

“Can you stand?” he asked

Fandral nodded “I think so”

It took time but he managed to get on his own feet and walk with Freyr, going down the hall.

“I wish to go home” Fandral frowned, stumbling “But Thor has the carriage”

“I will escort you in mine”  Freyr said “Let’s leave this place”

Taking the stairs down seemed like too much of an effort and Freyr had to half carry Fandral down to where they could leave the party, out the back, unseen.

It took a moment longer for him to get into Freyr’s carriage and he slumped against the seats, groaning as he tried to get his world to stop spinning.

He could see Freyr sit far away from him and for some reason, the concern in his eyes made him smile.

“You look upset” Fandral slurred “Why?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Freyr frowned “After what I saw him try to do to you”

Fandral laughed “Why? Do you not want the same?”

Freyr sneered “Not that way. I want you willing and coherent. What he tried is inexcusable. I would never do that and do not presume to think I would. Even _you_ cannot think so low of me”

It came as a surprise and Fandral raised a brow “But you want me”

“So?” Freyr said

“That is why you are escorting me home”

“No”

“No?” Fandral giggled “is that all? I expected a little more”

Freyr exhaled, trying not to snap at him “What do you want me to say? That I am exactly like him? That just because I want you, it gives me the right to you? No, I am not like him, I will never be. Do not make judgements about me, Fandral.”

“I am not judging you” Fandral sat back “Merely understanding”

“Enough to presume what you want about me” Freyr told him “I told you I will not bother you again, I will not”

“Then what is this?” Fandral turned to the side, albeit ungracefully, so he could fully face him “Gallantry?”

“Common decency” Freyr told him “Now sit quietly, you are bothering me”

Fandral scowled and pouted, but went silent.

He didn’t say a word for the entire ride and ended up dozing off as they made their way home. He was tired, he was in pain and he wanted comfort from someone.

When he felt a gentle hand at his shoulder, he groaned and woke blearily, seeing Freyr’s face come into focus before his own.

“Get up” Freyr told him, pulling at his arm “You’re home”

Fandral tipped his head back to look at the window and found himself looking at his opened door and a very tired Tyr standing to help.

“Come on, my friend” Freyr looked to Tyr “help me”

The butler came over, his face anxious. He took a hold of Fandral’s arm as Freyr took the other and the two guided him inside as silently as they could. The door closed with a kick from Freyr and they headed upstairs with their drunk, mumbling burden.

Tyr bowed out after they entered the room and closed the door while Freyr gently laid Fandral on the bed.

“Alright” he fluffed up a pillow for him “Sleep, understand?”

He pulled back and made to leave him when Fandral took a hold of his wrist.

“No, wait” Fandral looked at him, his eyes glassy, pleading “Don’t go”

Freyr’s lips were tight “You are not coherent, you don’t want me to stay”

His grip tightened and he pulled himself up.

“Just sleep next to me” Fandral asked “Please, it’s too painful to sleep alone”

He looked at him again and parted his lips to deny him, but Fandral looked miserable, his hair was undone, his face was vulnerable, hurt and scared.

“Please” he whispered, his grip loosening in hopelessness.

Freyr sighed “Fine. Let me tell my carriage to leave”

It placated Fandral, who immediately relaxed and Freyr left the room to go downstairs where he could do as he asked.

They didn’t ask questions, and left obediently. Freyr heard the butler move around and didn’t want to be noticed as he made his way back so he stayed as quiet as he could. He could hear Fandral moving inside the room and when he entered, he saw he’d taken off the tight clothing and sat in loose pants and a shirt.

“I am not taking my clothes off” Freyr told him.

Fandral nodded, his gaze on the bed “I don’t want you to”

Freyr did take off his coat and vest and shoes and though it was not the most comfortable, it made him feel easier than before as he came to sit beside Fandral.

It was awkward, but eventually, Fandral felt relaxed enough to lay down and Freyr blew out the candle so he could lay next to him.

They faced each other and he saw Fandral’s eyes shine with tears.

His pain was so raw, so open that despite everything, Freyr cupped his cheek.

“What is happening to you?” Freyr asked.

Fandral looked at him and blinked, letting his tears spill from his eyes. Then, without permission, he moved closer and pressed them together, something Freyr didn’t have the heart to stop him from going. He simply put his arm around him as Fandral hid his face against his neck, then rubbed his back till he felt his body relax.

And once he did, once Fandral’s comfort took him into slumber, Freyr did the same and closed his eyes, falling asleep beside him.

***

The morning light fell between them and he groaned as he woke on an unfamiliar, far too small bed. It was soft and he felt his feet hanging off the edge, the foot of the bed digging painfully into his shins.

He could feel the sunlight outside and sat up, feeling the bed creak.

There was the sound of muted bustling outside and he lifted himself off the bed, on his elbows, looking to his side where the bed was empty.

Thor groaned in despair.

He buried his face into the soft, frilly pillows and just groaned.

What the hell had he done!?

He curled up and pulled the covers over himself, hiding from the light and praying that the damn headache inside his skull would vanish by some miracle.

He heard something close with a soft snap, then the unmistakable sound of footsteps coming towards him. He knew they were female but who it was, he didn’t recall exactly.

A soft hand rested on his head.

“My lord?”

Thor froze.

The he sat up too quickly, looking comical with the fluffy covers over him and horror in his eyes.

Jane smiled at him, snickering softly “Forgive me, I didn’t mean to startle you”

Behind him, her ladies maids laughed, too and Thor felt sick.

“Oh God”

He thought he was going to get sick and moved out of the bed, making the ladies maids squeal and turn to run while Jane stepped back.

“My lord?” she tried, reaching out “My lord, be careful”

Thor was bare and he looked around, spotting his clothes folded neatly on a chair.

“Forgive me, madam” he gasped, wrapping the covers around him so he could look decent, “I must depart”

“Just calm down, sir” Jane tried, her expression patient “You will brain yourself if you keep going like this”

But Thor wanted to hurry and he wanted to leave. He had to get out of this place.

He shoved his pants on and dropped the covers, which Jane found irritating.

“Thor, if you could just…”

“I apologize” Thor said, shoving his shirt on and buttoning only enough to get him out “I did not mean to do this”

“I am aware, but, Thor…”

Jane followed him as he grabbed his boots and ran outside, rushing down the stairs barefoot.

“Thor, wait!”

He could hear her coming behind him and he ran then, ran like the ghosts themselves were after him, right out into the blinding sun.

“Oye, stop!” Thor whistled to a hackney driving past.

There were people about and all of them turned to stare, gasping when they saw the heir of Asgard running towards and leaping into the nearest hackney, barefoot and half clothed.

He could hear them gossip, feel it against him and he cursed himself over and over again.

“Oh my God” he put a hand over his face “What have I done?”

How he hell did he end up in bed with Jane, out of everyone in that party!? The last thing he remembered was Amora taking him aside …

“Good morning”

Thor jumped and spun to see an old woman sitting inside, studying him.

“Oh!” he gasped “Forgive me, I …”

“It’s alright” she chuckled “calm yourself and get dressed, please.”

Thor was red in the face and buttoned his shirt, trying not to pass from mortification at this moment. But it seemed to him that the fates gave him a small mercy when the woman produced a flask from her bag and handed it to him.

“Trust me” she snickered “I have had my share of bad nights. Drink up”

“Thank you” Thor heaved a sigh of relief “for not throwing me out of your ride”

“Tis a public service” she shrugged “And you have given me entertainment, which I was lacking this morning”

Thor winced “Apologies”

He took a sip of the blessed drink, then handed it back.

“Thank you”

“Nevermind that, child” she took it back “put on your shoes, who knows what filth this thing has seen”

“Yes, right” Thor felt his face heat up again “Pardon me”

He did as she asked and a few minutes later, he was dressed completely, sitting beside this kind old woman.

“I swear I am not this – despicable in the morning”

“Of course you’re not” she teased “Today was just special”

“Special…” Thor droned “I might have another word for it”

She laughed and shook her head “Ah to be young”

“And very stupid” Thor finished, massaging his temples “Lord, my father is going to _kill_ me!”

It made his companion laugh “Is it really that bad?”

“It is worse than you think, my lady” Thor droned, then closed his eyes and whined “and I slept with it…”

“How rude!” the woman gasped, smacking his leg with her fan, but there was a smile on her lips “do not speak of a lady this way!”

“You do not know her, madam” Thor looked at her “trust me, it was a mistake and I swear I will pay for it later”

The lady smiled “Possibly. Now tell me where you are going, we can drop you off”

“Of course, Lady…” Thor prompted

“Bestla” she supplied “I myself have been heading back from a severely boring party”

“At this hour?”Thor raised a brow

She narrowed her eyes at him “Watch yourself”

Thor grinned and asked her again where she was headed.

Thor did tell her but he insisted on dropping the woman at her destination first, then made his way home. The entire time he was alone, he was thinking, cursing himself for what he had done.

He’d slept with her – with Jane Foster, the one woman he vowed to himself never to touch.

And more than that – he had cheated on Loki, slept with another. The thought made his chest hurt and he lowered his face into his hands.

What was happening!?

First Loki betrayed him, now Thor did it to himself! He felt sick and wrong and all he wanted was Loki’s arms but.. how could he? After what Loki had done, how his actions hurt him, how could Thor go to him?

His mind kept telling him that it was a lie, that everything he said and did was to get those gems and oh, that hurt him so, so much.

It made him feel used, it made him hate himself, question every step he took, every step Loki took, he questioned it all, doubted his words…

He felt betrayed.

He felt nauseated by the thought of Loki touching him, of Loki kissing him and al the while thinking of something else, of how he could pluck another piece of his mother’s prized jewelry, of how he could take another piece of Thor’s trust and shatter it beneath his food.

And fool that Thor was, it wasn’t the only thing he gave Loki.

He gave him his love.

He was in love with him – and he learned that the second that bag fell from the mattress and Thor’s heart went with. He had felt the sinking feeling in his chest that made him numb inside, he felt lost and alone. Despair had broken upon him next, leaving him stunned so that all he heard was his own heart racing within his chest.

After everything that happened…Thor had gotten himself drunk at that party and ended up going home with Jane. He was convinced he had drunk himself to blindness because nothing else explained why he would go home with her!

He’d also lost Fandral somewhere, he didn’t know where! He would have asked around, surely…

Yet all that came to him was a blank wall, nothing that he could go past. It was like someone had shrouded his memories deliberately, to keep him from knowing the truth.

And his head spun!

He wanted to go home and he wanted Loki – even now his heart deceived him. It made him want his arms around him, his body next to him, and his lips on his own.

It was saying something, too, that he hadn’t told a soul that he’d found the jewels. He hadn’t even told his own father.

To him, he was worse, his actions, of protecting the one who’s stolen from them left him a bigger traitor than Loki was.

He was the same.

Perhaps that was why …

Perhaps that was why he felt the need to want him back. He didn’t feel repelled by Loki, no, he wanted him back.

It was only his common sense and the sane voice in his head that told him not to. That and the ever present anger in his heart.

All resentment inside him seemed to repel him from Loki, to ensure he didn’t go to him again. But this one voice inside, one traitorous voice inside him told him to go to him, to get him to explain, to ask why until Loki tells him the truth and not some lie he’d build up to tell Thor.

He wanted the truth, he deserved it.

Asgard arrived far sooner than he would have thought and once he paid, he stepped out and took a walk of shame to the house where all the servants pretended they didn’t see him. He made his way upstairs and spotted one of the maids around.

“Could you please have Loki start a bath for me, dear?” he said, massaging his nape “I’m exhausted”

The maid looked at him, then blinked a few times.

“Uh, forgive me, but my lord” she said, hands tied politely before her “Loki left”

Thor froze.

His body went cold, then it ran hot and he turned to her, his eyes wide.

“What?”

“He was dismissed this morning” she told him “Heimdall took him away, I do not know where”

Urgency gripped Thor, his mind felt like it was on fire, his heart thumped wildly in his chest, his blood rushed in his ears and for a second, his world felt like it was enveloped in red.

He turned away from her and made his way back, going downstairs.

“Heimdall!”

The maid raised a brow but said nothing, knowing exactly why her master was so upset by the news.

“Heimdall!” Thor called, looking through the house “Heimdall, where are you?”

More than a few staff members watched their master as he all but tore through the house, looking for Heimdall. He looked – manic and seemed to relax a moment when Heimdall made his appearance from where he was over seeing some cleaning in the dining room.

“Yes, my lord?”

“You…” Thor breathed out, trying to calm himself down “You dismissed Loki?”

Heimdall looked at his eyes and nodded “No, he wished to leave. I told him he could, gave him his wages, that was it.”

He had lied – but bringing Loki back here would mean that he would go after the diamond again and Heimdall would not risk that.

“I do not know where he is” he continued

“But you took him away” Thor looked at him “Where did you leave him?”

“A house not far from here, sir” Heimdall pulled his hands behind his back “Do you want me to take you there?”

Did he?

Did he truly want to go where Loki didn’t want him? Intrude on his life, possibly?

After that had happened, this was the best course of action, to leave Loki be but…

He couldn’t…

Thor looked at Hiemdall again, knowing his face was giving away what his heart felt.

“No” he tried to smile “I was just – taken aback”

“Yes, my lord” Heimdall bowed his head and stepped back

He saw Thor stand there, staring listlessly ahead before he gathered himself and turned back to go to his room. But the darkness and sadness radiated from him and though Heimdall knew this was for the best, it was still painful to see.

He heard Thor go upstairs and close his doors, leaving the staff and his home outside, where the world went on despite his pain.

***

Fandral raised his eyes to the man in his room calmly getting dressed.

He looked ready to leave and Fandral didn’t want him to – at least not without an apology. He carried said apology in his hands, a tray of breakfast, which smelled divine. He knew Freyr had seen him but he was busy fixing his cravat in Fandral’s mirror, not looking back as of yet.

He placed the tray on a small table in his room and then stood, nervously fidgeting with his hands.

“I – I wanted to apologize” Fandral told his back “for my behavior last night and my suspicion of you”

Freyr didn’t turn around.

“I misjudged you and I insulted you” Fandral went on “and last night you showed me how good a man you are despite the fact that I … that I treated you with less respect than you deserve. I’m sorry”

He had his gaze lowered, but he saw Freyr’s shadow move as he turned to look at him.

“I am never going to hurt you, Fandral”

Fandral nodded “I know that – I was suspicious and cruel”

“No”

Freyr walked over and Fandral stiffened, more so when he felt him cup his jaw and made him look up at him.

“You’ve been hurt deeply” Freyr said “I do not know who did it and unless you decide to tell me, I will not know. I will not pressure you into telling me, either, but know that I will not do that. I have wanted to be with you but only if you want that, too. Nothing less”

Fandreal swallowed thickly “Why me?”

Freyr smiled “You caught my eye the minute I first saw you at a ball. The way you walked in through those doors, I could have kissed the earth beneath your feet. You were stunning, a beacon that I couldn’t look away from. But when I saw your eyes…there was so much sadness in them…I see it now, too. Pain, anxiety, fear and heartbreak. They have no place here. I wanted to be the one to help you remove them and replace them with something better, something happier, something you deserve”

He stroked his jaw, then pulled back.

“But only if you want” he said “and till you do, wholeheartedly, I fear I cannot let myself hope for you”

He turned to the side, not even looking at the breakfast as he bent to pick up his coat.

“Fare well, Lord Fandral”

He stepped back as Fandral reached for him, making the other man pull his hands back and blush, ever so slightly.

He left then, not a glance spared to him.

Fandral stayed where he was, silently weighing the words spoken to him. In the background, he heard Freyr make his way out, heard him leave.

His mind was reeling, coiling with thoughts and everything that Freyr told him.

It had been years – years of him yearning to get Balder back…but moving on had always seemed so impossible. Now he was offered a chance, something resembling a brighter future and he could get it.

He could.

Heavy footsteps sounded and Fandral turned, his eyes widened as Freyr barged back in, closed the door behind him.

“Freyr, what…?”

He broke off as Freyr cradled his face in his hands and kissed him. Fandral’s own hands went to his wrists and he held on, letting him kiss him, letting his eyes fall closed.

And then Freyr pulled back, looking him in the eyes.

“Do you want this?”

Fandral’s heart was pounding heavily as he looked at him, his eyes glassy, his breathing stuttered.

“Yes”

Freyr kissed him again and Fandral let out a soft moan at that, especially when he felt Freyr mouth down his neck. He felt those tender lips on his skin and tipped his head back, walking backwards as they went to topple over the bed.

Fandral huffed as he felt the air knocked out of him but he welcomed it and wrapped his arms tightly around Freyr as the man climbed over him, continuing his tender kisses and affection.

And while they held each other in that embrace, on Asgard, Thor sat stirring his tea, looking at it like it was … nothing. Nothing appealed to him, even his appearance looked put out, disinterested, empty.

He could hear the staff whispering to each other but he ignored it. Let them whisper, it wasn’t like it would do anything.

Loki was gone and he had made him leave.

He looked up when someone knocked on the door and saw his father standing there, a smile on his lips.

“Good morning”

Thor gave him a smile that didn’t make it to his eyes “Good morning, Father”

“Is there room enough for an old man in your gloom and sadness?”

Thor felt his lips quirk “Always”

He stood and aided his father in, helping him to a chair.

“Let me get you some tea” Thor told him, going to do that “Two sugars despite your age?”

Odin narrowed his eyes “Watch yourself”

Thor bit his lip to smother his laughter, then came back with the tea, sitting beside his father and pushing the tray of scones in the middle.

“Scones?” Odin asked “No real desire to eat breakfast?”

Thor made a face “I am not hungry this morning”

“Oh?” Odin reached over for a scone “Why not?”

Thor shrugged his shoulders “Bad night, I fear”

Odin clicked his tongue “Oh, come now. I think it’s more than that”

Thor watched his father have his scone and tea, then shrugged again, not inclined to speak.

“Does this melancholy have something to do with the absence of a certain someone?” Odin asked casually, not looking at him.

Thor stiffened a little “I do not know what you mean”

“Truly?” Odin popped a piece of scone into his mouth and looked at him, a gentle look in his eyes “you really think I wouldn’t know? I’ve known for a long time, my boy”

“I …”

Thor made to lie but the look Odin gave him made his stomach coil in dread as he stared at him. He knew.

His father _knew_.

“Father, I …”

“You love him?”

Thor was at a loss for words and Odin chuckled.

“Son, you don’t get to my age without a little wisdom” he said “I saw the way you looked at him – and I saw the way he looked at you.”

There was silence between them again and Odin smiled.

“Do not look so afraid” he teased “I have known for a while. True, at first I was slightly taken aback but – but he brought out the side in you I feared I’d lost with Balder and your mother. You were happy, so completely happy, Thor…”

He looked at him, reached over and touched his arm.

“I do not know what happened between the two of you” he said “but whatever it was, it can be solved. You just have to remember that some things are worth fighting for more than an argument or differences that seem too big between you two”

Thor looked at the table, a furrow on his brow “What if this can’t be solved?”

“And you decided that yourself?” Odin asked “it takes two to move a relationship and two to stop it. As strong as you are, I do not think you can work on this on your own and expect a good result”

Thor smiled “It’s …complicated”

“It always seems that way” Odin told him “but in the end, you know it will be worth it if you two talked. Nothing is ever unsolvable.”

He ran his hand over Thor’s head and gave him a shake.

“Think about it”

Thor looked at Odin a moment

“You are not…scandalized?”

Odin scoffed “I’m too old to be. Besides, what would happen if I oppose it, hm? I only hurt you. Loki is a good lad, I trust him. You could do worse”

He did do worse, Thor realized, he just hoped it wouldn’t bite him in the arse.

“Think about it” Odin insisted “then find him – I know you can”

Thor could, he did – but did he want to?

He didn’t truly know, despite his pain.

So instead of answering, he went back to stirring his tasteless tea and let his mind take him over again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to thank Nijura108 for kick starting my ass on this


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You mistake my act of desperation as something cruel”
> 
> “You left” Loki whispered “you left me, you have no idea what hell I have been through because of it. I’ve lost everything while you pandered away in luxury that you gained by giving up the burdens that we were to you”

It turned out that Heimdall had two small children.

And the fact stunned Loki when he found out. They were absolutely beautiful, both of them had his eyes and the elder, a six year old girl, immediately regarded Loki with suspicion.

She definitely took after her father.

The boy, three, was more trusting and once Loki decided to stay in the household – at least till Helblindi was brought here – the boy decided to keep him company.

Freya had insisted that Loki stay on as a guest and though he was forced into a nice room, he wasn’t about to lounge about and do nothing. He would lose his mind, he was sure.

So the very first day after he arrived, he made himself useful in the house, helping Lady Freya manage everything and taking the place of the butler she clearly needed.

She tried to dissuade him but he wasn’t one to be.

He liked the fact that he could work, that he could do something besides hurting those he cared about. He dressed in his best and commanded the kitchens and living room easily, something the staff was grateful for.

Their last butler had been a failure.

This morning, he was looking  over the dinner settings when he felt something small and soft hit the backs of his legs.

He turned and saw the little boy, Forseti, look up at him. He was smiling as he hung on Loki’s legs, swinging himself slowly from left to right.

“Good evening, young master” Loki greeted “How may I serve you?”

Forseti smiled at him “Loki”

“Aye, that is my name” Loki couldn’t help but touch his soft hair in affection “do you want to have your horse to be readied so you can go out for the night?”

Foresti laughed and shook his head.

“How about a glass of port, then?”

“Yes!”

Loki snickered and ruffled his hair “Can I have my legs back then?”

“No”

“How about one of them?” Loki reasoned “You can sit on my boot if you wish”

At that, Forseti deliberated, then let go of one leg go so he could sit on Loki’s left foot and hang on tightly.

“Thank you, my lord” Loki walked onwards, albeit shakily, continuing his check up.

He reached over to straighten a few glasses, pushed them in their correct place when Lady Freya walked into the dining room.

Loki went on attention immediately and smiled “My lady”

She raised a brow to him, then at the toddler on his foot “I was marveled with your work before but seeing you work with that on your foot is … something else”

Loki grinned “I will do my best to work well, madam”

“I am sure you will” she came over “Forseti, come on, leave Loki alone”

Forseti held on tighter “No”

“Darling” Freya reasoned “Please?”

Forseti shook his head and planted himself more firmly where he was, making Loki hide his smile.

“Perhaps he can help me overlook today’s preparations, my lady”

Freya looked at him and narrowed her eyes “You are just as bad as I him, you know”

Loki shrugged but she saw the smile in his eyes.

“You two…” she shook her head, turned so she could leave “Make sure the silver is polished, Forseti”

Foresti smiled and waved at his grandmother and then pat Loki’s leg. He pointed to the side where he wanted to go and of course, Loki obliged.

“Let us have a round about the house” Loki said “Tell me if the carpets and floors are clean enough, Master Forseti”

Forseti nodded “Yes”

As Loki carried him around, showing him how the house was perfectly done, he walked past the staircase where another pair of odd eyes were watching.

Fulla was every bit her father. Loki could swear that sometimes he looked at her and he could see what Heimdall must have been thinking had he been in her place. She was shrewd and picked up more than everyone around her thought.

What Loki liked best about her was that she never let on how intelligent she was and played others like a well tuned, though very blind, instrument. She could get anyone to do what she wanted and more than once, Loki had been the one she targeted.

He, however, cared deeply for them both he felt a kindred spirit between the three of them, all three had lost their mother at a young age and were raised by loving fathers. And though Loki lost his own, it warmed his heart to see these sweet children whenever Heimdall visited.

At first, Loki sat with them but soon enough he realized that he intruded on their peace and found an activity for himself to do during those visits. And though none of them outwardly thanked him, he saw Fulla’s attitude improve towards him and become warmer over the days.

Eventually she began to spend time with him, too.

She didn’t talk much but Loki was told that happened ever since her mother passed two years ago. Forseti didn’t remember her but she did, Loki saw it in her eyes, that she felt pain even now, the absence of a mother.

Her grandmother more than cared for them but Loki knew from experience that the pain would never leave, that there would always be emptiness inside her.

It made him develop a soft spot for the little girl and he smiled at her now as she watched him from the bannister.

“Lady Fulla” Loki bowed his head “good morning”

The edges of his lips twitched and even though she didn’t fully smile, he saw her eyes do it. She had a stunning way of radiating emotions from her eyes.

It was rather wonderful to watch.

“Good morning” she whispered, just low enough for him “where are you going”

“A march around the abode” Loki said, hands politely tied behind his back “Lady Freya wanted us to have a look around and asked Lord Forseti to over see my work. Perhaps you could help”

“I don’t want to sit on your foot”

“You shall do nothing you do not wish to” Loki told her “only judge me and my work as harshly as you can”

Forseti snickered and stayed put, waiting for his sister to move. She did, after a second’s hesitation, she climbed down the stairs and walked ahead of Loki, very aware of their stations.

“To the study then” she said “Father was talking about the dust in it a few days ago”

Her voice was quiet but Loki heard every word.

“Of course, madam”

The trio made their way to the study and Fulla gestured to everything that was wrong. Her attention to detail was sharp and Loki found himself admiring the way she could tell him everything without a single word spoken.

“Who is coming to dinner?” Fulla asked as Loki fixed a candle stick upon her order.

“I do not know, madam”

Fulla hummed “I shall ask Grandmother”

“Of course” Loki bowed to her as she left, then looked at the boy on his shoe “That foot is warm now, sir, you can move to the other”

Forseti giggled, but shifted feet, hanging on to Loki’s leg tightly again as he fixed everything Fulla had told him to.

He walked out ten minutes later, his little burden cooing now. Loki was sure the boy was about to get bored so he headed towards the living room where Ladies Freya and Fulla were already sitting.

“The settings are complete, Madam” Loki told Freya, “is there anything else I could do?”

“Yes” Freya had Fulla on the cushions before her and was fixing her braid “My friend is staying over for the night. She lives in the country and the journey can be strenuous. If you could prepare the Rose bedroom for her, I would appreciate it”

“It has the swing” Fulla told Loki

Loki frowned, head cocked to the side politely, but Forseti chose the moment to run off to join his sister and Loki nodded to the sweet lady who had taken him in.

He made his way upstairs to start on the room while the staff took care of the dinner settings.

The Rose room lived up to its name. it was sweet, pink and like Fulla said, there was a stunning chair suspended from the ceiling, something Loki hadn’t seen before. It was shaped like an orb and Loki was curious, going to it and touching it, seeing it swing lightly from it.

Remarkable.

He wondered if it could take his weight and held it still, pulling a little. No noise emanated from it, nothing to indicate that it could fall, so he hopped in and to his relief, it didn’t fall.

“Well…” Loki smiled and leaned back enough that only his legs were visible.

It swung slowly and Loki relaxed, envisioning himself spending his day reading in this beautiful chair, relaxed and content.

His smile faded, though, as he imagined two warm arms around him, strong, beautiful, and a presence that always fixed his broken heart.

He would do anything to see those blue eyes look upon him with fondness again, to hear his name spoken from those plump, sweet lips…

Loki hopped out of the chair, leaving it swinging behind him.

He got to work and firmly kept all thoughts of him out of his mind.

It brought nothing but guilt and pain for him.

***

The dinner was a loud, noisy affair and if Loki was honest, he wanted to miss it. The children were upstairs, with their games and left the adults alone.

There were eight people here today and one chair left unoccupied for the lady who had to stay in the Rose room tonight. She was late in coming over, Freya had explained so. Loki stood in the corner, behind Lady Freya while two footmen stood on the opposite side, next to the maids, waiting for instructions.

They didn’t say much but Loki studied the people sitting at the table.

Thought Lady Freya was kind, the others didn’t acknowledge Loki or anyone else, really. They didn’t speak, didn’t make eye contact, hell they didn’t even ask for something.

They raised their glass wordlessly, barely a glance at Loki, then waited for him to come over and fill their glasses.

Freya thanked him every time and Loki was glad for that. It made everyone else uncomfortable and he beamed inwardly when one of them mumbled out a thank you when a maid brought her a fresh napkin.

Their doorbell rang.

“Ah, that must be her” Freya looked to Loki “Would you…?”

“Of course, my lady” Loki bowed

He walked out, his face professional, but he couldn’t help but feel it soften when he saw the children sitting on the stairs and peeking into the dining room.

He winked at them, making them smile, even Fulla, then run off towards their rooms. He saw the vague shape of someone outside from the stained glass window at the door and went to open it.

It took him a second to recognize that face, just a second, and Loki felt his world fall apart.

Green eyes, that matched one of his, skin as pale as his own, hair as black as coal…

His mother stood before him, wearing all the elegance and refinement that made her classes better than he.

His heart stopped, his face drained of color as he stared at her, lost for words.

Loki’s throat felt like someone had their hand around it, shock numbed his system as he stared at her.

At his mother….

The woman he never thought he would see, the one who abandoned him so early because he wasn’t enough.

His mother.

And she didn’t even look up at him, she fixed her dress and walked in, a smile on her face as she went in.

“They are in the dining room?” she asked, dismissing him.

Loki swallowed thickly, his voice a rough whisper “Yes”

“Good”

And she left, her hair was done up, her gait was rich and she didn’t even look at him. But what hurt him even more, hurt him irreparably, was the young boy that followed her in.

He smiled up at Loki and placed his hat and coat in Loki’s numb hands.

“Thank you” he chirped, then skipped after his mother.

His and Loki’s.

That was his brother…

Loki’s knees felt weak, he felt unstable, he was shaking!

Every wisp of air was knocked out of his chest and he placed a hand upon his heart as he fell against a small table in the entryway.

His mother…

His mother was here!

And as if it wasn’t enough that he suffered, he heard Freya greet her loudly.

“Farbauti!” she exclaimed “I was thinking you would never come over! And look at young Byleistr! I could hardly recognize….”

The rest of her words were drowned by Loki’s, thumping heart, the blood rushing through his ears. It took from him his hearing and his sense, it took away all of it!

She was here!

All this time, when he suffered, when he lost everything, he was living the life of a Lady, rich, happy, free of the burden her family had been, she had gone off to a better life!

Questions that Loki hadn’t asked in years came back to him, hitting him full force, bringing tears to his eyes. He felt them slide down his face, felt the draft from the open doors cool them on his cheeks as the questions assaulted him.

Was he not enough?

What did he do wrong?

How could he have made her stay?

He’d stayed awake for long, endless nights, asking himself these questions as a child and now they came back, dragged him back to the nights he cried for his mother and begged her to come back.

When he was tired from carrying Helblindi around, when his ankles were swollen because he paced as he tried to get Helblindi to sleep, as his voice broke in desperation into the pillows, he’d begged the Lord to give her back and all this time…

All this time she was happy, tended to by maids, living in luxury while he was sold off like a whore, passed around like a possession, dragged into the hell he would never be able to climb out of!

What had he done wrong!?

There was anger still lingering behind the shock and Loki forced himself to straighten up, wipe his face and then hang up Byleistr’s – his brother’s – coat and hat.

His face was still pale, but nothing indicated that he’d lost his control.

Loki took a deep breath, then turned to close the door and walked back into the dining room.

Freya gave him a smile as he went and took his place behind her. He tried to remain professional but he kept looking over to Farbauti, who was happily chatting with everyone else.

She looked older, of course she did, her hair was peppered with white but she was still so beautiful. She had never smiled when she was with them, never had that look about her and now that she had money, she could hardly contain herself.

How great, Loki mused, that she got rid of her unwanted brood with her unwanted man. She refused it all for money, for a better life and left him to be tortured the way he was.

His rage was ever present against her but he forced it down, telling himself it was not worth it, that she was not worth it.

But even as he told himself that, his eyes went to her and he longed for her to look at him, to recognize him, to talk to him.

He wanted her to know his name, so she knew who he was.

He wanted her to protect him.

But he couldn’t have her back. She was gone, she would never return.

His chest felt compressed, heavy with grief and Loki breathed out slowly, regaining his lost composure, practicing the well done technique where he distanced himself from reality.

He had done it with Thanos – he could do it here.

It was only his heart after all.

It was already shattered to pieces, a few more stomps on it would not hurt him anymore.

The busy dinner affair was done with after an endless hour and the guests retired to the living room for coffee and port. Byleistr was getting restless, however, and Farbauti was irritated.

In all honesty, what did she expect, bringing a young child over this way, expecting him to behave well?

He was a restless child, after all.

Freya, however, felt for her friend and looked up at Loki as he walked in with a tray of coffee for everyone.

“Loki, dear” she said “Byleistr is feeling a bit restless, could you take him for a turn about the garden?”

“Of course, madam” Loki said

He looked Farbauti in the eyes and for the first time since she left, she raised her eyes to him.

And she knew.

She knew who he was, he could see it in her eyes. Her face fell as he approached, he could see something akin to fear in her expression and he smirked, just enough to let her know that he knew who she was to him.

Or who she used to be.

“Come, Byleistr” Loki held out a hand “I will show you a trick or two outside that my father taught me”

Farbauti went paler but Byleistr was eager and with everyone watching, she could do nothing.

“Do relax, darling” Freya cooed at her friend “He’s very good with children”

Farbauti said something but Loki didn’t pay heed, taking his half brother with him outside where a swing set was placed in the grass for the children.

Of course, the boy ran to it, no regard for his expensive clothes.

“Come on, Loki!” he called, “Push me!”

“Oh?” Loki chuckled “will you return the favor?”

Byleistr thought about it a moment “Yes”

“Alright, young master”

He walked over to clean the wing, but Byleistr stopped him.

“You will get your gloves wet” he pointed out, slapping at the dew collected there “Just push me, it’s alright”

There was such kindness in that gesture that Loki was stunned for a moment. He watched the boy set his bottom on the swing, then look at him expectantly.

“Thank you, my lord”

Byleistr giggled “Call me Byleistr”

“Of course, sir” Loki said, gently giving him a push “How old are you?”

“Eight” Byleistr replied

“Oh, you’re practically a young man” Loki pushed him again “Have you settled on a wife yet?”

That had Byleistr fall into a fit of giggles “No! I am eight!”

“Well, they say you should marry young, you know” Loki smiled “How about getting a carriage for yourself? That would impress the ladies of Society”

Byleistr laughed again “No, I don’t like carriages”

“Then horses?”

“Yes!”

“Excellent” Loki commented “will you get a noble steed soon?”

“I have a pony” Byleistr told him “His name is Snowball”

“Oh that’s cute” Loki commented “Is he white as snow?”

“No, he’s black”

Loki burst out laughing, the sound rich, despite his pain. This boy was a gem and Loki couldn’t help but fall under his charms.

“Mother thinks it’s a stupid name” Byleistr said

“Well, if he yours or hers?”

“He’s mine” Byleistr told him “Papa got him for me”

“Oh” Loki said softly “Is – Is your father here?”

“No, he does not like the city” Byleistr said “He likes the farm. He is a farmer, you know”

“Is he?”

“Yes” Byleistr told him “I like the farm, too”

“What do you like best about it?” Loki asked as he swung him

“Dirt” Byleistr looked at him “I love running and playing in it”

Loki snickered “Noble cause.”

“I chase the chickens around, too”

“Do you ever catch them?” Loki inquired

“I have” Byleistr boasted “they do not like it”

“I cannot imagine why” Loki smirked

“Have you ever tried catching chickens?”

“No, but I have been the chicken before”

Byleistr laughed again, a sweet sound that echoed around them.

“I like you, Loki” he told him “You are nice”

Loki felt warmth spread inside him “I do too, young Master”

“ _Byleistr_ ”

“Oh, forgive me, Byleistr Master”

The boy turned and glared at him, but he was smiling and Loki felt a tiny, miniscule shred of peace inside him.

They talked for over an hour, chatting about the most random things. After the swings, they’d taken to catching fireflies, then walking around the garden, with Byleistr latched onto his hand.

He kicked at pebbles and dirt stones as they walked, talking about anything that came to mind.

“Do you like books, Loki?”

“I actually love books” Loki looked at him “do you have a specific favorite?”

“I like books on science” Byleistr told him, breaking a dirt stone under his foot “they interest me. What about you?”

“Oh, I am no where as sophisticated as you, sir” Loki told him “I read everything”

“Everything?” Byleistr asked

“Yes”

“Do you read science books?”

“I have read a few” Loki said “but nothing sticks in my head”

“I love science” Byleistr said “I wish I could be an alchemist”

Loki looked at him and raised a brow “You know, I know an alchemist”

Byleistr gasped “Do you truly?”

“I do” Loki said “His name is Fandral Dash. He was the friend of – of someone I knew”

“Do you think you can help me meet him?”

“I shall see if I can, how about that?”

Byleistr held out his hand “Promise me”

Loki chuckled and took it, giving him a shake “I promise”

With that in his head, Byleistr went back to his private pebble game and kept telling Loki about whatever came into his thoughts, books, animal, the weather, parties, it was refreshing. Loki loved talking to him and it seemed Byleistr felt the same.

So when the time came for him to head to bed, Byleistr went extremely reluctantly, but swore to wake up early to spend more time with Loki. He’d insisted that Loki escort him to his room where his – their – mother waited and Loki did it for him.

He saw Farbauti stand there uncertainly, looking at him as though she expected him to reveal her secrets to everyone.

No one was around and she checked before she took a step to him.

“Loki”

Loki pressed his lips together and looked at her “Yes, Madam?”

“It’s really you is it not?” she asked “Oh, you’ve grown up”

“Disappointed?” Loki raised a brow “that the boy you left to die actually survived?”

Farbauti frowned “You assume too much”

“Or perhaps just enough” Loki told her tersely “you paled when you realized who I was, I think I know what I need to”

“You know nothing” she insisted “you choose to make me the villain when I am not”

“I do not – I merely see what is before me, nothing else.” Loki told her firmly

“You mistake my act of desperation as something cruel”

“You left” Loki whispered “you left me, you have no idea what hell I have been through because of it. I’ve lost everything while you pandered away in luxury that you gained by giving up the _burdens_ that we were to you”

“Loki…”

“We didn’t ask to be born!” Loki rasped, his eyes prickling “you brought us here! If you were going to leave then you should have smothered us and rectified the mistake you made!”

He felt his hands shake and looked at her, the woman who stood without an answer for him this time, looking wounded by his words.

He inhaled deeply and stepped away.

“Now if that is all, then…”

“No – I have heard what you wanted to say, now listen to me” she said, digging into her purse “I wrote this in a hurry, but I am sure he will understand. I wish for you to take this”

She held out a folded letter, which Loki took automatically.

“If you could give that to your father, I would be obliged” she told him “and then we can go back to never seeing each other again”

She turned to go in and Loki frowned

“Father?” she asked “you wish for me to give this to him?”

“Yes” she said, peeking into the room, then back to him “why?”

Loki stared at her a moment, then spoke.

“Father’s dead”

Farbauti froze “W-What?”

“He’s dead” Loki repeated “for over a decade”

She stared at him, then looked at Byleistr, as though he had the answer.

“Oh” she said “well, that is of no use, then”

She was shaken, but Loki had no mercy.

“Aye. None”

He handed it back to her and turned to go, ignoring her when she called him again.

He felt cold, devoid of feeling, empty now.

He ignored her and walked back to his taken rooms where he wanted to stay in peace for a little while.

At least until something terrible happened again.

***

The doors to the study opened in a flurry of skirts frills, that whispered against one another.

Thor looked up and blinked as she walked over, her face disapproving.

“You are in trouble” Lady Amora told him, walking in “And I am tired of skirts”

Thor groaned where he sat at his desk and set his head in his hands a moment.

“I have not done anything”

“That is not what _she_ is telling everyone” Amora said “who let _her_ into the party? I didn’t invite her!”

“Well, seeing as you invited a thousand others, perhaps she was over looked” Thor straightened and watched her take a seat on the chair opposite, then fuss with her dress “What are you doing?”

Amora huffed and smacked her skirts down “I am tired of wearing dresses, they are a male creation to make us feel as uncomfortable as possible”

Thor grimaced “Maybe start wearing trousers out of the home. But…what is going on?”

“Well” Amora’s green eyes focused on him “your _beloved_ is telling everyone that you and her are engaged – or ready to be engaged and Society is all aflutter”

“She is not my beloved” Thor told her “Damnation, Amora, I do not even remember going away with her!”

“You did, somehow” she brushed a lock of blonde hair off her face “her maids, her staff, half the street saw you there”

Thor pressed his lips together and lowered his head, running his hands through his hair.

“No, this is all wrong” he groaned “I have done nothing”

“Be that as it may” Amora set her hands in her lap “What are you going to do?”

Thor sighed “I do not know. I am not sharing my life with her.”

“You will call the engagement off?” Amora asked

“There is no engagement” Thor hissed “it’s a trick of that conniving…!”

He broke off, sitting back to calm down.

“I shall leave” he said “go to the country”

“And have her follow you?” Amora asked “Thor she is better than my hunting dogs, she will sniff you out”

Thor made a face at that “There’s an image I could have lived without”

Silence feel between them and Amora played with a lock of her hair.

“I think you have to talk to her” she said “this will not end on its own”

“I am aware” Thor droned “I just know that I will lose my temper if I speak with her. I do not wish to wed her and I swear I don’t even remember going to bed with her”

“I know” Amora spoke softly “I believe you”

She turned when Heimdall walked in, drinks for the both of them and thanked him. The servant bowed out and Thor exhaled, being reminded of another thing he’d lost.

One he would probably never get back…

“What goes through your mind?” Amora took a sip of her cool drink

“Many things” Thor said “First and foremost our Lady Jane”

“You know, I could handle it for you”

“You would likely handle it with your fists” Thor told her “Do not think I have forgotten that terrible ball incident”

“That man touched me without consent” Amora said

“And you bashed his face into the buffet table” Thor said “he deserved it, but Society talked about you for weeks and I hated it”

“Well” Amora shrugged “then you know how I feel right now”

Thor dropped his gaze to the table and Amora smiled

“You are my friend and confidant” Amora said “tell me what else bothers you, Thor. You looked forlorn at the ball, too. You drank more than you have done in public and I just…wonder why”

Thor bit his lip and sighed “I have much weighing on me. I do not know how to begin”

“Then start with the first thing that comes to your head” Amora told him “you know I would never judge you”

“I know” Thor chuckled “trust me, I am aware. It is just my own embarrassment at being so tricked that I feel reluctance in speaking it out loud.”

Amora frowned at that “Then perhaps you need a stronger drink”

Thor smiled at her as she went to pour him some port and brought it over.

“Alright” she said “Begin”

Thor took a large sip.

Then began to talk.

Amora listened to hear him, not to reply or judge. He never had that fear with her. He knew he could trust her and that she, in turn, trusted him with her secrets.

He could see the understanding in her eyes and with every word he spoke it got deeper and more sincere.

By the time Thor finished his story, Amora had leaned back and was nibbling on her lip as he thought all of it over.

It made Thor nervous, if he was honest, the way Amora could go completely still whenever she lost herself in deep thought. Hell, sometimes she even forgot to blink and the odd stare was more than enough to get him to shift a little in anxiety.

But he didn’t push her and sat patiently, fidgeting with the toys and items placed on the desk because he felt the need to be restless.

He was about to say something when Amora inhaled deeply and looked at him, finally saying something.

“You didn’t let him explain” she said softly “he wanted to, yes?”

“It wouldn’t have mattered, what was done, it didn’t need explaining” Thor said “he betrayed me, tricked me into thinking…”

“And yet your heart still wants him back” Amora told him “your mind tells you to be careful, to let him go but your heart does not, does it?”

Thor dropped his gaze to the desk “Things are complicated enough as it is. To add him to it would do no good”

“That is not what I asked, sir” Amora smiled a little “you want him back. You miss him and care for him deeply”

“Yes” Thor breathed out “but he’s made it  so hard to…”

“I know” Amora brushed some hair behind her ear “but you must try to see it from his perspective, too. Let him explain, Thor. It will become easier for you both”

“Even if I were to go to find him and ask for an explanation” Thor said “and this is only in theory, where would I find him?”

Amora shrugged “I am sure there is someone here who knows where he went. He can’t possibly be a sorcerer to have vanished into thin air.”

“He feels like one” Thor exhaled, then ran a hand over his hair in agitation “What about Jane?”

“I think it is important that you clear things up with her before you go to him” Amora smirked “I would help you if you let me”

“Enjoy the entire thing, you mean,” Thor chuckled “You are devious, Madam”

“Disgusting” Amora scoffed “don’t call me that again”

“As you wish, Lady” Thor bowed his head to her.

Amora smiled and reached forward for a little more of drink. Once she finished, she stood to take her leave. Thor, of course, escorted her and her ladies to her carriage and smiled at her.

“You will truly help me in getting rid of…you know”

“I will, my lord” Amora looked at him “If nothing else I will wed you”

Thor tried and failed to hide his grimace and Amora laughed.

“Oh, to see that look upon your face”

“Your sense of humor is odd, my lady” Thor huffed, stepped back

“Take a walk in the park today” Amora said as the carriage began to move “trust me.”

Thor hummed and raised his hand to wave her off as she left, then sighed and turned back around to look at his home.

It stood strong and he wondered if he could ever be the same. Strong and stout, standing with all the pride he could muster.

Possibly not.

Thor walked back inside and spotted his father coming to the door, concern for his son in his eyes. It warmed Thor’s heart and he went to him and put his arms about him, laughing as Odin pushed at him.

“Get off!” Odin demanded “Did you send her in our carriage? I have to go to the apothecary today”

“I sent her off in hers and fear not, I will take you” Thor said “I will have it prepared, then?”

“Yes” Odin stepped away in case Thor grabbed him again “I am feeling out of sorts because my medication finished today”

“Then we will leave at once, sir” Thor said

He made a movement towards him and Odin glared, hissing at him to stay back. Chuckling, Thor walked back out to get the staff and footmen ready for departure. It wouldn’t take long, Thor was sure, but he went inside to freshen up a bit.

He was brushing his hair back when his gaze caught on something and he felt a tug at his heart.

The book on cross stitching that Loki gave him was placed honorably at his shelf. He already knew it would be a worn copy in a few months because whether he liked it or not, he cherished this book.

It was something he was sure his mother would have given him. She always cherished this side of him, the side she said was hers and hers alone.

Soft, sensitive and the side that truly made him want Loki back, no reservations, nothing between them. He knew it was her that was guiding him in some way, that her forgiving nature lived in him even now.

He licked his lips and put the brush down before he went to touch the spine of the book.

Memories assailed him, him and Loki going through this together, in each other’s arms, their faces happy, filled with joy.

And the fact that all of it changed Thor from bitterness to bliss was not lost on him. He knew he craved Loki, he would likely do it forever.

But like Amora said, there were things to be done before he could go to Loki.

Thor exhaled and pulled his hand back from the book. He turned to get his coat and walked out, finding his father so they could both leave.

He could feel the words spoken about him the second they entered the city. He could see people recognize the carriage, feel their eyes on them and lowered the drapes, which made Odin sigh.

“You should not let them get to you so, child” the old man said “they are but voices. They will disappear soon enough”

“Possibly but it is not easy to have them stare after me as though I was a delicacy”

“I understand that better than most” Odin chuckled “you would be surprised”

Thor frowned “What do you mean?”

Odin smirked “Later, I promise. Tis a long tale, son”

“Of course” Thor sat back “but I would take into account that you are old and you might not have a later”

Odin narrowed his eyes at him “You will make me live forever out of spite”

“Go right ahead” Thor grinned “then perhaps you will have an army of twittering young women after you instead of me”

Odin made a face and Thor laughed.

“See?” he asked “now you feel a modicum of what I do”

“The burden of being an heir” Odin gasped, pretending to swoon “How could I ever know of such a thing!?”

“You don’t have to become a stage actor, you know” Thor said

“I learned from you” Odin straightened “do you wish to meet with your friend? I could drop you there and then go about my business. I feel like staying in the club for today”

“I do not mind” Thor smiled “I would love to stay with Fandral”

“Excellent” Odin said, opening the window to give out his new orders.

Thor sat back and closed his eyes, hoping against hope that somehow the days he was going through would get better.

***

The park was warm and that was all that mattered to him and Fandral. It was nice here, much better than what Thor had walked in on Fandral doing.

He long since feared the day Fandral would blow something important off both their anatomies and today had almost been that day. He’d walked in the moment Fandral dropped something and it was only his instincts and his preparation gave him sense enough to dive down before the explosion sounded behind him.

It seemed to shake the house and Thor was sure his friend was dead, so were the staff members that ran over.

He was getting to his feet, a thousand things to say to his mother running through his head before Fandral walked out, his hair on end, his face and form covered in soot.

“It worked!” he gasped, leaping on Thor “It bloody worked!”

Thor yelped and grabbed him out of instinct and kept from falling back

“Are you mad!?” Thor asked

“Yes!” Fandral grabbed his head in his hands and kissed his forehead before he backed away, “It worked!”

He leapt around the house, shouting his joy and Thor stood with the rest, stunned.

“I believe” Tyr began “it was supposed to do that, my lord”

Thor sighed loudly and pat the soot and dirt off him before he looked at Tyr

“Demand a raise”

“I will, sir” Tyr bowed, a smile on his lips.

It took forever to convince Fandral not to go back into the lab again and to instead come out with him. He’d wanted to take that potion with him but Thor refused to let him, instead letting him take the fire works that he’d crafted at home with a promise of setting them off at sun down.

It would give people something to talk about other than stupid Jane and stupid Thor.

Fandral was more than eager and packed a nice picnic for them, the two sitting there, nibbling on the food while they alternated between reading and talking. It was nice and relaxing, something Thor had been short on and the sun warmed them so well.

They were enjoying it until an entourage made its way towards them and Fandral groaned.

“Watch out” he mumbled “your bane is here”

Thor groaned and looked to see Jane and a few of her close friends making their way over, all smiles and happiness.

“My lords” Jane beamed, bowing to them “How are you this morning”

She took a seat with them and had her picnic set next to theirs, something that irritated Thor immensely.

“Lady” he said as politely as he could “I fear this is a most inconvenient time for me”

“Worry not, I shall not bother you” Jane insisted, looking him in the eyes “I just wished for us to discuss a few things about the wedding”

Thor inhaled deeply “Madam, you presume much for someone who hasn’t even been proposed to”

Jane and her friends stilled and Fandral slowly sat up a bit, moving to the side.

“You forget, sir” Jane said “that…”

“Jane” Thor kept his temper in check, aware that everyone was staring “I have made no promises to you, I have done nothing to indicate that I want to be with you and I definitely have not proposed. I have no inducements to wed you or anyone, I will make this very clear.”

“That is not what you implied, sir” Jane said, deliberately pouting and upset “you and I …”

“We, at best, had a dance and even that was excruciating for me” Thor told her “ours will not be a happy union, my lady, I do not desire you”

“That is not what you said the night of the ball” Jane said

A hush fell over them and Thor closed his eyes, took a deep breath and calmed down.

“If I am honest” he eventually managed “I think I was very much taken to bed the way Fandral had been manhandled upstairs. I would be _very_ careful about that if I were you, madam”

“What are you implying, Sir?” Jane rasped “that I did something?”

“Yes” Thor told her “I am sure of it. I had little, if any, to drink. I know you possess a sweet, silly interior but your conniving mind is apparent to me. Cease what you are trying”

“Or what?” Jane mocked “there is nothing you can do”

“Perhaps” Thor said “But I am not someone you wish to risk that with. I have not proposed to you and I will tell this to everyone who asks. It will humiliate you so stop.”

Fandral looked between the two, as did most of Jane’s friends. They were tense, all of them, as a match went on between Jane and Thor, neither willing to give in.

It seemed, for the longest moment, that Jane would suddenly strike him, but it never came to that. She huffed and stood, stormed away from them and Thor heaved a sigh of relief.

Over

It was _over_.

Fandral helped the ladies pack up so they could follow their friend and the whispers began immediately.

There was no stopping them and for once, Thor was glad.

“Do you have your flask?” Thor asked, sitting back on his hands, eyes closed as he tipped his head back

Fandral looked at him, then nodded “Yes, of course.”

He dug into his pocket and pulled out his metal flask, filled with spiced wine. He handed it to Thor, who chugged it back, gaining a wince from Fandral.

“That was … strong”

“I am aware” Thor exhaled “I needed it”

He took another, large sip, then another till it was empty, then handed it back to Fandral.

“I feel like I can breathe again” Thor told him “I cannot believe her”

Fandral hummed a little, then looked at him “Do you wish to go back?”

“No” Thor smiled “let’s stay here. You have your fire works, I want to see them”

He was rather tired of being driven away by people judging him, looking at him, wondering what the hell he was doing.

Fandral stayed quiet for a second, then looked at his friend

“I am sorry for what she tried, Thor” he said “I cannot imagine what it must feel like”

Thor chuckled “I can honestly say I hope you never feel this way”

“Trapped?”

“No, worse” Thor told him “Hunted, as though for sport. The lies and intrigues, all of it, makes me sick. And these people thrive on it”

He sat up a little and looked at those who gossiped about him, about Jane, about anything their minds could dig up.

“Sometimes I wish they all vanished” he said “far away, where I could never see them again. It would just be my freedom and I, sitting there, unbothered.”

Fandral chuckled “Possibly away from my potions, too”

Thor laughed softly “Nay, I rather like those. Especially that sun potion. I could hurl it to the next ball I go to”

“You wouldn’t go to another ball?”

Thor shook his head “I’d rather pull your carriage there with my teeth, since you would love to go”

“I will remember to give my horses a rest that night, then”

Thor gave him a side eyed glare, but there was amusement on his lips and perhaps for the first time that day, his shoulders relaxed as he felt one of the major burdens upon him pull from him.

It began to get warmer, the birds got louder, the grass smelled better, everything just seemed so much better than it was before.

His freedom came with enhanced senses, it seemed.

By the time the sun went down, Thor was eager to have the display of Fandral’s fireworks. He helped him set everything up, gathering a crowd even though he didn’t mean to.

But ever since Jane left, people had heard of what happened and he was not the center of attention.

Something he didn’t mind at this exact moment.

Fandral guided him where to put everything and Thor obeyed, being careful.

“Alright” Fandral said “we light the fuse”

Thor stepped back then, hands raised in surrender “You light the fuse, I go to safety”

A giggle went through the gathered people and Thor moved all of them back.

“The flares will get to you, friends, do back away”

His voice was loud and everything listened, leaving a huge gap between the fire works and themselves.

Fandral ran from the tub he’d kept them in and everyone waited with bated breath.

They burst forth suddenly like soldiers on a crusade, gaining gasps and cries from the gathered crowds. They soared in brilliant vermillion, poisonous green and red, the flames having ignited the minerals Fandral used to create huge flowers up above them.

His body shuddered with every bang that accompanied the flares above, the awed cries from those around him only heightened his own pleasure at this marvel. He saw himself in these, free, bursting to a life he wanted, untethered, unbound…

…free.

***

They’d found him.

Loki could hardly believe it, but here he was, at this bee farm, standing in the middle of a ground that was still wet from the morning’s dew and hidden by thick, grey fog, holding his brother in his arms again.

There was no one here, no one other than Heimdall and a staff member that came over. There was a farmer, who had been confused at their early morning arrival, but was silenced easily when he was given a few coins by the man who brought him here.

Three weeks spent searching and here he was, holding his brother to him, his eyes filled with tears. Their last meeting didn’t matter, nothing mattered except for the fact that he was here, holding his brother, no Thanos, no evil with him.

Not right now.

And Helblindi’s arms came about him, too, tight as ever, holding him close, whispering words that soothed them both. Apologies, confessions, things he didn’t want to keep in anymore.

They stood there, holding one another for a long time before Heimdall’s footsteps came to them and both separated to look.

“We should head back” Heimdall said “I am sure his men will be here soon, the farmer said they arrive as soon as the fog lifts”

“Of course” Loki said, looking at his brother “You have everything?”

“Heimdall took it, aye” Hel nodded

“Then come along” Heimdall took both their hands and led them back.

The farmer could hear them, but at this hour, with the fog so thick, he could only guess where they went. It was good for them, because their horses would be loud, but quick in this fog.

Loki hadn’t wanted to risk taking a carriage. Not when it could be easily tracked by Thanos.

Heimdall had brought Svadilfari, the horse was more than happy to have Loki sit astride him and could easily hold his weight and Helblindi’s as well as the belongings he had chosen to take.

It was cold, very cold, and Loki wrapped himself up in a cloak, letting Helblindi sit in front of him so he could cover him with it as best he could.

“If someone catches sight of us” Loki whispered to him “two cloaks could be suspicious”

“I understand” Helblindi said, tucking his legs up on the horse “I will hide as best I can”

“Good”

Heimdall shushed them then and rode on ahead, head bowed.

Loki saw the carriage lights before he heard it and he felt Helblindi tense.

“Stay calm” Heimdall ordered, riding off the path so it looked like only one rider was here.

Loki kept a calming hand on his brother, covering him with a cloak and bowed forward a little. The fog was too thick but his shade could be made out if the party coming over tried to look hard enough.

He knew this carriage, it was a menace for him whenever Ronan came to him in the early days. It was black, thick and disgusting, just like tar.

It made Loki sick, just knowing it still existed.

He could hear the grunting of the horses guiding it and the muffled laughter of those inside and knew these were Thanos men, no one else.

Svadilfari huffed loudly as they rode on irritated by the presence and Loki knew his pain. He knew what he felt like. Smothered, scared, deafened by the mere sound of it.

Loki pet his side, begging the horse stay calm and he felt relieved when Svadilfari listened. His ears twitched as they passed the carriage then stayed locked behind until the sounds faded.

Then and only then did Heimdall come back, looking at them.

“The ride is long” he said “it is best that we go slow for the sake of our steeds”

“I agree” Loki said, rubbing Helblindi’s arm as they rode silently through the thick fog.

There was a thick blanket of it, resting over the woodlands they’d past in the night. It covered the trees from the top to the bottom, leaving only the misty trunks at the base to be seen. There was moisture and silence around them, the three of them surrounded in a world swallowed by the clouds themselves.

Their only comfort were the cloaks and Loki pulled his tighter around them both.

“I’m comfortable” Helblindi chuckled “Stop fussing”

“I hardly fuss, I nag” Loki smiled

Their last meeting was – well, it was forgotten to maintain peace between the two. It didn’t matter, their lives had changed, would change for the better.

A new chapter in their story was about to start tonight.

They would be free.

Last night, Loki had seen fireworks in the skies. A display so stunning he felt like his heart beat in time with them. He saw himself, flying up high, soaring up above, escaping the world he was in. He would vanish like they did, Thanos would never find him again, nor touch him.

Loki’s body and future would be his own to have.

Just the thought had him feel warm all over.

The woodlands hid the noise of the surrounding areas, but no one could have missed the distant shouting nor the heavy carriage chasing them uselessly as it made its way back. The sound of it was like terror itself, clutching Loki’s throat in a powerful grip. His hands tightened on the reins, his body taut.

If they searched for them on foot, they would be found.

Loki looked at Heimdall, who clearly thought the same.

“Best speed up, then” he said

It was a risk, but they had their horses canter because not far behind them, they heard shouts and orders around. The fog hid them but it also hid from them.

It hid people looking for them and Loki didn’t know if he could handle being caught like this, escaping, running away…

He couldn’t speak, his tongue felt too heavy in his mouth and he followed Heimdall carefully, riding as close as he possibly could. They were silent so they could hear the others, letting the mystery of the fog around cover them and he hoped it wouldn’t lift.

Helblindi was praying and Loki kissed the back of his head

“You will be safe” he promised “You will be”

Svadilfari picked up on their tension and followed Heimdall’s horse before Loki could command him, taking him back down the path they came from tonight.

From the moment Loki was told Hel was found, to now, the prickling sensation around him hadn’t dissipated. Loki was anxious, his body felt like it was trying to go everywhere at the same time, pulling him in all directions.

He could not breathe properly, hell he forgot what breathing was.

His eyes were wide and stressed and all his mind could think of was how desperately it wanted him to escape, to become the firework he’d seen the night before.

The sounds of their hooves were loud to him now, but he didn’t care. As long as he escaped this place, with the fog around him, he didn’t care.

He just wanted to leave.

The woodlands would lead them to a road soon enough and though it took hours, Loki felt like days had passed since he last saw this place.

The sun was rising now, making things much more visible, but the fog was stubborn, making everything look like an oil painting, if nothing else.

Heimdall led them ahead, not saying anything and Helblindi had fallen asleep against him.

But he they rode on, despite being so exhausted.

By the time they entered the city, Loki was sore all over and all he wanted was his bed and a warm drink. Something he craved with startling hunger. He imagined it, seeing the bed there, waiting, the fire so warm, the broth he would have so delicious. All of it was waiting for him, the happiness he longed for right now.

The sunlight had painted them all gold and amber and Loki saw the early morning markets bustle about, the foods were being prepared, the sellers were setting up for their day’s earning, all of it was readying right before his eyes.

And he saw options there.

Of who he wanted to be, what he would do, how he would earn.

He would be a servant no longer, he wouldn’t be a dancer or a prancer, sold from bed to bed.

He would be who he wanted and the possibilities seemed endless.

To a man who had lost so much, it was everything.

This old fog brushed city was suddenly filled with the possibility of him leaving it. He could leave London, maybe even England, settle elsewhere with a nice, quiet life…

..away from everything and everyone.

A painful tug jolted his heart and Loki sighed.

Thor

He couldn’t leave without making amends. He could not.

He had to explain and now that Helblindi was here with him, he could. He would be able to tell him all of it, explain all of it so Thor knew.

So Thor knew he was not bad – he was just forced to be.

He would tell him all of it, nothing held him back this time.

Birds began to sing again and Loki followed Heimdall, feeling the relaxation take a hold of him as he saw Lady Freya’s house near. Her staff was moving around and Loki shook Hel a little, jolting him from sleep.

“Up you get” he ordered “we’re here”

Hel nodded “Alright”

It took them a few minutes to wake hell and by then the horses were in the stables, Loki was beside him, steadying a sleeping Hel.

Heimdall let the horses rest and looked at Loki.

His expression softened and Loki let Helblindi go so he could embrace him.

“Thank you” he breathed out, his voice soft with feeling

Heimdall held him back a moment, then pat his back.

“I fear I am not the person you should be thanking”

Loki frowned “What?”

As an answer, Heimdall looked to something behind him and pointed over Loki’s shoulder. He turned automatically and felt his heart stop.

Thor stood there, holding his hat in his hands, his eyes just as tired as Loki’s. He was dressed impeccably, though most of it was wrinkled, something that was clearly a sign that he’d spent the night here, likely on a couch, waiting.

At the window beside him, apparently keeping Thor company, Byleistr waved at Loki and Loki waved back, still numb.

Thor was here.

He’d been here, waiting for him.

Waiting for Loki.

All night long.

***

“I want him found”

“Yes, sir”

“Both of them” his voice was hard, cruel and merciless “we all know where they went, it’s no secret, is it?”

“No, my lord” his silky, oily voice replied.

“And with our new friend here, we know exactly how to get them”

There was an echoing snicker as the three men in the room felt their vengeance come closer.

“You killed one Odinson, now you will give me two and in exchange, you will get whatever you ask of me”

“I am aware” Sigurd Orvar said “I was clever enough to find you, I know that valet was familiar, I just didn’t know how”

Another deep chuckle came from the man named Thanos.

“He underestimated our hate, did he not?”

“He did and now since your man here will aid me, I am sure I can get you what you desire” Orvar said

“In return for Odinson’s head, I would have everything” Thanos told him

Orvar smiled “Pray tell, what has you so angry with that family?”

There was a long silence, so quiet it seemed the world had halted, even the ticking of the clock was louder than it had been before.

“He took something from me” Thanos told him

“Thor?” Orvar asked

“No” Thanos looked right at him “His father”

Orvar nodded at him “Aye, I understand. I know the feeling well. But time is of the essence and I must depart”

“Do not forget him” Thanos pointed to the man beside him “fare well, Orvar”

“Farewell,” Orvar lifted his head “Lord Dione”

The man beside him walked as though he floated. He was old, thin, his hands always tied at the fingers before him, steepled like some character from a novel. He had pale skin, a high forehead and merciless blue eyes that bore into him so deeply that Orvar was forced to look away.

His carriage waited for him outside and they both got in, leaving the chilly night outside once the doors closed.

Once it moved, Orvar looked at the gentleman sitting across.

“I fear you know my name but I do not know yours”

The old man looked at him again and smiled, slowly, terrifying.

“Maw” he spoke in a voice that sounded like the rasp of a dry leaf across the roads “Ebony Maw”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nijura, you rock


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay - depression happened : (
> 
> But thank you, ALL, for being patient with me. It means a lot

The daylight fell in through a single slit in the drapes, falling over the rumpled bed. The lines on the sheets and pillows turned it into an art piece, a gold streak that cut in through their day, letting them know that they should probably move from their comfort.

Both of them were cuddled into a round, comfortable chair that was slowly swinging, strong even under the weight of the two men.

They had taken the covers with them, their clothes were scattered everywhere on the floor and both of them were content.

That morning, Loki had announced that they were taking what was a Rose Room and that the occupant had been shifted from it. Thor had been confused, more so when he saw a mischievous, joyful look in Loki’s eyes, something akin to pettiness.

He didn’t mention it, though, wanting nothing but to have the feel of Loki in his arms and the taste of him on his lips.

Both of which he got after they talked most of the morning and Loki looked at him with those stunningly gorgeous eyes.

He’d leaned closer, torn open by the harshness of his past, of everything he’d told Thor, of the apologies he’d begged for.

Thor felt lingering anger for a while, but with the way Loki bowed his head and with the stuttering confessions, he couldn’t find it in himself to hold on to that anger.

So he vowed vengeance and protection for Loki, told him he would do anything he could to get rid of this Thanos, the man he’d met, shook hands with, the man who he wanted to kill with a hatred so deep he would never be able to get rid of it.

But Loki had taken his hands and guided them to rest over his body, guided Thor to remember what he felt like beneath his palms and kissed him.

He’d kissed him like he’d been dying to the day Thor forced  him to leave and Thor was knocked breathless. He felt the life return to him and pulled him closer, walking Loki backwards till they fell on the bed, puling at each other’s clothes.

Their mouths barely parted, their soft groans and cries were enveloped in the room, protected from all else as they turned and writhed to unclothe themselves.

He’d pressed kisses and warmth to Loki’s skin, mouthed his neck while Loki traced his body with his fingers, going through every dip and hollow, letting him know without words that he loved him.

Thor was sure he did.

He felt his warm skin touch his own, heard that mouth part in pleasure as Thor kissed all the way down his body so bite hard on the inside of his thighs, then lick the sensitive skin there, watching it bloom with his passion.

It hadn’t taken long for their bodies to reunite as they had done and Thor levered himself over him, covering Loki’s body with his own as he pushed in and watched Loki, studying every movement.

He watched his back arch, how he lifted his chest, how his eyes fell closed, his mouth parted on a gasp so soft Thor had to strain to hear it as he went in deeper … deeper.

His own arms shook as he stopped, looking at Loki and being unable to resist touching his cheek so he opened his eyes.

And there, before him had been the most stunning set of eyes Thor had ever seen. They were looking up at him, glazed with pleasure, focused on him, staring deeply into his own and Thor lowered his head to kiss him, moaning at the feel of how tight Loki clenched around him and the raw, skin on skin feeling of their intimacy.

He had moved slowly at first but eventually, he picked up pace, his mouth biting into Loki’s neck, listening to his wet, ragged pants and savoring the feel of his nails raking down his back.

It gave him new life, kissing Loki, holding Loki and having him return everything Thor gave to him.

Even afterwards, after they spent their pleasure into the sheets, Thor held him, unable to keep from wrapping his arms around him, they sat in that beautiful chair, with Loki leaning against Thor, covered in the thick blanket as Thor rocked the swing chair with one bare foot on the floor.

They hadn’t said a word, but sat there, together, holding each other, watching the rays of the sun creep into their day.

Their bodies were warm, both from their activities and the covers and Loki hummed in pleasure when Thor kissed his hair again.

“Do you want to come back home?” Thor asked softly

“I would want nothing more” Loki smiled “but they know that house and if they come for me…”

“If they do, then I will take care of them” Thor said “faster than I have originally planned.”

“Thor…”

“I know” Thor cut in, already having had this argument with Loki “I know he is strong but you underestimate my own connections. No one will touch you again, least of all him”

“He is a ruler of a kingdom of crime, Thor” Loki said “it’s better to be safe”

“Till he dies, yes” Thor tightened his grip on him “he’s never touching you again”

He kept rocking them, keeping the calm around them.

Silence fell between them and Thor nuzzled his throat, holding him tightly, not willing to let go. It stunned Loki,the devotion Thor had for him, the affection, the trust he displayed even now.

It confused him how unwilling Thor was to let him go, holding him close despite everything that happened between them, despite everything Loki had done.

And he couldn’t take it.

“Why do you do this?” Loki whispered, pressed against the wall as Thor took his goodbye kisses from his lips.

Thor frowned, beautiful blue eyes looking into Loki’s “Do what?”

Loki felt his chest hurt “Treat me like a person”

He saw sadness come to Thor’s eyes, his expression softened and he kissed him again, moaning softly.

“Because I love you”

Loki went absolutely still and Thor pulled back to look him in his eyes and stroke his cheeks.

“I love you, Loki”

Loki couldn’t speak, now words came from him but the next kiss was far better than it had been before and his hands once more started to undo the clothes Thor had just put on.

***

They could barely get enough of each other. They kissed as Thor re dressed, kissed as he went to the door and stopped only when his handle was on the knob of the bedroom door.

And even then, Loki wanted him back.

“What of your father?” Loki asked “What – Will you tell him?”

Thor smirked “Loki, he knows.”

Loki froze and Thor laughed, cupping his cheek

“Nothing like that” he chuckled “he told me to win you back or I would never have the estate. He told me to get you otherwise he would live forever and never give me any of my inheritance; between you and I … I think he would actually be capable”

That had Loki smiling and Thor kissed his forehead and opened the door.

“I will return tonight” Thor said “perhaps with a present or two”

“Better be more than two” Loki told him “understand?”

Thor bowed his head and walked into the hall, ending their conversation and putting their secret over them. He heard Lady Freya talking downstairs and went over, wishing her goodbye and promising to return with a thank you fit for her station.

He then took Heimdall with him and trotted down the streets, humming to himself, ignoring the irritated flick of Svadilfari’s ears as he listened to his master.

Heimdall didn’t comment on it and kept his professionalism as they rode onwards, going back home in the early morning, clearly seen by anyone who wanted to look.

And a lot of them did, wishing them a good morning, waving their fans and hats and gloves at him. And he, being in a fantastic mood, wished them all well. He could sense their curiosity lingering around him, wanting to know where he was going so happily, was there someone else in his life now that he had left Jane?

The questions would have bothered him but today he was ignorant of them, letting them sail past without a glance or thought.

The skies seemed brighter, everything seemed hopeful so by the time Thor got home, he was all but glowing with glee.

Something Odin remarked upon almost as soon as Thor sat down for a late breakfast with him.

“You’re disgusting”

Thor blinked “What? Why?”

“You’re practically glowing after getting together with Loki” he said “doesn’t take a scholar to figure out why you are leering”

“I am not leering!” Thor laughed “It’s called smiling”

“Disgusting” Odin stood, going to get breakfast “was he well?”

“He just got his brother back” Thor told him “He looked content”

“That’s wonderful” Odin smiled “Boy needs it. Any chance he will come back to us?”

“I highly doubt” Thor came up beside him “he – he told me everything, Father, and it’s far worse than I had ever imagined”

Odin frowned “What do you mean?”

“He’s in trouble with a man who owns a ring of criminals and lawbreakers. He even has people in the Runners, connections that span into good Society, everything. He’s a demon”

“Truly?”

“Yes” Thor put some food for himself and went back to the table ‘sit with me, I will tell you everything he told me”

“That would be best” Odin told him “I have far greater connections and I know I can help him better”

They sat together and Thor began to speak.

“He was fourteen when a man came into their home” Thor began “he killed his father and took him and Helblindi to his own home. Loki says at first, it was alright, he had a comfortable place to sleep, hot food and protection, which was all he cared about at the time. But when he turned seventeen, that man, the very one who took care of him, began to…he began to get interested in Loki”

Odin froze “Oh God”

“Loki says he couldn’t deny him and risk being thrown out” Thor continued sadly “but he hated it. He thought he would get out, but he just got stuck deeper and deeper, especially when he took Helbindi away from him. Loki had no idea who he was, what he could do to get him back, so…”

“So he did as this person asked” Odin exhaled “Who is he?”

Thor said it like it was a bitter taste in his mouth

“Thanos”

Odin suddenly went very still and Thor could feel as though the temperature in the room was suddenly colder than it had been before.

“Father?”

Odin was pale and he stared at his son

“What name did you just say?” he whispered

“Thanos” Thor frowned “Why?”

Odin ran a hand through his hair, his expression stricken, even afraid.

“Father?” Thor asked “do you know him?”

His father gave him a look that made Thor go cold to his core and then he took a deep breath.

“I never thought …” Odin said softly, rubbing his face “I need a stronger drink. Then I think we need to talk about something I never thought I would discuss with you”

Thor frowned as his father went to get himself some port and sat down, poured himself a hefty glass, then looked at his son.

“Yes, I knew him” he said, clearing his throat “and I fear this will be far dire than you think”

Thor already feared it would be and sat patiently as Odin took another drink and began to speak.

“I’ve known Thanos since I was a child” Odin began “We grew up close to one another, he was like a brother to me. I had no one my age to spend time with and those who did spend time with me always stayed because of the money, because of the connections their parents saw with my family. But Thanos, his real name is Thane Dione, Heir to the Titan fortune”

“Titan fortune?” Thor frowned “I know that name”

“Everyone knows that name” Odin exhaled “I am sure they will all pretend otherwise, but it was something no one could have forgotten. As it was, he and I grew up together, he was the only one I considered a true friend well into adulthood. I was set to inherit Asgard, he was in line for the Titan fortune. He had a promising future and with only his sister to care for, he also had freedom.

“His sister” Odin sighed “and the two of us grew close over the years. We were best friends, the three of us and at one point, there was talk of her and I being wed and uniting our houses. Hela, that was her name, was beautiful, she had an intelligence that was way beyond our years, a vision that would have carried her far in life.”

“What happened to her?” Thor whispered

“Well” Odin ran a hand through his hair “we were betrothed, I asked her to wed me and she agreed and talks of an alliance were formed in our families. My parents approved and Thanos was more than happy with the match, it was a way for us to officially become brothers. But as time passed I discovered a malevolence in Hela I had not seen before. She sought to make the elite class the rulers of Society, she played men against men, women against women, she tore families apart by mere words, making them pawns in her social and political game. She worked with rumors, splitting apart anyone who stood against her with just a few words. And what hurt most was that Thanos benefitted from her actions. Those partners she divided would invest in his work, he was gaining money from them and she was his weapon. She earned the name Lady Death in Society within a year of our engagement”

Odin sighed loudly “It was not only the fact that they were using me to get to my contacts that destroyed everything. But – I met your mother. She was unlike anything I had ever seen. She was beautiful, kind, generous, educated, intelligent and most of all, she was not manipulative. She had power and she used it to help those in need. She was a good woman”

“So, you…” Thor began

“I went to Thanos’ home one night” he told Thor “It’s a few hours ride from here. He had a large manor and both brother and sister lived there. I told him that I felt betrayed by what he and Hela had done, how they used me and he told me that it was something that benefit them, made their lives easier, secured their futures. Hell, he didn’t even know he was doing wrong. He just wanted a good future for his sister, whom he loved, truly. But when I tried to talk reason, he didn’t listen, he blamed me and told me to leave his house, accused me of trying to take from them their hard earned living.

“I did leave, but not before I told him and Hela that our engagement had come to an end” Odin said “I didn’t love her but she claimed to love me. I should have known it was going to go to hell. She began to spiral, the very Society she controlled was now talking about her, pointing to her, mocking her. Within a day she had lost her high ground and now found herself at the same level of people who she once controlled and tore apart. Her arrogance and ego couldn’t take it so she came to me, begged me to reconsider but I wouldn’t. I didn’t love her, my heart belonged to your mother”

“So you turned her away” Thor surmised

“I had to” he whispered “she was proving to be dangerous, when pleading didn’t work, she began to threaten me, to tell me she and her brother would take everything from me, I still refused to listen. I would find her glaring at me, looking at the house at the cold hours of the night. She lived on control and she couldn’t control me, she couldn’t get me to do what she wanted. She tried to have me taken down in the eyes of Society but nearly everyone knew me. They knew my family and they had dealt with me on a personal level so they didn’t believe her. The Titan fortune began to lose to debt, to investors backing out, Thanos tried to pull Hela back but she was not someone who would give up. When the loses became ridiculous, she became obsessed with me – she wanted to take my family heirloom, she wanted to take everything, including my loved ones”

“She wanted the Tesseract?” Thor whispered

“She did” Odin took another sip “the night I got wed she slipped into the house in the middle of the night, going to my vault. Frigga heard her and went with me. We both saw her, trying to open the vault, her face cold as death, her eyes wild. We didn’t hurt her but we called the authorities and that was the final straw. She was ruined in the eyes of Society and Thanos sent her to get married somewhere, he cut ties with me in anger, blamed me for destroying his sister’s life. We didn’t see each other for over a year after that.”

“But didn’t she…”

“She did” Odin said “your mother was carrying Balder and we were at a ball when we heard a commotion. People gasped and shouted, leapt away from her as Hela came over. Her hair was flowing behind her, her clothes covered in mud. Her eyes held no sanity and she went right for your mother – my most prized wife. I could not get to her in time and Frigga was too slow. Hela pushed her off the stairwell in front of everyone, all of Society was watching, I lost … I lost my mind”

“I went to her and threw Hela off, and I just remember screaming, yelling at her, telling her to leave me alone” he confessed “I was cruel to her but no one stopped me, they escorted her out, tended to Frigga, tended to Balder. They were alright but Hela wasn’t. I remember the look in her eyes to this day.”

Thor huffed, feeling his chest tighten.

“The next day” Odin went on “I heard there was a fire. I heard that Titan manor, the only stability Thane had was gone… along with his sister. She burned herself with it, taking from Thane everything he loved. I didn’t attend the funeral but a week later he approached me and told me that I took his life from him and that he would get his revenge. I had assumed as years passed that he’d left the country … but …”

“But he had been biding his time to strike” Thor told him softly “what happened to the diamond?”

“I had it cut” Odin told him “it is no longer whole. I have some, you have some, hidden in plain sight…”

Thor froze “Mother’s jewels”

“Yes” Odin told him “Thanos had what he wanted…but he didn’t even know it”

Thor sat there a moment, taking this all in. he rubbed his jaw and looked at the table.

“All this for something he had and gave back” Thor whispered “why didn’t he recognize the diamond?”

“Hubris, possibly” Odin sighed “or stupidity, arrogance, the man was intelligent but his own egotistical nature was the one thing that brought him down.”

Thor ran a hand through his hair, taking this all in.

“All this time” he whispered “and you never once mentioned him”

Odin shrugged “I felt ashamed, I suspect. And I didn’t want you to know that there was someone like this in the world. I thought he wouldn’t surface, I really did. So telling you would have needlessly worried you”

“Rightfully worried me” Thor frowned “if he’s after you…”

“I will not let him” Odin told Thor firmly

“Father…”

“I will not” Odin said “I am taking my medicines,  I have a clearer head, I will be alright. You just worry about Loki and how we can get him out of this mess”

“If we can” Thor told him

Things were suddenly far dire than they had been a few moments ago and Thor feared they would only get worse.

***

“Do you have any Queens?”

Loki raised a brow at the boy before him then looked back to his cards. Without a word, he pulled one out and handed it to him, gaining a squeal of delight from Byleistr.

“I’m winning!”

“Debatable” Loki said “Again”

“Are they all your Queens?” Helblindi, the brat, asked “Because I am sure I saw another a while back”

Byleistr gasped “Are you cheating?”

The affront in his little voice and in the expression on his face had Helblindi laughing and Loki glaring. For a moment, Loki did nothing, but then Helblindi chuckled as his brother pulled two more out and handed them to Byleistr, who jumped on his little rear in joy.

“Winning!” he took the cards and placed them in the pile by his side “also, you will be forbidden to play if you cheat”

“I beg your pardon, young man?” Loki asked “I invented this game”

“And I perfected it” Byleistr boasted

All three of them were sitting on the floor of Freya’s study, enjoying a game of cards. All three had bowls of chocolates beside them, betting them and eventually finding a winner in the one who had the most.

“Chocolates, please” Byleistr held out his hand “as your rules, I am allowed to have a piece since I won”

Loki made a face at him “I already see you losing your family fortune like this”

“Possibly” Byleistr reached over for the bowl Loki extended “and winning it back, too”

Helblindi snorted “Where did you learn to be so modest?”

Byleistr looked at him and shrugged “Eight year olds hear more than people think. I am wiser than both of you combined”

“Are you, now?” Loki asked “Well then, wise one, why don’t you have your turn and we will see?”

“Gladly” Byleistr said, then looked at Helblindi “Do you have any two’s?”

“Go Fish”

The boy made a face and picked up a card from the stack set before them, the turn moved to Loki.

“So, Byleistr” Helblindi said “How long do you stay in the city?”

“Usually for two months” Byleistr said, fixing his cards “But this time Father will join us and we might stay for longer”

“Oh?” Loki asked “how come?”

“He recently struck good in the gaming hells” Byleistr droned “whatever that means”

Loki grinned “It means I know where you get your gambling problem from”

“It is not a problem if I win” Byleistr said, as though it was the simplest fact “Now hurry up so I can take all your fours”

Loki frowned “How do you know I have fours?”

Helblindi bit his lip and smiled as Byleistr very confidentially pointed behind Loki. And there, reflected in a polished to perfection silver tray, was reflected Loki’s back – and all his cards. Byleistr had been looking at them over the past hour of their play and Loki gasped in shock.

“You brat!” he laughed, “You cheated!”

“I did not” Byleistr set his cards down “I took advantage”

“Hell you did!” Loki laughed, lunging at him “Come here!”

Byleistr screeched in laughter as he ran from Loki, screaming in his bid to escape him.

“No!” he shouted “Hel! Help me!”

“I shall save you, fine sir!” Helblindi stood, coming to block Loki

“Traitor!”  

Loki came for him again and Byleistr laughed as he went to hide behind a chair while his valiant night fought off the raging beast that was Loki.

“Protect me with your life!” Byleistr ordered “It is far more valuable than yours!”

Helblindi cackled and blocked Loki as the eldest among them tried to get at the youngest. Their laughter was free and echoed in the room, lighting it up with life, in Freya’s opinion, who smiled as she heard it. She wanted her sweet babies to come back from their walk so they could join in, too.

But her sentiment was not shared, however, because as soon as their laughter started, Farbauti walked into the room, her expression stern.

“Byleistr” she called, stopping all three of them “what have I told you about screaming?”

Heblindi and Loki’s smiles fell off their faces as they straightened and Byleistr’s mouth turned down.

“I was just…”

“Come here” she said firmly “you can sit with us while we have out tea”

The prospect of it was clearly unwanted, but Byleistr tried his best not to pout as he walked to his mother, who took his arm and led him into the hall. Loki watched, his lips tight, as she gave them both a look and left, not wanting anything to do with them.

Loki sighed and shook his head, going to the cards “What a nightmare”

“The lady?” Helbindi asked, coming to help him gather everything up “Maybe out stations offend her”

“Maybe” Loki whispered

He hadn’t told Helblindi who Farbauti was. He wouldn’t do that, the truth would only hurt him. To know that his mother was there but unwilling to take him in, to know him, to even give him a shred of respect? No, he wasn’t that cruel.

Best let him believe their mother was a good woman.

“You don’t like her either, do you?” Helblindi chuckled “You know, yesterday she made me wash her riding boots while she stood and watched. Do you know what is caked at the bottom of her riding boots, Loki?”

“Her personality?”

Helblindi burst out laughing and smacked a hand over his mouth to muffle it. Loki shook his head and continued to pick the cards up.

“She’s terrible” Loki muttered “a disappointment”

Helblindi, who was still laughing, frowned “Disappointment? What do you mean?”

Loki looked at him, chagrined for a moment, then shook his head “Nothing, I am just – thinking out loud, I guess”

He stood with the cards and handed them to Helblindi.

“I will go check on the lunch preparations” he said “can you take care of things here?”

“Of course”

Loki smiled at his brother and turned to go, heading to the kitchens. Things were, of course, perfect, and he stole a little sweetbread, taking it with him out to the small garden where he sat on one of the swings.

His gaze was focused on the skies and his mind was elsewhere.

He couldn’t help wondering what was wrong with them. There had to have been a reason other than the poverty for Farbauti to leave them. She carried both of them for nine months, she had to have cared to do that. She lived with him for years, cared for him, fed him, bathed him – then she left.

She left and never came back and even now she found it hard to accept even a little part of him.

He wanted to know why.

He felt something deep in his chest – a fear that he knew the answer. He feared he wasn’t enough, that he wasn’t the child she wanted or that his life mattered little to her.

He wanted to ask her but also feared it. He feared her answer would be so heartless it would break him.

And Lord knew he could use a break from the pain.

He wanted Thor desperately right now, but he hadn’t seen him for over two weeks now, no contact save for a letter saying it’s not safe for him to make frequent visits, but he will meet Loki soon. And though it gave Loki hope, he also felt lonely.

That and the constant weight on his shoulders of his own mother hating him, was taking its toll on him.

He picked at the sweet bread as he sat there, not hearing the footsteps come towards him until they were right next to him. Loki turned and looked, inhaling deeply and sitting up straighter when he saw Farbauti standing beside him.

“My lady” he stood, brushing himself down and keeping the bread out of sight “How can I assist you?”

Farbauti looked him up and down, exhaling softly “God, sometimes I look at you and see your father staring at me, you know”

That Loki didn’t expect and his lips tightened, his shoulders tensed as he pulled out what defenses he had against her words.

“Do you need something?” Loki asked, far less polite than before

“You wish to address the elephant in the room, Loki?” Farbauti said “you keep talking to my son, getting close to him and I do not appreciate it”

“You mean my brother?” Loki asked, looking right at her “that is what you fear I will tell him, correct? That he and I are brothers. It bothers you that despite everything you tried and how hard you tried to get rid of me, I still found a way to come back into your life”

“You are not part of my life” Farbauti said “I left it and you and Helblindi behind. I have a new, better life now and it would be great if you didn’t poke your nose in it. I have worked hard to establish a life here, one that I deserved. I will not have you wreck it as you go searching for answers, so here I am, offering them to you. so ask what you wish”

Loki grit his jaw.

He knew nothing good was going to come from this but the child inside, the desperate one that had cried for his mother in the most desperate of hours, couldn’t resist.

“Why didn’t you take us with you?” he asked softly

Farbauti shrugged “No one would have taken me in. I would have been a maid or worse. A single mother with two young children would have had no chance at a high social status”

“Is that all you care about?” Loki frowned “Your status?”

“It is all a woman has here” Farbauti said “when I married your father he was a respected farmer, he had a good income, he could take me to the city whenever I wanted. Things were fine for years for us…but then you were born”

Loki frowned

“The day you were born was the day the farm began to lose growth” she said “we lose staff, lands, animals, it was like misfortune was brought to our land instead of happiness. But your father prevailed, he took money from his friends, tried to get the farm to work but … nothing did.”

She laughed miserably “We got worse and worse and worse until we were destitute, till I was working in the fields alongside your father, till I had ruined my hands, my life, my spirit, everything. That man, you and Helblindi broke me. Why should I have stayed?”

She looked at Loki, seeing pain flash across his face before he lowered his gaze to the ground.

“Giving you all up was perhaps the best thing that happened to me” she told him bluntly “and now you come here, back in the life I threw you out of for what? Answers? _Revenge_? Byleistr is my son, my wanted child…your father was wanted. You…”

She shook her head and Loki looked away, purposely thinking of something else, anything else, song, music, paintings, anything other than her cruelty.

But his mind seemed incapable of granting him that small mercy so he listened to every word she said, every gesture she made, knowing this would stay with him forever.

“You took my husband and my life from me” she said “I will not let you take my son”

Loki looked at her and gave a smile that didn’t reach his eyes, but rose from his broken heart.

“That is where you are wrong, Madam” he told her “I merely wished to care for the boy. Would you like help with anything?”

“No” she said, brow raised “just keep away from Byleistr”

“Of course” Loki bowed his head

She was gone by the time he straightened and Loki shook his head, his façade crumbling to nothing. He gasped, turning away from her, from the house, his eyes filled with tears, his expression completely broken…

And froze when he saw Helblindi standing there, walking out from behind a thickset tree trunk, clearly having heard them both.

***

It was midnight and Helblindi was still feeling the effects of what Loki had told him. They sat in their shared room, the space though cramped ever since Helblindi’s bed was brought in, seemed to offer them protection at this moment, offered them comfort and the warmth of the dying embers kept them from feeling the cold that emanated from deep inside them.

After Helblindi heard Farbauti, there was no way for Loki to hide the truth. This was their mother, the woman who had left them, who could have helped but chose not to. The woman who was responsible for them but gave them both away like they were meaningless then told Loki so.

They hadn’t meant anything to her, nothing but burdens.

It had hurt them both and the rest of the day passed in a daze for them, where they remembered they did something, did their usual duties but didn’t recall a detail of them. Both of them were suffering and Loki sighed as he looked at his brother, who was obviously awake, laying with his back to Loki, in his bed.

He wanted to say something to him, he felt the need to but honestly, he couldn’t. he couldn’t form words, thoughts or anything else. He felt numb, lifeless, like nothing was worth the effort any more despite knowing he should do it.

He just couldn’t

He had no drive left.

So, knowing his brother needed him, Loki lay back into his bed, giving Helblindi his back, faced the blank wall beside him and closed his eyes.

Loki didn’t know when he fell asleep, but his bland dreams were interrupted by the softest clicking possible. It turned into drops in his head, in his dream, waking him slowly until he opened his eyes and managed to hear the clicking past the haze his sleep left behind.

He lay there, quiet for a few seconds as it continued, the sound of something hitting glass echoing in their room. He lifted his head to see Helblindi sleeping with a pillow over his head and then looked at the only window in their room.

It clinked and Loki realized someone was throwing something against it.

He got out of bed, a sense of hope flaring in his heart, going to see.

And there, on the ground, stopping when he saw him, Thor smiled up at him even in the moonlight. He raised a hand and waved.

The damn fool.

Loki looked behind him, knowing if he spoke from here, that Helblindi would likely wake up, then back. He held out a finger for Thor then turned and slowly made his way out of the cramped rooms. He could no longer feel the pain in his heart as he slowly, carefully, climbed downstairs and made his way to the kitchen.

Unlocking the door, Loki let him in and smiled as Thor walked inside.

Thor.

The beautiful man with a heart that matched.

“What are you doing here at this hour?” Loki asked, locking the door

“No, don’t lock it” Thor whispered “I brought a carriage, we are going out”

“I beg your pardon?” Loki chuckled “it’s the middle of the night”

“And no better time for two young lovers to be out, yes?”

“You consider yourself young?” Loki asked

Thor narrowed his eyes and raised a hand to pinch his nose.

“Be quiet” he ordered “and go get your things. I will be here”

“Very well” Loki said “but you should know I am entirely against this”

“Hm” Thor chuckled “You definitely sound disheartened and unwilling. Now get”

He gave him a nudge towards the kitchen door.

“Go”

Loki smiled and bowed, heading to the door with a smile on his lips that hadn’t been there before. Helblindi was still sleep so Loki was as quiet as possible as he took his boots, coat, socks, scarf and a bag of money, just in case. Once more, he crept out of the room and closed the door. He was eager to go downstairs but stopped once he reached the end of the stairs to put on his socks.

“I have always said that putting socks on your feet is the most attractive thing a man could do” Thor came over “you look so ungraceful and deformed”

“Shut your mouth” Loki told him, hurrying with the other “there is no reason to me to be graceful to you now, I already have you”

“Of course you do” Thor smirked “Now up, I grow impatient”

Loki stuffed his feet into his boots “Then it’s all the more reason for me to dawdle”

He laced them up and stood, brushing himself down. He’d hung his coat on the railing and Thor took it with a smile, placing it on Loki’s shoulders when Loki turned to look at him, then kissed his lips.

“You missed me” Thor said, putting his coat on him like a cape, then stroked his cheeks “I did, too”

“Oh, did you?” Loki leaned into his touch “then why take so long to get here?”

“You know why, Loki” Thor’s voice was sad “I would have come sooner if I could”

Loki hummed and let Thor kiss his lips, then his cheeks and forehead. It warmed him, honestly, all of it, so he wrapped his arms around Thor’s waist and pressed them both together. Immediately Thor’s arms held him close and by the beating of his heart, Loki knew Thor missed him just as much.

“I’m sorry” Thor kissed his head “I’ll be better next time”

“Bold of you to assume there will be a next time”

Thor chuckled and pulled back “Fair enough. Let me earn it tonight, come on”

Loki wanted to, of course, so he was more than eager to get out of this house and into Thor’s carriage so they could make the most of this night.

He had honestly expected Thor to jump on the chance to be intimate with Loki, but Thor only told him to be patient as they drove through the foggy streets and to a place Loki hadn’t seen before.

It took a while, but Loki was more than glad to be out of the house so he didn’t comment on it. He watched the fog, the landscape, the plants, the trees, all of it. He watched as they passed them and headed towards a park that was abandoned at this hour.

Loki frowned “What are we doing here?”

“You’ll see” Thor smiled, pulling Loki from the carriage once they stopped “Come”

He didn’t let go of their hands as Thor walked him on. Loki tried to guess, but honestly when they reached a tree and Thor let go, Loki realized he never would have guessed what he’d wanted to do.

“Truly?” Loki raised a brow “This?”

There was a sturdy looking swing tied to the thick branches of the tree and Thor had taken a seat upon it.

“Why not?” he asked, starting to swing “Have you never shared this with a beloved friend?”

“You are supposed to be my beloved friend?” Loki chuckled, walking over “That’s news to me”

“Stop being smart” Thor said “now come, place your feet here and stand”

“Stand?” Loki asked “You do realize that we are two grown men?”

“This will hold” Thor promised

And that was how, in the middle of the night, in a lonely park, Loki found one of the best, most memorable nights of his life.

Their laughter echoed in the fog around and Loki didn’t remember ever being this young before. Thor sat on the swing while Loki stood with his feet on either side of Thor’s hips, both of them propelling the swing to go faster and faster…

“Higher!” Thor laughed up at him “Loki, we’re flying!”

The wind soared past his ears and Loki bent, pushing down with his legs and straightened as the swing moved faster. His hair was flying around him, his cheeks hurt from smiling and his heart felt full every time he looked down and saw Thor cheering, his own blonde hair a mess at this point. It  was windblown, haphazard, blown about everywhere but Thor didn’t even seem to mind. His eyes were focused on Loki and Loki alone.

He didn’t see anything or anyone else.

Least of all the two figures that had chanced upon them, seeing them share this moment and the kisses they shared so passionately before that.

***

Thor didn’t want to get out of bed the next morning.

It was warm and comforting – he liked warmth and comfort.

That and last night, after he’d taken Loki back home, Thor had felt the cold he hadn’t during his lover’s company. It was hard to, especially with Loki pressed against the door of Freya’s house, their mouths locked, their hands touching…

He’d felt the fog only after they separated and Thor had driven himself home, shivering the entire way back. He’d gotten under the covers and closed his eyes to memories of how Loki felt for him, welcoming, gentle, kind…

Thor was still a little wary, but that didn’t stop him from enjoying every touch and kiss shared between them. If anything, it made him savor it all the more. His dreams were sweet that night and he slept well, but the insistent knocking on his door and the announcements that he had two guests waiting pulled him from the bed and took him downstairs.

To possibly one of the most unpleasant surprises he would have in his life.

It was only a mercy that Odin wasn’t here to see _him_ inside their house, standing there with a smirk on his lips, his eyes evil, cruel and heartless.

But to Thor it was nothing less than enraging, especially when he saw Jane sitting next to him.

“You must either be very stupid or think highly of yourself to step foot into my home, Orvar” Thor rasped, stepping into his drawing room “Get out”

“In good time” Orvar chuckled “The lady and I have a few words for you and I think you would be interested to hear them”

“What could either of you possibly say that would interest me?” Thor spat, fed up with them “Neither of you have anything I wish to hear”

“What about your valet?” Jane smirked “or rather, your _former_ valet”

Thor froze.

He felt it then, the feeling he’d read in books about how one’s stomach dropped in shock, how they couldn’t think properly or breathe. Hell, he felt the color drain from his face too.

“What the hell are you talking about?” he whispered

“See” Orvar went to his decanter “Lady Darcy, Jane’s sweet friend and maid, and I were taking a stroll about the park last night…”

Thor barely heard more.

There was a buzzing in his head that deafened him, a screaming through his whole body that turned him numb and hid vision blurred because of the shocked, stunned tears that formed in them.

“I judge by your reaction that you know exactly where this is headed” Orvar smirked.

“What do you want?” Thor rasped

“Honestly, I just did what Lady Jane hired me to” Orvar said “It was surprisingly easy to find out everything there was about him and…your association with him”

Thor’s hands clenched “State your demand. How much money do you two want?”

To his surprise – and not a good one at that – both of them laughed.

“We don’t want money” Jane snickered, getting to her feet “we want something else. Something more personal”

“As it happens” Orvar said “Lady Jane here finds herself in a little…”

“Inconvenience” Jane told him “The Foster estate, though good, always requires so much maintenance and I find my inheritance depleted.”

“Lord Selvig has a gaming habit” Orvar pouted “and Lady Jane is in trouble – not that anyone knows”

“Aye, all the parties you have truly throws people off” Thor snarled “I am not funding your home, Lady”

“Oh, I do not want that” Jane purred, coming over “I want something else”

Thor tensed, especially when she placed a hand on his chest, feather light, threatening.

“Your ring on my finger”

Thor pulled away “You are mad”

“Or” Orvar smirked “we tell Thanos where you are hiding his prized possession”

The ground gave way beneath Thor and he looked at Orvar almost grey in the face.

Orvar beamed “I told you, it was very easy to find out what Loki did – where he worked. I realized I had seen him a few times and one question from the staff gave me all the answers I needed. I intend to talk to Thanos tonight in any case, after I am done helping Lady Jane”

“Helping?” Thor rasped “This is blackmail and extortion. You truly think I would give in to this?”

“To be honest” Orvar said “if we found something to blackmail you with, something that solely affected you, no we are sure you wouldn’t have even listened. But something that affects someone you care  for – that is a completely different situation”

“The truth is that noble Thor Odinson cannot bare to have someone suffer for his decisions” Jane smiled “I am sure you will find me a good – if not amazing – wife”

Thor felt dread take him over and drown him as he looked at them. His jaw clenched in anger and he wanted nothing more than to strangle the two of them.

“You cannot do this” he rasped “I have connections”

“Yes, but no time to use them” Orvar crooned “announce the engagement today or I tell Thanos all about where Loki is hidden. I am sure that Lady Freya will be caught in it. And those poor children at her house, too”

“You are _foul_ ” Thor rasped, stepping away from them

“Maybe we are” Jane smirked “But that still leaves us without an answer and you without much choice.”

She stepped back and turned to get her things off a couch she had placed them on.

“You have until tonight, my lord” she batted her lashes at him “or you will lose someone very important”

Orvar smiled, threw back his drink and looped his arm through Jane’s. Thor didn’t move as they passed him and both of them knew that they had won.

Thor would do as they asked, that was it.

And Jane … well, Jane had a wedding to plan, _finally_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2000 words short BUT I will hopefully make it up in later chapters Dx
> 
> I just couldn't get more story in no matter how I tried!
> 
> Your comments are a high point for me

**Author's Note:**

> Hit me up on Tumblr - satanssyn-n-things.tumblr
> 
> Give me your ideas and predictions!


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